DISCLAIMER: Wicked is not my property or creation, neither is the song Feels Like Home, which belongs to Randy Newman.
AN. I got a request for a one-shot from Fae Tiggular for her birthday. She asked for either a one-shot or an epilogue to 40 Weeks. I went with the one-shot.
Life Update: I saw IDINA MENZEL. Twice. And I met her and she hugged me, and it was the greatest night of my life.
Feels Like Home
By Vinkunwildflowerqueen
There's no place like home.
Elphaba had said those words to Nessarose, what had only actually been a few hours ago, but what suddenly felt like another lifetime ago.
It wasn't an uncommon phrase. 'There's no place like home', 'home is where the heart is'. All familiar sentiments, at least in theory. In practice, Elphaba had never found any truth to them- at least, not until she had become the Wicked Witch of the West.
She had never felt anything she associated with the idea of 'home' in Munchkinland. Her relationship with her father and the way the other Munchkins saw her and treated that never exactly promoted tender feelings towards her homeland. Granted, her idea of 'home' was based upon what she read in books and a few hazy memories of her mother; but that wasn't the point.
Shiz was the closest place that matched the sentiment of 'home' Elphaba imagined, that pink-filled dorm room that she had shared with Glinda... who had still been Galinda then. Once again, another lifetime ago. Literally.
"Elphaba" had ceased to exist that day in the attic of the Wizard's Palace in the Emerald City; the moment Morrible had proclaimed her the "Wicked witch." Or so Elphaba had thought.
The Emerald City had felt like it could be home, for a brief moment, in that one day. Elphaba had actually felt like she belonged, like she was accepted, and she knew she could have been happy living there. And as she and Glinda had plotted and dreamed out fantasies of living in the Emerald City after graduation, fulfilling their dreams and soaking up every aspect of the city life, Elphaba had allowed herself to believe that it could happen- that it would happen.
It hurt to think of that dream now, knowing it could never happen. At least not for her. Glinda was living her dream.
And now... there was nothing about the life of a fugitive that could be considered home-like.
But in her years on the run, Elphaba had learned something about home. That maybe it wasn't a place, that maybe it was a person. Or people.
And that's what she had tried and failed to express to her sister in their brief reunion. She had missed her sister dreadfully, after all they had never been apart for so long before all this. Before the separation of 'Elphaba' and 'the Wicked Witch of the West'.
"Elphaba?"
Elphaba jumped slightly, and then inwardly cursed herself for doing so, as she looked up to meet his gaze. It was so unfamiliar these days to hear her name being spoken aloud. There had been a time when she had feared she would forget her name entirely, that she would completely succumb to her identity, her persona of the Wicked Witch of the West. Anyone you met as a fugitive wasn't anyone you usually wanted to exchange personal details with.
Even something as small as a name could be used against you. And you were never sure who to trust.
Elphaba managed a small, apologetic smile.
"Lost in thought," she explained in a murmur, not sure what else to say.
Fiyero smiled in understanding, his eyes softening as he looked at her and Elphaba turned her gaze away abruptly, her insides in such a revolt that she felt nauseous, and she was fighting not to show that to him in the dim lighting of the forest.
This was so unfamiliar. This entire situation, and Elphaba had no idea how to handle herself here. Here she was, walking through the forest with Fiyero Tiggular. Her best friend's fiancée. The boy... the man, she had tried so hard not to think about, tried to suppress all feelings for since a long ago moment in a clearing with a lion cub.
Elphaba was always in control. She had to be, for the work she did. Of course, things went wrong on occasion- this had certainly never been part of her plan to free the Monkeys; but even when they did, she was calm and in control and just... the complete opposite of how she was feeling now.
She had snuck into the Wizard's palace with half the Gale Force there, she had freed Animals from camps and prisons all over Oz; but she had never been as tense or anxious as she was in this moment.
But there was something in his eyes, something that made her want to lose herself in Fiyero's arms. And that was a feeling Elphaba was very unaccustomed to.
Fiyero caught her gaze again, looking slightly concerned. "Are you sure you're okay?"
Elphaba nodded wordlessly, trying to ignore the way her heart beat faster just at the sound of his voice. In the palace, when he had come barging in with his soldiers and his gun, and Elphaba had heard that, "Are you alright, Your Ozness?", she had thought it was due to the circumstances- fear that she wouldn't be able to escape, that she would actually be arrested this time.
But that had been some time ago. The forest was quiet and there was no sign they were being followed, yet every time Fiyero's voice filled the silence, Elphaba's heart began to pound as though she'd been running for miles.
But it wasn't an unpleasant feeling, she realised. Unfamiliar, yes. Unpleasant, no. As a matter of fact, it kind of reminded her of that swooping feeling she got in her gut when she flew on her broom- especially in the beginning when she was still learning how to fly it.
Fiyero took her hand then, and continued to lead her through the forest, lantern held alight to guide their way over the many roots that covered the forest floor, threatening to trip them over in the darkness. Of course, Elphaba was used to travelling through the forest at night, but she didn't stop him from taking the lead or from holding her hand tightly, as though he was frightened if he let go she might slip back into the darkness and disappear.
"Let's stop here for a while. Get some rest," Fiyero suggested as they came to a small clearing a few minutes later.
Elphaba glanced around, as per her habit, and decreed it safe enough for the time being.
"Fine," she agreed absently, lifting her bag off her shoulder and resting it and her broom down on the ground.
And then she turned to see that Fiyero had set the lantern down and settled himself on the ground, and was holding out a hand to her. And Elphaba's stomach tightened apprehensively.
She thought about not taking it, about moving away and not going to him, as every fibre of her brain screamed alerts of panic. But before she knew what she was doing, she had closed the gap between them and was settling herself on the ground opposite him, sliding her green hand into his tan one.
And as soon as she did, a feeling of warmth spread through her and she realised she hadn't even known how empty her hand had felt until it was encased within his. She didn't even remember releasing his hand, but every part of her body felt the return of his touch like standing in front of a fire after being outside on a cold night.
It was a nice feeling. It was a wonderful feeling, and Elphaba found herself hoping this feeling would last for the rest of her life. That she could feel this with every touch until she was old and gray. And that was another terrifying realisation- that she wanted this, wanted him, for the rest of her life.
"Elphaba?"
Once again he said her name. Once again, there was concern and other emotions Elphaba was too unwilling to label reflected in his eyes, and there was that feeling- that longing, within her just to be held by him. To seek comfort and protection in his arms.
She hadn't planned on answering him, but the words fell unbidden from her lips before she knew it.
"This feels a bit surreal. Like a dream."
"A good dream, I hope."
His tone could have been jovial. Teasing, even. But he spoke low and there was an intensity and gravity in his eyes that told Elphaba this moment meant as much to him as it did to her.
Besides, there was no way even Elphaba could have dreamed something this good, as strange and vivid as her dreams could be.
She blushed and gave a small, almost undiscernible nod in response to his statement, which she knew was almost a question, however much it appeared as one.
And then he was leaning towards her slowly, and she was struck by a wave of déjà vu- the two of them sitting in another clearing in another forest, with a Lion Cub in a cage in between them.
The memory distracted her so she didn't have time to think or react, or panic before his lips claimed hers and then it was impossible to think of anything at all.
She was swept away by that warm and tingling feeling that washed over her, her body breaking out in goosebumps that made her shiver. And strangely when they separated, Elphaba was overcome with the strong desire to burst into tears and she had to fight to gain back her control.
Fiyero saw it anyway, and his brow furrowed anxiously.
"Elphaba, what is it? Did I...? Should I have not...?"
He was worried that he'd gone too fast, done something that she wasn't ready for and didn't want. But she shook her head, although she remained silent. That didn't reassure him- he didn't know how much Elphaba had changed in the past two years, but for the girl he had known so briefly at Shiz, silence was a bad sign.
"What is it?" he asked again, gently.
Elphaba just shook her head again, and Fiyero wasn't sure if that was because she didn't know the answer or was just unwilling to tell him. Trying to think for something to explain it, he wondered for a moment if it was PMS.
Glinda always had a few days where she would cry over the simplest thing, and despite all his so-called experience with girls and former scandalacious reputation, Fiyero didn't know if that was Glinda-specific, or if it was common for all girls. But he wasn't going to ask Elphaba that. Glinda was always mortified and furious when he asked her; and he feared Elphaba's temper much more. Plus, he knew it wouldn't be bright to bring up Glinda now.
So he just sat and waited, holding her arms and letting her organise her thoughts.
"You're here. You're really here. With me."
There was almost wonder in her tone, and Fiyero smiled gently, just relieved she was speaking.
"Of course I am."
Elphaba wrestled for the words to explain. She wasn't sure what to say, and it wasn't coming easily, but if she was sitting here with a man who had just committed treason and become a fugitive for her, she felt like she owed him an explanation for her silence.
"I've been alone for so long... my entire life. I never dreamed... that this would actually happen."
Fiyero practically beamed at her. "I know. I've wanted this for so long... I've been dreaming of this for so long."
"That's not what I meant," Elphaba replied without thinking, and then winced as Fiyero couldn't hide the look of hurt in his eyes.
"No! I mean... my entire life, I never thought that... anything like this could ever happen. I never even wanted to let myself wish for something like this, because..."
Fiyero gently cut her off as she struggled to finish that sentence.
"I get it," he said softly.
She nodded gratefully, relaxing as she didn't have to continue.
"But here you are. That day... at Shiz with the Lion cub... it changed everything. For me, at least."
"Me too. You changed my life, Elphaba. In every way," Fiyero said, and that look of intensity returned to his eyes.
She laughed slightly. "I feel like I'm back there again. Like I'm back at Shiz in that clearing."
Fiyero smiled. "I wish I could go back to that day. I still think about that day... all the time."
"Me too," Elphaba whispered.
Fiyero leaned forward and kissed her again, and Elphaba kissed him back instinctively, still not sure she knew what she was doing.
"I feel like Elphaba again."
"As opposed to?" Fiyero laughed gently.
Elphaba blushed, she hadn't realised she'd said that aloud.
"As opposed to... the Wicked Witch," she said, feeling ridiculous even saying it. "I've been the Wicked Witch for so long now, I sometimes forget who I used to be."
"You're still her," Fiyero told her, cupping her face gently. "You're still Elphaba Thropp. Morrible and the Wizard can't take that from you."
"Because you brought her back to me," Elphaba answered. "I don't even remember that girl anymore."
Fiyero smiled softly. "Well, allow me to re-introduce you to that girl."
He drew her to him once more, kissing her more deeply and tenderly than Elphaba had ever imagined possible.
Elphaba had a sudden flashback to watching Fiyero and Glinda together at Shiz in that brief time between the Lion Cub and her departure for the Emerald City. How often she had remembered the touch of his hand in hers and the ghost of her hand on his cheek as she had wiped away the blood from his face. And how she had watched Glinda and Fiyero as he held her hand, or slipped an arm around her waist as they walked; and she had wished that it was her that he was touching.
And now it was, and the moment was more than she had ever dreamed. An unfamiliar feeling swept through her, and it took Elphaba a moment to recognise it.
It was happiness.
She was happy. And Elphaba hadn't had a lot of opportunities to be happy over the past few years. To her, happiness was when she was able to find somewhere to stay that allowed her to have a hot bath; or a cup of coffee; or when an Animal she had rescued thanked her and made her feel like what she was doing was worthwhile.
Fiyero pulled away momentarily and looked her in the eyes.
"I love you, Elphaba."
Elphaba stilled and she swore she stopped breathing. She hadn't expected that, and she couldn't ever remember those words ever being directed at her, not even from Nessarose. And she didn't think she'd ever said them. To anyone.
Fiyero was just watching her and waiting for her to speak.
"I love you too," she managed to say, not realising how true it was until the words had been spoken.
Once more, Fiyero drew her to him, and even as she returned the kiss and pulled herself flush up against him, a voice in Elphaba's head- the voice of the fugitive, of the Wicked Witch of the West- spoke up and said that this was probably neither the time nor the place for this, not when the Gale Force and the Wizard were probably hunting for them as they spoke.
But for once, Elphaba silenced that voice. She wasn't going to be the Wicked Witch tonight, not in this moment. In this moment, she was just a girl with the boy she loved and who loved her in return. She was just Elphaba.
AN. Happy birthday Fae Tiggular! Hope you like this!
