How Haruhi Came To Earth!
Description: a very vulgar, funny, hilarious way to narrate how Ryoji and Kotoko met. The Fujioka family of course, Ryojixkotoko 2 shots
Mixer -according to the Wallflower manga (Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge) it is usually one place when people can meet and hook up.
Okama -straight or not straight, girl clothes wearer for entertainment purposes. Cross-dresser.
(",) -would mean 'hearts' or lovey dovey lingo...
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"Hay, Ranka!"
"What is it?(",)"
"Someone called for you!"
'Eh! Someone called for me?'
Ryoji Fujioka, a.k.a. "Ranka", was bisexual. Not that it seems to matter to him. He likes to wear beautiful clothes and sometimes comes to the mixer, cross-dressed. Nothing was to go wrong that night at the pub. He was just filling up for a sick friend; sick, okama friend. Well, something can always go wrong at such a place…
"Hello!(",)"
He was introduced to a table bought by a man hiding in the shadows. By what he could see, he is not too tall, short rather, like a teenage boy, and his skin is… beautiful?
"Hello to you, too!"
'My what a smooth voice!' he thought.
"They said you rang for me (",)?" he said as he tried to sit as close as possible to his client. He learned the trade fast. Sit close, cuddle and be affectionate. After one hour, you can leave your table. That was what the manager told him. And they don't send their 'okama's to hotels.
"Well, as you see, my table is quite empty and you seem to be available so…" and the man lifted up his blushing face.
'Damn! He's cute!'
"Want to drink? There's champagne, whiskey, even sake (",)." He said. One of the main thing they must do is offer up drinks.
"Do you want to drink, too?" the man asked.
'Eh! Why ask me?'
"Well…" Ryoji can't drink! He gets drunk too easily!
"Is it okay if I ordered something as soft as red wine?" the guy said. Then Ranka ordered away.
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After about 6 hours of talking…
"Hey, manager-san, isn't it about tume we closed up? Not much people came today." One okama asked his manager.
"Well… we don't have any customers after 4 am so ok. We'll close after 15 mins."
The manager gave the signal. It's time to go home.
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"Hey, Koto-san? Are you still awake?"
They talked and Ranka talked a lot and drank less. The result? The other dude, whose name seemed to be Koto, drank more and talked less. The great outcome is a drunken customer.
"Uh well… am I not slurring?" she said
Yeah, she wasn't, or so it seems, slurring but she sure was dizzy.
"Do you have a driver or a friend anywhere near here? It's closing time for the bar." The pretty lady asked her. Such a pretty face but, no, she doesn't have any friends. Did she even remember to bring the address to her condominium unit?
"No, I don't… Ummm… do you know how to drive? I don't trust myself." She asked It's worth a try than to not be able to go home.
"Uh…" the pretty lady was thinking it over.
'Please say 'yes'! Please say 'yes'! Oh, Please…!'
"Don't let manager-san know, ok?" Ranka ('Was it her name?'), said.
"Thank you." She said as she was helped to get up by Ranka. So pretty and so strong…
"What's that, Ranka-chan? Isn't he your customer? Is he takin' you out?" the okama from behind the bar as Ranka took her gym bag.
"Nah, he's going to go home. I will go home, too. Just need to put this guy in his car, Sakura-chan!" she answered as she waved byebye. Sweetly. So sweet, like there's honey on her lips…
Once they got to the parking lot, Kotoko retrieved her keys from her pocket. Ranka took it and because there is only one car in the vicinity, started the engine and purred away to kotoko's condo unit, thanks to the written address on the dashboard.
Kotoko is a very famous lawyer. She is very famous during law school and is a closet fan of St. Lobelia's the Zuka club (after spending her time there as a scholar for the senior division.) She has an awesome boss and a very good life. Straight life. No zigzags or broken lines. Straight, unbent and untroubled. Why she came in the bar she didn't know. Maybe unconsciously, she wanted to get away from her fine, untroubled life. Trouble spices up life. Challenges give a it different flavor. What kind of challenge she wanted she didn't know, but the challenge that started that night was something she would never back off from…
They reached her condominium door and…
Ranka was speechless! The condo was rad! Everything feels like it costs more than 10K! Then he began to feel upset. Yes, Ryoji-san is drunk and he knows he will forget the luxury by the afternoon after he takes his morning sleep. He half-drag, half-carried the also half-asleep Koto to what seemed like the bed. That's where all hell broke loose. Hell brought by 3 bottles of red wine and a few pints of gin mixed here and there.
Were they surprised when they woke up the next morning…
Bisexual Ranka was shocked he saw a woman and (maybe also a bi?) Kotoko was surprised to see a man. Both thought the other has the same sex as theirs and both was disappointed that it wasn't. That brought both worlds together…
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RIIIIINNNGGGGG!!
Two hands from under the ruffled bed sheets reached for the alarm clock that was set by seven. Slowly, both peeked from their part of the blanket… and that's where the screaming match started…
"Kyaaaah! You're a boy!" Shouted Kotoko.
"Maaaah! You're a girl!" Shouted Ryoji
How they knew each other's sex when there is a thick, emphasizing on thick, blanket around theirbodies, the fanfic author doesn't know. At the same time, both turned around and thought, ' I thought I'd lose it to a boy/ girl! Unlucky!'
However, the phone rang from Ryoji's side of the bed. As it became a human instinct to pick up a ringing phone, Ryoji picked it up and spoke "Hello." That's when he remembered that the place wasn't his.
"Are you the one Kotoko was with last night?" A deep voice of a father seemed to come from the other line of the phone. He gently turned to face Kotoko… and her scared face made him more scared and nervous.
"Ye-yeah. What do you want?"
"Could you please pass the phone to kotoko-san."
'And it sounds like an order…'
"Did he ask for me?" Kotoko asked.
"Yeah, here." And Ryoji passed the wireless phone.
"I- I'm here." Kotoko replied. And another screamer joined the match! Banzai!
"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU JUST DID, KOTOKO?! WITHOUT TELLING YOUR ONII-SAMA, TOO?! FROM WHAT I HEARD FROM THE GUARDS, HE LOOKS LIKE AN OKAMA!"
And Ryoji flinched at the man calling him an okama.
"It's not what you think it is…" kotoko answered gently but very far from the receiver.
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! I CAUGHT THE BOTH OF YOU ON SURVEILLANCE CAMERA!"
And the television turned on, all on its own, and wow, it was in front of the bed! What was caught on the surveillance camera rerouted to Kotoko's personal TV is not fitted for this fanfic. However it made the two naked people in the room make such sour faces.
"YOU HAD ME ON UNDER SURVEILLANCE!?" Kotoko yelled over the phone.
"Onii-sama only wants you to be safe all the time." was all she received from the telephone receiver.
"Okama-san"
Ryoji flinched yet again. He's not a damn okama!
"Yeah?"
"Please accompany Kotoko-san to my office. Kotoko?"
"Yes." Kotoko answered.
"IN MY OFFICE! 8-SHARP!" and a loud slamming sound ended the call.
Both faces of the two were dreadful. It was as if death came to fetch them by 8-sharp.
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AN: YAY!! I made this as is from 12 to 4 in the morning...YAY!! r and r people... i'll pose the next one when i'm finished typing it!!