It was too painful. Being in Erza's embrace was too painful. The redhead, the kindest woman she had ever met, the person she had undeniably fallen for, was embracing her with such care and worry it made her cry. Her forehead rested on the other woman's shoulder, her tears flooding into her white blouse. Her hands were curled up in front of her, and she silently shook from all the emotions.
Erza was so worried she thought she would break down too, Lucy could feel. The woman had gently taken her into her arms, desperate to give the comfort Lucy was craving. Even now, the lips that whispered assuring words in her right ear, made them both shake. Her hands, that held Lucy safely, were slowly stroking Lucy's back. They were shaking almost unnoticeably, and Lucy indeed did not notice.
The scene was filled with so much pain and intimacy… It made her sadness grow even more. Neither knew how long they were standing there. It didn't matter, as Erza would stay and comfort her until Lucy was smiling again. It took a long time before she held her head up, and seeing the pain and care in Erza's eyes was too much. She buried herself in the calm darkness and Erza's smell once again.
Finally, she lifted her head, resolved to not fall into despair until Erza had left. The woman still looked at her that way, like she was the most precious and vulnerable thing in the world. She stroked a few of Lucy's hairs out her face, and Lucy leaned to the hand that slowly cupped her.
"Are you okay?" Erza asked, with a small and unusual voice.
Lucy tried to smile and shook her head. Talking was too hurtful now.
Erza noticed. She put her arms around Lucy's waist now, diminishing the little distance between them. She brought her head closer and closer. Erza studied Lucy's face one more time, just one more time, before she closed her own eyes and brought her lips to the younger one's.
But Lucy turned away, so her lips touched the cheek lightly. She looked at Lucy questioningly.
"Not like this. Never like this." Lucy whimpered and although Erza understood fully what she wanted to say, she completely ignored it. It was clear Lucy was resisting what she wanted, too. To forget the pain and let her drown into another feeling, one Erza could give her.
That's why she cupped Lucy's cheeks. Lucy studied her face too, her eyes flying from her eyes to her lips. She tried to pull back, but failed as Erza cupped the side of her face once again.
"Let me do this. Please, Lucy." She was begging now, tears coming through. Lucy only shook her head.
"No. I don't want it. I don't…" her voice cracked.
Erza stroked Lucy's hair repeatedly. The need to be close to her was overwhelming her. But she shouldn't. Her mind was broken at last. She needed her so much, her lips automatically went closer, before she could think or stop.
Erza was surprised, but she kissed back. Lucy sighed in sudden content. Erza was a very skilled kisser. Her conscience, however, wasn't so set up with the pure bliss and made her retreat. Erza, on the other hand, leaned further in, the redhead's lips seeking hers. She opened her eyes back and saw Lucy tremble slightly, torn between two choices. But there was no choice at all, Erza thought with sad recognition. There never had been.
She gently took the blonde's hands and looked at her intensely. Lucy tried to avoid her, but failed as she had lost the battle with herself. Erza kissed her lips sweetly, and after that, her eyes and the streaming tears that still run down. Erza pushed Lucy back, gently, so careful and lovingly. Lucy landed onto the bed, giving in. Erza was on top of her, still placing kisses, like feathery brushes on her face.
For the last time, Lucy tried to stop it. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. "Erza, stop. You will regret this."
Erza stopped and smiled sadly once again. "How could I regret this? In no world would I not do this. Just let me… let me…" her voice and eyes were pleading, and Lucy knew the situation had escalated too far to return.
But still, she simply couldn't give in. "Erza." Her voice coloured through pain and tears. "I love you. It won't change anything. You know better than this." It didn't even sound convincing to herself.
"Do I know better than this?" Erza pondered. "What could be better than to know I made you feel good, even if it is only temporary?"
Lucy gave up. Erza's twisted logic made her crumple and shiver in anticipation. Only now she noticed how her body felt, craving Erza. She pulled the redhead closer and kissed her again. Erza kissed back. It was heaven, but it wasn't enough for the both of them. So they went further and further, until they didn't have any breath left.
Hours later, Erza pulled a cover over Lucy's body. She smiled, oddly happy and content. Without thinking, she put an arm around her waist and slid closer, her nose touching Lucy's hair until she fell asleep.