DISCLAIMER: I do not own them, much to my eternal sadness. I am but borrowing them for just a little while.
A/N: One-shot fic dealing with events in the immediate aftermath of 2.18: Return to Sender. Written as a companion piece to my fic 'To Be Here' as it expands upon a mention in the first chapter of that fic, but can - and does - completely stand alone.
Also a sort-of sequel to the previous tie-ins, 'Have a Moment' and 'To See Your Face'.
Well, I am spoiling you guys this week - two fics in two days is unheard of for me! To tell the truth, this little thing has been buzzing around my head for a while. I figured if I just get it out there, I can use the headspace to get back to the multi-chapter quicker and stop everyone from nagging at me :D
I hope you enjoy it!
(Some of you were wondering what I meant when I alluded to Andy spending time at Sharon's home. Well…this is it!)
All mistakes are mine alone.
Sharon Raydor sat motionless on her couch, her eyes fixed on the clock on her desk, in the same position she had been in for the fifty-three minutes and twenty-eight seconds since Rusty had left to stay with Lieutenant Provenza. She barely registered the quiet knock at her front door, or the movement of the uniformed patrol officer who went to answer it. There was a soft exchange of voices and then the officer approached her cautiously, hovering near the end of the couch.
"Ma'am," he said gently. She didn't respond. He cleared his throat and tried again, a little louder. "Ma'am?"
Fifty-four minutes and nine seconds.
"What is it?" she snapped, without looking at him.
"Uh, Lieutenant Flynn is here, Ma'am. Can I let him in?"
Sharon sighed heavily and closed her eyes for a moment. She wasn't sure she could cope with this right now - it was all she could do to remain calm as it was. If he came in here, she couldn't be certain that she wouldn't break completely. She debated telling the officer to please just send him away.
She opened her eyes.
Fifty-four minutes and twenty-seven seconds.
"Show him in."
Sharon was on her feet and standing by the door to her balcony when Andy entered the condo. She heard him telling the patrol officer to take up a position in the corridor, and then the door closed and they were alone.
She tensed, expecting him to make his way straight over to her. Instead, she heard noises coming from her kitchen and she whipped around, suspicious.
"What's that?" Her eyes narrowed as she watched him putting a Tupperware container into her refrigerator.
He had changed out of his work suit and was dressed casually in a button-down shirt over a t-shirt, jeans and a leather jacket. Any other time, she would have taken a moment to appreciate him.
This was not any other time.
"When did you last eat, Sharon?" he asked in response.
She shrugged. "Breakfast, maybe." He gave her a disapproving look. "I'm not hungry, Andy," she said to the floor.
"I know," he responded gently. "But when you are, it's there."
She huffed a little bit but nodded. "Okay. Thank you." Her tone was flat and she still wouldn't look at him. "You can go now."
He rolled his eyes in exasperation. "I'm not going anywhere." She glared at him quickly, before averting her gaze again, as if afraid he would read her thoughts if her eyes lingered on him too long. She didn't look happy at his words but refrained from arguing - a sure sign that all the fight had left her around the same time that Rusty had.
Andy crossed the room to where she stood, dropping his jacket onto an armchair on the way, and put his hands gently on her shoulders. She was rigid, he noticed - probably from the supreme effort of keeping her emotions in check. He wished she wouldn't do that. Not with him. He ran a finger along her chin, slowly tilting her head up until she had no choice but to look at him. Normally he would let things run their course with her, let the situation resolve on its own. There was nothing normal about the pain she was in tonight, however. He hated forcing the issue with her like this, but he knew if she didn't let it out soon she never would - and he knew from experience that that way lay disaster.
He felt his eyes fill with tears as he finally got a proper look at her. She looked spent and exhausted, the adrenalin having worn off as soon as Rusty was out the door and safe. There was a haunted look in her eyes and she seemed tiny and fragile and most unlike Sharon. She looked broken. He cupped her face tenderly.
"What do you need, Sharon?"
It wasn't his touch that did it. It wasn't the softness of his voice that got to her. It was his eyes. The kindness, the concern, the love that she saw in their darkened depths was what finally broke through her carefully constructed façade.
"You." Her voice was cracked and tiny, barely audible even to him standing so close to her. She met his gaze, the desperation in her eyes almost finishing him completely. "I need you."
Her voice broke then and the tears finally came.
Andy caught her when she launched herself at him and immediately drew her close, holding her against him. Her arms slipped around his middle and her fingers gripped the back of his shirt as she buried her face in his chest. He held her gently as he walked them slowly towards the couch before sinking down onto it, pulling her with him. He lay down, his head propped against one arm of the couch, and Sharon immediately climbed on top of him. His arms wrapped around her again as she snuggled down into him, her cheek resting against his chest, her hair tickling his cheek softly.
"You fucking scared me today," he whispered against her hair once she was settled in his arms. He wasn't angry - not at her, anyway - just immensely relieved to be able to hold her again.
"I know," she acknowledged in a small voice. She had heard it when she spoke to him on the phone as events were unfolding - his panic at the situation and his helplessness at being stuck miles away from her, unable to do anything but wait to hear whether she and Rusty were alive or dead. "I'm sorry," she continued, burying her face in his chest again, her hand grabbing hold of his shirt and clenching it in her fist. "But I had to go after him, Andy. I couldn't leave him there alone. I couldn't just wait...if I had, he'd be dead!"
Her broken sobs robbed her of the ability to talk any more. Andy stroked her hair with one hand, his other arm tightly around her waist held her pressed against his body. He needed to feel her - to know she was real and that she was alive. Not okay yet, but alive. He still felt ridiculously helpless, but at least he was helpless with her, rather than without her.
It took hours for the storm to abate once it had started.
Andy's shirt was wet with her tears, his limbs cramped from holding her so long, his back screaming for him to move. He didn't care. He would stay there forever if she needed him to.
Her wretched sobs were finally replaced with shuddering whimpers and then, eventually, silence. Her breathing evened out and he wondered for a moment if she had fallen asleep. He lifted his head slightly to check on her, wincing at the pain the movement caused him.
Her eyes were open and she was staring unseeing at the wall. Her fist still held a handful of his shirt in a death-grip, as if she needed something to anchor her even now. She had cried herself out. There were no more tears left. She was completely exhausted but unable to find the sleep - the peace - she so desperately needed.
As loathe as he was to move her, Andy knew he had to get her to bed if she stood any chance of resting tonight.
Slowly, Andy moved his legs out from under her and swung them off the couch. He managed to manoeuvre them both to a sitting position, Sharon next to him, still clinging to his shirt. Before he could disentangle himself enough to stand she had crawled into his lap, her head on his shoulder and her breath hot on his neck as she let out a tiny whimper.
His arms went around her again immediately. "Ssh, it's okay," he whispered in her ear. "I'm not going anywhere." Truth be told, she was frightening him so much right now he didn't dare leave her alone, even for a second.
Andy carried Sharon to the bedroom, her arms tightly wrapped around his neck. Sitting her on the side of the bed, he tenderly helped her out of her blouse and pants. Before he could find her some nightclothes to wear, she had scooted under the comforter in her bra and panties, laying on her side facing him but staring past him, at the wall. He sat on the edge of the bed beside her, his hand stroking her hair away from her face gently.
He wasn't sure how long he sat like that, just watching her, touching her, his heart clenching painfully at every hitch in her breath that told him she was only just containing her hurt. Eventually, he leaned down to kiss her temple softly, intending to head back to the couch to sleep.
It was as he went to move away that Sharon grabbed his hand and held on.
"Please don't leave me."
She was looking right at him now, the pale green of her eyes haunting in the soft light from the lamp across the room.
"I'm not leaving, Sharon, not if you don't want me to," he promised her in a whisper. "I'm not going anywhere."
She nodded and relaxed her grip, managing the tiniest of watery smiles. Andy stood and quickly stripped out of his shirt and jeans. He was going to leave his t-shirt on, until he looked at her again. The expression in her eyes had changed. She was trying to tell him something without having to say it out loud. He suddenly realised that she needed skin contact. That was why she wore only her underwear. That was why she didn't want him to leave.
Sharon smiled at him again as she watched him remove his t-shirt. He had understood. Of course he had. Sometimes she felt that he sensed what she needed even before she did. And tonight she needed to be close to someone she trusted. She needed to be held by someone. She needed to be held by him. Andy flicked the lamp off and climbed into bed next to her. She was immediately at his side and he pulled her impossibly close, his arms around her gentle but firm and her leg nestled snugly between his own. As his hand stroked soft patterns on her skin and his lips left butterfly kisses across her face, Sharon finally drifted off to sleep.
Andy woke with a start a little while later. It took him a moment to remember where he was, his eyes roaming the unfamiliar room, trying to adjust to the darkness. It took him another second, after realising that he was in Sharon's bedroom, to notice that his arms felt uncomfortably empty. He reached across the bed to find that it, too, was devoid of her presence.
He started to panic slightly, until he heard what sounded like the ding from a microwave coming from the other end of the apartment. He slipped out of bed and reached for his t-shirt, frowning when he couldn't find it on the chair where he was sure he left it earlier. He grunted to himself in frustration and wandered towards the door in just his boxers, picking up his gun from the nightstand, just in case.
Somewhat sleepily, he made his way through the condo, relieved when he spotted the light coming from the kitchen area. He stopped and grinned when he saw her, perched on a bar stool at the breakfast counter, legs crossed and a small plate of pasta in front of her. He grinned even wider as he suddenly realised exactly where his t-shirt had disappeared to.
"Hey," he said quietly so as not to startle her. "I thought you'd run out on me." He dropped his weapon on the coffee table and walked towards her, his arms going around her waist from behind when he reached her.
Sharon smiled at him around a forkful of vegetables. "I got hungry," she admitted, sheepishly.
"Good." He kissed her temple lightly before moving over to the refrigerator. He grabbed himself a bottle of water and came back to sit sideways on the stool beside her, enjoying watching her eat.
"Are you going to sit and stare at me for the rest of the night?" She cast him a sidelong glance as she took another bite of her dinner. Andy's heart lightened at the flicker of amusement he saw in her emerald gaze.
"I was thinking about it," he drawled back, offering her his trademark lazy grin. She rolled her eyes, but he caught the slight smile that tugged at the corner of her mouth. She continued to eat, the two of them sitting in comfortable, if weary, silence. She spoke again only when she realised he was not going to go back to bed without her.
"I'm okay, Andy," she said seriously, still focused on her food.
He took a gulp of his water. "I know," he responded truthfully. She was certainly a lot more okay than she had been earlier, if not completely back to normal. But then, none of them would really get normal back until this damn trial was over with, Andy thought.
"You could go back to bed."
"I know." He continued to sit and watch her.
Sharon glanced up at him quickly but decided against pushing the issue. If she was totally honest with herself, she liked that he would choose to sit here, with her, at an ungodly hour of the morning, rather than go back to sleep.
"This is really good." Her eyes were on him again as she indicated the pasta and he loved the softness in the way she studied him.
"I know," he said again, winking at her. She chuckled then, a sound he hadn't thought he would hear again for a long time.
"You want some?" she offered. He nodded when she held the fork out towards him and leaned forwards, allowing her to pop some of the food into his mouth. Andy chewed slowly and moved his arm that was resting on the counter towards her free hand, clasping it in his and stroking the back of it with his thumb. He didn't know why but he was craving contact with her, despite - or maybe because of - her having been wrapped around him for hours. She squeezed his hand lightly in response, allowing him to continue holding on to her.
Sharon finished eating and got up to rinse her plate, trying to stifle a yawn as she did so. She glanced at the clock - just after 3am. When she turned to leave the kitchen, Andy was already leaning against the counter waiting for her. She walked over to him and slipped her arms around his waist affectionately, resting her head on his bare chest. She hummed when his lips caressed her hairline softly, his hand stroking her back. Standing on tiptoes, she lifted her head and pressed her lips to his firmly. His hand at her back held her to him as he rejoiced in the feel of her soft lips on his.
Sharon held her hand to his cheek when they parted, looking into his eyes for what felt like the longest time. Then, she tilted her head back slightly, her lips slightly apart. This time, he came to her. He cradled her head in his hands, fingers in her hair, his thumbs stroking her cheeks lovingly. His lips brushed against hers over and over before his tongue ran across her bottom lip tentatively.
Sharon stiffened immediately, but only hesitated for a few seconds. Before Andy even had the opportunity to curse his idiocy, her mouth had opened to him, fully allowing him access.
Finally, Andy got to taste her. Besides the tang of the pasta she had just consumed, Andy detected a light, fresh, almost heady flavour that was all Sharon. He instantly decided that it was a taste he couldn't get enough of, especially when her tongue began a slow dance with his, still in her mouth. He groaned involuntarily when she sucked on his tongue long and slow, savouring every second of the exquisite contact.
He pulled back after a minute or so and just looked at her, a goofy smile plastered across his features. He touched her face gently with his fingers, captivated by her ability to look so utterly beautiful even after the horrendous day she'd had. He sighed, contentedly, leaning his forehead against hers.
"As much as I hate to say this, we should probably try to get some sleep," he said, somewhat unwillingly. "Rusty is going to need to see you in the morning - after all, there's only so much of Provenza's dulcet grouching that a person can reasonably stand..."
She smiled up at him, appreciating both his attempt to lighten her mood and the obvious consideration behind his words.
"You're right," she nodded.
"I can sleep on the couch, if you'd rather be alone now," Andy offered, chivalrous despite his innate longing to stay with her.
Sharon shook her head a fraction. "No - unless…I mean, if you want to…"
"No!" He interrupted her with a forceful shake of his head. "No, I don't want to, Sharon."
They grinned at each other then and Andy let out a light chuckle.
"Come on then, let's get you back to bed before it's time to be getting up again."
She hummed as he took her hand and, fingers entwined, led her back along the hallway to her bedroom.