Said I wouldn't publish another Twilight story, but it was too difficult not to. So this one is for all of you who still love Twilight with a freakishly strong passion. :)

Note that my writing has improved entirely since my last post.

This one is set to be happening in the same time as Eclipse. At least, after New Moon.

Pain. That was all that I was remotely aware of at the time. Not exactly physical pain, although my heart seemed to be hurting quite badly. It did that a lot nowadays. With Edward back and Jacob not a part of my life anymore, my heart was healed--where Edward had left his mark. But Jacob? Well, that hole was still growing.

So no, it was not physical. It was the worse pain of the two. Emotional. At least when you get injured it goes away. But when you seem to not be able to stop feeling? Ugh. Torture.

It was not Edward's mistake this time. He did nothing; he didn't even know I was upset. It was my fault for a change. Little impish Bella had done a very unimpish thing. Oh, God. If he only knew.

But he didn't know, and I planned to keep it that way. Who knew what he would do if--?

Don't think about it. Don't think about it.

You know what you are Bella, and it's not innocent.

Don't think about it.

Backstabber.

Stop.

Think about how you hurt Edward. You didn't even consider his feelings.

Relax. Stop thinking.

I could not stop thinking. Because no matter how heartless my action was, I could still feel everything. Pain. Regret. Sorrow. Everything. But I didn't want to. I wished I were cruel and merciless. I was Bella, though, and I could just never be someone like that.

Maybe in time . . .? No, never. I was stuck with mush for a heart.

And trust me, that really sucked sometimes.

Mushy gushy, mushy gushy, mushy gushy heart.

Don't think, Bella, just don't think.

Tender hearted and warm, but you will tear everything apart.

What's wrong with you?

Once you go forward there will be no new start.

Don't. Think.

Mushy gushy, mushy gushy, mushy gushy heart.

Sometime later I awoke on the damp ground of the forest floor. I was lying flat on my back, my elbows caked with mud. I was oblivious as to how I had gotten here, but I couldn't have come up with an answer if I tried. Ever since Edward had left me last year here, well, I didn't want to think about that now.

I pulled myself from the ground and absently brushed myself off with no apparent success. I glanced around. Quiet. Maybe too quiet, but I was always paranoid anyway.

Trees, seeming way too tall for their own good, populated the woods around me; the thicker part, I was afraid. I'd been out here once, and when I came to I was back in civilization, well, as civilized as Forks can actually get. Anyway, the point was that I was completely lost.

Glancing around I really hated that Edward could read everyone's mind except mine and werewolves. Ugh, why did I have to be so different?

Time passed and the sky grew darker, the sun setting before letting Twilight run its shift. I sat on a log I'd found a little ways up; me attempting to find my way out. Ha, ha. I wondered if I was going to die. I supposed maybe, maybe not, or maybe someone would find me again. I settled with that answer and curled up, closing my eyes. Maybe I'd wake up and find myself back home like in the Wizard Of Oz, everyone telling me how I'd been asleep for days and me thinking, "What a dream."

I pinched myself, just to test. Nothing. I pinched harder this time until I yelped quietly in mild pain, but when I unclosed my eyes I was still bunched up on a log. Well I felt ridiculous. Oh well, I was Bella. I was used to ridiculous by now.

I had just shut my eyes tight again when I suddenly felt a presence. I just shook it off; this was the wilderness, what did I expect? But as I sensed the presence nearing me, I started to panic. Paranoia. What can you do?

Taking quiet but quick breaths, I prepared for the worst. Instead, my heart slowed and a warm, tingly, safe feeling washed over me. I was so at peace that I was beginning to drift away into a nice dreamless sleep. . .

"Bella?" A voice said softly, startling me at its closeness. The warm feeling was still swimming inside me. I was still so close to dozing off. . .

I answered, "Mhm," with a murmur.

"Bella, what are you doing out here? Come on, gotta get you back home. Gotta get you warmed up." An ice cold hand touched my cheek softly.

The voice laughed politely, withdrawing its hand. "I'm naturally cold and even I can feel that your skin is freezing." I didn't even panic at the voice, though I should have. Dumb fuzzy feelings.

Suddenly there were hard things under me; arms, and I was being lifted up into them. I was. . .moving. Yes, moving. Being carried away.

Completely unaware what I was doing, I spoke what I was thinking without hesitation.

"Hold me tighter. I'm a little cold." The voice laughed, more of a bark but not rough or sarcastic, right in my ear. I was shifted around so I was more close to the person's body, their arms practically hugging me. Sighing in content and snuggling into the warmness, I didn't wonder about anything or have the need to ask any more questions. But the voice kept talking to me.

"So, Bella, what were you doing out here? You never answered my question before," came the soft charming voice.

"I don't know," I murmured, wanting to sleep and not talk.

"You don't know?"

"Nope."

"I see." I thought that the voice was probably smiling. This disturbed me.

"Are you laughing at me?" I wanted it to sound defensive, but it came out sounding honey soft and sweet.

"No, Dear Bella." Instantly the name flushed all those happy feelings away. What was I doing? Curse vampires ability to control your emotions. It was so inconvenient.

That nickname. The one he liked to call me. Ew. Suddenly I didn't care if I got lost in the woods forever and died of hypothermia; I did not want to be in these arms holding me. I did not. Brought back too many memories. Not bad, I'll admit, but they were bad at the same time. And oh, god, I had to get down. Now. I had to get down. . .

Just stay calm, Bella. You'll be okay.

Idiot! Idiot! Idiot! Get down right this instant!

Ask politely to be put down. Relax. Everything is alright.

Get down right now, Bella Swan, or you'll be sorry!

Relax. Relax. You are safe. You are getting out of the forest.

You know this can't be good Bella! Knock him one and get away!

Calm down.

Right now or later you'll pay!

I tried to knock the voices out of my head which, surprisingly, worked out decently. Taking a deep breath, I unclosed my eyes and spoke the name that horrified me these days.

"Jasper, please put me down."

"Poor baby, so out of it doesn't even know what she's saying."

"Cut it out, Jasper, your emotion control wore off, I'm becoming immune to that thank god. Now put me down because I can walk. I'm not incompetent and I'm only a little cold." But now that I was myself I realized that I was a lot more than a little cold. I was freezing my butt off, but I was not about to let Jasper know that.

"You don't know what you're talking about," he grumbled. "Besides, we're almost there."

"Are you taking me back to Charlie's?" I wished badly he was.

"No, my place."

"Take me to Charlie's," I demanded. I heard Jasper sigh and say calmly:

"Bella, there is no need to argue with me. Now, we'll be there in a minute." I hit his chest even though I knew it wouldn't affect him.

"I said I want to go to Charlie's. My house, not yours, Jasper," I said between clenched teeth.

"Bella, please be quiet."

"No," I whined.

"Dear Bella, quit your fussing. There is no need for it whatsoever." I slammed on his chest again, this time a little harder and several times.

"I want to go to Charlie's!" I yelled.

"Bella, shut up," Jasper warned. I knew he was also getting annoyed because his emotion control wasn't working on me. I was beginning to grow immune to that. It only worked when I was least suspecting. But I was on my guard now.

"No. Take me home."

"I am."

"No, you're taking me to your house."

"Which is now your home, too." It was true, I spent a lot of time there.

"Take me home right now Jasper Hale," I insisted.

"Bella. Why always so stubborn? Can't you go without your way for once? I just want to have a little fun. You know, spend some one on one time, maybe, with you. Is that so much to ask for?" My stomach clenched and I hated being in his arms more than anything in the world.

"Yes," I whispered. Jasper barked, but this time it was humorless and mean. Mocking.

"Really? It wasn't last time," he said.

"Put me down."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Why?"

"Because you disgust me," I snapped.

"Ha, ha. Oh, really? Because you didn't seem to mind when you were ripping my clothes off." I winced. Sensitive spot. That night had been a mistake. I was never going to forgive myself for it. . .even though I knew Edward would forgive me because he wouldn't be able to live if he broke up with me. Not that I was a very confident person, because that was untrue, but he'd left before and we'd both been a mess. Us being apart just didn't work out well.

"I hate you," I grumbled and stopped my fight going limp in his arms.

"Ah, Dear Bella. What a soul you are." He reached a white hand out and stroked my hair. I resisted the urge to gag.

"Don't--do--that," I gulped. Jasper laughed.

"Okay, fine. Perhaps tonight you'll loosen up a bit."

"Of course. I'll be with Edward." Jasper tensed and his voice turned sharp.

"Edward. Everything has got to be about Edward."

"Of course it does. Edward is my definition of everything." Taking me by surprise Jasper wound my hair into his hand and made a fist, yanking it back and forcing me to look at him. His perfect sculpture-like face was twisted in fury, yet so beautiful somehow. But it didn't fool me.

"Edward is nothing. You are nothing with him. Be with me and your world will change."

"I wonder what Alice thinks of this," I spat at him in anger. How dare he even touch me?

"Who cares. She's obsessed with her fashion and whatnot. She's hardly had any time for me. I'm what should matter. Not French labels and thousand carat necklaces." His voice was hard as stone; like him.

"Well if you treat her like you're treating me I can see why she's made herself too occupied to worry about you." Jasper yanked my hair back so far and with such force I screamed, the sound piercing the quiet crisp air around us both.

"Shut up you little dinner special. Do you realize how easy it would be for me to kill you? You're my number one prey." I wasn't scared.

"Kill me and Edward will kill you," I said calmly.

"Yeah right. He's grown so soft. . .he's always been that way with his music and everything. I could take him out easily." I scoffed.

"Like to see that one."

I heard the slap before I felt it. But boy when I did. . .

"Ow!" I screamed. Jasper's voice was low and dangerous in my ear as I cried.

"I'm honestly growing tired of your smart remarks. Now quit it, or I might decide to take you somewhere much less safe than the Cullen house." I didn't push him. Just made a pouting noise and thought about how much I hated the feeling of being in his arms.

I didn't know how long it had been, but it had been a while. I hadn't even noticed that Jasper wasn't running. He was walking in human speed. Ugh. Why?

"Are we there yet?" I whined.

"Almost. Be patient, Dear Bella," he told me.

"But it's taking forever." Suddenly there was sweet breath blowing in my face.

"Shut up now, or I may do something I will regret later that will make Edward very upset. Understand?" I whispered between clenched teeth:

"I understand." I hated him. There was nothing else to it.

"Good. Then we're almost there, it's just a little ways more."

"Why aren't you vampire running?" He did not answer.

My eyes were closed, I was dreaming of happier times. For a moment I was wondering if my life would've been much simpler, much better, if I'd never came to Forks in the first place. Mom and Phil could do just fine with me. I'd know it would hurt mom, not that she'd ever say so, but oh, well. I was her daughter.

But I realized with shocking assurance that it was impossible. I had to be with Edward. I had to.

Don't you mean Jasper?

Shush, Bella. Soon you will be in the comfort of your own bed.

Jasper's bed, you mean.

Everything is okay. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm.

Cheater. You belong to Jasper now. You made that choice.

Relax. For God's sake relax.

You will spend forever in his arms.

Suddenly, I exploded in a barrage of yells, banging fiercely on Jasper's chest. Maybe it had no affect on him, but were my hands hurting. . .

"Put me down! Do not ever touch me again!" And then, just like that, I was down. I had no time to feel peace, though, because just as soon as I'd hit the ground there was another body pressing down on mine so hard I couldn't breathe.

Jasper's face was right in mine, his features forming fury and power.

A cold hand snaked up my leg, grasping down on my thigh hard.

"I will touch you as much as I want, my little pet. There will be more of this," he promised, nuzzling my neck and rolling over so I was on top of him. "Oh, so much more." He smiled, making me sick.

"Let me go!" This time when I screamed Jasper actually appeared momentarily panicked, because of how loud it was.

Somewhere up ahead, we heard the howls of wolves.

"Bitch," he hissed and released me. Then he was gone.

Crying my eyes out for everything my life had turned into, I waited for Jacob and the others to come and get me. Great, Jacob. He wouldn't even glance at me.

Who was I?

One answer rang true: Not Bella Swan. Not anymore.