Disclaimer: I don't own 'em...though I wish I did! And if I did...the fun I could have!!!
A/N: This story was meant purely as fiction—as is everything that I write and post here. That's why it's called fanfiction.
As such, writers like me, take certain liberties with story lines and characters.
If you're looking for something that (1) sticks to the characters as they are personified on the show, (2) doesn't stray from the storylines provided by the show, or (3) is strictly rooted in science and forensics, you should find someone else's stories to read.
You'll find some of that in each of my stories, but never all of it.
"So the bartender knew Sara?" Warrick asked in disbelief.
"Yeah, that's the weird thing. I mean, first of all, who would have guessed that our girl Sara goes out to bars. But secondly, that it's the bartender at a lesbo bar that knows her. Maybe she knows her from another case she worked or something?" Nick was staring at his coffee, his mind working overtime trying to figure out how this bartender knew Sara.
"Well, she could be, uh, you know…a…." Warrick was cut off by Nick.
"Nah, man. She's not one of them. First of all, she doesn't look like one. Second of all, there would be clues, wouldn't there?"
"I don't think you can tell if a chick is gay just by looking at her," Warrick disagreed with Nick as he refilled his cup.
"Come on man, you can too tell. You mean to tell me that you can't look at some women and know that they're gay."
"You're gonna have to give me some examples, man."
"Alright, for instance, the way they walk. These gay chicks walk with a swagger—like a guy."
"She's got a swagger—but it's nothing like Sofia's and Catherine's. So you can't say she's gay based on that. You're gonna have to do better."
"Alright, they don't wear makeup. They dress a little differently—polo shirts, baseball caps—stuff like that."
"Another strike man. Sara doesn't wear much makeup, but she definitely wears some. And never once have I seen her in a polo shirt. She has worn a baseball cap at a few scenes, but so has Catherine." Warrick was enjoying shooting down every lesbian stereotype that Nick was trying to apply to Sara.
"Okay then—short hair. Most lesbians have short hair."
"Gotcha again. Sara's hair isn't short. And before you keep going, she's no good at sports. And she did have that thing with Hank and we all know how she feels about Grissom." Warrick knew his arguments were sound.
"Alright, I'll give you that. But what about the fact that she can tear a car apart with her eyes closed? What about the fact that she's a vegetarian? All of those are very lesbian things, right? And I've seen her watching Catherine walk away. I've seen her do it a thousand times. I've seen it. I've seen it! I've seen it! Come to think of it, there's a correlation between her moods and the amount of cleavage that Cath's showing on any given day. The more cleavage—the better her mood. The less cleavage—the worse the mood. And what about the way she shuts down Greg every time? And we've never seen her in a dress or a skirt—not even for court."
The guys were drawn out of their conversation by the shadow that was cast over the table they were sitting at. "How long you been standing there, Sar?" Nick finally managed to say.
"Long enough," she said as she swaggered over to the coffee pot and poured herself a cup of coffee. She turned around to face the two men who had obviously been deeply involved in a conversation about her.
"Well, I think I should go see if Hodges has some results for me," Warrick said as he slid his chair backwards to stand.
"No, I think you sit back down. You two were obviously talking about me. And we've worked together long enough that you should know how I feel about that. Why don't you just ask me whatever it is that you want to know instead sitting around here speculating. You can at least do me that courtesy," Sara said as she shut the door to the break room and sat down on the sofa.
Both men sat there silently, neither wanting to ask the question they both wanted an answer to.
"Come on you two! You can sit in here and talk back and forth about me, but when given an opportunity to ask me flat out what you really want to know, you clam up like a virgin on her first date."
"Alright, well, you know we were talking about you," Nick started.
"Nick was telling me about how the bartender at that scene you two worked last night knew you. And Nick here," Warrick motioned with a sweep of his hand, "seems to think that she knew you because, well, uh…"
Sara could sense that he didn't know quite how to finish what he was saying, "Because I'm gay?"
"Yeah, because you're gay," Warrick agreed as he hung his head, embarrassed that they had been talking about their friend and coworker.
"And so you two were sitting here trying to figure out if I am?" Both men nodded in agreement. "And what conclusion did you reach?"
"The evidence is inconclusive. On the one hand, you demonstrate some clear lesbian tendencies. On the other, you're severely lacking in, uh, certain qualities that other lesbians might find, well, lesbian." Nick blushed as he tried to explain what they had come up with.
Sara leaned back on the sofa and crossed her arms over her chest. "Alright, I'm guessing the fact that I'm a vegetarian, don't wear skirts or dresses, don't wear a lot of makeup and can strip a car apart are check marks in the lesbian column for me. And let's see, the fact that I have dated guys, am not into sports, don't have short hair, and dress semi-feminine put me in the hetero column, right?"
Both men nodded their heads. "I suppose I'm a bit of an enigma for you two. But since it's so important, I'm gonna let you in on a secret." Sara stood and moved between the two men, draping an arm over each man's shoulders.
"I'm….shit, my pager is going off." Sara grabbed her pager and looked down at it. "Sorry guys, Brass is bringing a suspect in. We'll finish this another time," she said with a wink as she walked out of the break room.
"Dude! I'm even more confused now," Nick said as he dumped his coffee and exited the room, leaving Warrick alone with the ruminations that he didn't know Sara as well as he thought he did.