Pairing: Fili/Kili
Those Who Matter Don't Mind
"W-what?" Kíli stuttered, his hand squeezing the doughnut in his fingers tight as can be. The jelly filling oozed from the other side, falling out over his fingers and leaving a sticky mess down the back of his hand. He stared at the man across from him with wide eyes, sure that he'd misheard.
"I said, I think it's time we broke up," Jayce repeated, and his eyes averted as he fiddled with his phone. Kíli gaped at him in surprise, taking in the slouched posture and irritated frown of his boyfriend. His now ex-boyfriend. The brunet was in shock. They'd been dating for nearly a year, and Kíli honestly thought he might have finally found the one. Jayce was everything he ever wanted in a man. Handsome, mysterious, with dirty blond hair and a chiselled jaw. True, he wasn't all that romantic, and he had a bit of a temper at times, but no one was perfect. Kíli still loved him, had even hoped they might make a life together one day and even start a family. He had never expected to get dumped out of nowhere, in such a nonchalant way, and on that day, of all days.
"I mean, it's been fun, you were even a pretty good lay the first few times. But honestly it's getting boring," the other man slurred, and finally their eyes met. Kíli felt like he'd been stabbed in the chest. There was no remorse in the green irises across from him, and the brunet was taken aback by the other man's emotionless gaze. He'd thought those intense eyes would be the ones looking back at him for the rest of his days, that he'd wake to a welcoming green each morning, and perhaps fall asleep with the same sight each night, but it seemed he was very wrong. Kíli couldn't breathe, and his vision blackened at the edges as he lowered his hands toward the table, still gripping the doughnut tight between his fingers. He felt used, and unconsciously clenched his legs together in the chair as he recalled their lovemaking session from just a few hours prior. Had it meant nothing to the other man? Had Jayce…been planning to break up even then? Probably longer, if his attitude was anything to go by. Kíli swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry, wondering just how many times he'd shared his bed with Jayce while the other man held no love for him.
There was absolute silence in the little café. It was early-morning, and only a few other customers sat at tables throughout the dining area. Kíli could feel their gazes veering towards him, watching curiously, and waiting to see how their little drama would unfold. It was easy to hear even the softest of conversations in the intimate place, and Jayce wasn't exactly trying to keep it confidential.
"You…you can't mean that," Kíli whispered, his lower lip trembling slightly as the green eyes across rolled in disgust.
"Did you really think this would last?" Jayce asked, his lips rising into an almost sinister smirk as he chuckled lowly at the hurt expression on Kíli's face.
"What, did you think we'd get married on the beach and walk off into the sunset together? Were you expecting me to propose?" he sneered at Kíli, and the brunet flinched at the disgust in the other man's voice, his eyes widening as he stared at the blond openly.
"Oh for crying out loud," Jayce murmured, shaking his head as he downed the last bit of his coffee.
"That's the problem with you, you're way too idealistic. That's not what real life is. That was never going to happen," Jayce said, slamming his empty cup down on the table between them. Kíli felt his face heating up and he blinked rapidly as his eyes began to burn. He wished not for the first time that he could hide what he was feeling. But his skin always betrayed him, turning blotchy and red the more flustered he became. His voice cracked, his fingers shook, and he knew without fail, the tears would start running down his face in droves in just a matter of minutes.
"Everything about you drives me nuts. You dress weird, and your eyeliner makes you look like a desperate slut. Sure, I thought it was kinda hot at first, but your personality just doesn't match, and the little innocent act really turns me off. Your laugh is like listening to nails on a chalkboard, and you're so childish. Can't even eat a doughnut without getting half of it on your face," Jayce spat, nodding towards Kíli as he grimaced at the sight of him. The brunet opened and closed his mouth a few times, unable to find his words, and he rubbed a hand over his chin, wiping away several crumbs in shame. He liked the way he looked on most days, but his confidence was fairly fragile, and the chastising words struck him to the core.
"Then there's the way you follow me around like a kicked puppy," Jayce blurted, and he fell back against his chair with a dramatic sigh. Kíli frowned, honestly confused. He didn't follow the other man around, if anything Kíli did his best to give him space. They only saw each other a couple times a week as it was, and Kíli tried to make the most of it, doing what he could to make the other man happy.
"You're just way too clingy Kíli. I've had enough. Enough of your knitted scarves, and afternoon texts. And god, the homemade lunches? Come on. It's fuckin' embarrassing," Jayce drawled.
"You're trying too hard, and it's not attractive," the blond insisted, leaving Kíli reeling over the words. Wasn't that part of what being in a relationship was about? Giving back, and doing things for the other person to make them feel happy and loved?
"It's not…I'm not. T-that's just the way I am. I like cooking, and knitting, and doing…things for you," Kíli trailed off, flinching when Jayce slammed a hand down on the table angrily.
"No one's that fucking pure," Jayce hissed, and then he stood and grabbed his coat off of the wooden chair. Kíli trembled as he struggled to control his haggard breathing, his eyes searching the tabletop for some kind of answer.
"But...it's my…birthday," Kíli whispered, though Jayce did not acknowledge the words. The other man already had his coat zipped up and he was moving towards the exit leisurely.
"What about our date tonight?" Kíli asked, louder than he meant to, and he lowered his eyes when the dirty blond snorted and hardly looked over his shoulder.
"Sorry babe, it's over, and I've got other plans," Jayce said, leaning into the door as he left, and Kíli watched him walk away through the windows running along the front of the café. The brunet sat in silence, feeling cold and slightly shell-shocked. People were blatantly staring, still waiting to see what he would do. Kíli swallowed anxiously, his throat clenching painfully, and he grimaced when the tears finally began to fall. He looked down at his lap, watching the droplets as they landed and left tiny wet marks on his jeans. His nose began to run, and he was seconds away from full out sobbing. As his breathing began to hitch Kíli grabbed his things, hurrying from the café in a scandalized flurry. He was upset and embarrassed, and he could feel his ears burning as he strode towards his car. Kíli tugged his scarf up around his neck, trying the hide the ugly red blotches that were beginning to form, and he fumbled his keys in his hands, adding several scratches around the keyhole on his car door as he struggled to unlock it. As soon as he was seated with the door shut behind him Kíli gave in. Tears streamed down his face as he sobbed, his hands clenching around the steering wheel painfully. He turned the keys in the ignition with trembling fingers, yanking on the seat belt impatiently before he hurried out of the lot.
Kíli sped down the street, tears blurring his vision. He was angry, but too upset to process the emotion. He felt torn between screaming at the top of his lungs and curling up into a ball while trying to hold everything inside. How could Jayce be so insensitive? Dumping him in public like that, where he knew Kíli would feel too flustered to really question it. Where he knew Kíli would feel most uncomfortable under that kind of scrutiny. And after making sure to use him one last time in the morning like some piece of meat. Kíli practically snarled, his teeth clenching as he breathed in through flared nostrils. The scenery passed him by without notice, and Kíli felt the snot running down his face as he stared ahead blankly. He hated that he was so hurt, when Jayce was likely off somewhere without a single care in the world.
Suddenly the anger dissipated, and Kíli frowned as he thought about everything the other man had said. Maybe it really was his fault. Maybe he was too clingy, too annoying. Kíli glanced towards his hands, noticing the neon nail polish he'd spent the previous night working diligently to apply. He cringed, and scratched his nails together, trying to chip it away unconsciously. His eyebrows crinkled as he peered ahead, feeling insecure even within the confines of his own vehicle. He let out a strangled squeak as another batch of tears began to fall, trailing down his burning skin and clumping his eyelashes together. He was so upset he nearly missed the sirens from behind, but when he blinked the tears from his eyes he saw the flashing lights in his rear-view mirror, and he choked on a groan before pulling over.
"Damn it!" Kíli hissed as he turned off his engine, and then he reached up to wipe as much as he could from his face. His mascara wiped off on his fingers and Kíli whined slightly at the sight. The last thing he needed was someone scrutinizing him in the middle of a breakdown. He tried to steady his breathing, closing his eyes as he willed the tears to stop, and he startled and jolted when a knock came at his window. Kíli kept his face forwards as he opened the window, trying to sniff the snot back in his nose without the police officer noticing.
"License and registration," the voice was less severe than Kíli expected, and he hurried to find his wallet and hand over his information. Kíli wiped his hands on his jeans as he waited, feeling the other man's gaze on his face. He knew it was likely still swollen and red, beyond obvious that he'd been crying only moments prior, and he hoped the officer would just let it go and charge him for whatever he'd done wrong.
"Do you know why I pulled you over?" the policeman asked, handing back Kíli's license with two fingers. The brunet peered up at him hesitantly. The man had blonde wavy hair, and a full moustache and beard. He was broad shouldered, and to Kíli's surprise, sported a friendly smile. The brunet faltered at the sight of his reflection in the chrome sunglasses, and he cleared his throat before speaking.
"W-was I s-speeding?" Kíli muttered, his eyes blinking rapidly in an attempt to keep them dry.
"Probably, but that's not why," the man stated, his lips rising slightly on one side. Kíli fidgeted in his seat, his mind searching frantically for the correct answer.
"T-taillight?" he guessed, unable to come up with anything else, and then the blond man laughed and lifted his sunglasses from his face. Kíli was caught by a startlingly blue gaze. The officer looked friendly, but worried, his eyes studying Kíli's face thoroughly, and the brunet swallowed and lowered his head as he nibbled on his lower lip.
"I'm not here to give you a ticket," the blond mentioned. Kíli glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, frowning in confusion.
"My name's Fíli. We've actually met before, very briefly, so you probably don't remember me," the officer spoke softly, and Kíli looked towards him quickly, trying to recall such a meeting. He talked to strangers more often than most, so it wasn't entirely surprising that they'd met before, but he couldn't place the other man in his memory. Kíli had never been pulled over before, and he didn't remember talking to a cop for any great length of time.
"I saw what happened back at the café," Fíli explained, and Kíli's breath hitched and he felt his cheeks redden even further. He gaped at the blond, feeling shamed, and then ducked his head in embarrassment.
"No one deserves that, and on your birthday of all days," Fíli spoke lowly. There was an awkward silence after that, and all Kíli could hear were the cars driving by on the road. He sniffled and tugged at his sleeves, working away at removing his nail polish once more. Fíli leaned down, his arms resting on the window frame as he studied the brunet's anguished face.
"Look, I just…wanted to say, I think you're really great. You deserve better than that asshole anyway. Any sane guy would love getting homemade lunches and little gifts here and there," Fíli admitted, and the blond scratched his head nervously when Kíli studied him with a raised eyebrow. Blue eyes flittered back and forth, dropping to look at Kíli's neck for a brief moment.
"And the scarves you make are gorgeous, just like you," the blond mentioned. That time Kíli flushed for an entirely different reason. He wasn't used to compliments. In fact, in the entire year he'd been dating Jayce, the other man had commented positively on his appearance maybe twice. It was nice to hear, and his chest tingled in a pleasant way. Kíli tucked a strand of hair behind his ear and gave the blond a curious glance.
"I see you there a lot, almost every morning. Going on seven months now?" Fíli rambled, and Kíli's eyes widened. It was true he frequented the café, and Kíli knew he'd spotted police there on several occasions, getting their morning coffees and snacks, though he'd never noticed anyone admiring him from afar. He was usually too busy fiddling with his phone or talking to Jayce at that time of the day. The brunet often muttered a sleepy 'hello' to those around him in line, but he didn't make eye contact or talk with them much beyond that. Not before his morning coffee. Surely he would have remembered looking into eyes the colour of the ocean.
"Look, I know…it's the worst timing ever, and you probably think I'm a total creep, but I'd like to take you out for dinner tonight, if you're up for it," Fíli offered. Kíli's mouth fell open and he clenched his fingers into the seat beside his legs. The officer was pacing, looking towards his feet as he kicked idly at the stones below.
"Y-you're asking me out?" Kíli gasped. He wasn't used to that either. Jayce rarely planned dates, rarely took him anywhere other than the seedy bars in town for that matter. It was always Kíli making the effort to go out, and before Jayce, few people ever took interest in him at all. He was a bit weird, he could admit that. Kíli felt a strange feeling in his belly, and he splayed his fingers against his thighs as his spirit began to lighten.
"Heh, yeah. I guess I am," Fíli chuckled lightly, tucking his hands into pockets as he rocked back and forth on his feet. Kíli tilted his head to the side and grinned slightly, watching the cop in disbelief.
"You know that would be the very definition of a rebound, right?" Kíli said, and the blond stopped, and propped his hands over the top of Kíli's car. He leaned in so close that Kíli was tempted to back away, but the brunet held his ground, staring into serious eyes bravely.
"Well, what if you never showed up again? I…couldn't let that happen. I'm willing to take that risk for you," Fíli explained. There was a long pause, and Kíli said nothing in response, instead taking his time to think and absorb the words. Fíli tapped his fingers on the car's exterior as he waited, becoming visibly nervous the longer it took for Kíli to speak. Kíli stared him down, looking towards his nametag and badge, then to the gun holstered at his hip and back. He wondered what would happen if he said no. Would the officer leave him be? Would he go back to his work and let Kíli drive off without any sort of punishment? Or would he get angry. Fíli didn't really seem the type to take offense to such a thing.
And what if he said yes? The possibilities were endless.
"You don't have to go out with me. I won't give you a ticket. I just…," Fíli trailed off, and he pulled away suddenly, entangling fingers in his wavy locks.
"Shit, guess I shouldn't have done this. I'd be really grateful if you didn't report it," the blond muttered lowly. He kept talking away, nattering various apologies under his breath, and Kíli couldn't help but smile further as he watched the other man's movements. There was something about him that Kíli adored already. Fíli was obviously kind hearted, and genuine. He had a way of putting others at ease, even from a position of power, and it intrigued the brunet.
"Um…actually, I think I'd like that," Kíli blurted, swallowing when the blond halted and looked at him with wide eyes.
"Yeah?" Fíli gasped, his mouth widening into a brilliant grin when Kíli nodded.
"Great!" the blond cried, his dimples visible on his face, his smile radiant like the sun. Kíli laughed, crinkling his eyes as he watched the other man, but he hurried to cover his mouth when the loud sound echoed around him. Kíli cringed, his eyebrows knitting together as he worried his lip. Jayce's words sounded in his mind, and he wished he could change his voice, alter the way his laugh sounded so it might be less annoying to others around him.
"S-sorry," Kíli whispered, the apology muffled by his fingers. Fíli's eyes narrowed at the stuttered word, and he bent down and leaned in close.
"Don't ever apologize for being you," Fíli insisted and the brunet eyed him for a moment before lowering his hands from his face. Kíli was lost for words, unsure what to say, and he figured he must have looked an awful lot like a dead fish. The other man didn't take notice, pulling out his notepad and scribbling something on it quickly before tearing off the sheet and handing it to Kíli.
"There's my number if you have any questions all right? I'll pick you up at say…seven?" Fíli confirmed as he tucked his pen back into the pocket on his shirt. Kíli's eyes blinked as he looked over the ten digit number, suddenly remembering what he'd agreed to. He couldn't believe someone was actually asking him out. A very attractive someone, with a wonderful personality to match.
"Um…do you need my address?" the brunet asked, but he was met with a playful smirk and a shake of the head.
"I've got it already, perk of the job, but don't tell anyone alright? I'll get fired," Fíli requested, his voice low and playful and Kíli snickered and nodded in return. The brunet was surprised when the other man reached out, touching under his chin with a single finger.
"Chin up, wipe those tears, and drive safe," Fíli said sincerely, and the blond looked into Kíli's eyes one last time before smiling and pulling away.
"Remember you're beautiful the way you are, and I'll see you tonight," Fíli said, and he was gone with a tiny wave, leaving Kíli grinning out at the passing cars. The brunet felt dazed, and happier than he had in a long time. Not a single thought was wasted dwelling on the events earlier in the day; instead he was looking forward to the night ahead. Kíli started his engine with clear vision and a much steadier hand, and as he pulled back onto the road it was with a lighter heart as well. Maybe just maybe, the eyes he hoped to wake up to each day weren't meant to be green after all, but instead a crisp and brilliant blue.