"I saw him," Justin said in a scared voice.
Brian looks at him and replies, "Another dream?"
"No, he was at the hospice", Justin said with a look of panic in his eyes.
"What was he doing there?" Brian asked, suddenly concerned.
"His 500 hours of community service", Justin replied
"Is that some kind of cruel joke?" Michael asks
"Did he do anything?", Brian asks, looking up at Justin
"He said he hopes I get AIDS and die." Justin said, looking down.
"That asshole!" Michael screams
"Don't think about it" Brian says, walking up to Justin and hugging him. "Get some sleep, you have a big day tomorrow".
"I'm not going" Justin whispers, and walks away.
"What? And miss your first Pride?" Brian asks.
"What do I have to be proud of?" Justin asks. "That I got bashed and didn't die?"
These words sting as Brian digests them. As he attempts to reply, Michael cuts him off.
"If he doesn't want to go, don't force him", Michael says.
"Stay out of it", Brian warns.
"Sure, but I find it very ironic that you of all people are trying to convince him to go to Pride, considering who you are promoting" Michael says.
"Well, what are you proud of? That you are too afraid to march with your mother?" Brian counters.
"Fuck you!" Michael yells, and leaves.
Brian turns to Justin, who has gone into the bedroom to sit on the bed. He walks over and puts his arm around Justin.
"You have to go to Pride"
"Why?" Justin asks. "I'm still not crazy about crowds, and like I said before, what do I have to be proud of?"
"Yourself" Brian replies simply.
"What?" Justin asks, slightly confused.
"You heard me, you have yourself to be proud of. You've come a long way from the scared twinkie that I found on Liberty Avenue over a year ago." Brian said, getting up and moved to his side of the bed.
Justin gets up and situates himself next to Brian, laying his head on Brian's chest. "Really?" he asked.
"Yes. As beautiful as you were that night, you were scared, and it showed. You trusted me, and to this day I don't know why. You've dealt with more this year than most teens deal with in a lifetime. You dealt with your father's disapproval of your coming out. You also dealt with me, and I know I'm not the easiest person to be around. And then there was the bashing. You did live, and yes, you should be proud of that. But more importantly, you never gave up. I never planned on telling you this, but I was there. I came to see you every night after everyone left. I convinced the night nurse that it was better if you didn't know, if no one knew. She told me that you were determined to get better and get out, that you never stopped trying." Brian stopped, he thought he'd cry if he continued talking. He brushed his fingers through Justin's hair, and looked down at him. Justin's bright blue eyes glistened with tears.
"I was scared, through everything. I wasn't sure if coming out was right, I wasn't sure if leaving home was right, but the one thing I was always sure of is you." Justin said quietly
"See, you have a lot to be proud of. You accomplished a lot. You're stronger now. You even got one of your parents to accept you." Brian replied, fingers still softly playing with Justin's hair.
"You made me stronger. The way you don't take shit from anyone, like when you stood up to my dad when he said that I had to lie about who I am in order to live at home. I wanted to show you that I belong with you. I figured that you wouldn't want some scared twinkie around, but you would keep me around if I were just like you. When I was in the hospital, I asked for you. I wanted to see you, but part of me was glad you weren't there because I didn't want you to see me like that. I know you witnessed the whole thing, but I still didn't want you to see me hooked up to those machines. The thought of you motivated me to work hard to get out of the hospital, so I could see you, and hold you. I was so afraid that I wouldn't be able to hold you again. I couldn't let anyone touch me; I was afraid it'd be the same with you, that I'd be afraid of even your touch. You are always with me, no matter how far apart we are, you're in my heart. I have never been as scared as I am now. Before the bashing, I dealt with things that didn't physically harm me. I wasn't afraid of people hurting me physically. Of course I was pushed around, but I dealt with that. But for the most part, it was words, and words I can let roll off me. After the bashing, I became afraid of letting people touch me, or getting too close to me. I thought the feeling would go away after Hobbs was sentenced, and my life got back to normal. But it's not. I can let you touch me, I trust you. You won't hurt me, I know that. I'm safe in this loft, and when I'm out with you. It's the rest of the world that I'm afraid of. I know I'm getting better, I can walk down Liberty Avenue towards you and not be afraid. But will I ever be able to go out alone and not be afraid?" Justin let the tears fall, sobbing lightly against Brian's chest.
Brian rubbed Justin's back, comforting him. "Justin, it's ok to be afraid. Don't you think that I'm afraid too? But for all the reasons that you are afraid, you aren't giving up. It's not in your nature to give up. I tried to push you away, remember? You didn't give up then. Why are you so quick to give up now? Do you want Hobbs to win?"
"No" Justin sniffled. "What are you afraid of?"
"I was scared to death that I was going to lose you. When I saw Hobbs swing the bat, and you hit the ground, I was afraid that I'd lost the sunshine in my life. I'm afraid for you whenever you're not with me, afraid that it will happen again and I won't be there. At least in the garage, although I couldn't stop him from swinging, I could call the ambulance. I know that you will be ok. I know that your life will go back to normal, or as normal as it gets around here. I'm proud of how far you've come. Don't you see, for every reason you are afraid, there is an even greater reason for you to be proud?" Brian wiped his face with his free hand.
"You're proud of me?" Justin asked
"Yes, I am." Brian said, smiling
"I guess I'm proud of me too, then. Will you go to Pride with me?" Justin asked timidly, afraid that Brian would say no.
"Yeah, I'll be there. Do you think I'd let you out of my sight with all those people around? I wouldn't want any of them trying to grab at that gorgeous ass of yours" Brian said, pinching Justin's ass.
"Ow" Justin said, laughing.
"So, you'll go to Pride?" Brian asked, just to make sure.
"Knowing that you will be there, and knowing that you are proud of me, how could I not go?" Justin replied, getting up to plant a kiss on Brian's lips.
"Good. Now, how about some of that physical therapy that the doctors say is good for you?" Brian says, with a wicked grin on his face.
"Oh yeah, I'm up for it", Justin replies kissing Brian again
Brian looks at him and replies, "Another dream?"
"No, he was at the hospice", Justin said with a look of panic in his eyes.
"What was he doing there?" Brian asked, suddenly concerned.
"His 500 hours of community service", Justin replied
"Is that some kind of cruel joke?" Michael asks
"Did he do anything?", Brian asks, looking up at Justin
"He said he hopes I get AIDS and die." Justin said, looking down.
"That asshole!" Michael screams
"Don't think about it" Brian says, walking up to Justin and hugging him. "Get some sleep, you have a big day tomorrow".
"I'm not going" Justin whispers, and walks away.
"What? And miss your first Pride?" Brian asks.
"What do I have to be proud of?" Justin asks. "That I got bashed and didn't die?"
These words sting as Brian digests them. As he attempts to reply, Michael cuts him off.
"If he doesn't want to go, don't force him", Michael says.
"Stay out of it", Brian warns.
"Sure, but I find it very ironic that you of all people are trying to convince him to go to Pride, considering who you are promoting" Michael says.
"Well, what are you proud of? That you are too afraid to march with your mother?" Brian counters.
"Fuck you!" Michael yells, and leaves.
Brian turns to Justin, who has gone into the bedroom to sit on the bed. He walks over and puts his arm around Justin.
"You have to go to Pride"
"Why?" Justin asks. "I'm still not crazy about crowds, and like I said before, what do I have to be proud of?"
"Yourself" Brian replies simply.
"What?" Justin asks, slightly confused.
"You heard me, you have yourself to be proud of. You've come a long way from the scared twinkie that I found on Liberty Avenue over a year ago." Brian said, getting up and moved to his side of the bed.
Justin gets up and situates himself next to Brian, laying his head on Brian's chest. "Really?" he asked.
"Yes. As beautiful as you were that night, you were scared, and it showed. You trusted me, and to this day I don't know why. You've dealt with more this year than most teens deal with in a lifetime. You dealt with your father's disapproval of your coming out. You also dealt with me, and I know I'm not the easiest person to be around. And then there was the bashing. You did live, and yes, you should be proud of that. But more importantly, you never gave up. I never planned on telling you this, but I was there. I came to see you every night after everyone left. I convinced the night nurse that it was better if you didn't know, if no one knew. She told me that you were determined to get better and get out, that you never stopped trying." Brian stopped, he thought he'd cry if he continued talking. He brushed his fingers through Justin's hair, and looked down at him. Justin's bright blue eyes glistened with tears.
"I was scared, through everything. I wasn't sure if coming out was right, I wasn't sure if leaving home was right, but the one thing I was always sure of is you." Justin said quietly
"See, you have a lot to be proud of. You accomplished a lot. You're stronger now. You even got one of your parents to accept you." Brian replied, fingers still softly playing with Justin's hair.
"You made me stronger. The way you don't take shit from anyone, like when you stood up to my dad when he said that I had to lie about who I am in order to live at home. I wanted to show you that I belong with you. I figured that you wouldn't want some scared twinkie around, but you would keep me around if I were just like you. When I was in the hospital, I asked for you. I wanted to see you, but part of me was glad you weren't there because I didn't want you to see me like that. I know you witnessed the whole thing, but I still didn't want you to see me hooked up to those machines. The thought of you motivated me to work hard to get out of the hospital, so I could see you, and hold you. I was so afraid that I wouldn't be able to hold you again. I couldn't let anyone touch me; I was afraid it'd be the same with you, that I'd be afraid of even your touch. You are always with me, no matter how far apart we are, you're in my heart. I have never been as scared as I am now. Before the bashing, I dealt with things that didn't physically harm me. I wasn't afraid of people hurting me physically. Of course I was pushed around, but I dealt with that. But for the most part, it was words, and words I can let roll off me. After the bashing, I became afraid of letting people touch me, or getting too close to me. I thought the feeling would go away after Hobbs was sentenced, and my life got back to normal. But it's not. I can let you touch me, I trust you. You won't hurt me, I know that. I'm safe in this loft, and when I'm out with you. It's the rest of the world that I'm afraid of. I know I'm getting better, I can walk down Liberty Avenue towards you and not be afraid. But will I ever be able to go out alone and not be afraid?" Justin let the tears fall, sobbing lightly against Brian's chest.
Brian rubbed Justin's back, comforting him. "Justin, it's ok to be afraid. Don't you think that I'm afraid too? But for all the reasons that you are afraid, you aren't giving up. It's not in your nature to give up. I tried to push you away, remember? You didn't give up then. Why are you so quick to give up now? Do you want Hobbs to win?"
"No" Justin sniffled. "What are you afraid of?"
"I was scared to death that I was going to lose you. When I saw Hobbs swing the bat, and you hit the ground, I was afraid that I'd lost the sunshine in my life. I'm afraid for you whenever you're not with me, afraid that it will happen again and I won't be there. At least in the garage, although I couldn't stop him from swinging, I could call the ambulance. I know that you will be ok. I know that your life will go back to normal, or as normal as it gets around here. I'm proud of how far you've come. Don't you see, for every reason you are afraid, there is an even greater reason for you to be proud?" Brian wiped his face with his free hand.
"You're proud of me?" Justin asked
"Yes, I am." Brian said, smiling
"I guess I'm proud of me too, then. Will you go to Pride with me?" Justin asked timidly, afraid that Brian would say no.
"Yeah, I'll be there. Do you think I'd let you out of my sight with all those people around? I wouldn't want any of them trying to grab at that gorgeous ass of yours" Brian said, pinching Justin's ass.
"Ow" Justin said, laughing.
"So, you'll go to Pride?" Brian asked, just to make sure.
"Knowing that you will be there, and knowing that you are proud of me, how could I not go?" Justin replied, getting up to plant a kiss on Brian's lips.
"Good. Now, how about some of that physical therapy that the doctors say is good for you?" Brian says, with a wicked grin on his face.
"Oh yeah, I'm up for it", Justin replies kissing Brian again