I am not the kind of girl who should be rudely barging in on a white veil occasion.
My hands were shaking when I picked up the invitation from my dresser. It had been a month since Alli had gotten in the mail and shown it to me. She said she didn't plan on going, and she didn't even know why she was even invited. She hadn't talked to either of them for almost a year now. Neither had I, but I guess my invitation must have gotten lost in the mail or something. Yeah right, I thought.
The invitation felt heavy in my hands, the date on it matched today's.
I stared at their names in the pretty silver calligraphy and thought how mine should be there instead of hers.
But you are not the kind of boy, who should be marrying the wrong girl.
I looked up into the vanity in front of me, at my reflection. After a minute, I knew what I had to do. I grabbed my keys and ran down the stairs and out the door. I was never one for impulse decisions, but somehow in my heart I knew I was right. At least I thought so at the moment. But there was no room for doubt, soon she would take his last name, they would say their I dos and it would be too late.
The drive across town felt like forever, my hands on the wheels were clammy and I could feel my impatience getting the best of me. Every red light, every stop sign, every slow driver in front of me felt like a curse from above, everything was telling me that this was a bad idea, that I shouldn't be doing this. He doesn't love you anymore, dummy screamed my head but my heart was just screaming go go go. I stepped harder on the gas petal, already going fifteen miles per hour over the speed limit but I didn't care.
Soon enough the small white chapel came into view and I could feel a little bit of relief come over me. People were stepping out their cars, going up the stairs and into the big brown church doors. I couldn't exactly just waltz right in, so I decided to go around back and go through the backdoor.
I'll meet you when you're out of the church at the backdoor.
The walls of back corridors of the church were painted what seemed like a blinding white, I felt dizzy. I took a few steps down the halls before I could hear shouting coming from one of the small rooms. I immediately recognized the voice and froze where I stood.
"Fiona, you're such an idiot! These aren't even the right flowers!" the girl's voice shouted and somehow I built up the courage to peek my head around the corner.
And she is yelling at a bridesmaid, somewhere back inside a room wearing a gown shaped like a pastry.
The perky blond was wearing a strapless off-white number with asymmetrical tiers of ruffles running down to the floor. Her locks curled into an up-do, a single white rose in her hair. She looks like a freaking vanilla cupcake, I thought to myself. A beautiful freaking vanilla cupcake, I hated to admit to myself but she did. Even as she was going all bridezilla on Fiona, she still had a glow about her. I guess that's what he saw in her, a glow that he never saw in me. I guess that's why another guy choose her over me. She was everything I wasn't. Blond, talented, happy, unscrewed up, perfect, and now she was going to have one more thing I didn't. Him.
As I looked away, I could feel my heart breaking, all I wanted to do was run back to my car, go home and cry until I passed out. But somehow my feet didn't lead me back to the car but into the hall where all the wedding guests were starting to sit in the pews. I had been in a lot of churches being from the religious family I was from, but not one as breath taking as this one. The high arched ceilings, the stain-glass windows made colorful patterns on the white marble floors as the sun shown through them. The lightly colored wood pews were adorned with white and yellow flowers and white ribbon. It was just the kind of church I had always dreamed of getting married in.
I sneak in and see your friends, and her snotty little family, all dressed in pastel.
My eyes soon find Adam standing up at the alter. Of course he would be the best man. It was funny seeing him in a suit, even at our senior prom he had somehow got away with wearing a flannel with a tie, black jeans, and a beanie. I laughed remembering; in that moment I realized how much I missed him. It seemed after the break up, we didn't talk as much and soon enough, not at all.
I shook the thought away and looked at the other guests, I spot some of her family in the first few pews all wearing some shade of pastel. I looked down at myself and realized that I was extremely under dressed. I'm wearing a blue sundress but it wasn't something you should be wearing at a wedding. I probably stick out like a sore thumb. I feel a little embarrassing and I'm mentally cursing myself for not putting on that little red strapless dress sitting in the back of my closet that Alli got me when I got dressed this morning. But who knew I would be crashing a wedding today. Who would think that a "Saint" would crash a wedding?
As more guests pile in, I realized I should sit in one of the back rows and conceal myself. I wouldn't want someone to realize that I don't belong here. As I take my seat is when I see him. He's slowly walking to the alter up to Adam and they both share a nervous smile and hug.
I take a minute to just look at him. He has barely changed since the last time I'd seen him but yet he looked more beautiful than ever. His green eyes were shining, and his signature smirk was replaced with a smile, a real smile. His mop of dark brown hair was nearly combed and he was wearing an all black suit with a yellow tie. He always looked good in ties; I remember the one he wore on our first real date. That all seemed so far away now, as the organ player started to play the famous wedding march.
And the organ starts to play a song that sounds like a death march.
I can feel my heart getting heavier with every note. Slowly the doors open and Fiona comes slowly down the aisle in a long yellow dress. Her warm brown curls are cascading down past her shoulders and she has a flower in her hair. Her cheeks are rosy and she's smiling. I look up at Adam who is smiling just as bright, you would think he was the only that was getting married the way he looked at Fiona. I felt happy for them.
Then the doors open again, and everyone turns around to look at the pretty blond being escorted down the aisle by her proud looking father.
She floats down the aisle like a pageant queen.
I look up at him and he's not smiling. He's just staring at her, but there's something in his eyes, something that almost looks like he's hesitating. I feel a glimmer of hope.
But I know you wish it was me, you wish it was me. Don't you?
The feeling soon fades as he pulls back her veil and they are both beaming. The pastor begins his speech. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here today," he starts. I wait patiently for my cue, every minute slowly ticking by. I can hear every beat of my heart in my chest up in the ears. My body is telling me to run. But I'm stuck in my seat watching the man that I love about to marry the wrong girl. My hearts breaking into pieces with every smile and look they exchange. But then I hear it, my cue.
I hear the preacher say speak now or forever hold your peace. There's the silence, there's my last chance.
The weight of the world is holding me in my seat and I can barely feel the strength to stand up but with some kind of miracle I do.
I stand up with shaking hands, all eyes on me. Horrified looks from everyone in the room, but I'm only looking at you.
Every pair of eyes is staring up at me but all I see is him. Everything feels slowed down and all the gasps and whispers around me are muted. He's so beautiful that I can't even find the words to speak. I wish I had thought of what I was going to say.
Don't wait or say a single vow.
He's looking at me patiently waiting for we both know I want to say. But the words don't come out and the signals that my brain has been sending my body finally catch up with me and I run. My shaky legs don't bring me far though, only to the park across the street. At this point, I can feel the warm tears already streaming down my face. I fall under a tree and curl in a ball, my head buried into my hands. I can feel my chest heaving and the tears come harder now. I blew it. He's gone now. He is hers now. I was stupid for thinking that I could somehow change that.
The tears keep coming and I stay in that position for a while until I hear a voice. A voice I know so well.
"Clare?" I bring my head up to look at the man standing in front of me. He's already taken off his suit jacket and his green eyes sparkle in the sun.
"Eli," I start but he cuts me off.
"I couldn't do." I feel my heart swell up. He couldn't do, he couldn't do. He couldn't marry Jenna.
"I couldn't marry her. I thought I could but when I saw you stand up in front of the church, I just knew. She's not the one for me, Clare. I'm still in love with you. I never stopped loving you." I stand up so I'm staring straight at him. His eyes are filled with tears just threatening to spill over. So I do what I've wanted to do since I seen him again, and I kissed him.
And with that everything in the world felt right again. We didn't need to say anything more; everything we both needed to say was in that kiss. Every feeling, every thought, every need was in that kiss. When our lips parted, I could feel myself crying again but they were happy tears now. He was mine. He had always been mine. He was always going to be mine. And I was his, forever.
"I love you Clare Edwards." And no five words had ever sounded so beautiful.
Baby I didn't say my vows, so glad you were around when they said "speak now."