"Go. Your family is waiting for you over there, aren't they? Do you want to make your parents sad? My fiancé would not be so heartless. Go already!"
Every day - every hour - those words kept returning to haunt him. To make him curse his own pride that had brought defeat down on him.
How pathetic he was.
Yūri had left to his world, and those few months he had spent in Shin Makoku seemed merely a dream. Reality Wolfram had waked up in was cruel. Meaningless. Insipid.
He felt as if he would never be able to smile again.
Pride, honour, principles. He was Lord von Bielefeld, held an unquestionable position in the court and was regarded one of the most important people in the country. He couldn't just lock himself in his room and never go out. Noblesse oblige.
Yūri had left as if he had only paid them a visit. Or even had dropped in by accident. Many things that had happened because of him seemed only an accident, even though it all had been a masterfully directed play that no-one could have expected.
He hadn't stopped, he hadn't turned back; he hadn't shown anything. He had said "Good bye" and left to never come back. As if it was all Shin Makoku had meant to him. As if it was all Wolfram had meant to him.
But he couldn't really reproach him. He had no strength for it. Sometimes, it was hard for him to take a breath. It seemed as if there wasn't enough air and the sky was falling down. The sunlight faded, flowers appeared to wither, and the sounds came as if from far away.
When he performed his duties, he couldn't but think there was no king he should serve. Whenever he was with Greta, he couldn't but think about Yūri. After all, Greta... and Yūri... All words died then because his throat and chest were clenching, and that pain wouldn't go away. And he left because he didn't want to sadden her. Or maybe he simply wanted to run away?
But it didn't help at all. His nights were again lonely.
He could reproach only himself. Long ago he should have understood he had never been anyone special to Yūri; maybe, deep in his heart, he had always known it. Maybe he had been only a nuisance, tolerated with amusement. Gwendal had been respected by Yūri, and Conrad was the one Yūri had trusted. There was nothing odd to it: after all, the respect Wolfram had for Gwendal was second only to the one he had for his mother, and in Conrad's hands he would readily leave his life. Wolfram, on his part, had nothing to offer to Yūri and nothing to draw his attention to himself.
Once, he would have asked himself, with his innate narcissism and sense of humour, why Yūri could have ever left someone so beautiful, intelligent and talented. Now, he wasn't able to even smile at the thought.
Yūri had indeed saved his life, risking his own on top of that - someone could consider it a sufficient prove of his feelings - but the truth was it was just... Yūri. He would have done the same for anyone, Wolfram was sure of it. Actually, Wolfram didn't really feel he had deserved it. After all, he had turned against him, casaused him pain and betrayed him. He couldn't look him in the eye. He had no right to claim any kindness from him.
It was why he had called out, "Go!"
Although, what he had really wanted was to embrace him, hold him and never let go. Never.
He hadn't made a single attempt to convince him of his feelings. Maybe he hadn't even believed in their importance - but he couldn't chase away the nagging thought that if he had... then maybe... maybe Yūri would have...
Now it was all too late.
And then, one day that didn't differ from the previous ones, the world suddenly shook.
It wasn't that strange since Yūri used to make a spectacle whenever he appeared; Wolfram was more amazed at the fact he had managed to put a proper sentence together. Apart from this, he was all stunned and capable only of blinking, trying to make sure what he saw wasn't but a dream, one of those that kept haunting him every night. Yūri was gone - and suddenly he was there. As if he had never left. He was sitting in the pond, dripping with water, and his face expressed a total confusion.
No, in dreams he had never looked so idiotic, which made Wolfram believe it was really happening.
The sounds started to get alive, becoming more distinct every moment. Surprise, relief, ecstasy. He could even hear the birds over the temple, foretelling a bad omen. Yūri had always been a shadow, but now he made everything lighten. The azure of the sky appeared deeper, and the sunlight brighter. It could be the reason why Wolfram suddenly wasn't able to see clearly.
His heart was beating as if was going to jump out of his chest. For a moment, he couldn't breath. He felt dizzy.
Then his legs began to move. Ahead, to the pond, in the water. He couldn't understand what miracle had made it, but he had been given another chance. To never let Yūri go. To show Yūri he was the most important in the world.
To convince Yūri that his feelings were real.
Yūri only looked at him. Calm like always, honest like always, trustful like always. Hopeless wimp Wolfram loved so much he had never even expected himself he could.
He knelt down by him and cupped his face with trembling hands. His lips trembled only little when he kissed his fiancé . Yūri didn't even stir.
Wolfram rested head on his shoulder, unable to hold back a sob. He couldn't remember the last time he had been so happy. He embraced Yūri tighter, relishing his presence, physical and tangible. He was here. He really was here.
Maybe he didn't deserve him. Maybe he didn't mean that much to him.
He smiled through his tears, realizing he wasn't good at giving up.
He was going to fight for his love.
Until he won it.