I Wanna Hold Your Hand, a scrubs fanfic

Hmmmm…

How should I annoy Scooter today? Should I trip him, make him step in wet paint, or in my mop water. No, those have been done to death. What to do, what to do, what to do?

I need to think. Walking up to my supply closet, I hear muffled moaning… someone's getting it on in my space. I don't think so; it's time to break up this love-fest. Swinging the door open I do not see a couple, in fact, I see no one. Who could it be?

"Hey," I hear someone whisper, and sniffle. I look up, then down, searching for the voice. There, curled up, in a ball on the floor is Blonde Doctor, sobbing. Who did this to her?! No one makes Blonde Doctor cry on my watch!

"Hey, Blonde Doctor, what's wrong?" I come fully in to the closet and sit beside her.

"Nothing." She wipes her cheek and gets up to leave. Wait a minute… there is no way nothing is wrong. Someone hurt her. Before she can even get all the way to the door I pull her back down again.

"Something is wrong, so why don't you tell me?" I ask, as she sits again.

"You wouldn't care. Never mind."

"You want to bet? Come on, tell me." It better not be Scooter who messed with her! I never could understand what she saw in him. If it was, he'll pay. More than usual I mean.

"Why would you care? You wouldn't, so why bother."

Oh yeah, I'll tell you something

I think you'll understand

Boy, she really is making it hard for me to help her. What could possibly be that big of a deal?

"I care because you are the only one who treats me remotely human. So, now that we have that cleared up: What's really wrong? Did Mousse Haired Doctor break up with you?" The little viper doesn't realize how good she is. She is way out of his league, way out of my league. Hell, she is way to good for anyone.

"No," she sighs, letting her head loll on to my shoulder, "we aren't together even. What happened was that right after rounds I went to the nurses' station to pick up new charts Dr. Cox was there. He rubbed the Mr. McNell situation in my face…" Her voice trails off, and she closes her eyes, visibly fighting off tears.

"What happened to Mr. McNell?"

"He…he died."

"What happened?"

"I was on clinic duty, Pacifying over anxious parents, and treating colds, when my pager went off I ran to his room. He heart had failed, and I was too slow. I was always to slow with him, in fact that was the reason he died: I had yet to start him on nitroglycerin. He died because of my inability to act. I flip flopped between medications, and didn't come to a decision fast enough." Poor Blonde Doctor, I can't imagine what she must be going through. And here I thought all I was gonna have to do was bash Scooter's head in. If only.

When I say that something

I wanna hold your hand

"Listen to me." She looks down. "Listen to me, this wasn't your fault. You work in the medical field, you are right to be cautious. No matter what anyone else says I'm sure you did what you could for Mr. McNell."

"How? How are you sure? Because it sure feels to me like I screwed up, I am to blame."

"I know because you are a good doctor. Yu are a good person and would never hurt anyone by neglect or on purpose." I know it sounds cheesy, but I really do feel like that.

"Thank you Janitor." She is resting he head on my lap and we are slumped over on the ground. Then, she starts quietly crying again."

"Shhh, I know it feels like it's your fault now, but later, when this is all said and done, you'll realize that you couldn't have done anything. Or, maybe you could have. What do I know? But you will eventually forgive yourself." She glares at me slightly, and I smile. "You have done nothing for witch you need absolution. But, until you can forgive yourself, let's just stay here awhile."

Oh, please, say to me,

You'll let me be your man

She sighs and smiles up at me. I reach down and touch her shoulder. Boy, is she wonderful, being able to withstand everything.

"Janitor," she squeaks, "How do you keep such a positive outlook in a place like this?"

"I don't know, I guess I've just always looked on the bright side of things. For instance, this morning, I found blue handprints all over the walls. Now, I was upset that my walls were ruined, but I also thought about how whoever did it to my walls would have to live with bright blue hands for the next week. That paint, in addition to not coming off of walls, does not come off of hands." I chuckle, so does she. Maybe she is starting to feel better. Hopefully.

"But Janitor, I don't see a silver lining."

"I'll help you find one." She feels my fingers, one after the other, until she has all my fingers on her palm. It feels soft and smooth against my sandpaper hand. Young.

And please, say to me

You'll let me hold your hand

Now let me hold your hand

I wanna hold your hand

She smiles up at me. "Thank you." I feel an odd sensation in my stomach. Then a burning on my face. Was that blue Gatorade I drank earlier actually Windex? No, that is more nausea than burning. This sensation is alluring. The skin on my face begins to pull upward as I smile. Then heat radiates throughout my body. What is going on? Blonde doctor grabs my had and I am completely submerged in this odd sensation. Sort of like the feeling I have when an especially difficult taxidermy job is over. Only much, much better. It's my Blonde Doctor feeling.

And when I touch you I feel happy, inside

It's such a feeling

That my love

I can't hide

The Blonde Doctor feeling envelops me and I feel something else as well. Caring? It's new, and exciting, and I never want to leave it.

Yeah you, got that something

I think you'll understand

When I say that something

I wanna hold your hand

I wanna hold your hand.