FF7 Dating Show!

Written by: Anti! (The girl bored out of her mind and on a sugar buzz! heheheh...)

Anti: Hello everyone and welcome to the ff7 dating show, where YOU, the READER, get to decide what date you would have if this were a real show! First decide on the answer you would want to hear, and then read the number beside it in ( ) *recommended that you write it down so you don't forget*. Then, at the end, see which number you have the most, and see what's you're date! Confusing? OF COURSE IT IS! But that won't stop you from trying now will it?

Audience: NO!

Anti: Thought not! And now, let the dating show begin!

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First question: If you were to take me on a date, where would be go?

(1) Well, I suppose we could always hang around the subway in Midgar, eat a few burgers, graffiti the walls, that sort of thing.

(2) CHOCOBO LAND!

(3) A romantic dinner at the Shinra mansion, and then sitting in the belfries gazing at the night sky. *audience: sighs*

(4) I hope you like science, because first we'd genetically alter our meals and then spend the day growing killer planets in the greenhouse.

(5) A lovely stroll in a village I just destroyed, still burning to the ground.

(6) $#!% I don't know. Anywhere you wanted to go I suppose.

(7) *whacking #6 over the head with the end of a revolver* You idiot. A lady likes to be showered with money and diamonds! Well, if we were on a date, I'd buy a 75k diamond for you, and then if we went out on another date, I'd by you the whole store!

Okay, now, what's your favorite color?

(3) Blood Red

(1) Navy Blue

(6) Brown

(4) Pearl White

(7) Strawberry Red

(2) Combat green

(5) none

For a very serious question, what do you think about kids?

(2) Kids? I love kids! I PAY THE FOOL WHO DON'T LIKE KIDS!

(1) Well...umm...err...NEXT QUESTION!

(3) I like kids...I was actually thinking about having some when I married my girlfriend, but some #@%^&*$ stole her from me *glares at #4*

(4) Well, I- *is cut off by a choking sound from being strangled by #3*

(6) Kids are cool I guess.

(5) Kids? Never really thought about it. But I suppose just more little prodigies to rule the planet!

(7) Brats. ALL BRATS!

What's your deepest secret?

(1) Umm...I...was just faking it when they thought I was schizophrenic so I could get Tifa to feel sorry for me...

(3) My deepest secret...I suppose that would be that my eyes aren't red. *pops out contact* They're light blue. But I thought they matched my hair better.

(5) WHO CAME UP WITH THIS QUESTION?! I'll burn their property down for this...! But... my hair color isn't actually silver...it's pink...*audience: 0_o????*

(7) In all truth, I don't even like fighting...

(6) Well, I guess...I DON'T #^*&%^# LIKE FLYING!!!! THERE, HAPPY?!?!

(2) My arm really didn't get torn off. I had it removed so I could get this AWESOME GUN ARM! Look at it! Ain't it cool?!

(4) My nose is actually ten times bigger than this...

What's your REAL age?

(1) I can't quite remember...Sorry, but it's the TRUTH! HONESTLY!!!!

(7) Twenties. *fogs up camera and writes number, putting a hand up to his ear and mouthing 'call me'*

(3) A gentlemen never fully tells his elder age, but it's somewhere in the late twenties.

(6) %$#@&^ Does it matter?! Jeez, why did I even sign up for this thing?!

(2) 34, and that's the last time I'm answering that!

(4) Old. But I will become younger, as soon as I drink this potion! *drinks it; a thud and a crack is heard. All is silent*

(5) In all honestly I am *monitor comes on, paging for someone* years old.

If You were an animal, what would you be and why?

(5) My Mother, because all would fear me! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

(2) I dunno, but anything but a stuffed Chocobo *slams fist onto the gun arm* I own that rip off @#$^%& a seriously @$$ wooping for takin' my tokens the last time I was there.

(4) MYSELF, because I am infused with Jenova cells thus making me invincible!!!!

(1) Hmm...Let me think...*starts thinking as jeopardy music starts to play, finally we shape up and just move onto the next contestant*

(3) I suppose a Raven, because they are just as dark and mysterious as myself.

(7) A German Shepard, because it's fierce and sleek as me...

(6) *shakes head in pity to this question and the answer before him*

Finally, if you were on a deserted island, with only one thing, what would you have?

(1) Materia and a girl who has Materia. Save-point Materia would be nice...

(2) A Tiki bar with a bunch of fine lookin' women serving me *gets glares from audience* What?

(3) Give me a machete and I could last for years.

(4) I wouldn't be so stupid to get myself on a deserted island.

(5) There would BE no deserted island when I'm done with it.

(6) A satellite phone. What do you take me for?! Wait...don't answer...

(7) First off I'd probably liquidate the pilot for being so careless, and then wait for my rescue when everyone knows I'm gone. Will they come after me? Of course they will if they know about the self-destruct device recently planted in them...

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Anti: *blinks, surprised how that went...Well, what can you expect?* Okay there you have it! I do hope you wrote down those numbers for here's the answers!

With the most 1's:

Your date is CLOUD! Shy and a bit indecisive, he will still be there if you need him. Strong and courageous, it's most likely he will pick up the bill and beat up the gangs on the way home...

With the most 2's:

Your date is BARRET! Beefy and Brawny, the guy may seem like a tough guy, but is really a sweetheart once you get to know him. But don't cross him, especially when it comes into the safety of kids, 'cuz it's most likely you'll lose. No...definitely lose...

With the most 3's:

Your date is VINCENT! Mysterious yet brave, he brings a whole new meaning to the phrase 'Tall, Dark, & Handsome'. Yeah sure, he may lose his temper and become a mad, raging beast, but that's just half the fun of seeing bad guys being mauled senselessly in the streets, right? ^_^' Well, though he may have a troubled past, that still doesn't keep him from being a nice guy. You'll know you'll be safe walking with this guy in the dead of night.

With the most 4's:

Your date is HOJO! EWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, umm....sorry...I guess it's not so bad...Well maybe it is...that perverted BAKA!!!!! Err....I suppose it's not to bad to change your answers! NO ONE WILL KNOW! Just erase them! Wait...you used a pen...? Umm...well, it's been nice knowing you normally, because you'll probably be changed into a plant creature or something...

With the most 5's:

Your date is SEPHIROTH! Tough guy XXL, he's a bit...eccentric. Don't blame him if he's a bit rude at first, but if you're into plundering and destroying villages then I'm sure the date will be a big hit! Yes, he may be a bit off, but don't forget that he is a sociopath after all. Don't be worried about any gangs, cuz I think they know his face by reputation already. And if they haven't...poor, poor them...

With the most 6's:

Your date is CID! Yes, the cigar smoking, strong swearing, tough guy man of FF7, (not that sissy from 8...no offense Cid!) He may be a bit profound, and maybe get a ticket for dropping a few f-bombs in public, but if your car breaks down, then it'll be fixed in a matter of no time! And if you like to fly, I'm sure he wouldn't mind taking you anywhere in the world on his private plane!

With the most 7's:

Your date is RUFUS SHINRA! Yeah, he's a bit egotistical, but he won't be afraid to spend a pretty penny for you! If you're into fast cars, the bling-bling, and ice, then this is the guy for you. But don't expect him to be around forever. We had to pay him to get on this show, (not to mention he just gave out his phone number...)

Anti: So, what did you get? Good? Bad? Let me know! Want another one of these with different questions, (maybe to get a different score and not so OBVIOUS ANSWERS!)? Well, this is the first one of these I've done, so...yeah...Please review!