Hello, readers. It's me again. After recieving a prompt, I considered whether or not I wanted to write this. Eventually, in a caffeine-fueled frenzy, I decided to write it. It takes place a while after As You Wish, which to be honest wasn't like I intended. I hoped to write a pure romance, but apparently I wandered into romantic comedy territory because no matter how hard I try, I can't not write comedy. Because this was written by me, it will include comedy because I just can't help myself.
Prompt: After his loving partner gets down on one knee and asks him a very important four-letter question, the Doctor isn't quite sure how to react to her. After much deliberation, he decides that he wants to become Mr. Clara.
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Something Dumb to Do
When Clara Oswald stepped into the TARDIS, she reached into her pocket to made sure that its contents were still there. They weren't going anywhere, but she still felt like if she didn't hold onto it, it would fly away. She'd picked it out two weeks ago and she still hadn't found the nerve to do it. Until she did, it would just be an uncomfortable weight in her pocket. When she looked around the console room, she saw that her favorite Time Lord wasn't there. Clara looked up at the ceiling and said, "Look, I know that you don't always listen to me, but could you maybe give an idea as to where he is?"
There was a silence that lasted a few seconds but seemed to stretch on forever. Finally, the ship let out a hum and a series of lights appeared on the floor, leading away from the console room. Clara hoped that the ship wasn't messing with her again, though they seemed to be getting along better lately. Thankfully, after following the lights, she was led to the galley, which was in its typical place. The Doctor was currently there and he looked a little tired. The smell of freshly brewed coffee filled the galley. This could very easily go bad. "Doctor, what are you doing?" Clara asked.
The Time Lord poured himself a cup of coffee and said, "Just fixing a cup of coffee."
"All right, but you'd better be careful. We don't want a repeat." Clara replied. She then spotted the bag that the coffee came from. It was black with a skull and crossbones on it and the words DEATH WISH COFFEE CO. written on it. "Doctor, don't drink that!" she said hastily.
"Clara, it's just coffee." the Doctor rolled his eyes.
"It's that coffee from the internet. It's too strong for you." Concern filled Clara's voice. "Don't you remember what happened last time?"
"It wasn't so bad." the Doctor insisted. "I only had one cup."
"You didn't sleep for nearly a month." Clara reminded him. "I only got two hours of sleep per night for that past month."
"I got a lot done!" the Doctor said defensively.
"You binge watched Dora the Explorer and threw popcorn at the telly and yelled 'Blue's Clues was better' whenever the map came on." Clara deadpanned.
"I was fine afterwards, though." The Doctor tried to reassure his companion, but she only seemed to get more exasperated.
"Doctor," Clara let out a frustrated groan. "at the end of the month, you fell asleep in your cereal bowl and I had to save you from drowning."
"It's highly unlikely that I would have actually drowned." the Doctor snorted.
"Look, just don't drink the coffee." Clara sighed. "I'm telling you, don't do it."
The Doctor stuck his tongue out at Clara before bringing it to his lips. "Doctor, no!" Clara cried out, but it was too late.
The Doctor swallowed down the coffee, completely black, in seconds. He then completely froze. Clara carefully moved a little closer. She brought her hands up to the Time Lord's cheeks and asked, "Doctor, are you okay?"
The Doctor opened his eyes and in an instant, the color if his irises was almost entirely blocked out by the black of his pupils. Clara let out a groan. "Here we go again."
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A series of images shot through the Doctor's mind, moving too fast for him to process. It seemed to stretch on for a while until it was difficult to tell what was what. He blinked, and suddenly he was back in the TARDIS. Once he got his bearings back, he quickly figured out that a month had passed since he drank the coffee and he was missing several days. He massaged his temples. Why didn't he ever learn his lesson when it came to coffee's effects on his unique physiology? That particular coffee was the worst. Now he couldn't remember quite a bit of the past month and he had a pounding headache. He heard Clara's voice behind him speak up. "Doctor? Aren't you going to say something?"
The Doctor turned around and his eyes widened dramatically when he saw the sight in front of him. Clara was down on one knee, holding something in her hand. That something was a little black velvet box with a ring in it. "What?" the Doctor blurted.
Clara rolled her eyes and said, "I'm going to ask it again, then." She lifted the box a little and repeated the question that the Doctor had missed. "Will you marry me?"
As more details faded in, the Doctor became aware that the TARDIS was playing that Bruno Mars song, Marry You from her communication circuits. This was very sudden. Why was she proposing to him? Not that he had a problem with a woman proposing. The man being the only one who could propose was a pointless, archaic tradition that needed to be thrown out an airlock like that Donald Trump clone/cyborg that he had battled in the 31st century. He didn't enjoy killing things, but it was a teensy bit satisfying to see TrumpBot get ejected into space. "Clara, I think I need a moment to-"
Suddenly, everything was going dark. He was out cold before he hit the floor. For several long, long seconds he was silent. Then a sign of life was revealed when he snored loudly.
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When the Doctor woke up, he was so very, very sore. He had probably slept on the ground. He lifted his head from the pillow and shrugged off the blanket that Clara must have given him while he was out. Slowly, trying to ignore the pain and stiffness in his back- damn this old body- he walked over to the console to check the crono-curcuits to see how long he had been unconscious. His eyes widened. "Thirty-six hours?!"
No wonder he was sore. Who knew what sorts of things he could have missed? What if the universe was in danger? The Time Lord quickly checked to see if the universe was indeed in danger. Surprisingly, no planets seemed to need rescuing. That just left one huge situation that made him wonder if he needed rescuing. He checked to see the TARDIS' location and saw that it was in Clara's flat. I was then that Clara's words from thirty-six hours ago entered his mind. Will you marry me? He'd been married before, but for some reason this freaked him out more than any other prospective marriage. This was Clara Oswald, his best friend in the universe. She had let herself be ripped apart in his time stream to save him. They were woven together in a way that no one had been before and no one ever would since. Why did this scare him so much? Before he could come up with an answer, Clara walked into the TARDIS with a hot cup of tea in hand, wearing nothing but one of his T-shirts. Due to their height difference, the shirt went down to mid-thigh. That didn't bother him. In fact, something about seeing Clara in the shirt that she had yet to return to him made him oddly... happy. A grin slowly curled onto the Human's face and she said, "Oh, you're awake!"
"Uh, yeah." the Doctor replied awkwardly. "I'm definitely awake."
"You're okay, though," Clara questioned, "right?"
"I'm okay." the Doctor said. "Well, semi-okay. I'm feeling a bit stiff and not in a good way."
Was that unintentionally lewd? He wasn't sure. When Clara laughed, he knew that everything was okay. "Well, if you need a cup of tea, I'll go and make one for you." his Impossible Girl offered.
"Right." the Time Lord said. "A cup of tea would be nice."
Clara smiled at him, nodded, and exited the ship. Once again, he was left devoting most of his multiple layers of thought to the whole situation with the marriage proposal. He was too frazzled to tell yes from no. Because of this, he decided that he wouldn't say anything until he was sure that he had made up his mind. Suddenly, something chimed and something appeared on the screen. Finally, a distraction on an asteroid colony! He quickly snapped his fingers and the door shut. He pulled levers, pressed buttons, and flicked switches until he was sent the ship hurtling through the vortex. He then whipped out his phone and called Clara's number. As soon as she answered, he said, "I'll have to get back to you on that tea! I have to rescue the colony of Haributom from the Dreaded Booplesnoot!"
"Save the what from the what?" Clara questioned over the phone.
"Can't talk now." the Doctor said hastily. "I'll get back to you."
He then hung up the phone.
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"This was not what I had planned!" the Doctor shouted as he ran through the complex, somehow successfully dodging laser fire with all the grace of an epileptic chicken.
This was supposed to be a simple situation. He was supposed to go to the Dreaded Booplesnoot and the colonists and try to convince them to get along. After all Dreaded Booplesnoots were generally docile creatures, despite their frightening name. However, when provoked, Dreaded Booplesnoots shot lasers out of their eyes. It was a rather unusual sight to see a winged, Labrador Retriever-sized bunny with a little halo over its head trying to hit you with its laser eyes. Unfortunately, the people of Haributom weren't dealing with one Dreaded Booplesnoot but an entire herd of them. Once he convinced them to stop dive-bombing him, the Dreaded Booplesnoots informed him that a group of colonists had stolen all of their Booplings and every time one of them tried to get them back, a colonist would shoot them with something twice as powerful as their own laser vision. That's why they were attacking the colonists- to try to get their Booplings back. That, of course, led to the Doctor tracking down the colonists who stole the infant and juvenile Dreaded Booplesnoots. It turns out that the colonists weren't colonists at all, but rather mercenaries who worked for Bimblebum Technologies, a megacorporation from the colonists' homeworld. It turned out that BT's scientists were experimenting on the Booplings. The Doctor ducked into what he knew was the main building. With the guards busy with a four-ton, armored Truly Horrid Booplesnoot outside, there should be fewer guards on the inside. It was amazing, really. Truly Horrid Booplesnoots were supposed to be nothing more than legends. With as long as he had lived, even he had never seen one before. Nothing was more adorably terrifying than an airplane-sized, white bunny with gargantuan, feathered wings and a glowing halo attacking the complex. It would blow the mercenaries to the ground with the force of its mighty wingbeats and would melt tanks with its laser vision. With the vast majority of the guards distracted by the chaos outside, it was fairly easy to get in, especially with the aid of the rest of the herd of Dreaded Booplesnoots watching his back. After following the clearly labeled, extremely helpful directional digns, he located the main laboratory. The lock was sonic-proof, but he managed to get it open by utilizing his boot laces and socks. Not wanting to get blisters, he took his boots off and put them in his pockets. Inside the lab was a rather dubious-looking scientist and dozens of cages, each with a young Booplesnoot in it. In a calm but intimidating voice, the Doctor said, "Let the Booplings go."
The scientist shook his head and said, "No, I can't do that! You have no idea how important this research is!"
The Time Lord activated his Attack Eyebrows and unleashed all of their furious force upon the BT scientist. The man whimpered but stood firm. "I- I can't let them go!" He insisted. "We need them to develop the SCREW!"
"How can baby Booplings help you with developing screws?" The Doctor asked, clearly impatient from his tone and posture.
"Not screws." the scientist corrected the Doctor. "The SCREW. The Self-Charging Radio-Electric Weapon. These things generate so much power on their own and in a few more months, the SCREW will be ready for the market!"
The Doctor let out a resigned sigh. "It always comes down to weapons, doesn't it?"
"Weapons sell." the scientist replied. "There's always someone who needs them. Like you for example!"
Suddenly, the scientist pressed a button and six well-armed security drones burst in. One of them flew through the wall, creating a hole big enough for the Dreaded Booplesnoots to fly out through. Instead of escaping, the Dreaded Booplesnoots concentrated their laser fire on the security drones, repeatedly hitting key areas until they overheated and exploded. One of the drones crashed into a console, opening all the cages and releasing the Booplings. The juveniles all flew out through the hole, escaping into the sky. The Dreaded Booplesnoots picked up the remaining Booplings who were too young to fly, carrying them out the hole and into the sky. The Doctor suddenly noticed how quiet it had gotten outside. In seconds, he was surrounded by mercenaries, each of them pointing a weapon at him. The scientist laughed and said, "Releasing them won't do anything, interloper. We have all the research we need. As long as this laboratory exists, there is nothing you can do to stop us from releasing the SCREW! You won't live to stop us." He looked at the guards and said, "Switch your weapons to maximum. Make sure to keep it on 'disintigrate organic' and not 'disintigrate polyester'"
A now-familiar sound started coming softly through the hole in the wall. The Doctor smiled and said, "I wouldn't be too sure about that."
Suddenly, a powerful laser shot through the ceiling. It cut a hole in the ceiling, which collapsed on some of the mercenaries. Powerful winds ripped through the laboratory as the Truly Horrid Booplesnoot landed. The Doctor climbed onto the Truly Horrid Booplesnoot's back and gave a mocking bow. "It's been a pleasure speaking with you, gentleman, but I have a prior engagement!"
The guards were once again knocked down by the force of the Truly Horrid Booplesnoot taking off. The scientist shouted, "Don't just stand there, fire!"
The guards shot at the Doctor and the Truly Horrid Booplesnoots. Most of them missed, but he felt a searing heat as one of them hit his leg. Rather than his flesh disintigrating, his trousers disintigrated. Thankfully, his boxers were made out of cotton. As he escaped on the back of the plane-sized bunny, he couldn't help but think of how much Clara would have liked this adventure, especially the Booplesnoots. For something that could punch a hole through a man with their eyes, they were surprisingly adorable.
Finally, the Truly Horrid Booplesnoot landed in a clearing deep in the Booplewoods. The Doctor dismounted and looked around to make sure that all the Booplesnoots were okay, which they were. He then turned and looked the Truly Horrid Booplesnoot in the eyes. The creature nodded respectfully before leaping into the air and flying off to who-knows-where. The head of the Dreaded Booplesnoot herd trotted up to him. "We are in your debt, Doctor." she squeaked. "You are free to visit us again whenever you like. Perhaps you will bring your Other with you."
"My Other?" the Doctor questioned.
"Your Other." the Booplesnoot Leader clarified. "The one whose soul is one with yours for all eternity. The one who is destined to meet you in any life, as you are destined to meet her. She is your destined and you are hers." She nodded sagely. "We Booplefolk know much of these things."
"My, ah, Other." the Doctor said. "Right. She definitely wants to be my Other."
"If she wishes to be your Other, the truest thing to do for yourself and her is to join her." the Booplesnoot Leader said. "It is up to you whether you choose to bind yourself to her as your Other. When it comes to one's Other, they are bound regardless. Whatever you wish to do, Doctor, consider your own happiness. When you join the Great Meadow, just as we Booplefolk and all living things must, make sure that you do so without regrets. You and your Other."
The Doctor nodded. "I'll take that into consideration."
The Time Lord headed off to return to the TARDIS. As he left, the Booplesnoot Leader called out, "If you follow your path with your Other, there will be no regrets!"
When the Doctor was back in his TARDIS, he headed over to the console. As he sent the ship hurtling through the vortex, he couldn't help but think about what the Booplesnoot Leader had said. He didn't believe in things like Great Meadows or heaven in a metaphysical sense. However, what she had said made sense, the thing about living without regrets. He knew of one thing that, if he didn't give an answer to it, he would regret for the rest of his long, long life. Having thought it over, he decided that he had his answer.
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Clara once again glanced down at her phone. Every time she got a call, she would look to see if it was the Doctor, but it never was. He hadn't called her in well over a month. Knowing him, his refusal to acknowledge it meant a hard 'no'. They didn't have to get married. If he picked her up, they would still travel around time and space regardless of whether he had her ring on his finger or not.
However, now was not the time for such thoughts. It was her grandmother's birthday. The woman was turning 65. Of course, she had been turning '65' for the past ten years. She wasn't senile. She knew her actual age. This was more of a running joke than anything and it drove Linda up the wall to not be able to keep track of the old woman's age. Clara suspected that this was part of the reason why her grandmother did it. When her dad brought over the cake, it looked delicious and had 'Happy Birthday' written on it in blue icing. In the center of the cake was a candle shaped like the number 65. Clara's dad grinned and said, "Blow out the candles, Mum!"
Clara's grandmother, in a fake-annoyed tone, said, "I'll get it in my own time."
Linda let out a frustrated groan. Clara and her grandmother met eyes and shared a secret smile. Once again pretending to be annoyed, the elderly woman said, "Fine, don't rush me!"
Just as Clara's grandmother blew out the candle, there was a BANG as the door flung open. Seconds later, the Doctor charged in. From the waist up he was fully dressed, but from the waist down all he was wearing was a rather silly-looking pair of question mark boxers. He made his way over to Clara and gently rested a hand on her cheek. "Yes." he said. "A thousand times yes. A million times yes! A billion! A trillion! A quad-"
Clara shut the Doctor up by pulling him down to her and kissing him. Linda leaned over to Clara's dad and asked, "Dave, who is this man and why isn't he wearing any trousers?"
"Clara's fiance, obviously." Clara's grandmother said with a smirk. "Nice legs, though. Must do a lot of running."
"Mum!" Clara's dad exclaimed, aghast.
"What?" Clara's grandmother said with a shrug. "Just because I'm on a diet doesn't mean that I can't smell the food."
"Well, they're walking away now." Linda observed as the trouserless gentleman and Clara walked away, hand in hand.
One could practically hear the gears clicking in Dave Oswald's head as he thought about it. He and Ellie had married young, so... "Why the hell is Clara marrying someone who looks like he could be older than me?"
"Oh, hush, Dave." his mother said. "Let them have their fun."
As Dave Oswald heard the door shut, he looked at his mother, who smiled. "He looks like a nice boy. How bad could he be? After all, it's not like he walked in here completely naked at Christmas and dumped her the next day."
"He was half-naked." Linda pointed out.
"Yeah, he was." Dave's mother agreed.
"I think I can get used to the idea of Clara being engaged to someone older than me," a rather confused Dave said, "but what kind of man wears question mark pants?"