It was 3:00am. Sol rolled over in his sleep so he couldn't see Robert's sleeping form. The darkness of the room had adjusted to his eyesight, and he could just make out the outlines of the contents of their room. He sighed and closed his eyes, longing not to feel. He wanted to sleep, but he couldn't. He couldn't sleep with the constant ticking of the clock on the wall ticking away the seconds he had left on the earth with Robert. He couldn't sleep with the sound of Roberts breathing next to him, reminding him this was real. He couldn't sleep with his thoughts screaming in his head. He wanted to be at home, with Frankie, but now he couldn't figure whether that was out of love or guilt. He had told Robert he felt guilty, he had told him he felt guilty for devastating somebody he loved very much. But then Robert had kissed him, pulled him in by his cheeks and kissed him, in public. They had never kissed in public before, never been out in public with the two of them as a couple. Then, Sol began to cry. Hard and fast. Sobs breaking with every breath leaving him spluttering and coughing tears onto his pillow. He wanted to bury into his pillow and scream. His whole body shook with the weight of his emotions as his voice got caught in different pitches and his tears continued to break free. He shifted further and further away from Robert with every gasp of air he had to force out, not wanting him to see him so weak and broken.

The room was dark, almost pitch black but the light sneaking in from under the door made it possible for Robert to see the outline of Sol's body making small, juddering movements. His concern immediately flared up, why was his Sol hurting? His weary ears tuned into the sound of Sol's whimpers he felt his heart break. The whimpers grew louder and louder until he began to wait, Sol's voice wavering as he tried to hold back tears. He wasn't even making an effort to wipe them anymore, just burying into his pillow to try and muffle his cries of despair. Sol's cried were quick and painful, and you could almost see his heart breaking as he clung to his pillow. His throat was burning and raw as he hiccupped out gasps of air and jerked forward in tiny spasms. It broke Roberts's heart, it shattered his world. Why was Sol crying? They had finally moved in together, they had left their wives, they were in love. What could be making him this distressed? Surely if he had any qualms they would've been spoken about in the last two decades, when they had been having their secret affair?

"Sol" Robert whispered gingerly. "Sol, what's the matter sweetheart?"

Shit. He had heard him. Sol's breath caught in his throat and he involuntarily let out a hideously loud wail before crawling under the duvet, not wanting to face Robert.

"Sol, It's okay, Come out Sol" Robert whispered tentatively, feeling tears brim in his own eyes.

Sol thought for a minute, feeling the embarrassment well up in his chest and apply for pressure to his tear ducts. His cheeks flooded beetroot red, and he didn't want to climb out. But he did, he climbed out from under the duvet, and stared straight into Roberts eyes, his own still flooding with tears, but emitting no sound.

"Come here sweetheart" Robert smiled, pulling Sol into his chest. "Let it out". And Sol began to wail again, coating Robert's pyjama shirt in his river of tears, tugging at the bottom of his shirt, trying to find something to hold. Robert wrapped one arm around Sol's waist, holding him tight, and ran the other through his messy grey hair, kissing it occasionally to try and calm him. Sol sobbed and sobbed until his voice was horse and his eyes were sticking together. Robert rubbed down his back to soothe his breathing, until Sol's limp and wearing body lay spread across Robert's chest.

"I'm sorry" Sol sniffled.

"You don't have to apologise" Robert reassured him.

"I woke you up! It's three thirty in the morning!"

"It doesn't matter Sol. Are you going to tell me why you were sobbing your heart out into our duvet?"

Sol's breath hitched at that. "For a man that always has too many words, I can't find any at the moment."

"Take your time"

It took ten minutes. "This is all so real." Robert didn't respond, just let Sol talk. "It's all so, real. I'm here, I'm living here now. I'm your partner now? What even are we? What do I call us? I'm living here now, we waited twenty years for this, and now it's happened, and it's all so real"

Robert nodded. "And you're scared." It wasn't even a question, he knew Sol was scared. Just like he was scared of hospitals, scared of the diseases in hospitals.

Sol nodded and rubbed his head into Robert's chest, like he was trying to hide from his embarrassment. "I'm sorry"

Robert sat Sol up, sitting them adjacent to each other and staring deeply into his eyes. "You don't need to feel sorry Sol, it's okay. I know, that it's scary. But we've waited twenty years for this, and I'm tired of feeling bad about who I am. You're the only one I have ever loved Sol, and I don't want you to forget that."

"But Frankie" Sol argued, voice hoarse and the pitch fluctuating like the stock market. "I hurt her"

Robert sighed. "We've been hurting for twenty years Sol, it's our turn to be happy. They're going to be okay. Frankie deserves somebody who is going to love her unconditionally… and is straight." Sol smiled slightly and sighed, falling forward into Robert's shoulder.

"I'm sorry."

"Stop apologising sweetheart." Robert sighed, lifting Sol up, and wiping away the remaining few tears with his thumb, becoming enchanted with his defeated smile, which was something he should not enjoy however he could not enjoy looking at the cute etching with features had formed. Robert cupped Sol's cheek softly and pulled his forward for a kiss, stroking his thumb across his cheek. Sol smiled into the kiss wrapping his hand around the back of Robert's neck.

"Better now?" Robert asked as he broke the kiss.

"Better" Sol smiled, nestling back into bed with Robert.

"Goodnight Sol"

"Goodnight Robert"

Sol woke up the following morning at 10:00am feeling Robert's hand running through his hair, and he knew he was home.