Call knew it would happen; he just wasn't sure when. Would it be next week? The week after? In a month? Two months? A year? Three years?
Or would it be tomorrow, when he'd wake up with a gut wrenching sense of loneliness, hatred and disgust for the world, so painful he'd call to his chaos creations like he had all those years ago.
But Callum had been wrong, in part. His transformation into Constantine, what his old soul had originally been called, wasn't a matter of time. It was a matter of what he would see and feel as Callum Hunt, son of Magister Alistair and Magister Sarah, that would determine everything he would now become.
Call didn't believe in destiny, or fate.
He believed in choices and what followed after.
Originally, Constantine had put his soul into Callum Hunt's body, destroying the child's original soul for the sole purpose of cheating the fate his fatal wounds threatened with death. It had been a decision he had hated in that moment; stuck in an ice cave, his breath a cloud of white mist with every ragged gasp he made. He couldn't tell which parts of his body were bleeding, burnt to a crisp, broken and mangled and from the parts that were just sweaty and sore. His only choice was to inhabit the child that his friend for so, so many years, Sarah, was clutching protectively to her breast. He didn't think he would hesitate, but he did. She was a Magister, a member of the Magisterium, the organization he hates so much and wanted to be the one to personally burn it to the ground and watch it rot. But if you took away the fact that she was a Magister, that she was a member of the Magisterium, that she hadn't been there in his time of need when he had lost the person most important to him - then she was just Sarah, a girl from his childhood who managed to look dignified in her dorky, choppy hairstyle and kicked his, Jericho's and Alistair's asses when it came to magic. Doing this to her, taking the life of her child, casting the gaze of hatred that she stared at him with even now to her own child -
That would be the uttermost betrayal.
But he knew he would do it. He had come too far, sacrificed too much, killed too many, and gained things he refused to let go of.
She stared at him with horror when he did it; but he knew it would become another addition to one of the many looks he had received when he had made his choice all those years ago, and soon enough he would forget her haunting face like he had with all the others.
Call knew Constantine hadn't known he would lose his memories after he'd become Callum Hunt, but now they both knew it was the best outcome that could have happened. While it took Call a while to realize it, and Constantine even longer to accept it, this was a chance at a different life. Constantine had made his choice, he had left his marks on the world, but as Call he could see everything through new, clearer eyes, unadulterated by the hate he had soon become constricted by. As Call, he could make new choices, repent the things he had done before and live a different life; he would never regret all of his decisions he had made back then, but maybe, just maybe, he would be able to see the beauty in the world again, heal the wounds he had caused on earth, and see just how precious life truly was..
Maybe he'd even be able to go back to how he was younger, and happier and free.
Maybe that was the closest to Jericho he could ever be.
But then Call fell in love with Aaron Stewart, and he knew there was no going back.
Aaron was a handsome blonde haired boy who was good at sports, who treated everyone kindly and even before the two of them became best friends, and Aaron was the first person to look at Call as if he truly mattered.
At first they were only best friends who studied under the same Master with their other best friend Tamara and their comic relief Jasper, trying to get through their magical school years and not die.
But somehow, after time passed and it was the summer of their second year, things began to change. It had been so subtle that Call only realized what those butterflies in his stomach meant when it was too late.
After that it was a nightmare; Call couldn't stay in the same room as Aaron without becoming a sulking, mumbling mess with possible epiphanies of random blushes. Whenever they trained he couldn't focus, and when they practiced chaos magic together it would just get worse. For Master Rufus, Call and Aaron practically standing plastered together wasn't close enough, and each time he realized that the warmth he felt next to him, his best friend with the wavy, jock haircut who had a stupidly adorable smile was Aaron, he thought he'd have a heart attack.
Their first kiss happened in the middle of their fourth year; it was during a ball that before had only been attendable by the fifth through seventh years students before, but just this year the committee had extended the invitations to the fourth year students.
Tamara had gone with Jasper, Aaron had asked a new student who just started at the Magisterium a week prior, and Call had asked Ceia to go with him; though he had been explicit that he was asking her to go with him as just friends.
The kiss happened fifteen minutes before the ball was going to end. Tamara and Celia were slow dancing with each other, giggling about something, Aaron was talking to his date by the buffet bar, and Jasper sitting at one of the tables scowling at everyone, his new furry tail and ears sagging down grumpily; he had stupidly assumed that the punch wasn't spiked.
Call was talking to Alex near the fountain outside, telling him about his "other self problems." He had told Alex about Constantine at the end of last year, and was relieved when the laid-back higher classmen had taken it in stride like he did with most things.
Call had been having nightmares - flashbacks really, of the things he had done. And each time, he'd wake up with a pain in his chest, as if he had lost something excruciatingly important to him.
Alex tried to convince him that all those things that Call dreamed about were Constantine's fault, and not his. Call just shook his head, because he knew that wasn't true. He was slowly becoming his old souls self again, he could feel it. Constantine and him shared the same soul, they were the same being. And the soul will always carry more scars than the body ever could.
Aaron had found him a minute or two later, and Alex left. At first they talked about trifling, small things: how Tamara's dress made her look like an Egyptian queen, how hilarious Jasper looked with fluffy dog years, who they were betting on had enchanted the punch, which Master's would be too hammered to teach tomorrow, and so on.
It happened naturally. After a while they had grown quiet, only hearing the soft whooshes of the wind and staring at the magic projection of the sky and all the stars it held. Call found himself staring at Aaron, how mesmerizing he looked in the moonlight, and how his green eyes looked more of a gray color he had never seen before. Aaron turned to him to say something, only to realize that Call had been gazing at him with a soft expression he rarely ever saw on Call's usually guarded face.
It was quiet for a moment, then they both leaned in, and it definitely was both their first kisses.
Aaron's lips landed on the tip of Call's nose, while Call's touched the bottom of Aaron's lower lip. They corrected themselves for the next one, both laughing embarrassingly, and Call couldn't remember a moment when he had been happier.
Months later, the nightmares were getting worse. Call was beginning to act colder, crueler, especially on their missions, and he knew his friends were scared and worried at the same time.
He decided to spend more time with Aaron, who he was now officially dating, hoping that it would stay his changing. And it did, for a time. He and Aaron got even closer, impossibly close, and Call started acting sarcastic and a little pessimistic again.
But it didn't last long.
With their fourth year almost over, summer a week away Call knew it was hopeless. The nightmares were still there, he wasn't sure if they would ever go away, but that wasn't the problem.
The problem was Havoc. The young wolf was becoming more dangerous, barking and growling at anything that posed a possible threat, and recently he'd begun to distance himself from Tamara, Aaron and Jasper. He never harmed them, but the gleam in his eyes said that he no longer thought kindly of them, like he used to. Call knew this was because of him. Whether it was because he had been the one to create the chaos ridden and they could sense their master's return, or if the natural bond between them was just that influential, or both, Call didn't know. But he did know, that if Havoc was beginning to turn on his friends, and the place he was beginning to question if it was his home or his target, then Call didn't have much time.
Call didn't believe in destiny, or fate. He believed in choices and what followed after.
And the choices he had made as Constantine could not be wiped as easily as he had hoped.
Aaron and Call started arguing on a daily basis, and soon enough, Call started to ignore all his friends altogether. He knew it was his fault his relationship with Aaron was having problems. He knew ignoring the people who reminded him of who he was was a dangerous decision, but he couldn't risk hurting them. Sometimes, he'd look at them, and the thought of torturing or slitting their throats didn't give him pause at all.
Call wanted to fight it. He knew this was another chance, another chance to choose the choices he didn't last time. But to make those choices, he would have to retain himself as he became Constantine, as the different memories their soul shared became one. He would still have to want to make different choices after that.
Call wasn't sure he could.
Later that week, he asked Master Rufus what would happen if he removed all of Constantine's memories from their soul. The old man was hesitant, but told him that if he were to do that to his pupil, that it would leave a vast sense of emptiness on Call's soul, and he might never be the same.
Call laughed at that.
The Callum Hunt everyone around him knew was already long gone.
The day before summer vacation, Call packed up his things, and broke up with Aaron. It took all his strength not to cry and tell Aaron to disregard everything he was saying and shut him up, whether with a kiss or a good punch to the jaw. Aaron begged Call to stay with him, that they could fix this and make it alright again. But Call knew better. He knew it would never be alright again, no matter how much he wanted it to.
Then Aaron said something that made Call freeze.
He said he'd go with him.
No matter what happened, Aaron said he'd stay with Call no matter what. That was also when he told Call that he loved him.
This time Call did cry.
He held onto Aaron, repeating his words in his head.
There was someone who loved. Someone who loved him so, so much, that even if he were probably going to become a monster, they would still stay with him and love him.
Call knew he didn't deserve it, but he wished so badly that he did.
God, he wished he did.
To him, Aaron was the sun, the moon, the stars, the grass, the wind, the trees, the rain that trailed down your skin and left you feeling not so alone at night. To Call, Aaron was life itself. He was what made Call realize how precious and beautiful the world is.
But -
But Aaron was also something that Call could not afford to hurt.
Call smiled at Aaron, the first smile he had smiled in a really long time, and then he let go. He looked up at the him and said, "I love you; you made me believe that I had a choice when I had none."
Aaron deserved happiness. So Call left.