Brian watches Justin as he sleeps
~~He looks like an angel when he's sleeping. Why can't I think of anything better to do than watch him sleep? I'm not tired, so why can't I pull myself away from this angel sleeping beside me?~~
Brian's thoughts are interrupted as he feels Justin move. Instinctively, Brian puts his arm over Justin, afraid that the boy is having another nightmare. Justin rolls over and nuzzles himself against Brian's side, and puts his arm over him.
~~This is why I can't pull myself away. I know he may need me, even while he's asleep. But when have I ever just sat around and waited for someone to need me? How many times have I not been there when he really needed me? Like prom night. I was there, but I wasn't... NO! I can't think about that anymore. Justin is alive, and he's here with me, and that is all that matters.~~
Brian squeezed Justin's hand lightly and kissed his forehead. Justin breathed softly and smiled, still sleeping.
~~I'll let him sleep a little while longer~~
"Five more minutes" Justin mumbled
"Shh... go back to sleep", Brian soothed, lightly fingering Justin's hair.
"Mmm... Kay" Justin mumbled
~~Yeah, I'll let him sleep. He actually slept pretty well last night. He looks a little like Gus when he sleeps, young and innocent. Of course, Justin is anything but 'innocent', at least not anymore. A wicked smile creeps across Brian's face. I wonder if he knows that I enjoy watching him sleep. I enjoy watching him sleep almost as much as I enjoy fucking him...almost.~~
When he was sure that Justin was asleep again, Brian relaxed against the pillows and watched him sleep.
About an hour later, Brian eased out of bed and made his way into the shower. After a warm shower, Brian put his robe on and headed to the kitchen, stealing a quick glance at Justin's sleeping form.
Brian knew he should be working on some account, but he didn't feel like it. Instead he opted to play with the new computer that he bought for Justin.
~~He won't mind sharing his new toy, besides it looks like fun~~
Brian switched on the computer and sat down. He wasn't quite sure what to draw, so he looked around the loft for inspiration.
~~What to draw?~~
As his eyes searched the loft, he found his inspiration lying in bed.
~~Hey, why not? He draws me all the time. Of course, he's got the talent, but boy does he inspire me!~~
Brian drew a rectangle, somewhat resembling the bed. Next, he changed the color to blue and drew lines above the bed, to resemble the fluorescent lights behind the bed.
~~Not bad, now to draw him.~~
He started with a circle for the head, then an oval for the body, two longer ovals for arms, and then he stopped and looked at his creation.
"It looks like a pile of Gus's toys on a rug on the floor," Brian said out loud as he deleted it.
~~Maybe I should try something a little more abstract~~
So, with a clean screen, Brian surveyed the loft again. The late morning sun was shining through the window.
~~Sunshine! That's it!~~
Brian touched the yellow square with the pen so that he was drawing in yellow. He drew the sun, and extended the rays so they touched all edges of the screen. Just like Justin warmed Brian's entire being.
~~Ok, so far, so good. But now what? What goes with sunshine? Jesus Christ! I sound like I'm trying to come up with an ad to sell him! Well... I go with my Sunshine. But what am I? I'm a damn thunderstorm half the time, that's what I am. Hmm... sometimes even sunny days have a little rain.~~
Brian started at the top with bluish gray raindrops in between the rays of the sun, as he got toward the bottom, he started drawing the raindrops in lighter shades - as if they were disappearing
~~Sun dries up the rain, and he dries up the rain in my life. So it fits. He makes me forget everything around me when I'm with him. I wonder if he realizes what he means to me. Maybe I should tell him. I think he knows how I feel...but maybe he needs to hear it. I just can't, I try to, but the words get stuck. I end up saying something else. He knows what I mean, I think he can see it in my eyes or something. He's always saying he's on to me, maybe he is.~~
"Looks plain, needs colors" Brian says out loud. Figuring that talking to the computer would help him figure out what to add to his creation. It seemed to work in the office.
~~AH! I'm in ad mode again! Oh well... colors...what colors? What shapes? What goes with Sunshine and Rain, or comes from sunshine and rain? Flowers. Flowers are colorful, and are the result of sun and rain.~~
Brian drew some random flowers in different colors. He looked at his drawing, but didn't like it.
~~Looks like something I drew in first grade. It looked better without the flowers. Why is this so hard?~~
He cleared the screen again. Instead of drawing the sun first, he decided to work on the background. Brian looked through the palette of colors for the perfect one to use.
~~Wow, this thing has every color imaginable. Justin wasn't kidding when he called this an electronic Crayola box. Which color do I use? Why not all of them? Like Babylon, the way the colors reflect off the walls.~~
Instantly, Brian got an idea. He used each color and the "spray paint" option for the brush and made circles and lines all over the screen until there was no white left.
~~Looks like colorful camouflage, something that Emmett would wear if it were on the market.~~
Then he drew the sun and the raindrops as he had before. Brian surveyed his picture, he actually liked it.
~~It's really not bad. With a little more practice, I could be as good as Justin. Ok, not as good, but close enough. I wonder if he'll like it. What am I thinking? I never said I was going to give it to him. Well, I do everything for a reason, so I guess I had planned on giving it to him.~~
Brian heard movement from the bedroom, so he quickly saved his drawing and went to check on Justin.
Justin sat up on the bed and looked around for Brian. When he didn't see him, he got out of bed to see what Brian was up to. As soon as Justin stepped down off the last stair, he was greeted by the biggest smile that Brian had ever given him.
"Good morning, Sunshine" Brian said, placing a kiss on Justin's lips.
"Morning, Brian" Justin replied, somewhat shocked by Brian's good mood. He certainly wasn't going to ask where it came from, but he was going to enjoy it.
"Get a shower, get dressed, and do it quickly." Brian said
"Where are we going?" Justin asked, even though he knew he wasn't going to get a straight answer. Brian never gave straight answers when he was in a good mood. Wait, did Brian ever give a straight answer?
"We're going out. Of course, if you'd rather go out covered in sweat and a sheet, be my guest. I just thought you'd like to shower and put clothes on." Brian replied, shooting an irresistible grin at Justin.
"Ok, ok, I get the hint. But, are you going to wear your robe?" Justin quipped
"No, smartass, I'm going to get dressed. Now, hurry up!" Brian said, smacking Justin on his bare butt as he turned to walk towards the bathroom.
Justin went off into the shower, and Brian went to his closet to find something to wear. Where they were going, he had no idea. What he did know is that he had to make it special.
~~Deb is right; I should be able to tell Justin what I could never tell Michael. But Mikey is different; he's my best friend. That's all he will be, because I can't risk anything else. But Justin, he has taken everything I dished out, and has come back for more. I didn't realize how much he meant to me until... until I almost lost him. But I didn't lose him, and I have to let him know why I want him here. He asks, but I never say. I just tell him that he wouldn't be here if I didn't want him to be.~~
After settling on black pants, a white T-shirt, covered with a black button-down shirt, Brian went back to the computer to print out Justin's gift.
~~FUCK! I need a frame. Figures, everything was going so perfect, something had to be screwed up. Well, I guess a little detour won't be so bad, it's not like I really have anything set in stone. We'll just stop by Lindsay's to see Gus, and I'll slip out the back and run to the Big Q to pick up a frame.~~
Brian put the picture into one of his folders as Justin came out of the bedroom.
"I'm ready," Justin yelled
"Great, it's about damn time!" Brian teased
Brian and Justin got into the jeep and drove toward Lindsay's house.
"Are we going to Lindsay's?" Justin asked
"Wow, you are smart. Yes, you've been saying that you want to see Gus, so we're going to see Gus." Brian answered
"Oh, ok" Justin said, still not sure what Brian was up to. He knew it would be worth the wait though.
When they got to Lindsay's, she was surprised to see them. Usually Brian called when they were going to stop by. Luckily they hadn't interrupted anything.
"Hi Brian, Justin, come in," Lindsay said, ushering them inside the house.
"Where's my SonnyBoy?" Brian asked, looking around.
"Mel is changing him, she'll be right down." Lindsay replied.
"Great" replied Brian, as he went up the stairs to retrieve his son from Mel.
Justin and Lindsay looked at each other. "Do you think they will ever get along?"
"This IS getting along for them. You should have seen some of the fights they got into. I was thinking about selling tickets to some of the bouts" Lindsay replied smiling at the memory of Brian and Mel fighting from the day she introduced them.
"Wow", Justin replied, with little shock. It didn't surprise him that Brian would argue with Mel, or anyone else that got close to someone he cared about. Brian couldn't fool anyone, the man had a heart whether he wanted to admit it or not.
Brian came down the stairs carrying Gus, with Mel right behind him yelling, "I know how to change my son."
Justin smiled at Lindsay and said "How much for a ticket?"
"For you, nothing. I could use some help playing referee" she replied grinning.
"Yeah well, SonnyBoy has visitors. Right, Justin?" Brian said, grinning. He knew that Lindsay and Justin were talking about him while he was upstairs.
"That's right", Justin replied, opening his arms to take Gus from Brian.
Justin and Gus went into the living room to play. Brian and Lindsay went into the kitchen.
"Lindz, please keep him occupied with Gus or something. All I need is a half hour." Brian pleaded.
"What did you do now?" she asked
"Nothing. Well, nothing bad. I actually did something good for a change." He replied, flashing a huge grin.
"You?" Lindsay replied in mock shock
"Yes, me. I figured it was about time I did something nice for the ki.... uh... Justin." Brian replied, hoping that she hadn't caught his slip. No such luck.
"The ki... uh... Justin? You care about him, don't you? You DO love him." She said, amazed that Brian had finally admitted, not in so many words, what she had thought all along. That he really cares about Justin.
"What? You know I don't..." he stopped. He knew he couldn't fool her. She had known him too long. "Yes. I do care about him. I almost lost him, I consider that a wake up call. I'm not going to change, he doesn't even want me to. But, I figure I should do something to show him that I care. I tried telling him, but I can't. You know I can't. So, I made something for him. But I don't have a frame for it." Brian said, looking away so that Lindsay didn't see the emotion on his face.
Lindsay hugged him. "I know, and so does he. What did you make for him?"
"I was playing with his computer while he slept this morning. I hadn't really planned on drawing anything special, and I certainly didn't plan on giving it to him. It just kind of happened. I was thinking about all the stuff that happened, and how he's changed my life. I just started drawing, and this is what I came up with. Brian handed Lindsay the folder.
Lindsay opened the folder and pulled out the picture. She looked at it, and then looked at Brian (who was looking everywhere except at her). "It's beautiful, Brian. It really is. I just know he'll love it."
Relieved, Brian took the picture and returned it to the folder. "You think so? I hope he does. I just need to slip out for a short time and pick up a frame for it. I told him we were going out tonight, before I realized that his gift wasn't finished yet."
"No problem. I'm sure Gus will keep him occupied. You know how much he loves playing with Justin." She said, smiling.
"Thanks, Lindz, you're the best" Brian said, kissing her and running out the back door.
*****
Brian screeched into the Big Q parking lot, parked the jeep, and ran into the store.
~~Where the fuck do they hide the frames in the place? Jesus Christ...and Mikey wonders why I never shop here...~~
His thoughts were interrupted by a familiar female voice. "Brian?"
He turned, "yeah?"
"Hi, it's Tracy. Can I help you find something?" Tracy asked, noticing the confused look on Brian's face.
"Oh yeah, I remember you, Mikey's friend. Yeah. I need a picture frame," Brian answered.
"Sure, right this way", Tracy said, leading the way.
"Thanks" he replied, following.
Once in the isle with the frames, Tracy left Brian to his search.
~~Ok, now which one? A black one? Blue one? Oh wait... that silver one is nice...~~
Brian picked up a silver frame and held it out in front of him, picturing his drawing in it.
~~Yeah, this one is perfect! That was relatively easy. I'd better get back to Lindz's house before he notices I'm gone.~~
Brian paid for the frame and ran back to the jeep. He started the engine and searched for the folder.
~~FUCK! I left it with Lindz... Ya know... I should take this as a sign...~~
Brian pulled in at Lindsay's house, and quietly opened the back door. Luckily no one was in the kitchen, but the folder was still on the table. He carefully pulled the drawing out of the folder and put it into the frame. He held it up in front of himself and looked at the finished product.
~~Not bad at all. I really hope he likes it. Lindz says that he will, I hope she's right.~~
"Justin" Brian called from the kitchen.
"In here... where the hell have you been hiding?" Justin asked from his spot on the floor with Gus. "We haven't seen you in at least a half hour. I was beginning to think you left me here and ran away."
"You aren't that lucky" Mel said with a grin.
"Oh hush, Mel." Lindsay said, tossing a pillow at her partner.
"Let's go, Justin. We don't want to be here when the munchers get started" Brian joked.
"Come here Sonny Boy" Brian said, picking up Gus. "Did you like playing with Justin?" The baby giggled, like he always does when his daddy talks to him, especially about Justin. He kissed Gus on the cheek and handed him to Lindsay, then grabbed Justin by the hand and pulled him out the door
*****
Once in the jeep, and on the road, Justin looked at Brian and asked "Where are we going?"
"To dinner, where would you like to go?" Brian answered
Yeah, let him decided where to have dinner... my mind is frazzled as it is.
"Where do I want to go? Well, how about that Italian place we went to when I got home from the hospital. Remember, it was really small and quiet, but the food was great" Justin replied, trying to hide his curiosity about Brian's plans for the rest of the night.
"Sure, I remember it. I took me forever to find it, but I'm glad I did. It was nice and quiet" Brian answered, trying not to sound nervous
~~Why do I feel like this is our first date? Well, it is, in a way, I guess.~~
Brian reached over and put his hand on Justin's thigh, and Justin placed his hand over top of Brian's. They drove the rest of the way to the restaurant in silence, just holding hands. There was no need for words, not yet anyway.
At the restaurant, Brian requested a table toward the back so they could have a little privacy. Brian ordered a bottle of wine, while they looked over the menus. A short while later the waiter came out with the wine, and took their order. After the waiter left, there was a short, uneasy silence.
~~Why am I this nervous? I'm never nervous around him. I love him. Oh my god! I said it... well I thought it... but I mean it. What do people do on dates? Talk... yeah, we can talk. I want to tell him about his gift, but I want to do that at home.~~
Again, Brian's thoughts were interrupted, this time by Justin. "Thank you"
"For what?" Brian asked, puzzled.
"For taking me to see Gus, for bringing me here, and in general for being you." Justin replied with a shy smile, not quite sure if he should have gone that far.
"Oh, it's nothing. You've been spending a lot of time at the loft, or at Babylon, so I figured it'd be nice to go someplace quiet." Brian replied quietly. He knew that Justin felt a little unsure about what he had just said, and he wanted to put him at ease.
"I missed playing with Gus", Justin admitted. "I haven't been over to see him much since I got out of the hospital, and when we did go over, I was afraid to hold him.
"Yeah, but that's all in the past now. Don't think about it. It takes time, but everything will go back to normal, eventually" Brian said, looking around for the waiter.
When the food came, they ate in near silence; each taking quick glances at the other. When they were finished, Brian paid the check and led Justin out to the jeep.
"Now where", Justin asked in anticipation.
"To the loft. I have a surprise for you" Brian replied, trying (without success) not to smile.
"A surprise? For me?" Justin asked, already surprised.
"No, for the tooth fairy! Yes for you" Brian said, looking at Justin. ~~He looks like a little kid before Christmas. I know he wants to ask what it is. He better not, I know I won't be able to keep it a secret...~~ "And don't bother asking what it is, cause I'm not gonna tell you."
"I wasn't going to ask. I like surprises" Justin said, a little scared that Brian could read him like a book.
"Good" Brian said.
The rest of the drive to the loft was spent chatting about little things, such as the weather and the latest movies.
Once at the loft, Brian ushered Justin in the bedroom.
"Stay in here, until I call for you" Brian instructed.
"In the bedroom?" Justin asked, slightly confused.
"Yes. I didn't get a chance to set up before we left. So, sit in here like a good boy, and I'll yell when everything is ready" Brian replied.
Brian left Justin in the bedroom, and headed for the kitchen. He grabbed two wine glasses, the bottle of wine he'd brought back with him from New York, and put them on the table.
~~Hmm... wine and wine glasses, something is missing. Candles! Yeah, he likes candles.~~
He grabbed two white candles out of the cabinet and the silver candleholders, and placed them in the center of the table. He popped open the bottle of wine and poured some into each glass and placed them at each setting. Next he placed the picture flat on the table, in the center in front of the candles.
~~I don't want him to walk right out and see it... I must have something around to cover it.~~
Brian searched the cabinets and finally found a set of blue silk handkerchiefs. "This should do," he said out loud. He took the handkerchiefs and placed them over the picture. Then he lit the candles, and stepped back to look at his masterpiece.
~~Looks good. Candles are lit, wine is poured, and silk is covering the picture. The only thing missing is Justin. Well, he's not missing, just not at the table right now. I guess it's time for the main event.~~
"Justin", Brian yelled, "Come on out"
Brian met Justin as he came out of the bedroom, and took his hand, leading him to the table.
"Wow, the table looks great" Justin said, looking at the table.
"It's not bad. Here, sit down" Brian said, pulling out a chair for Justin to sit.
Justin sat down, eager to find out what Brian was up to. Brian sat in the chair opposite Justin, and took his hand.
"Justin, I know that I don't say what you mean to me. I try to show it, but most times I don't even do that very well. You've asked why you're here, and I've said you're here because I want you to be. Well, that's true, but it's not the only reason."
Brian looked into Justin's eyes intently. ~~I love looking into those beautiful blue eyes~~
"Brian, you don't have to say anything," Justin said, never taking his eyes off of Brian's hazel eyes.
"Yes I do. I've been hiding behind quick responses and insinuations long enough. Everyone can see it, and I know that you know in your heart how I feel, but it's time I do something to prove it. I have a hard time saying things, especially where my feelings are concerned, but words don't prove anything. I made you something, take a look" Brian said, pointing to the silk handkerchiefs covering the picture.
With tears brimming in his eyes, Justin removed the silk handkerchiefs to uncover the picture that Brian had made for him. The tears fell as soon as he saw the drawing. It said, loud and clear, the things that Brian could never say, but always meant.
"Brian, it's beautiful. I love it, and I love you" Justin said, letting the tears fall.
"Please don't cry, Sunshine. I've made you cry enough over the past year, now I want to make you smile" Brian said, fighting back tears.
"Brian, you do make me happy. I admit, it wasn't always easy, but I never gave up on you. Just like you never gave up on me when I got out of the hospital," Justin said.
"No, you didn't give up. You were a persistent little fucker. Do you really like it?" Brian asked.
"Yes I do. The colors, the sun, the rain, its all so clear. But, when did you have time to do this?" Justin asked
"This morning, while you were asleep" Brian answered, proud of himself.
"Well, it's beautiful" Justin said, raising his wine glass, "a toast... to us"
"Yes, to us" Brian answered, raising his glass to toast Justin.
After finishing their wine, Justin picked up his gift and turned to Brian. "Where are we going to hang it?"
"Hang it anywhere you'd like... tomorrow" Brian said, grinning at Justin.
"Ah... ok..." Justin answered, flashing a huge sunshine smile at Brian. He knew what Brian had on his mind.
Brian pulled Justin into a hug, and kissed him gently on the lips. "How about you going into the bedroom, while I wash out the glasses?"
"Ok, don't take too long" Justin said, grinning.
Brian released Justin from the hug. As Justin walked toward the bedroom, Brian called to him. "Justin..."
"Yeah, Brian?"
"I love you"
~~He looks like an angel when he's sleeping. Why can't I think of anything better to do than watch him sleep? I'm not tired, so why can't I pull myself away from this angel sleeping beside me?~~
Brian's thoughts are interrupted as he feels Justin move. Instinctively, Brian puts his arm over Justin, afraid that the boy is having another nightmare. Justin rolls over and nuzzles himself against Brian's side, and puts his arm over him.
~~This is why I can't pull myself away. I know he may need me, even while he's asleep. But when have I ever just sat around and waited for someone to need me? How many times have I not been there when he really needed me? Like prom night. I was there, but I wasn't... NO! I can't think about that anymore. Justin is alive, and he's here with me, and that is all that matters.~~
Brian squeezed Justin's hand lightly and kissed his forehead. Justin breathed softly and smiled, still sleeping.
~~I'll let him sleep a little while longer~~
"Five more minutes" Justin mumbled
"Shh... go back to sleep", Brian soothed, lightly fingering Justin's hair.
"Mmm... Kay" Justin mumbled
~~Yeah, I'll let him sleep. He actually slept pretty well last night. He looks a little like Gus when he sleeps, young and innocent. Of course, Justin is anything but 'innocent', at least not anymore. A wicked smile creeps across Brian's face. I wonder if he knows that I enjoy watching him sleep. I enjoy watching him sleep almost as much as I enjoy fucking him...almost.~~
When he was sure that Justin was asleep again, Brian relaxed against the pillows and watched him sleep.
About an hour later, Brian eased out of bed and made his way into the shower. After a warm shower, Brian put his robe on and headed to the kitchen, stealing a quick glance at Justin's sleeping form.
Brian knew he should be working on some account, but he didn't feel like it. Instead he opted to play with the new computer that he bought for Justin.
~~He won't mind sharing his new toy, besides it looks like fun~~
Brian switched on the computer and sat down. He wasn't quite sure what to draw, so he looked around the loft for inspiration.
~~What to draw?~~
As his eyes searched the loft, he found his inspiration lying in bed.
~~Hey, why not? He draws me all the time. Of course, he's got the talent, but boy does he inspire me!~~
Brian drew a rectangle, somewhat resembling the bed. Next, he changed the color to blue and drew lines above the bed, to resemble the fluorescent lights behind the bed.
~~Not bad, now to draw him.~~
He started with a circle for the head, then an oval for the body, two longer ovals for arms, and then he stopped and looked at his creation.
"It looks like a pile of Gus's toys on a rug on the floor," Brian said out loud as he deleted it.
~~Maybe I should try something a little more abstract~~
So, with a clean screen, Brian surveyed the loft again. The late morning sun was shining through the window.
~~Sunshine! That's it!~~
Brian touched the yellow square with the pen so that he was drawing in yellow. He drew the sun, and extended the rays so they touched all edges of the screen. Just like Justin warmed Brian's entire being.
~~Ok, so far, so good. But now what? What goes with sunshine? Jesus Christ! I sound like I'm trying to come up with an ad to sell him! Well... I go with my Sunshine. But what am I? I'm a damn thunderstorm half the time, that's what I am. Hmm... sometimes even sunny days have a little rain.~~
Brian started at the top with bluish gray raindrops in between the rays of the sun, as he got toward the bottom, he started drawing the raindrops in lighter shades - as if they were disappearing
~~Sun dries up the rain, and he dries up the rain in my life. So it fits. He makes me forget everything around me when I'm with him. I wonder if he realizes what he means to me. Maybe I should tell him. I think he knows how I feel...but maybe he needs to hear it. I just can't, I try to, but the words get stuck. I end up saying something else. He knows what I mean, I think he can see it in my eyes or something. He's always saying he's on to me, maybe he is.~~
"Looks plain, needs colors" Brian says out loud. Figuring that talking to the computer would help him figure out what to add to his creation. It seemed to work in the office.
~~AH! I'm in ad mode again! Oh well... colors...what colors? What shapes? What goes with Sunshine and Rain, or comes from sunshine and rain? Flowers. Flowers are colorful, and are the result of sun and rain.~~
Brian drew some random flowers in different colors. He looked at his drawing, but didn't like it.
~~Looks like something I drew in first grade. It looked better without the flowers. Why is this so hard?~~
He cleared the screen again. Instead of drawing the sun first, he decided to work on the background. Brian looked through the palette of colors for the perfect one to use.
~~Wow, this thing has every color imaginable. Justin wasn't kidding when he called this an electronic Crayola box. Which color do I use? Why not all of them? Like Babylon, the way the colors reflect off the walls.~~
Instantly, Brian got an idea. He used each color and the "spray paint" option for the brush and made circles and lines all over the screen until there was no white left.
~~Looks like colorful camouflage, something that Emmett would wear if it were on the market.~~
Then he drew the sun and the raindrops as he had before. Brian surveyed his picture, he actually liked it.
~~It's really not bad. With a little more practice, I could be as good as Justin. Ok, not as good, but close enough. I wonder if he'll like it. What am I thinking? I never said I was going to give it to him. Well, I do everything for a reason, so I guess I had planned on giving it to him.~~
Brian heard movement from the bedroom, so he quickly saved his drawing and went to check on Justin.
Justin sat up on the bed and looked around for Brian. When he didn't see him, he got out of bed to see what Brian was up to. As soon as Justin stepped down off the last stair, he was greeted by the biggest smile that Brian had ever given him.
"Good morning, Sunshine" Brian said, placing a kiss on Justin's lips.
"Morning, Brian" Justin replied, somewhat shocked by Brian's good mood. He certainly wasn't going to ask where it came from, but he was going to enjoy it.
"Get a shower, get dressed, and do it quickly." Brian said
"Where are we going?" Justin asked, even though he knew he wasn't going to get a straight answer. Brian never gave straight answers when he was in a good mood. Wait, did Brian ever give a straight answer?
"We're going out. Of course, if you'd rather go out covered in sweat and a sheet, be my guest. I just thought you'd like to shower and put clothes on." Brian replied, shooting an irresistible grin at Justin.
"Ok, ok, I get the hint. But, are you going to wear your robe?" Justin quipped
"No, smartass, I'm going to get dressed. Now, hurry up!" Brian said, smacking Justin on his bare butt as he turned to walk towards the bathroom.
Justin went off into the shower, and Brian went to his closet to find something to wear. Where they were going, he had no idea. What he did know is that he had to make it special.
~~Deb is right; I should be able to tell Justin what I could never tell Michael. But Mikey is different; he's my best friend. That's all he will be, because I can't risk anything else. But Justin, he has taken everything I dished out, and has come back for more. I didn't realize how much he meant to me until... until I almost lost him. But I didn't lose him, and I have to let him know why I want him here. He asks, but I never say. I just tell him that he wouldn't be here if I didn't want him to be.~~
After settling on black pants, a white T-shirt, covered with a black button-down shirt, Brian went back to the computer to print out Justin's gift.
~~FUCK! I need a frame. Figures, everything was going so perfect, something had to be screwed up. Well, I guess a little detour won't be so bad, it's not like I really have anything set in stone. We'll just stop by Lindsay's to see Gus, and I'll slip out the back and run to the Big Q to pick up a frame.~~
Brian put the picture into one of his folders as Justin came out of the bedroom.
"I'm ready," Justin yelled
"Great, it's about damn time!" Brian teased
Brian and Justin got into the jeep and drove toward Lindsay's house.
"Are we going to Lindsay's?" Justin asked
"Wow, you are smart. Yes, you've been saying that you want to see Gus, so we're going to see Gus." Brian answered
"Oh, ok" Justin said, still not sure what Brian was up to. He knew it would be worth the wait though.
When they got to Lindsay's, she was surprised to see them. Usually Brian called when they were going to stop by. Luckily they hadn't interrupted anything.
"Hi Brian, Justin, come in," Lindsay said, ushering them inside the house.
"Where's my SonnyBoy?" Brian asked, looking around.
"Mel is changing him, she'll be right down." Lindsay replied.
"Great" replied Brian, as he went up the stairs to retrieve his son from Mel.
Justin and Lindsay looked at each other. "Do you think they will ever get along?"
"This IS getting along for them. You should have seen some of the fights they got into. I was thinking about selling tickets to some of the bouts" Lindsay replied smiling at the memory of Brian and Mel fighting from the day she introduced them.
"Wow", Justin replied, with little shock. It didn't surprise him that Brian would argue with Mel, or anyone else that got close to someone he cared about. Brian couldn't fool anyone, the man had a heart whether he wanted to admit it or not.
Brian came down the stairs carrying Gus, with Mel right behind him yelling, "I know how to change my son."
Justin smiled at Lindsay and said "How much for a ticket?"
"For you, nothing. I could use some help playing referee" she replied grinning.
"Yeah well, SonnyBoy has visitors. Right, Justin?" Brian said, grinning. He knew that Lindsay and Justin were talking about him while he was upstairs.
"That's right", Justin replied, opening his arms to take Gus from Brian.
Justin and Gus went into the living room to play. Brian and Lindsay went into the kitchen.
"Lindz, please keep him occupied with Gus or something. All I need is a half hour." Brian pleaded.
"What did you do now?" she asked
"Nothing. Well, nothing bad. I actually did something good for a change." He replied, flashing a huge grin.
"You?" Lindsay replied in mock shock
"Yes, me. I figured it was about time I did something nice for the ki.... uh... Justin." Brian replied, hoping that she hadn't caught his slip. No such luck.
"The ki... uh... Justin? You care about him, don't you? You DO love him." She said, amazed that Brian had finally admitted, not in so many words, what she had thought all along. That he really cares about Justin.
"What? You know I don't..." he stopped. He knew he couldn't fool her. She had known him too long. "Yes. I do care about him. I almost lost him, I consider that a wake up call. I'm not going to change, he doesn't even want me to. But, I figure I should do something to show him that I care. I tried telling him, but I can't. You know I can't. So, I made something for him. But I don't have a frame for it." Brian said, looking away so that Lindsay didn't see the emotion on his face.
Lindsay hugged him. "I know, and so does he. What did you make for him?"
"I was playing with his computer while he slept this morning. I hadn't really planned on drawing anything special, and I certainly didn't plan on giving it to him. It just kind of happened. I was thinking about all the stuff that happened, and how he's changed my life. I just started drawing, and this is what I came up with. Brian handed Lindsay the folder.
Lindsay opened the folder and pulled out the picture. She looked at it, and then looked at Brian (who was looking everywhere except at her). "It's beautiful, Brian. It really is. I just know he'll love it."
Relieved, Brian took the picture and returned it to the folder. "You think so? I hope he does. I just need to slip out for a short time and pick up a frame for it. I told him we were going out tonight, before I realized that his gift wasn't finished yet."
"No problem. I'm sure Gus will keep him occupied. You know how much he loves playing with Justin." She said, smiling.
"Thanks, Lindz, you're the best" Brian said, kissing her and running out the back door.
*****
Brian screeched into the Big Q parking lot, parked the jeep, and ran into the store.
~~Where the fuck do they hide the frames in the place? Jesus Christ...and Mikey wonders why I never shop here...~~
His thoughts were interrupted by a familiar female voice. "Brian?"
He turned, "yeah?"
"Hi, it's Tracy. Can I help you find something?" Tracy asked, noticing the confused look on Brian's face.
"Oh yeah, I remember you, Mikey's friend. Yeah. I need a picture frame," Brian answered.
"Sure, right this way", Tracy said, leading the way.
"Thanks" he replied, following.
Once in the isle with the frames, Tracy left Brian to his search.
~~Ok, now which one? A black one? Blue one? Oh wait... that silver one is nice...~~
Brian picked up a silver frame and held it out in front of him, picturing his drawing in it.
~~Yeah, this one is perfect! That was relatively easy. I'd better get back to Lindz's house before he notices I'm gone.~~
Brian paid for the frame and ran back to the jeep. He started the engine and searched for the folder.
~~FUCK! I left it with Lindz... Ya know... I should take this as a sign...~~
Brian pulled in at Lindsay's house, and quietly opened the back door. Luckily no one was in the kitchen, but the folder was still on the table. He carefully pulled the drawing out of the folder and put it into the frame. He held it up in front of himself and looked at the finished product.
~~Not bad at all. I really hope he likes it. Lindz says that he will, I hope she's right.~~
"Justin" Brian called from the kitchen.
"In here... where the hell have you been hiding?" Justin asked from his spot on the floor with Gus. "We haven't seen you in at least a half hour. I was beginning to think you left me here and ran away."
"You aren't that lucky" Mel said with a grin.
"Oh hush, Mel." Lindsay said, tossing a pillow at her partner.
"Let's go, Justin. We don't want to be here when the munchers get started" Brian joked.
"Come here Sonny Boy" Brian said, picking up Gus. "Did you like playing with Justin?" The baby giggled, like he always does when his daddy talks to him, especially about Justin. He kissed Gus on the cheek and handed him to Lindsay, then grabbed Justin by the hand and pulled him out the door
*****
Once in the jeep, and on the road, Justin looked at Brian and asked "Where are we going?"
"To dinner, where would you like to go?" Brian answered
Yeah, let him decided where to have dinner... my mind is frazzled as it is.
"Where do I want to go? Well, how about that Italian place we went to when I got home from the hospital. Remember, it was really small and quiet, but the food was great" Justin replied, trying to hide his curiosity about Brian's plans for the rest of the night.
"Sure, I remember it. I took me forever to find it, but I'm glad I did. It was nice and quiet" Brian answered, trying not to sound nervous
~~Why do I feel like this is our first date? Well, it is, in a way, I guess.~~
Brian reached over and put his hand on Justin's thigh, and Justin placed his hand over top of Brian's. They drove the rest of the way to the restaurant in silence, just holding hands. There was no need for words, not yet anyway.
At the restaurant, Brian requested a table toward the back so they could have a little privacy. Brian ordered a bottle of wine, while they looked over the menus. A short while later the waiter came out with the wine, and took their order. After the waiter left, there was a short, uneasy silence.
~~Why am I this nervous? I'm never nervous around him. I love him. Oh my god! I said it... well I thought it... but I mean it. What do people do on dates? Talk... yeah, we can talk. I want to tell him about his gift, but I want to do that at home.~~
Again, Brian's thoughts were interrupted, this time by Justin. "Thank you"
"For what?" Brian asked, puzzled.
"For taking me to see Gus, for bringing me here, and in general for being you." Justin replied with a shy smile, not quite sure if he should have gone that far.
"Oh, it's nothing. You've been spending a lot of time at the loft, or at Babylon, so I figured it'd be nice to go someplace quiet." Brian replied quietly. He knew that Justin felt a little unsure about what he had just said, and he wanted to put him at ease.
"I missed playing with Gus", Justin admitted. "I haven't been over to see him much since I got out of the hospital, and when we did go over, I was afraid to hold him.
"Yeah, but that's all in the past now. Don't think about it. It takes time, but everything will go back to normal, eventually" Brian said, looking around for the waiter.
When the food came, they ate in near silence; each taking quick glances at the other. When they were finished, Brian paid the check and led Justin out to the jeep.
"Now where", Justin asked in anticipation.
"To the loft. I have a surprise for you" Brian replied, trying (without success) not to smile.
"A surprise? For me?" Justin asked, already surprised.
"No, for the tooth fairy! Yes for you" Brian said, looking at Justin. ~~He looks like a little kid before Christmas. I know he wants to ask what it is. He better not, I know I won't be able to keep it a secret...~~ "And don't bother asking what it is, cause I'm not gonna tell you."
"I wasn't going to ask. I like surprises" Justin said, a little scared that Brian could read him like a book.
"Good" Brian said.
The rest of the drive to the loft was spent chatting about little things, such as the weather and the latest movies.
Once at the loft, Brian ushered Justin in the bedroom.
"Stay in here, until I call for you" Brian instructed.
"In the bedroom?" Justin asked, slightly confused.
"Yes. I didn't get a chance to set up before we left. So, sit in here like a good boy, and I'll yell when everything is ready" Brian replied.
Brian left Justin in the bedroom, and headed for the kitchen. He grabbed two wine glasses, the bottle of wine he'd brought back with him from New York, and put them on the table.
~~Hmm... wine and wine glasses, something is missing. Candles! Yeah, he likes candles.~~
He grabbed two white candles out of the cabinet and the silver candleholders, and placed them in the center of the table. He popped open the bottle of wine and poured some into each glass and placed them at each setting. Next he placed the picture flat on the table, in the center in front of the candles.
~~I don't want him to walk right out and see it... I must have something around to cover it.~~
Brian searched the cabinets and finally found a set of blue silk handkerchiefs. "This should do," he said out loud. He took the handkerchiefs and placed them over the picture. Then he lit the candles, and stepped back to look at his masterpiece.
~~Looks good. Candles are lit, wine is poured, and silk is covering the picture. The only thing missing is Justin. Well, he's not missing, just not at the table right now. I guess it's time for the main event.~~
"Justin", Brian yelled, "Come on out"
Brian met Justin as he came out of the bedroom, and took his hand, leading him to the table.
"Wow, the table looks great" Justin said, looking at the table.
"It's not bad. Here, sit down" Brian said, pulling out a chair for Justin to sit.
Justin sat down, eager to find out what Brian was up to. Brian sat in the chair opposite Justin, and took his hand.
"Justin, I know that I don't say what you mean to me. I try to show it, but most times I don't even do that very well. You've asked why you're here, and I've said you're here because I want you to be. Well, that's true, but it's not the only reason."
Brian looked into Justin's eyes intently. ~~I love looking into those beautiful blue eyes~~
"Brian, you don't have to say anything," Justin said, never taking his eyes off of Brian's hazel eyes.
"Yes I do. I've been hiding behind quick responses and insinuations long enough. Everyone can see it, and I know that you know in your heart how I feel, but it's time I do something to prove it. I have a hard time saying things, especially where my feelings are concerned, but words don't prove anything. I made you something, take a look" Brian said, pointing to the silk handkerchiefs covering the picture.
With tears brimming in his eyes, Justin removed the silk handkerchiefs to uncover the picture that Brian had made for him. The tears fell as soon as he saw the drawing. It said, loud and clear, the things that Brian could never say, but always meant.
"Brian, it's beautiful. I love it, and I love you" Justin said, letting the tears fall.
"Please don't cry, Sunshine. I've made you cry enough over the past year, now I want to make you smile" Brian said, fighting back tears.
"Brian, you do make me happy. I admit, it wasn't always easy, but I never gave up on you. Just like you never gave up on me when I got out of the hospital," Justin said.
"No, you didn't give up. You were a persistent little fucker. Do you really like it?" Brian asked.
"Yes I do. The colors, the sun, the rain, its all so clear. But, when did you have time to do this?" Justin asked
"This morning, while you were asleep" Brian answered, proud of himself.
"Well, it's beautiful" Justin said, raising his wine glass, "a toast... to us"
"Yes, to us" Brian answered, raising his glass to toast Justin.
After finishing their wine, Justin picked up his gift and turned to Brian. "Where are we going to hang it?"
"Hang it anywhere you'd like... tomorrow" Brian said, grinning at Justin.
"Ah... ok..." Justin answered, flashing a huge sunshine smile at Brian. He knew what Brian had on his mind.
Brian pulled Justin into a hug, and kissed him gently on the lips. "How about you going into the bedroom, while I wash out the glasses?"
"Ok, don't take too long" Justin said, grinning.
Brian released Justin from the hug. As Justin walked toward the bedroom, Brian called to him. "Justin..."
"Yeah, Brian?"
"I love you"