Disclaimer: The usual. I don't own anything. the song is "Haunted", by Evanesence. The characters belong to J.K. Rowling, and not me even though I don't usually like to admit it.
A/N: Hello all. Wow, I haven't updated in about four months! That's a scary thought. I guess I've just been busy though. Anywho, I was cleaning out my storage files and fund this. I wrote it about a year ago and decided it was pretty good. So here you go and enjoy. Don't forget to review, it's only polite! Thanks, Em.
Summary: Ginny writes a letter to Draco, trying to forget him and bury his memory.
Rating: PG, I suppose, for being all around thematic.
Author: Punk up the Volume
Haunted
Long lost words whisper slowly to me
Still I can't find what keeps me here
When all this time I've been so hollow inside
I know you're still there
Watching me wanting me
I can feel you pull me down
Fearing you loving you
I won't let you pull me down
Hunting you I can smell you - Alive
Your heart pounding in my head
Watching me wanting me
I can feel you pull me down
Saving me raping me
Watching me
Dear Draco,
How many years has it been? Two, three? Who can keep track after so long? I don't really have time to think of you anymore, and that makes me happy. I can finally smile, Draco, after so long. Are you happy where you are? Sometimes, I miss talking to you. I replay our conversations over and over in my head. It gives me something to do. It stops the questions from protruding into every aspect of my life. But that's what you did Draco, isn't it? You wormed your way into my life and now we're all paying for it.
I don't cry anymore, Draco. God, just saying your name, it makes me want to burst with tears. Breakdown and fall to my knees and weep. But I don't Draco, not anymore. Because I hold it in. I makes me want to explode sometimes, but it's better than holding onto a memory that doesn't exsist anymore.
Did you hold on, Draco? Did you cry, Draco? Did you struggle, trying to keep air in your lungs? Did you think of me, Draco? What happened? I try to imagine, but eachtime, the thought is unbearable.
But finally Draco, it's like you've finally gone. You used to haunt me. It felt as if you were pulling me down to hell with you, like you wouldn't let go. I could constantly feel myself sinking down, farther and farther, every time I thought of you. Like two gray, cold eyes, watching me, deep in my soul, feeling me, hunting me. And I could do nothing to stop it. I was bleeding and nothing could stop it.
I was dying Draco.
Like you.
Sometimes, if I listen, if I try, I can hear you. Your voice, like honey. So sweet, yet so sadistic, whispering in my ear. Telling me things I didn't want to hear. Horrible things, terrible things. I wanted you to leave me alone, I wanted it to stop. But you were always there, trying to make me like you. So dark. And realizing now, I was like you. But not anymore. With this letter, I rid myself of you, finally, forever.
I remember, the night that you left. Your hair in disarray, your eyes not cold, but scared. Draco Malfoy, scared. It was so unlike you, so different. There was an uneasy chill in your voice. Like there were so many things to say, but no one to listen. I was tired of listening. I threw you out, and you banged on my door, yelling at me to help you, begging me to help you. But I tuned you out, Draco. Does that make it my fault? I try not to think so. I try to tell myself that it would have happened, whether or not I had let you stay. I tell myself that they would have killed me just to get to you. But I know that's not the truth. Because you tell me that. You tell me, whisper it to me.
I remember so much. I remember when I found you, alone. You were crying, Draco. One of the few moments that you seemed human. I took jealous satisfaction in your tears. I knew you were too far gone after that. Too far away to save. nobody could help you. You were lost somewhere dark, tangled in a web of crimson regret that you couldn't find your way out of.
Harry believed in me. He knew I wasn't like you. Ron, too, they all have been there since you've gone. Because they knew from the beginning that you only bring misery to people you touch. Nobody can look into your eyes and not feel darker, some way, deep in their soul. It's like you're magnetic, you attract only hate and sorrow And you can't help it. What's in a name? Draco Malfoy. It held your future. There was nothing you could do about that. Malfoy was your destiny, you could not be saved.
Was I tourniquet for you Draco? Did you only use me to look for redemption? I was your path to some kind of lighter side. But there was none for you. You don't have, you can't have what the rest of human kind has, dearest Draco. A soul.
You had nothing inside, but oh, how you longed to be deeper than a useless minion. Or maybe I'm wrong Draco. Maybe, you were in fact more human than anyone. You felt more pain, more betrayal, more absolute fear than anyone. To be so scared, to be so wretched and not have some kind of essence that gives you the power to feel....you did have a soul Draco. I was wrong. You had a dark twisted soul, that yearned for the light.
Can you see the light where you are now, Draco? Is it still dark?
I loved you. But now, I have to say goodbye, before you drive all of my sanity away. I'll try to forget. I'll push you to the back of my mind. I'll be happy. But you never will be.
Ginny