Diaries of Mel
"Alive"
"That's all I am that's all I'll ever be. Alive." Those were my mother words to me when I asked her what was special about me. Her words stuck to me like glue and at that moment began the end of my sanity.
There was no impressing my mother. Some people say that she was so kind and gentle to my older brother Lenny and when he needed something she bent over backwards for his happiness, but now. Since I'm her last child she does nothing but beat me. Yet I'm still alive.
Mother was never happy when I was born. In fact she wasn't so happy with my arrival. From what's she told me, she wouldn't eat when I was still in her womb. Yet I'm still alive. After I was born she would breast feed me. "Yet you still love like the dog you are." Mother says to me.
I remember but vaguely when I told her I loved her as a 3 year old. She smiled at me while holding a glass bottle of wine in her hands and then brought me closer to her. I smiled for the first time in years. Then I felt a warm liquid running down my head glass was all over the floor and I felt light headed. Mother was looking down at me with a smile of a sadistic murderer. I bled. And bled and drifted into a world of pure black and little strings of white threads grabbed my body. I remember the first figure of my sad little world of consuming darkness. The white tree of threads was made. I didn't know what that meant but more and more of them showed up, for once I felt safe as I sat there in it's warm blackened abyss. Then lights began flashing more and more and MORE of them appeared my pulse raced and I began chocking.I don't want to leave no no more pain. I felt myself screaming but the silence was over powering me. That's when I woke up. My death wasn't meant for me just yet and still I wanted more. I found out that the gift of death was brought upon me, I never used it and never plan to, but I do think of the possibilities. Years and years of torment and torture would bring anyone to their breaking point. And unfortunately I have gotten my fill. I kept my words under silence long enough and I can no longer deal with this stress.
And so my already sparking insanity was beginning to form a small fire. The more my words are never heard, the bigger the flame gets.
End of chapter One