Finnick Will Save Me
My name is Annie. I am called crazy a lot. By pretty much everyone. People point at me. They ask their family or friends or strangers or anybody if they saw that crazy girl who is me. They ask if they saw Annie. Annie Cresta who one the Hunger Games once. Annie Cresta who is crazy. Annie Cresta who makes people feel awkward. Annie Cresta who is pretty but weird. Annie Cresta who used to be normal. Annie Cresta who saw the other District 4 tribute's head come clean off.
Annie Cresta who was the only girl who Finnick Odair loved.
I hear voices in my head sometimes.
I think they mostly happen in my head because of seeing Kase's beheaded.
I hear the laughing of Kase's murderer in my head a lot too.
Both of them put together are surely enough to drive one person insane.
Every time someone talks to me or to someone else around me, I hear that person's voice as a murdering tribute that I was in the arena in. Their voices echo around me in the strange background silence and I see the color black surrounding everything in my mind. It's like their voice comes out of no where but the black. And I can't see them because the black is too dark. I don't want to open my eyes though because the black will go away and I won't be able to hide anymore from the murderers. When I'm in the black, I almost feel safe. At least safer than in the bright where I can see all around me. And where the murderers can see me.
I close my eyes tight a lot so I can be in the black and no one can find me.
Save Finnick. He can always find me.
And I like it when Finnick finds me. It seems to save me.
At least for the moment. The other moments, I like to go into the black.
But again, Finnick will save me.
I think Finnick Odair should give up on me. He saves me a lot from the black and the murderers, and I don't understand why he does this. He could find a girl who isn't crazy, and then things would be okay for him and I could go into the black and not have to try and be normal for him and I wouldn't freak out like I do a lot, at least not with him. He could always find someone that he didn't have to save from the black and the murderers all of the time. He could have it the normal way as most people have it. He doesn't have to stay with the crazy Annie Cresta. Annie Cresta who shuts her eyes and covers her ears. Annie Cresta who laughs at strange places. Annie Cresta who stares off into space.
I haven't told you about covering my ears yet.
I do it often.
Because I can hear the murderers' voices in other peoples' voices.
I hate their voices. They taunt me and try and make me feel scared and horrible before they kill me.
People say that I am even more strange when I cover my ears near them. I squeeze them real tight to make sure I can't hear anyone else's voice as the murderers, but I usually do anyway. They don't understand this though. The people will never really understand. They won't hear the voices. They'll go on living their perfect little life in their perfect little world. Happy and content living under the power of the high-up people in the Capitol. And they won't worry about the voices. Ever. I envy them.
What I hate most is when Finnick's voice turns into a murderer's voice.
He is what pulls me away from the murderers.
So I hate when his voice is one of theirs.
It's the worst feeling I've ever had.
Like I said, when someone talks, I hear a murdering tribute's voice instead. So when it happens to Finnick, it's the worst thing ever and I hate it more than anything. I always cry when I hear his voice like that. It makes me sad and scared, but mostly scared. Because the voice tells me to calm down and wake up and trust him. I trust Finnick. I do not trust the voices. When I hear Finnick tell me to trust him, I do. When I hear Finnick speak in the murderer's voice telling me to trust him, I do not. I can not. It makes me hurt. So he has to shake me and bring me out of the black that I go into to hide from him. I hate hiding from Finnick.
That's when I curl up next to Finnick and cry.
It happens every time he shakes me awake from the voices.
He always holds me close and I feel safe.
This is the best feeling I've ever had.
When Finnick's strong arms hold me close to his chest, I feel more safe than I think I could if I was in the safest place in the world. I never want him to let go of me. And he usually doesn't when I ask him to keep holding on. He always comforts me. His voice is perfect, like the most beautiful music I've ever heard. And he always says the nicest and most protecting things to me. When he looks me in the eyes, I look at him in the eyes too and I see the most beautiful green eyes I've ever seen. I can't even begin to describe them. Other than how perfect they are. I love him a lot. More than anything I think. No, I know. I know I love him more than anything. I don't know what I would do without my Finnick.
When I'm not around him, I stare into space.
Half of the time, it's because I'm imagining his eyes.
When I really see his eyes after doing this, I realize that my imagination was far off and could never even compare to the real ones.
The other half of the time, I'm seeing the arena again.
I hate seeing the arena. It's horrible. I see Kase being beheaded all over again. I see myself screaming and running from his as fast as I can. I don't want to run from Kase because he was my friend. But I have to. I have to run and find Finnick. But I can't find Finnick because he's not there. I wonder what he's thinking as he watches me scream and run and cry. I hide in a cave, deep inside where the murderers can't find me. I wait. There are strange noises and I feel like I'm turning into another person. Maybe not even human. I'm transforming into something I don't want to be. It's called going insane.
Then water washes over my feet and I realize how afraid I am. I want Finnick to come and help me. My feet don't seem to be moving fast enough. The water is coming higher and higher up my ankels and legs. You can't run in water. It's near impossible. So I imagine Finnick swimming and try and do the same. I've always known how to swim, but I've forgotten in all the fear. My body moves out of instinct and I swim. The cave is almost full and I am going to drown. The water goes over my head and I hold my breath and try and keep moving. I can see some light where I'm swimming to. I try harder and harder. I finally make it out and feel as if I'm floating in a huge ocean. A murderer is struggling for help a bit of the way away. Screaming. He is the one who beheaded Kase. I gasp for air and turn to swim the other way. The murderer cannot swim. He drowns.
Another murderer floats past me. I try and shut my eyes because what I see is terrible. But it's hard to swim with your eyes shut. I have to open them and see other murderering tributes float past. Even about two of the tributes who I very well knew were not murderers in the arena, but victims, float past as well. Then there seem to be so many hovercrafts and canons everywhere, sending down claws to pick up dead bodies. The Victor's music begins playing and I am so glad it's over. I realize I'm alive. That's means I've won...
I get to see Finnick again.
I can go home.
I stop seeing all of this in my mind. I come back to reality.
People have noticed me laugh at strange places in the conversation. Only I know why. It's because when I gasped for air when I saw Kase's murderer drowning, I was trying to laugh at him. I hate this memory. I hate laughing at dying things. I hate death. But he murdered Kase all the same. Still, I don't want to laugh at this. It makes me feel awful inside my body. But I'm seeing the arena in my mind and I see Kase's murderer and I relive the time I saw him. And it makes me laugh in reality too. Even though no one knows why I'm doing this.
Finnick is my best friend. He stops the laughing.
I want to tell him why I do it, but I can't.
I don't know what I would do without Finnick.
I don't think I could live without being in his arms or beside him.
If Finnick went away, I think I would feel pain in my chest and heart and I wouldn't live anymore. I would be a shell. People think I am a shell already, but this shell without Finnick would be completely empty. I love him so much, it's almost impossible I think. What I want more than anything is to stay in Finnick's arms forever and maybe fall asleep on his chest, knowing I am safe, knowing that I don't ever have to go anywhere, knowing that he won't ever let go. I know this because he says it, he tells me he won't ever let go, and I believe him. I never doubt what Finnick says because I know it's true. I'm glad he doesn't lie to me like other people. He always tells me the truth. He says that someday we will be alone, safe from the Capital. He says we will always be together no matter what, even if it's in a way that neither of us know. He will always be my best friend, he'll always be there to pull me from the black and the voices, and to hold always hold me in his arms.
Finnick will save me. Always.
Author's Note: I hope you all didn't hate this too bad, haha! It was written in a way I've never really written before, so, please forgive me!
I wrote this because I feel like it shows how Annie feels about Finnick and other things, and why she does the things that make her seem 'crazy'. Finnick and Annie are my favorite characters/pairing, so I kinda thought I should write something like this...I dunno.
Anyways, I hope anyone reading it enjoyed! And PLEASE review, even it's something along the lines of, "This is the most idiotic, horribly written, stupid thing that my eyes have ever the misfortune of reading", haha! Thank you! :D