"OW!"
Syed's cry made Christian hurriedly throw down the corkscrew and twist round in alarm. He pursed his lips in resigned disapproval at the sight of Sam, stretched out across the bed at Syed's feet, clutching his stomach, legs flailing in the air, wracked by paroxysms of mirth.
A deep rumble came from the direction of the sofa, where Steve lounged, shaking with guffaws so low that they seemed to rock the fabric of the flat.
Raising apologetic eyes to meet his, Syed tried to suppress his laughter and spluttered;
"Sam made me.."
"Haaaa! That's three times we've got you. You span round so fast that time, you nearly turned into Wonder Woman…." Sam helplessly wriggled on his back, nearly bashing the part of the duvet that lay over Syed's cast.
"You bunch of fuckers. Sam, be careful! He'll really be screaming in agony if you don't watch out.."
"Aww, like an old mother hen!"
Grumpily, Christian sloshed white wine into three glasses.
"Less of the old. And the mother, you can fuck off with the hen too."
"Young father cock?" Suggested Steve.
Handing over a glass, Christian patted him on the head.
"You can stay, I like you. Though get rid of the father bit, believe me, my feelings for Sy are far from paternal. Here.. " The wine sloshed dangerously as Sam took it from him.
"..don't spill it on the bed, I'll have to wash him again. Do you want anything, babe?"
Syed smiled.
"No, thank you. You'd be over the moon if I needed another wash, he's obsessed.." He winked conspiratorially at Sam, "..I don't like to tell him I'm perfectly capable of doing it myself."
Sam grinned and attempted to raise a perfectly arched eyebrow at Christian.
"Has she gone all pervy? I bet she's hiding your crutches. It's like 'Misery' in here. Christian is Kathy Bates…"
"Steve, how do you put up with it?" Christian joined his friend on the sofa and took a slug of wine. " And why doesn't you forehead move anymore Sam? You look like a frozen, waxy mask, overdone the Botox?"
"Buttox.." Syed muttered, and giggled to himself, fondly regarding the three men sprawled around the room, enjoying the easy way they mocked each other.
Sam rolled off the end of the bed and crawled across to Christian on his hands and knees. He squatted in front of him, slowly and deliberately prodding the line between his brows.
"You're jealous of my fabulousness. Steve bought it for me.."
"Did I?" Steve cut in with surprise. "Is that what that huge, inexplicable, amount is on the credit card bill? You told me it was to do with your piles.."
Sam struck him smartly on the leg, wincing slightly as his hand met solid muscle.
"Fuck off, Ste. Ouch, your leg just hurt me.."
"HA!" Uttering a yelp of laughter, Christian turned to Steve.
"He's going to sue you now, violent assault on his poor feeble pinkies, so he can pay for a trout pout.."
"Cheek. I don't need one. My lips are almost as luscious as Syed's.." Sam returned to the end of the bed and gazed up at Syed, lying in state, propped up comfortably on two pillows, and enquired mischievously;
"Don't you think your old man could do with a bit of cosmetic procedure, a little nip and tuck? Spruce him up?"
Syed regarded Christian, reclining on the sofa, his feet on Steve's lap, and stated firmly;
"I like him exactly the way he is."
Punching his fist into the air, Christian shouted "Yay!" and shot Sam a look of triumph.
"Up yours Sammy boy, no need for me to risk looking like the Bride of Wildenstein."
Sam put his fingers down his throat and pretended to gag.
"Ugh, you two are sickening." He furtively insinuated a hand under the duvet to tickle Syed's good foot and, affecting an innocent air, asked;
"Have you got pants on under there?.."
Pulling his T shirt down as far as it would go, Syed kicked out as Sam started to raise the covers.
"Help! Christian! I'm being molested.."
In three strides, Christian was across the room and wrestling a protesting Sam onto the floor.
"Ste, can you do something about your vile husband?"
Happily sipping at his wine, Steve grunted a denial.
"Nope, gave up trying years ago."
The buzzing of the entry phone made Christian pause in his attempt to get Sam in a headlock. He caught a brief glimpse of the hope that flashed across Syed's face, followed rapidly by concern as he glanced at Sam. He wondered , despite the likelihood of Syed's dream being an impossibility, if he had time to lock Sam in the bathroom. Steve would manage to be sensible and tactful in front of the Masood's, but his partner was a different kettle of fish, and Christian didn't want Syed to be embarrassed.
As if he sensed the flurry of thoughts in Christian's mind, Syed smiled up at him, and mouthed.
"It's okay."
"Do you want me to get it while you finish killing him?" Steve offered.
"Nah, you're alright.." Christian stepped over Sam's prone, giggling, body.
"God, you never realise how popular someone is until a ceiling falls on their head.."
He hesitated before lifting the receiver, and pointed a warning at Sam.
"..and you, if you love us, fucking behave."