Contemplation
\\When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself, and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.//
William Shakespeare 1
I'm sitting here on one of the park benches waiting for Jim to meet me so we can have a quick lunch before doing some interviews for one of his latest cases.
There are couples walking around or sitting or playing with children; a few single people, some with children, others with dogs or just alone, contemplating whatever it is they have on their minds.
It's been a dry spell for me lately regarding relationships and contrary to what Jim, Simon or the rest of Major Crimes thinks, I'm not as randy as I appear.
Growing up as I did, being a type of gypsy with no strings attached, Naomi taught me more about relationships than many give her credit for. Granted, those teachings are more on what not to do but also, with all the places and peoples we saw, I got quite an education in a variety of areas – relationships and all they entail being something that has always been something I really didn't "get" until recently.
Lately, whatever intimate relations I've been involved in, which really hasn't been that many, have left me feeling more adrift than not. It's brought home to me more and more how alone I am in the world where it comes to dependable and stable relationships, intimate or otherwise.
I see Jim and his relationship with Carolyn. They make ok friends but I know that it bothers him that he was unable to be the husband that she needed or that society tells husbands they should be. I see the same with Simon and how hard it is on him – trying to be the dad he wants to be, the dad society tells him that dads should be and trying to balance that with his work... And then, of course, there's my mom. Talk about relationship issues there!
\\"All mankind is of one author, and is one volume; when one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language; and every chapter must be so translated...As therefore the bell that rings to a sermon, calls not upon the preacher only, but upon the congregation to come: so this bell calls us all: but how much more me, who am brought so near the door by this sickness....No man is an island, entire of itself...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee."//
John Donne 2
Well, all due respect to Donne, if all Men are an island, why can't we all get along? Or at least find that special someone that everyone is supposed to have? I've looked for years and haven't come close to any type of "I would die for you" type of relationship. Is it all just a bunch of wishful thinking? But if that's so, why all the writing, movies and other media that surround the romanticism… I mean, clichés are clichés *because* they are "true," they can be considered common sense or a common idea.
I mean… 400 years later, we are *still* discussing Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet." Why? And I don't think it's because of just the written word. It's the entire concept!
So… is "true love" a fantasy, a part of the human spirit that has been created to give us hope or is it a conspiracy of Somebody that is there simply to taunt us with what we can never have or experience or attain? And if that's so… where does that leave us as a race?
Where does that leave me?
Am I just thinking or analyzing this too much? Am I just not the type of person who will be able to continue as I have and be satisfied with those unfulfilling, randy relationships and be forever disappointed with them?
Minutes pass and I'm no better at figuring out this issue than I was when I sat down.
Not wanting to give off negative vibes to Jim, I turn my thoughts to going over the case as I know it and continue to wait for my Sentinel to join me.
Footnotes:
Attribution:\\William Shakespeare (1564–1616), British poet. When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes (l. 1–14). . . The Unabridged William Shakespeare, William George Clark and William Aldis Wright, eds. (1989) Running Press.// Taken from the following URL: FFnet didn't allow.
Meaning: Human beings do not thrive when isolated from others. Donne was a Christian but this concept is shared by other religions, principally Buddhism. Origin: This is a quotation from John Donne (1572-1631). It appears in "Devotions Upon Emergent Occasions, Meditation XVII."Taken from the following URL: FFnet didn't allow.