Hey yall!

This is just an oneshot I made on the request of my best friend…. She originally requested something where the character murdered her ex boyfriend and I had full intentions of writing a mad crazed SasuSaku fic… but well… this just popped out. And I think it's a lot more realistic don't you think Meowingtons?

Anyways…

If you still want that crazed SasuSaku oneshot tell me and I'll write it.

K?

…

Enjoy!

"Tell me darling… do you take pride in being the reason I cry at night?"

You pace around the room, making indents in the carpet. Your heart pumps loudly in your ears and you can hear nothing but.

…But that's not right is it? Because how could you still have a heart? How could it still be alive and beating when it felt as if it had been ripped out and stepped on?

You shake your head angrily as you claw at your hair, pink locks falling into your eyes as you close squeeze your eyes shut and shake your head against the oncoming wave of pain. Tears prick your eyes and you swipe at them angrily, snarling. Because you will not cry for that bastard; you will not give him the satisfaction- a tear falls. And with that single tear others come, and soon you are sobbing and collapsing onto your knees; and then onto your side and you curl up into the smallest of balls, arms tight around your knees, head dug into your chest. And as the tears fall, you hate yourself. Hate yourself for your weakness, for falling for it… for everything. For ever agreeing to date that bastard for ever so much as looking at him.

You unravel your body as the sudden on slot of self loathing mixes with the pain making your mind focus on one thing and one thing only: relief. Because wasn't that what made you go to him in the first place? That feeling of safety? Of escape? Escape from your sad excuse of a life and all the pain that it brought? He had been your safe heaven, your sweet escape and now he was gone and you had nothing to fall back on but your life of pain.

…Because in the end that was all your life amounted to: pain.

And it is for that reason that you stagger into the bathroom, clutching onto the counter as you reach for your usual relief, something you hadn't used since you'd met him, a thought that you shake away angrily. And as you clutch the razor in your hand you imagine his smiling face, the way he kissed you so sweetly, the way he whispered 'I love you' and… the way you whispered it back. And with a heart wrenching sob you bring the razor down onto your wrist, over and over again until it is a jumbled mess of bloody x's. And you watch detached as the blood drips down the sink, bleeding for the organ that continued to beat.

-oxoxoXOXoxoxo-

You wake up in a mass of tangled sheets and you lay there for a moment, just pretending that nothing ever happened that he was still that sweet guy that loved you and that you were that same naïve girl that loved him back-and then you see the bloody bandages on your wrist and reality crashes down on you. Because reality was like that, it never let you dream for long.

So you drag yourself to your closet and almost mechanically you pull on a black long-sleeved shirt -swapping the bloodied bandages for several wrist bands- and a pair of dark blue jeans.

You go into the bathroom and force yourself to look at your pitiful self, with puffy bloodshot eyes and pale skin you look terrible. Nothing a little lie won't fix. …After all, when your Dad smokes it's not that hard for someone to believe you did to.

You splash water into your face, hoping to reduce the puffiness. Because god forbid your parents think something is wrong with you. You scoff at the thought.

-oxoxoXOXoxoxo-

Breakfast is a fast blur of just staring at a wall as everyone else talks, and you bask in the blankness of your thoughts, because you know it wont last long.

Your Mom tells you its time to go and you sigh before trudging down the stairs, grabbing your bag before walking towards the yellow bus that waits at the end of the road. You walk down the aisle and sit, turning towards the window to once again stare blankly, ignoring the people who might try to talk to you.

And vaguely you wonder: why would they want to at all?

-oxoxoXOXoxoxo-

A sea of people surrounds you and you look around, blinking in surprise when you see the familiar school way halls.

…You wonder when you got here.

You go with the crowd, letting them move you this way and that, uncaring for any destination just wanting to walk, to move. Talking fills your ears and you are silently thankful because it blocks your thoughts out, fills your head from thinking of-

And you see him.

Your breath catches in your throat, and your eyes burn as your heart clenches. He is talking to someone, a girl. You have to force yourself to keep walking, to not approach, to not say hi. And you slowly enter your first class, taking a seat in an empty chair next to your best friend. She is talking animatedly about something but you can't bring yourself to listen. How could you when your heart is screaming inside? When its-

And then something she says catches your attention.

"If it's about him… I-" She sighs, "Look Sakura, all I can say is… he's not worth it. You may argue now and you may hate me for saying this but… one day your going to look back and your going to laugh at how stupid it was to get hung up on him, and your going to think 'what was I thinking?' And you're going to laugh as you kiss your husband and play with your kids, because that pain… that pain lead to something so much better."

And your eyes widen as your heart screams and denies it, because you couldn't possibly move on- how could you? And you want to bite back and scream that she wouldn't understand, that she was wrong- But somewhere something inside argues back, it's small and it may be ever so quiet but it is there all the same. It is a part that wants to move on, that is slowly working its way at the heart, getting it to let go and heal inch by tiny inch.

And you smile a small smile and nod your head ever so slightly. "Yeah."

Because you know one day you will be able to smile a real smile again. That one day you won't feel that crushing pain… and one day you'll be happy and whole.

After all… pain is what makes a heart stronger.

"Cause' I've got news… and its called 'goodbye'."

I feel like the endings kinda rushed… *sigh*

Anyways!

I hope you liked it Meowingtons and I hope it helped a little!

And…

Review?

;)

-TMTMFD