AN: Kind of a sister fic to 'If only she knew'. Again, boredom can do wonders, huh? I dont think this even makes sense...
And again, written like two years ago. I'm not dead! -hides-
Disc: Don't own anything cept Karen
She didn't want to become close to anyone. That was the reason her mask existed. But even then, there were a few that became close to her, a few that she had somehow become accustomed to.
They were the people she wanted to protect.
They were the people she hated.
She wanted to protect them, but at the same time, she hated them, for they were the ones who she came to care for, even if it was unwilling. Especially him.He was always smiling. Smiling that forced smile. Ever since she met him, so many years ago, she knew that smile was fake, forced. And yet he was probably the first to break through. Before she knew it, she started to care about him more and more. Her mask seemed to fool him, but recently she knew that he knew now, that her smiles were forced as well. And that also added to her hatred for him.
But over the missions, the times they spent together, she realized that she cared about him more than she hated him. Why? Why was he so different than the others? With that realization, she also realized something else:
She didn't want him to worry about her.
Every time she was hurt or injured, she would always turn to him and that worried expression and tell him that she's alright, even if it pained her so much. She would hide her hurt and pain behind her mask, giving him a perfect impression and only when he wasn't looking, during the night, that she would show how much pain she was in.
When no one was looking.
It only came to her, years later, the reason why she cared. Yes, she accepted the fact that she considered him as a friend. She accepted that a while ago. But now...now she realized the one thing that her heart had been trying to tell her, but she was too stubborn, too afraid to acknowledge what she knew, deep inside.
She wanted to seal her feelings away, to become a person who held no relation with anyone, and would therefore never shed a tear, or even be saddened, when someone would die. But no, it wasn't like that.
When she finally came to realize what her heart wanted to say, she didn't believe it, and she wouldn't for a while.
Because if he knew, she knew that he would never live it down.
If he knew...he could handle it. But she...she couldn't. She never knew the meaning of "love" or how it affected people. She never really felt "love" from anyone or toward anyone. Just two people. Both of whom were dead to her, even if one was now right in front of her.
She knew that he liked her. He liked her a lot. But just by knowing them, it didn't mean she understood them. But now, only recently, she knew.
If he knew....if he knew she loved him...would she be able to take it?
She was afraid...
Afraid of loving the one person she knew she loved.
.o8.17.o7.