I'm not good with Thursdays. Or rather, Thursdays aren't very good with me. For one thing, they remind me of this guy, and I don't want to be reminded of him. For another, I can say with pinpoint accuracy looking back that this whole mess goes back to the fateful encounter that Thursday, when he came into my office. I knew he was trouble the moment he walked in the door. Admittedly, Phil Coulson, despite his unassuming appearance, is always trouble; he's just more trouble when he shows up at my office. And it had been shaping up to be a nice day too.
"Agent Romanoff." Phil gave a brief perfunctory nod as he took a seat in front of me as bold as you please, not even waiting for my response. That was my first clue.
"Not an agent anymore, Phil. What can I do for you today?" I asked, trying to inject as much refusal as I could pre-emptively. It never works with Phil, but one can always dream. And acting cooperative has its own uses.
"Here." Without any build-up or explanation, Phil placed a plain manila folder down on the desk and gave it a little push, sliding it in front of me. That was my second and third clue. He either thought even my office wasn't safe enough to talk in, or it was bad enough that it was better to say nothing at all until I've looked at the folder. And considering the folder itself, the most technologically deficient item I've ever received from Phil, I was willing to put all my money on the first. If I was a gambling man.
"You know I'm not a gambling man. What is this and why should I look at it?"
"You need to stop watching movies that Agent Barton suggests." And that was the fourth and – quite frankly by this point completely unnecessary – last clue that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with this. Whatever it is.
"Ag- Natasha. I know we didn't exactly part on good terms, but-" Cutting himself off in the middle of saying 'agent'? Definitely calculated. But the rest of the sentence actually sounded sincere. Which was why I had to cut him off.
"I'm Natalie now. And my problem is with SHIELD, not you Phil. In fact, let's call it what it was: I stormed out in a tantrum because things didn't go my way. Because life didn't go my way. I was young and stupid; I'd like to think I can admit it now. But I'm still not gonna do this for you. I don't even need to read this to know that." I was being rude, sliding the folder back towards him; but then, I didn't want to give an inch, because Phil always takes the mile and more besides.
"You're too hard on yourself. SHIELD needs to take responsibility for its own actions," was his reply, once again pushing the folder in my direction. I'd like to think I'm not petty enough to get in a pushing race with Phil over a folder, so I left it sitting in front of me as I leaned back in my chair. Keeping silent and giving him a raised eyebrow isn't the kind of thing that works on Phil either, but it was better than being immature and sliding that folder back again. Or so I thought; but either I've badly misjudged Phil all these years, or things were even more dire than I realised.
"We need you to chase down this man, Natalie. You must understand how important it is, that I've tracked you down for this despite all the trouble you went to to hide from us," said Phil, allowing anxiety to show on his face. It did its job, but I still didn't want to give in so easily.
"How did you find me anyway?" It was a weak attempt, but he did give me that opening. And the way the conversation's going, I figured he might even tell me.
"Through your girlfriend." My hands twitched at that. It was definitely the last thing I wanted to hear. Phil, being Phil, didn't miss a thing and smoothly went on to say, "I'm baby-sitting her boss at the moment, you know the kind of missions I get."
"You're baby-sitting Tony Stark? Why do I have a feeling it has something to do with this folder?" I would feel relieved at his answer, except what were the odds that Phil just happened to be working with the boss of my girlfriend? Yes, this is Tony Stark we're talking about, which doubles the chances, but I'm too used to being suspicious of coincidences to feel comfortable with something like this.
"Not directly. And I really wish you would read that first." The frustration didn't even look calculated this time, and the uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach grew. It's a good thing I wasn't a betting man, because it looks like I was wrong and it was Phil wanting me to look at the folder after all. But if there's one thing I take pride in, it's my control, and all uncertainty does is make me stick to my guns. Literally, even. Phil knows this very well, and he caved gracefully, "Barton's compromised."
I didn't even try to stop my fists from clenching this time; there's no point in hiding this weakness from Phil, he knows it intimately. Taking a deep breath to fortify myself, I stared into Phil's eyes as hard as I could and said, "Talk."
"You know as much about the situation as we do at this point." Phil spread his arms wide as he spoke, an automatic gesture and his heart wasn't in it. That's how I knew he was telling the truth. Not all of it of course, but he truly didn't know about the circumstances around what happened to Clint. I couldn't even rail at him for not knowing, how long was it since Clint had last come around? I never wondered, never realised that something had happened. I was getting complacent in my new life, with a job completely under my control, that I didn't need to lie to my girlfriend about, and an overall domestic bliss that I never thought possible until now. Except it's not possible, not for someone like me.
"So what does it has to do with…this Doctor Bruce Banner?" I asked as I finally flipped that folder open.
"There was a robbery at one of our labs. An inside job. And we know it's Barton because he shot at Director Fury before he left." Phil must have sensed my shock, because he paused to smile at me sardonically.
"And this Doc Banner?" He definitely looked like the kind of mild mannered scientist that would be involved in a robbery at a highly secured SHIELD lab. And it must be very highly secured, if Nick Fury was there to be shot at.
"Is doing research that pertains to the lab that was robbed, we need him to work with us on what was stolen. Unfortunately, he fell off the radar a while ago." Phil fell silent after that. So I wasn't completely off the mark that he was worried about being overheard after all. Taking my cue from him, I kept any more questions to myself. There wasn't much to say, everything I wanted to know was in the folder. Including plenty of things that I didn't want to know now that I wasn't in SHIELD anymore.
Phil stood up as I closed the folder, signifying the end of the meeting. I didn't get up, looking up at him from my seat behind my desk. "What will happen if I discuss this with Pepper tonight?"
"Nothing, considering what you can tell her without exposing the fact that you have been hiding your past with SHIELD from her. In fact, feel free to talk it over with her. We're bringing Stark in on this too, so it'd be good if you two keep each other informed. It'd make my job easier for me," Phil said. He gave me that same perfunctory nod as he left, pulling the door shut softly behind him; leaving me with everything that went unsaid hanging in the air. I hadn't even started the investigation yet, and already I was regretting it. That should have been a sign. I don't get on with Thursdays. Too bad I missed it.