Title: God Only Knows
Author: Miss Peg
Disclaimer: I don't own Skins, series 4 would be about the Fitch/Campbell families if I did.
Summary: Sometimes the past can effect the present.
Author Notes: This was originally written to be a chapter-fic, but it never amounted to much. A one-shot from Jenna Fitch's point of view, including the twins. Set after the Love Ball.
The door banged open and before Jenna Fitch could move, one of her twin daughters walked through the door. She had a cut on her face and though it looked superficial, Jenna still jumped to her aid because she was her daughter and would always come first.
"What in God's name?" Jenna gasped, her hand subconsciously rising to her mouth.
"Just leave it yeah," Katie responded, but Jenna was stubborn and wouldn't let the matter rest.
The first aid kit was above the sink and before Katie could get away, Jenna reached for it and was cleaning the cut with an antiseptic wipe. Her daughter's make up was smudged and she couldn't help cleaning up some of the mess below her eyes, realising that the dark circles were probably caused by tears.
"That Stonem girl had better not be responsible for this," Jenna snapped, unable to control her feelings, which were boiling up inside. "Or I really will call the police this time, she will pay for hurting you."
"No mum," Katie sighed, looking tired which wasn't normal for the perky, young girl.
What Katie said wasn't the truth, or at least the whole truth and Jenna understood that because she knew when her daughters were keeping things from her. But she didn't push it because even though it hurt to be kept out of their lives, she didn't want to become like her own mother.
Jenna tried to comfort her daughter with hot chocolate and ice cream, before realising that her little girl was too big to just need a hug from mum. Eventually Katie made an excuse and went upstairs where Jenna could hear tears coming from the bedroom and even though she wanted to comfort her daughter, she was afraid of pushing her away like she had her own mother.
"Jennifer Ashford, you had better open this door right now young lady."
Jenna didn't want to open the door, didn't want to face her mother when all she could do was think about the boy that didn't want to know her. Brown haired, blue eyed, Anthony Jones with a build that put Popeye to shame. She'd asked him to dance and hoped for a positive outcome. But Anthony was a sixteen year old boy who got more attention than he knew what to do with. She wouldn't have been so upset if she wasn't trying to hide what she really felt. Jenna didn't want to date Anthony, he didn't make her fall at his feet like the other girls and she despised his choice of aftershave. She had a crush on her best friend, Laura Holks, and despite wishing it wasn't real, she found herself staring a little longer when they were getting ready for the school dance.
A couple of hours passed and Emily finally followed her twin sister into the house and it wasn't until Jenna noticed the matching cut on her other daughter's cheek that she realised where Katie's had come from. Unlike Katie, when she tried to assist Emily, she didn't complain and looked a lot happier overall.
"Going to tell me where you got this?" Jenna asked, holding Emily's chin in her hand.
"Katie not told you all about it then?" Emily questioned, looking a little less pleased, but still housing a ridiculously large smile for someone who had been in a fight hours earlier.
"I'm asking you," Jenna pressed.
"We got into a fight, there's nothing more to say."
There wasn't. Jenna wanted to push the subject, to get more information out of the younger twin, but despite her happier exterior, Jenna knew that she didn't want to talk about it. Instead they shared hot chocolate and a tub of ice cream that Emily tried to suggest was a bad idea because dad could always tell when they'd been a little bit naughty.
"That JJ sounds quite nice," Jenna considered, watching her daughter's reaction.
"I didn't end up with JJ though mum," Emily explained.
A conversation from earlier in the week came to mind and Jenna braced herself for the revelation she knew was coming and it frightened her, but she let her daughter talk because it was the right thing to do. Even if she didn't agree.
"I know you don't like Naomi, but I do, I love her."
"Oh." There was disappointment in her voice and Emily looked regretful, but Jenna stayed silent, taking in what her daughter was saying, instead of judging her.
"Jenny, you know you can talk to us," her father had assured her, sitting down at the end of her bed.
There were so many things to be said but nothing would come out right. So many sentences were started in her brain, but they turned into a jumbled up mess when she attempted to speak them. The tears she'd cried earlier were still dangerously close to falling again so she nodded her head and let her father envelop her in a hug.
"I like someone," she whispered, courageously.
"Did a boy at the school dance break your heart?" her father assumed, clenching his fist like he did whenever they'd talked about boys.
"No, I like a girl."
It wasn't considered normal for girls to like girls and Jenna knew that, knew that her parents believed in God as much as the rest of her extended family. Regret was her only thought when her father left the room grunting about something, returning moments later with her mother in tow.
"You can't be serious," Jenna's mother wondered, sheer shock on her face.
"I don't know if it's real or just because she's a good friend, but I like her."
Mother and father looked at each other with worry and it was then that Jenna knew she'd said the wrong thing, made the mistake of letting her parents know that she was committing a sin just by thinking the unthinkable.
"She hasn't been to church in two months," her mother whispered to her father, as though it made a difference.
"Jenny, you know that it's not right, homosexuality is not right. Remember what Reverend McIntosh told you, remember what Carolyn the Sunday School teacher taught you."
The matter was closed because Jenna had just agreed that it was wrong and that she needed to return to church to continue on her path to heaven because she was dangerously close to ending up in hell if she died tomorrow. Her parents had arranged a private meeting with the Reverend and they'd discussed homosexuality, talked about how wrong it was to love someone who was not of the opposite sex and he put the fear of God into her so strongly that if it wasn't wrong she would have tried to kill herself because she was that scared of being who was on the inside.
"It's not right you know, girls and boys is what's right. You should spend more time with that JJ," she smiled, closing the subject with Emily because it wasn't something she could recognise without that sickly feeling returning to the pit of her stomach.
Emily's eyes looked distressed and they glazed over with a plea, "Mum." But it was beyond Jenna's power to comfort her daughter when it was just so wrong. Emily nodded her head and fingered the tears sliding from her eyes, before going upstairs to join her sister.
Katie's tears were long gone after she'd fallen asleep replaced by Emily's own tears. Where Jenna wanted to comfort her other daughter but feared pushing her away, she didn't want to comfort Emily, for fear of letting her think that she accepted what she knew in her heart was wrong.
Author Notes: Just to make it clear, I'm not suggesting that Jenna is gay. A lot of people do go through a period in their teens when they question their sexuality, that is all I am alluding to.
Your comments are very welcome! :-)