Bursting out of Interrogation, Kensi grabs her partners arm.
"What the hell was that?"
"What?" He's seething, but there's something else bothering him, she knows.
"Why can't you just say what you mean, Deeks?"
"Because. Because it terrifies me, Kenz! When I saw that photo of you, of you dead, I..." He pauses, unable to admit the lengths he'd almost gone to when he thought she was gone. "There's too much, Kens. At night, I'm back there, in that garage and it's all too much and then I see your face and, and I reach out for you. But then I'm awake, and, and I'm reaching out and you're not there. And it kills me! You, you are my safe place. If I lost you..." He stops. To continue would mean admitting what he's afraid of. The silence feels like an eternity, when he feels a hand take his. He looks up into her eyes, the eyes he thought he'd never see again. There's tears glistening on the edges of her lashes and the sight breaks his heart. He realises that she's saying something.
"You are my safe place too. In Afghanistan, in that cave, when they were beating me, you were there, watching over me."
An angry memory stirs in Deeks. "The first person you went to wasn't me though was it? It was your ex. And when I held you, you were looking at him!" He pulls his hand away. She's trying to explain, but he's not in a place to hear it.
"I just need some space Kenz. I'll see you tomorrow." Deeks heads for the door. He hates himself for throwing that at her, she hadn't seen him for years, thought he was dead or something, but the hurt had spoken the words before he could stop them.
Outside, he kicks the trashcan. "Damnit, Deeks, you moron!" He wants to run back, to take it all back, to tell her... What? He's not even sure he knows. What do you say to the person who knows you best, who you trust with your life when your feelings are changing? "Damnit!" Yeah, that about covers it. A shower, that would fix things, or at least stop him smelling like last weeks garbage.
"Mornin', Deeks." Sam's booming voice brought him round from his thoughts.
"Mornin' Sam." Not being in the mood for a more intellectual start to the day, Deeks set his coffee down and starts to open the mail.
"Hey, guys" Callen breezes into the office, a sly smile on his lips.
"Date went well then, ey G?"
The banter, a normal day but Deeks wasn't listening. He is waiting, waiting for his partner, his best friend, his...
Just as she appears, the chatter is silenced by... A kazoo? Eric stands at the top of the stairs with the latest in his line of seemingly innumerable noise-makers. "To ops! The bad guys got an early start."
"So Kenz and Deeks, you take the house and we'll take the crime scene."
"Huh?"
"Haven't you been listening, Deeks?"
"Sorry, miles away. So, house? Let's roll!" Trying to hide confusion and mental anguish with humour, a Deeks special. The two sets of partners set off on their respective tasks.
"So, are we okay?" Kensi had to break the silence. This wasn't normal for them, and someone had to talk about the elephant in the car.
"Yeah, we're okay." Deeks lied. He wasn't in the mood to talk just yet. Besides, they were almost there. Talking could wait.
"Open up, federal agents!" No answer. "I'll get the lock." Kensi sets to work, quick as always. The door opened and they sweep the house, room by room.
"Clear!"
"Clear!"
Kensi walks back to the living room to join her partner, who is thumbing through some paperwork on the desk.
Too late, he noticed the timer.
Too late to run.
Time slowed, and only time for one action.
"KENSI!"
With adrenaline surging, he grabs his partner, barely registering his movements, and hurls her through the window.
One second later, the world goes brilliantly white.
"DEEKS!" Kensi screams when the world rights itself. A wave of panic and nausea flows over her. Getting on the comms, she calls for help.
"Eric! I need emergency services. Now!"
Picking her way through the carnage, Kensi fights her way back to her partner.
"Deeks! Deeks! Where are you? Say something. Please!" She implores. No answer. "Oh god, Deeks. Please say something!"
A hand. Poking out from under the table. Summoning all her strength, she starts to pull away the debris trapping him. She checks his neck for a pulse. It's there, but it's weak. Think, Kensi! There's so much blood. In the distance, she hears the faint sound of sirens.
"It's gonna be okay, Deeks. They're coming. They're almost here. Hold on, Deeks. Just a little longer"
Working methodically, detached from the rising panic, she attends to the more obvious wounds as the sirens get louder.
"Just a few more minutes, Deeks." Why was she still talking? For him? For her? To stave off the feeling of guilt.
"It should be me under there."
There are hands, and someone's talking to her.
"Ma'am? Are you okay? Are you hurt?"
"I'm fine. My partner. He's hurt."
"We've got him."
"I'm not leaving him. I want to go with him in the ambulance."
"Ma'am, that's not..."
She cut him off. "I'm going with him." Her icy stare cut through his resistance.
"Of course."
The trip to the hospital seemed to take hours, rather than the minutes that passed in the real world. Once inside, they rushed Deeks off to surgery and left Kensi to come to terms with the events of the last few minutes. What Deeks had done for her. Adrenaline gone, she sank into a chair. Sensing a presence brought her out of her revelry.
"Hetty."
"How are you, Miss Blye?"
"I'm fine, Hetty."
"Really?" Hetty raised an eyebrow. How did she have this unerring ability to see right through everyone? Kensi didn't trust herself to answer.
"Well then, to business, Miss Blye! What I need you to do is..."
"No." The starkness of her reply shocked Kensi, but she continued "No, I'm not leaving him. Not again. Granger made me leave him twice! In that warehouse, and in this hospital when all I wanted to do..." Kensi tailed off. What had she wanted to do? What could she have done?
"Very well, Miss Blye. Stay with Mr Deeks, let me know if anything happens."
Jeez, waiting rooms are boring. All the magazines on offer had been picked up, flicked through, thrown down and read cover to cover, and still no news.
"Agent Blye?" The voice startled her in the quiet of the waiting room.
"Yes?"
"Agent Deeks is out of surgery. He's still unconscious, but would you like to see him?"
"Yes please. Thank you."
Nothing had really prepared her for this. The sight of him, covered in bandages and tubes and hooked up to monitors, made her gasp.
"Hey Deeks." Tiptoeing over to the bed, she took his hand and sat down "well, I've seen you do some idiotic things to get out of work, but this is one of the stupidest!" She smiled at the joke. She knew he would appreciate it. So, she talked. About everything. About nothing. Time meant nothing. Soon, a nurse came.
"Visiting hours are over, miss."
"Go away. I'm not leaving him. He's not going to be alone when he wakes up, understand?"
"I'll have to talk to the..."
"Then do that." Kensi turned back to her partner. "Where was I?" Wrapping herself in a blanket, she made herself as comfortable as possible in the hospital chair, took his hand again, and talked till she fell asleep.
Ugh. Why is it so bright? Deeks risked half-opening an eye and swiftly shut it again. Where was he again?
"Good morning, Mr Deeks." Ah, familiarity.
"Morning, Hetty. Did you get the number?"
"What number is that, Mr Deeks?"
"Of the truck that hit me." Hetty smiled. That was a good sign at least. The jokes were back.
Slowly, Deeks tried to inch his way into a sitting position. It was then he became aware of the apparent death grip on his hand.
"She wouldn't leave you. Became quite... Insubordinate in fact." Hetty looked at her still sleeping agent and smiled despite herself. They were all like family to her and she hated to see them hurting.
"That's my girl." Deeks smiled and then panicked a little. Would Hetty, the agency, allow what was going through his mind? He turned to Hetty, trying to read her face. Fat chance. He'd have better luck trying to read a rock.
"Faint heart, Mr Deeks. Feel better soon." And with that, she took her leave.
Two weeks had passed since the explosion, and Deeks was ready to be discharged from the hospital. Kensi observed her partner as he signed himself out, trying to manage by himself despite the cast and sling. God, he's such a boy! Kensi smiled. Trying to be back to full throttle before he's really ready.
"Okay, let's go! I am soooo ready to be out of here! I miss..." He paused, trying to gauge the look in his partners eyes, "Monty. Yes, I miss that dog." Kensi punched him gently on the shoulder.
"He's missed you too. Damn near destroyed my place, pining after you. Come on, we'll swing by my place, pick him up and take him to the beach for a run. How's that sound?"
"Great." Deeks smiled "it sounds great."
The sand felt wonderful between his toes. He'd always been at his most content at the beach, although surfing was probably out for a while. Monty was clearly enjoying himself, going nuts in the waves. Kensi sat at his side, running the sand between her fingers, watching the sun set. It was perfect, except for the thoughts in his mind. Playing scenes from the last few months in tortuous detail. His torture, the photo, her ex, the blast, a whole range of almosts.
"It's getting dark. Let's get you home, Deeks. Don't want you catching a cold as well!" Kensi smiled, but she could tell he still had something on his mind. Deeks was rarely this quiet.
"Okay, so, I filled the fridge with a few meals you can microwave, and that gross shake stuff you like so much, so you should be set until at least morning! I'll leave you in peace, and I'll be back to check on you tomorrow, okay?" Kensi gave him a hug and started heading toward the door.
"No." It was out there before he could stop it. "No, it's not okay. I'm not okay. Can you..." He faltered. He'd never been good at asking for help. "Will you... Stay? I don't want to see these things in my head any more and not know if you're okay." He was crying. Stupid! He didn't want her to see him weak, but the thought of her leaving and being alone scared him more right now. He took her hand. "Please?"
"Okay. It's okay, Deeks. I'll stay. Come on, you need to rest." She led him to the bedroom, settled him down and slipped into the bed beside him. Soon, the sound of his rhythmic breathing lulled her to sleep.
"KENSI!"
The sound of her name bolted her awake. He was having a nightmare.
"It's okay Deeks. I'm here, I'm right here." She whispered into his ear, and stroked his hair until his eyes fluttered open.
"Kensi. Oh god, Kensi." He turned, and buried his face in her shoulder. "You're still here."
"I said I would stay and I meant it. It's over now. Go back to sleep." She held him to her until they were both asleep.
The sunlight glared through a gap in the curtains and sliced the bed in two. The warmth roused Deeks from his slumber. He tried to shift, but found his good arm firmly entwined around his sleeping partner. The tingling in his arm was rising, but as he looked at her laying there so peacefully, he didn't care. She looked perfect, her hair framing her face. He kissed her forehead and tried to slide his arm out without waking her, but she began to stir.
"Morning" she managed "I need coffee." Extracting herself from the tangle of limbs, she padded out to the kitchen. "Want some?" She shot back over her shoulder.
"Hmm?" He'd been watching her go, clad only in one of his shirts and her underwear. "Oh! Coffee! Yes." He smiled. She'd stayed and he'd had one of the better nights sleep he'd had in a long while. He swung his legs out from under the covers and followed her out. "Where'd you get the shirt?"
"Oh, I hope you don't mind. You, er, drooled on mine." She grinned, and giggled at her partner's discomfort. "Hey, it's okay, I'm just teasing. You okay?"
"Yeah." And he meant it. He wasn't fixed, by any stretch of the imagination, but he was getting there. Funny what a good nights sleep could do. "Thanks for staying. I hope I didn't freak you out too bad. Screaming like that."
"I gotta say, scared the hell out of me to be woken like that, but I get it." She handed him a steaming mug and brushed an errant piece of hair behind her ear. She took a sip of her coffee. "So, what do you want to do today?"
"Nothing, really. I'm still a bit wiped."
"Okay, I'll grab my stuff and get out of your hair."
"I didn't mean that Kens. Please stay. Stay with me." He implored.
"Yeah, sure. Can we go swing by my place to pick some stuff up? A girl needs her things..." She smiled and punched him playfully on the arm.
"Actually, I'm rather enjoying this look..." This time the punch was less playful. "Ow!" He smiled. This felt right. Why was he so afraid?
She switched on the TV and they watched the news, sipping their coffee, in companionable silence. It was nice.
Kensi pushed herself out of the sofa and headed back toward the bedroom. "I'll get dressed and we'll go get some essentials.
"Faint heart." Deeks muttered.
"What was that?" Kensi turned to him.
"Oh, nothing. Just something Hetty said when I was in the hospital. Now I think I know what she meant." He jumped up and crossed the floor to her. Slipping his arm around her waist, he pulled her in towards him.
"Deeks, what are you doing?"
"Telling you what I mean." He breathed, and kissed her. He couldn't help notice how soft her lips were. Kensi pulled away from him, but stayed in his grip.
"What are you doing?" She repeated.
"I'm not afraid any more, Kens. Actually, that's a lie. I'm kinda terrified right now, but I can't go another second without... Without telling you how I feel, and to hope like hell you feel the same. I've been so scared to lose you that I never really had you. So, that ends. I love you, Kens. I love you and I don't care who knows it. I don't care about the consequences. Let them come. I'll quit. The team, the force. Everything. All I want is you. You are..."
Kensi puts a finger on his lips.
"Deeks?"
"Yes Kensi?" He mumbles round her finger.
"Shut up."
He looks into her eyes. They're glistening with tears, but she's smiling. Could it be...?
"Yes, ma'am."
He pulls her in closer. Sliding her arms around his neck, they kiss, this time long and deep. Breaking away, Kensi sighed, part happiness, part sorrow.
"I love you too, Deeks. But I can't let you leave your career behind, not for me."
A thought occurred to him. "I think it'll be okay. I think Hetty might have given me permission to find out if this, if you..."
"What are you talking about now?"
"Faint heart. What she said to me. Faint heart never won fair lady."
A knock at the door broke them out of their thoughts.
Deeks opened the door and half jumped out of his skin.
"Jeez, Hetty! How do you do that?"
"Do what, Mr Deeks?" She enquired innocently. "Miss Blye. I'm sure you have a fascinating explanation for your attire." She raised an eyebrow.
"Damn, that eyebrow deserves an Oscar." Thought Deeks.
Hetty continued. "Well, I just wanted you make sure you were okay, Mr Deeks, but I can see you're being well tended too." Was that a smile? "Let me know when you think you'll be fit for work. Good day. Oh, and Miss Blye. Get your partner squared away and return when you're ready too." And with that she was gone.
Deeks closed the door and stared at it.
"Did she just...?" He enquired.
"I think so." Kensi replied.
"So, what now?"
"Well, I need a change of clothes and a shower, not necessarily in that order." Kensi made her way towards the bedroom.
Deeks stood staring at the door, trying to process the last few minutes. Better images than those he'd been working through for the last few months anyway. He smiled at the thought.
"So," The voice brought him back to the here and now, "you coming?"
Still smiling, Deeks crossed the living room, went into the bedroom, and closed the door...