I don't own BTVS but I own the poems in this story.
Summery: In season 6 Spike goes over the Summer's home to find out how Buffy feels about him. He finds something else out instead.
Couples: Spawn duh!
Feedback is HIGHLY welcomed.
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Spike quickly ran into the Summer's home to escape the shinning sun from burning his flesh. Even though he had his trusty blanket it still didn't save him from the sun's beating rays; he was in California after all.
He threw his blanket down and quickly walked into Buffy's room. He was here for a specific purpose and he wasn't leaving until he found the answers he was bloody searching for! He looked around her large room; under her bed, her pillows, in her weapons chest, her closet, her knickers drawer (which now is missing one flashy pair of underwear), and her book shelf.
He couldn't find the bloody diary! He knew she kept one, he remembers reading it before she died but what could she have done to it?
Then he suddenly remembered! When Buffy…was gone, Dawn took the diary and kept it in her room to read the thoughts of her sister.
He sighed sadly. Which means Buffy didn't start writing again once she came back. Pity he wanted to know if the slayer thought anything good about him. She's kissed him twice to feel, mind you but it was still a bloody good kiss!
As he walked out of Buffy's room he stopped when he saw Dawn's closed bedroom door. Shame for him to waste a trip and he hasn't spent time with the bit for a long time. Might as well pop in to see what his girl's been up to. He knows for a fact she has a diary.
He opened her bedroom door and noticed all the changes in her room immediately. All her boy band posters were gone replaced with dark landscapes and pictures that reminded him of Tim Burton movies. The books on her dressers were thick and looked old. They were research books! How did she get them; he knows the scoobies wouldn't let her look at them let alone bring them home.
"Guess the bit's got a stealing streak." He muttered to himself before he bent down to get the diary that was between her bed.
It wasn't the same one he remembers her writing in last year. That one was a bright blue diary with butterflies and glitter everywhere. This one was a crimson red cover with black trimmings. When he opened it up the back of the cover had words in the nibblet's handwriting.
Nothing is written in stone. The past means nothing and the future changes every second. If the future was the way it was supposed to be the people that were dead would be alive and the ones that were alive would be in their graves.
Confused at what she means he just looks at the first page where was another poem. The title was "Shallow Cuts." He felt a pain in his non-beating heart. He remembers the nibblet telling him that Doc said that to her before slicing her stomach.
Shallow cuts,
Shallow cuts.
Burning my tender flesh.
Cold blade down my arm,
Ripping away.
Blood dripping.
Down and down.
Drip drop drip drop
So much gone.
Bitter crimson blood on my mouth.
Tastes like death.
Soft whimper escapes my lips.
But not from pain.
The harsh winds whisper my name.
I start feeling dizzy.
Collapsing on the cold hard floor.
It's calling me.
I have to go.
Doc's words used to send chills down my spin; his voice used to haunt my dreams causing me to scream in horror that he was going to come back from the dead to finish the job he started. Now though his words comfort me. Screams of terror turned into screams of pleasures. Blood means everything. My blood is special; because I'm not human yet I'm not dead. I'm in a world I don't belong in. I should be dead because I long for it. I was supposed to die on that tower but my fate was taken from me; and that's what haunts me everyday.
Spike was utterly shocked by her words. In her poem it was like she was calling for death to take her away and that scared him. She was right about one thing though; blood does mean everything and hers is special but not special enough for her to die for. He was so glad she didn't die on that tower.
Because he had a feeling in his cut that Willow wouldn't have brought her back. He sadly turned the next page which was another poem; a little longer one. This one was titled "In Front of You"
If I move; I'll break.
If I stand up; I'll fall down.
If I try to scream; I'll start crying.
Can't do that in front of you.
If I walk; I'll limp.
If I smile; I'll frown.
If I try to punch; I'll hurt myself.
I can't do that in front of you.
If I dance; I'll get dizzy.
If I sleep; I'll stay awake.
If I fly; I'll crash.
But I can't…
Not in front of you.
If I flirt; I'll be rejected.
If I look for you; I'll see nothing.
If I'm with you; I'm all alone.
With you I crash,
And I can't; not in front of you.
No one really understands me; they can't. The closest person who has a slight clue is Tara. She used to live in the shadows too. She wanted to be something her family didn't approve of. That's me. I want to be something; but I'm nothing here. Just little Dawnie. The slayer's little sister, perfect Buffy Summer's little sister, the key, the cutter, the nothing. They only notice me when I'm in danger, which I get myself in a lot. Not because I can't handle myself; actually no one knows I take self defense classes as well as boxing at my school. That's why I'm never home. No, I get myself in danger so maybe just maybe the demon or vampire that kidnapped me will do the things to my that I can't do to myself. I may be nothing but even I can't kill myself. I can't tell them how I feel they'll think I'm being a baby which in a way I am. I just want to be something other than Buffy's sister. That's not all I am. I want to scream and cry and tell them how much I wish they could be there for me; but I can't; they don't understand what it's like to be truly alone. I stole this book from a Magic shop across town. It had information about the key; about me. It says that if the key were ever to become human by the time it reaches the age eighteen to twenty one it will stop aging and become immortal. I have no doubt in my mind Giles and Buffy are already aware of this but don't have it in any book. They are afraid that I'll kill myself before I reach that age. I could if I wanted but I have no desire to; I could but I want to see what it's like to live forever.
Spike's eyes went wide. Dawn could become immortal if she lives to her eighteenth birthday! How could she not have told him? He knows why; because she thought she was alone. He never knew how much she felt shadowed by her older sister; how isolated she was. How could she not know that he was always going to be there for her? Especially now that he finds out he could be there for her forever. He doesn't like the fact that she purposely gets herself in danger to have her sister rescue her though; it was too risky even if she takes self dense and boxing classes; which he must admit is a smart move for his bit. He knew she was a smart one but boxing was a good way to learn how to fight.
The next poem he read was called "Would you Like to?"
Death swirls around.
Would you like to dance with me?
The music's starting to die down.
The swirls are a perfect sight to see.
Screams hum on the streets.
Would you like to sing with me?
We need to find the right beat.
The music's dying can't you see?!
Blood paints life?
Would you like to draw with me?
The lyrics appear on every knife.
But only is you truly believe.
The whole world revolves around death, pain and destruction. The people who understand that either embrace it or run from it. I knew from the very beginning what the world was about; even before Buffy found her calling. I knew and at first I ran from it all. I wore the brightest cloths; ignored all the bad in the world and looked on the brightside. Until I found out what I was. The Key; a source of pure green energy that opens all the dimensions of hell at once to bring hell on earth; literally. Once I found that out; I started to embrace the world for what it truly is. Fucked up. Not saying I've ever killed innocents; actually just last night I saved this woman from being killed by some demon. I sliced that bastard's head off and the woman ran screaming thinking I was going to go after her. Ungrateful bitch! But that's life; Life if just one big war field and if you don't protect yourself with acceptance you have to protect yourself with ignorance.
When did Dawn become so damn deep and insightful? Well according to this she's always been like that. Although those memories were fake they are real to her. She was one smart woman and one hell of a poet. Never in his wildest dreams has he written poetry as deep and passionate as she has. She has a pure talent and it's going to bring her far.
He turns to the last written poem. For some reason he had a feeling that one was going to give him more answers than any of the others.
He read the title "Everywhere" and read the poem aloud to himself.
Your name is haunting me.
Being thrown in my face.
You think I can't see?
I don't know how much more I can take.
I'm over you.
All those feelings of love are gone.
But when your face comes to my view,
I find myself singing the same old song.
Why do I feel this way?
I never see you anymore.
Is this painful feeling going to stay?
Is my love for you still hardcore?
I'm so confused.
Why is your name everywhere?
I know if you knew you'd be so amused.
But this is not fair!
I told myself months ago I was over him. That I was never going to think about him in that way anymore. That was until his name turned out to be everywhere I go! In my school either I'll hear the word Spike or William and I'll stop. It's at home too! Spike this Spike that from Buffy or Willow or even Tara! What the hell!? Paranoia may be what I have but still! It's like the powers that be are basically shoving him in my face when he's the one who left me! He's the one who went to chase behind Buffy and scrape the shit from her shoe or dust from her cloths. It hurt more than any words could describe when he basically ditched me for Buffy. He always used to be a friend to me. I love him with all my heart but I was still lil bit to him. Nothing but Buffy's brat sister. (Yea I remember when he said that about me to Buffy and let's face it; it hurt like a bitch) I told myself I was over him because I obviously meant nothing to him. It sucks even more when I know he's going to follow me around when Buffy and the rest of the scoobies die and I'm still going to be the same girl I always was. Only two more years until I turn eighteen. I talked to Wesley last week and he confirmed what the book told me. I think I'm going to change my look before I leave Sunnydale. I wouldn't want anyone trying to find me.
Spike closes the diary slowly as the words still ran through his head. Dawn loved him? Dawn loves him. How could he never see it before? Oh yea. He was too busy stalking Buffy. He never knew she thought he abandoned her. Makes sense though; the only reason he began reading her diary was because he hasn't seen her in a while. He had no idea what he was going to do now. His whole vision of Buffy and Dawn changed in a short amount of time.
"Have fun?" A voice said behind him. He knew it was Dawn before he even turned around. He could hear her rapping heartbeat and could smell her sweet scent of lavender and lilies.
He turned around and put down the diary. She was looking at him emotionless.
"Wouldn't call what I did fun pet, although it was very informing." He stated.
"Well if I asked you to keep whatever information you found out to yourself, would you?" She asked him sharply
He just stared at her for a minute. Getting up he walked over to her and kissed her softly on the lips.
"Your secrets are safe with me bit. Forever." He says
She smiled softly to herself and leaned in to kiss him again.
Forever.
THE END.
Might make a sequel if I'm in the mood. Hope you liked it!