Harry Potter and

by Dusk Dreamer

...Ron who came in with Hermione in his arms because Hermione fainted because Snape loled because Malfoy dragged Harry by the ear out of the classroom because Snape stupefied him because Harry’s scar hurt while he was in an episode of fire! Rated4language

Harry Potter and Ron who came in with Hermione in his arms because Hermione fainted because Snape loled because Malfoy dragged Harry by the ear out of the classroom because Snape stupefied him because Harry's scar hurt while he was in an episode of fire.

Note: Hr is Hermione. H is Harry. Thinking is italized. -blank- means someone feeling or doing something. Enjoy reading!

Hermione walks into Gryffindor common room, looking snotty. Ron & Harry are playing wizard's chess. Harry is loosing terribly.

Hr: Guys, it's 2am. Still too late to do your potions essay?

R: -giggles- No, way too early. Like we'd do our homework at 2am. Check mate, Harry.

H: -pouts- But I was going to win this time! -holds back tears-

R: ….

Hr: -kneels beside Harry, and pats his head awkwardly- Yes, hehe…I'm sure you were, Harry. But I know something you can beat Ron at really quickly!

R: -gets angry- Oh, making fun of my Quidditch skills are you now? -glares at Hermione-

H: Quidditch!!?? Great idea, Mione! I'll get the brooms! -prances off happily-

Hr: RON! I was not going to say Quidditch, you're great at Quidditch. Why do you have to be such a jerk and just assume things like that?

R: Hmph.

Hr: Hmph.

R: Hmph.

Hr: Hmph.

R: Hmph.

Hr: …

R: …

Hr: …

R: Okay, okay! I give up. What were you going to say?

Hr: -lolz- I was trying to get you guys to do your potions essay, so I was going to suggest that he could beat you at doing it faster, so you guys would race…or something.

R: -scoffs- You and your evil ways…

Hr: -ignores- Where is Harry anyways?

R: He was getting the—

Hr: --Brooms, I know, for—

R: The imaginary Quidditch game.

Hr&R: -ROFL-

H: -enters with two brooms- -twitches- Why are you guys doing it on the floor?

R&Hr: -stand up quickly, gasping for breath-

Hr: We where NOT! We where ROFLING!

H: Rofling?

R: -sighs at Harry's obvious ignorance- Rolling. On. Floor. Laughing…ing.

H:………………………………why?

Hr&R: Cause…-lol- you went to get brooms for -lol- an imaginary -lol- Quidditch game! (-lol-)

H: -accepts friends' insanity- So if you weren't making out, why where you gasping for breath? Why were your faces red? Why where you oh-so-close to each other?

Hr: -blushes-

R: -ears blush for him- We were not…(lamely)

H: Whatev. We have a potions essay to finish.

H: -sigh- We have a potions class to go to. You guys don't have time to finish the essay.

R: Maybe…

H&R: -lolz-

IN THE DUNGEONS

Snape: Turn in your potions essay to the front. -looks evilly at Harry for no reason-

Students: -turn in papers-

H: -looks evilly back-

S: -looks through papers, looks up, evil grin in eyes- POTTER!
H: -jumps- Yessir!

S: WEASLY!

R: -dies- Yesbestteacherintheworld-cough-not-cough-?

S: Did you turn in your potions essay?

R: -in a squeaky voice- Maybe…

H: -in an I HATE SNAPE voice - and maybe not…bitch.

S: -gasp- What did you just say, POTTER?

H: (squeaky voice) I….I…said… (I HATE SNAPE voice)…AND MAYBE NOT, BITCH! -jumps on desk and laughs maniatically-

S: -squirms- 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999, 999,999999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 999,999999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 points from Gryffindor!

H: You little…

Hr: Ehehe… Harry, get down from that desk.

H: No.

Hr: -looks apologetically at Professor Snape- He's just having another one of his little episodes…Harry, does your scar hurt?

H: Like hell, mothefucka!

S: Not in myclassroom, it doesn't! AVADA KEDAVRA!

Goyle: -dies-

Draco: -tear-

S: Damn it! STUPEFY!

H: -gets stupid-

S: Draco, would you escort Potter to the hospital wing?

D: -sniffs and rubs away tears- -bows deeply- Yes, my lord.

S: …………….okay, Draco. -twitch-

D: -drags Harry by the ear out of the classroom-

S: -lolz-

R&Hr: -stare-

R: Did you just lol?

S: -gets on defensive- So what?

Hr: -feints-

S: Weasly, escort Granger to the asylum.

R: Why the-

S: Now, to continue with the lesson…

Neville: -shivers-

Dumbledore's Office

Dumbledore: -twiddles fingers-

Ron: -knocks-

DD: Come in.

R: -enters, holding Hermione in arms-

DD: Flobberworms! What ever happened?

R: -sighs- Hermione feinted because Snape lolled because Malfoy dragged Harry by the ear out of the classroom because Snape stupefied him because Harry's scar hurt while he was having an episode.

DD: Professor Snape, Ron.

R: -twitch-

DD: -conjures two chairs- Please sit, you can lay Hermione on the other one.

R: -sits and lays Hermione on the other chair-

DD: So…does Harry have these…"episodes" often?

R: ……………like once a month I guess…

DD: -nods, as if this were all very obvious- Have you told Harry about…PMS?

R: Whawhadafa!!??

DD: -smiles- Do you know what a period is, at least?

R: -blushes- …I've heard of it. BUT WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH HARRY!?!?!?!?!?!?

DD: -looks at Ron thoughtfully- Harry is a girl, Ron.

R: Bloody Hell, you are mad.

DD; -grabs Ron's hand- Ron, it is of the utmost importance that you understand this. Harry is a girl.

R: -scoffs- She, I mean, He can't be a girl!

DD: You know I'm right, Ron. Not so deep inside you, you know I'm right…

R: -goes bug-eyed-

DD: -grips Ron's hand tighter-

R: Let. Go. Of. My. HAND!

DD: -smiles innocently-

R: -manages to pull away, and runs towards door- You're the one who should be put in an asylum! -runs out and slams door shut-

DD: -grins creepily- NAKED TIME! -takes clothes off- YAY! -turns on I want candy music on hot pink ipod- -dances the robot-

IN A RANDOM EMPTY CLASSROOM

Draco: -drags Harry into room-

Harry: -is dragged-

D: -lays Harry down-

H: -is layed butnotinthatway-

D: Mwahahahahaha! Now, to get my revenge after all these years!

H: -opens eyes, sits up, looks at Draco- (Freakily high voice:) MALFOY!

D: Ugh…you woke up.

H: What happened? I remember standing on a desk, my scar hurt like hell, and I had just called the bitch a bitch.

D: And then they stupefied you.

H: And then he told you to bring me to the hospital.

D: -is shocked- How did you know!?!?

H: Process of elimination.

D: …………..Right………………

H: -looks around- And by using yet another super intelligent process of elimination, I know that you DIDN'T bring me to the hospital.

D: Damn, you're good.

H: That's damn right.

D&H: -awkward silence-

H: So…swornenemysincefirstyear, why did you drag me into this empty classroom?

D: -twitch- This is so hard for me, Pot-Harry.

H: -shrieks- O.M.GEE! Did you just call me Pot-Harry?

D: -takes Harry's hand- Harry…just Harry. The thing…the thing is…I think I…

H: -mentally killing himself-

D: I think I…love you. -stands up, pulls Harry up, starts snogging him-

H: -shrugs mentally-Well, I need to satisfy my needs… -snogs Draco back-

DUMBLEDORE'S OFFICE

Hermione: -wakes, yawns, stretches, looks around, screams, covers mouth, looks apologetic, looks at Dumbledore bug-eyed-

Dumbledore: -smiles- Hello, Hermione.

Hr: -covers eyes- Er…Professor…why are you NAKED?

DD: What ever do you mean?

Hr: -blushes deeply- Professor, look at yourself.

DD: -looks- AH! -jumps- -blushes- -stops humming to I Want Candy-

Hr: Would you, eh, like me to, hehe, turn around now?

DD:NO!
Hr: ...

DD: …

Hr: …

DD: ...I mean, yes? -twitch-

Hr: -turns around very slowly-

DD: -twiddles fingers- -turns off music- You can, er…look at me now.

Hr: -hesitates- Professor, did you, hehe, put clothes on?

DD: -grumpy- Oh, fine. -twiddles fingers.- You can look now! -smiles widely-

Hr: -turns around- -shrieks- -blushes- -turns back around- -does that all very fast- That was unnecessary, professor! -hesitates- Ehem…pleasedon'tlowermygradesbecauseIshoutedatyou…

DD: -puts on clothes- -steps in front of Hermione-

Hr: -peeks through fingers- -uncovers eyes- Oh, thank goodness. Um…ignoring how I just found you, hehe, could you tell me how I got here?

DD&Hr: -sit on chairs across from each other-

DD: Well, Ron came in with you in his arms because you feinted because Professor Snape loled because Draco dragged Harry by the ear out of the classroom because Professor Snape stupefied him because Harry's scar hurt while he was in an episode.

Hr: -nods- But why did Ron run away? -is hurt-

DD: I told him that Harry was a girl.

Hr: -nods- True, but that's obvious.

DD: Well, Ron didn't seem to believe it. -shakes head sadly- He seemed to think I was insane.

Hr: -nods- True also, but that's just pitiful of Ron. Everybody knows that Harry has these episodes because

His scar hurts really fucking bad, and

He's PMSing while his scar hurts really fucking bad.

DD: Everyone knows except Ron, it seems.

Hr: Well, everyone knows Ron isn't really human so maybe he doesn't count that much.

DD: A wise observation, Ms. Granger.

Hr: I know.

IN THE DUNGEONS

Snape: 10 points from Gryffindor!
Neville: -squeak-

S: 10 points from Gryffindor!

N: -squirm-

S: 10 points from Gryffindor!

Dean: Neville! Shut Up!

S: 20 points from Gryffindor!

N: -gasp-

S: 10 points from Gryffindor!

N: -cries-

S: 10 points from Gryffindor!
N: -screech-

S: 10 points from Gryffindor!

N:

S: 50 points from Gryffindor! -cackles-

Class: -sigh-

THE END (LOLZ)