A/N: I swear I'll update my other stories after this, haha~

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From Butterflies to Hurricanes

An Auruo x Petra story by: Euregatto

Chapter 1

Auruo has been watching Petra from the corner of his eye for most of the ride back to the wall.

Her head is declined against her chest and her tangerine hair splays out like a wispy curtain, shrouding her crestfallen face from view. She's been silent since they failed their mission – since they lost Gunter and Erd and fuck was this a completely vain attempt at achieving nothing – but he hasn't exactly been a Chatty Kathy either, something that unnerves him more than it probably does anyone else.

He turns his apricot gaze to the gate as it ascends along the length of the wall, gears grinding and ancient metal chains shrieking like birds above the convoy. The city is already lined with citizens who stare in a dumbfounded silence, noticing the despondent expressions of the soldiers. The quiet screams of death, violence, passion and, above all else, crumbling hopes; the air around them is poisoned with the stench of blood and foreign forests.

"Nothing new," he utters under his breath.

Some soldiers limp off to reunite with their families before joining the back of the line. Auruo doesn't expect his parents or brothers to show up.

He gradually returns his attention to Petra at his side. She hasn't moved, much to his immediate displeasure, but she's still emitting choked sobs and her shoulders quake as she realizes – or, rather, as he realizes for her – that they made it out alive in the end. After all the death and the violence and the way she had to accept that they weren't going to avenge Gunter and Erd no matter how strong they were –

With a heavy sigh he decides to break the tension. "You know I hate when you cry," he says empathetically, drawing his horse closer. "It breaks my heart, babe."

Gently, he brushes her bangs out of her face and sweeps them behind her ear. Her amber eyes are red and puffy; cheeks stained with spent tears that continue to roll down her tattered skin and drip off her chin in pathetic rivulets. His teeth grind together. Deluding his current thoughts of stabbing that female Titan until he dropped, he says, softly, "Petra, c'mon, it's alright…"

"It's not alright," she whispers bitterly, "it will never be alright. I'm so… I'm such a fucking idiot, Auruo. How can I protect these walls, these people"—she gestures to them with one arm—"when I can't even save my own teammates?"

Auruo doesn't want to remember it but he does: the way he swung in to grab Petra out of the way just as the Titan moved in for the kill, and the way Eren slammed her head into the ground afterwards to protect them. It was all desperation and instinct. And Petra would have died if I had hesitated. Tch, now that's something I don't want to think about.

But Erd…and Gunter…and all those poor bastards from the reinforcements… They would have joined them – been nothing more than mincemeat amongst the shrubbery or an explosion of blood and flattened body parts on a tree. Nothing to cremate, nothing to bring home to their families. But we're alive, he tells himself finally, moving a hand to Petra's back and massaging the crevice of her shoulder blades and dip of her spine in gradual circles. You know it too, don't you? That one thing we now have to do…

Auruo doesn't have time to dwell on the thought when Petra snaps her head up to glance into the crowd. He spots her father waving her over, smile as lively as ever. Petra breaks away from the line and trots over to meet him, throwing herself from her horse and into his embrace. Auruo reluctantly follows suit, pulling his stallion up alongside her mare.

"Honey, I'm glad you're OK," her father remarks. "I saw Corporal Levi up front, and I got worried when you weren't there."

"I'm alright," she returns with a forced smile, "just a little shaken up."

That's a lie, but only Auruo knows it so he keeps his mouth shut. He's not really in the mood to push her buttons – "Oh, Petra, who's this?" Auruo goes rigid in his seat when her father addresses him, and her gaze is turning in his direction. Papa Ral just continues with the questioning. "Is that your boyfriend? Because I could've sworn you wanted to marry Levi…" (That last comment has Auruo involuntarily tightening his grip on the reigns).

Petra rolls her eyes. "No he's not. That's Auruo Bossard; I told you about him in my last letter."

He grunts. "Huh… Nice to meet you, Auruo!"

Auruo nods in his direction. "Yo." Charming, as always.

"You should marry my daughter," he concludes.

Petra groans a strained 'Papa' in annoyance but Auruo just scoffs under his breath as his lips ascend into a smug grin. "I'm not going to marry her for the same reason no one else wants to – she ain't wife material."

"I am too!" Petra snaps back, hands on her hips in defiance. "I just haven't found Mr. Right yet, is all. That has nothing to do with me!"

"It has everything to do with you," he counters with yet another scoff, "you're the sassiest thing on two legs, baby. It's like wearing a sign that says 'sensible men keep away'."

She lightly slaps his horse on the rear and it trots forward. "Get lost!"

"Later babe!" He calls out, breaking into a gallop. "You'll miss me while I'm gone!"

Even though her father is sharing this knowing glance with each other, she's personally giving him her middle finger. Auruo waits until they're out of sight to slow down again. "Shit," he hisses, weaving his fingers into his shortened hair and gripping his ashy ends. Her father was blithely pleasant, for the most part, but he can't help but imagine what it would've been like to talk to him without Petra.

And now that leaves an immense burning in his chest.

What do I tell Gunter's family? How can I possibly… His thoughts are cut short by the silhouette of Gunter's grandfather and sister up ahead, glancing around for their respective grandson and little brother. Levi had probably avoided them. How uncool of him. Not that it isn't hard for me to approach them, either…

With a haughty sigh he braces for the worst and starts towards them, heart in his stomach and knuckles white from his vice grip on the reigns. I'd better save Petra the trouble. She's been through enough.

He doesn't know what to say, really, but when they make inquiries as to Gunter's whereabouts all Auruo can do is cast his gaze down and utter, sympathetically, "He died valiantly in the front lines of battle, protecting his comrades and essentially all of humanity. He was one of the best soldier's I've ever met – and he was a great guy, too. I couldn't have asked to work with anyone else but him."

He stretches the truth – excludes the facts that Gunter was murdered and Auruo was too weak to kill the Female Titan, so he took Petra and ran away so Eren could deal with it alone, and he omits that Gunter's death was in vain… that the murderer escaped and Auruo didn't do anything about it.

He doesn't admit he's a coward. He doesn't comfort them as they cry into each other's arms. He doesn't know what to say to Erd's pregnant wife, but recites the upcoming apologies in his head, again and again and again as he trots away from the weeping family and rejoins the line –

Fuck, why did you assholes have to get killed on me?

.: . :.

From Butterflies to Hurricanes

.: . :.

There is this intense ringing in his ear, a piercing sound like lightning in the darkness around him. It's pitch black in his barren room; he meant to light the candle, honestly, but as soon as he sat down at his desk his head fell limply into his hands and he disregarded the world for hours. Now the moon is shrouded by a ceiling of bereaved clouds. Droplets pelt the windows relentlessly, like a torrent of hail, big and fat and in synch like drums –

Happy thoughts, happy thoughts… If he kept thinking in the dark his morbid mind would only intensify the guilt raging like fire in his chest.

A light flickers from beneath his door. Petra must still be up, he figures. He musters up enough esteem to cross the hall – squinting into the sudden intake of candlelight – and enters her room, unannounced, without knocking, typical of him. He isn't surprised to find her fast asleep at her desk, half-written letter pressed under her stained cheek and soaked with spent tears.

Sighing, he treks across the room and slides one arm under her knees, looping the other through her arms. She stirs, eyelids fluttering as she registers reality. "A-Auruo?"

"I don't want you hurting your back," he mutters, lifting her up against his chest. She's much heavier than she looks, but he sucks it up all the same. "Let's put you to bed."

She absently hums an agreement in her throat, letting him lay her on her bed without fuss. He pulls the sheet up to her chin. "Erd was your-" she starts, abruptly caught off by a small yawn, "-brother-in-law…"

Auruo brushes the stray wisps of her bangs out of her face. "Yes, he was."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, Petra. Now go to sleep." He steps away just as she falls back into unconsciousness, muttering incoherent comments that die on her tongue. He moves over to the desk to blow out her candles.

The parchment letter catches his eye. Against his better judgment – and with a quick glance around to make sure she isn't awake – he reads it.

Dear Lance Corporal Levi,

I ran this by my father already, and I don't think he's told you yet… but I'm going to retire early. After the failure in the forest I don't think I can handle another near-death experience like that. There are so many things I still want to do with my life while I can – marry, have kids, get a dog… I've done what I can to protect humanity, but I can do more good in a home than dead in the field. I hope you understand.

I must admit I'm a little annoyed with that obtuse annoyance we call Auruo. He saved my life, yes, but instead of fighting the Female Titan to avenge the deaths of Erd and Gunter he took me and ran away. I know that he meant well, and he was smart to keep us out of harm's way, but at the same time I can't find it in my heart to forgive him. It might have something to do with the fact that I can't forgive myself for being so weak. At the same time, I didn't flee in the midst of battle.

So as my parting wish I want you to tell him that I'm not mad at him; that I know what he did was right. And maybe one day I'll forgive him.

I plan on moving into the Stohess district, near my aunt and uncle, and I can send my kids to a nice school. I don't know when I'm retiring, honestly, but it'll be soon. Maybe next week. Maybe next month. Or sometime in between.

From there –

That's where the letter ends. Auruo's fingers curl into a tight fist and blows out the candle flames, traverses the room to the hall; shutting the door quietly behind him. The dimly lit corridor offers him no comfort in his solitude.

"Auruo?"

He nearly jumps out of his own skin and whirls around to face Levi. "Shit, Captain, you – uh – never mind. What are you doing up?"

Levi's obsidian gaze locks with his, burning intensely in the midnight shadows. He looks tired; the rings under his eyes are darker than yesterday, making him appear only the shell of a man he had once been – before this mission, maybe even before he joined the Scouting Legion. Now he's haunted by the too many casualties out in the battlefield, dreams smeared with despair as recurrent as the Titan hordes.

"Come," is all he says, trekking down the hall on a small limp.

Auruo follows intently, sauntering in his captain's wake into his room. Even the rookies would know it's Levi room right off the bat – it's spotless, bed properly made without a single wrinkle, bare cobblestone walls painted with the dancing shadows from the candlelight, paperwork on his desk stacked into the corner in two neat, even piles. It's somewhat lonely, somewhat desolate.

Levi draws the translucent bottle of amber liquid from his dresser, pours two glasses, and hands Auruo the left one. "Here," he offers, "let's talk."

This can't end well. He cautiously takes the glass and pulls up the spare chair in the corner, perching at the desk at the Corporal's side. "Talk about what, sir?" he asks, diverting his stare to the alcohol as he sips at it.

"The mission." Levi folds one leg over his opposing knee and takes an unnervingly long drink, barely flinching as it burns its way down his throat like fire, melanoid glare cast up at the ceiling. "I want to know what happened out there, detail for detail." The grandfather clock in the corner of the room ticks ominously. "And I especially want to know"—he lands his frigid stare on Auruo who immediately seizes up in fear—"why you abandoned your duty."

Auruo shifts uncomfortably as his vindictive captain takes another drink, downing his glass blithely, bituminous eyes glazing over with a sudden haze as the alcohol takes effect. The opposing man grits his teeth.

"Your mission was to protect Eren with your life," Levi continues with an effete sigh, voice pitched between disappointment and bleary anger despite his calm demeanor. "Am I wrong?"

Auruo swallows dryly. "N-No, sir."

"Then why the fuck did you flee the battlefield?"

He takes a moment to let that sink in – it's one thing to know you're a coward, but Auruo realizes that the unwavering tone in the Corporal's voice hits home just as hard as reality ever could – and casts his attention to the window as thunder roars in the background of the bereaved ceiling of clouds. And then he remembers.

"Let me go, Auruo!"

He closes his eyes, briefly, letting the memories take hold for a moment.

"We have to kill her!"

Her thrashing forces Auruo to drop them off on a branch somewhere closer to the battlefield then he would like to be. His hold on her waist tightens, suffocating, teeth grinding together as she nearly dislocates his arm from the socket of his shoulder. "Petra!" He snaps, but she's still fussing like a baby. "Petra, knock it off before I drop you!"

"Eren's fighting her alone!"

"We can't do anything for him!" He counters.

"LET ME GO!"

"PETRA!"

"I SAID LET ME GO!"—her fist connects with his chin in a well-placed punch of defiance, but he folds her firmly in the tight embrace of his arms—"SHE KILLED GUNTER AND ERD!"

"And she almost killed you too!"

Petra freezes up, honey-gold eyes blown open with astonishment and despair as Eren pins the Female Titan to the ground and howls his rage into her face, his screaming this piercing sound that sends vibrations through her chest, swelling the cavern of her chest with pure anguish. She slides to her knees, taking Auruo with her, arms limp at her sides. "She… but she killed Erd…and sh-she murdered Gunter…!"

"I know babe," he utters soothingly, fingers combing her tangerine hair that is now matted with the day's collection of sweat and dirt. "I know she did…"

"And we have to protect Eren, Captain Levi wants us to protect-"

"It's okay," he whispers into her ear, pressing his lips to her jaw line. He can taste the salt of her tears rolling down her cheeks. "Ssh, it's okay… There's nothing we can do. We're not any good to Eren if we're dead."

She sobs quietly then, shaking against his chest, slipping her arms under his cloak and holding him tight. "We couldn't… Wh-why, Auruo? Why couldn't we save them? Why did you save me and not… and not either of them?"

She digs her nails into his spine.

"What makes me so special?"

The questions continuously roll off of her tongue bitterly, but Auruo holds her close so he doesn't have to answer.

He drags himself back into reality with a raspy sigh, grasp on his glass uncomfortably tight. Gradually he places it on the notched wood of the desktop. "I fled because I decided my life wasn't worth the sacrifice, sir."

"So Gunter's and Erd's were?"

Levi's glare is hardened into solid rock, void of life, laughter, innocence, hope. It's too unsettling for Auruo, who abruptly shoots to his feet, clearly hurt, frustrated, and defeated, and he strides towards the door (cowardly running away, as always). His captain is silent as he quietly shuts the panel behind him. Setting his jaw, he returns to his room, snatches his cloak and storms through the castle to the stables outside.

It's still a cataclysmic tempest, much to his dismay, but his stallion doesn't mind so he mounts, pulls his hood up, and rides fearlessly into the storm. He doesn't look back.

Auruo Bossard fell from his high horse that day, right into a harsh reality. And he doesn't suppose anyone, especially Petra, will forgive him for what he's done. It's time to make amends, as small as they may be.