And the devil in a black dress watches over
My guardian angel walks away
Life is short and love is always over in the morning.
Black wind come carry me far away.
In the temple of love - shine like thunder
In the temple of love - cry like rain
In the temple of love - hear the calling
In the temple of love - hear my name
In the temple of love you hide together
Believing pain and fear outside
But someone near you rides the weather
And the tears she cried will rain on
Walls as wide as lover's eyes
And the temple of love - is falling down...
Sisters of Mercy with Ofra Haza, (Temple Of Love 1992)
Author's note:
Hai, I confess to love such music, too. Music full of anger and hate and despair. I know I am the only Sisters Of Mercy fan who likes the version with Ofra Haza more than the original one. I simply like her singing.
I know that song for a long time and one moth ago I "discovered" it again when I found that old tape. I listened to it and the story was simply in my mind. So I simply write it down -.
First warning:
I am NOT a doctor. I only took some years of school biology and I only know some facts from the TV and from my brother. I love Emergency Room and Chicago Hope but I have NO IDEA if such an illness really exists and how they would treat the ill person at hospital.
So, please, don't blame me. I am only the author and I am only writing a story, not a book about medical studies. So if anyone needs something for school, this is not the right text. But if anyone needs a good story to read, he or she's right here -.
Second warning:
This story is not meant for people under 16 years (if you're under 16 you are warned).
Third warning:
This is NOT a lemon (I don't write such stories).
Disclaimer:
Haruka and Michiru and the rest of the Sailor Team are created by Takeuchi Naoko. However the story is mine.
"Wasted Years" (All die ganzen Jahre) belongs to "Die Toten Hosen". They're one of the best punk rock groups I've ever heard. This song simply fits and if anyone out there will ever be able to listen to the German version, do it. The German version is a lot better and fits a lot better than the English one. If you need the lyrics of the German song, just email me.
The song Michiru listens to at the radio at home is "Digging in the dirt" by Peter Gabriel. It simply has the right mood for that scene.
If you liked the story or hated it or if you have some questions about it, feel free to write to aprileaglefreenet.de .
I'll answer every letter.
This story is for Adri-chan. Arigato for your crazy chats on Saturday night or Sunday morning (can't believe I stood up at 8 am -). Arigato for talking with me crazy girl about my story. It helped a lot. Especially it helped me to see how I actually wanted to create chapter four. And again arigato for helping me finding the right lyric to "Wasted Years". Guess it took you long, sleepless nights -.
It is for Laura-chan who has always a nice word when I am down. Arigato! Hope you like it.
And it is for Dani-chan who waited a long time for this story. Hope it was worth your patience -.
Last words before you can finally read the story:
Whatever happens, it's worth to fight!
Heaven's starlightApril Eagle
Prologue: Don't let other sufferIt was silent in the large room. As always. The windows were wide open and she could smell the salty air coming right from the ocean outside. Her mother loved the sea. She never told her that, but she simply knew it.
It was silent in the large room. All she could hear were the appeasing rushes of the sea and soft violin music. Her mother used to play it when she was younger. Her papa always told her about the great concerts her mother had given. With a proud sparkle in his blue eyes.
I love papa.
The little girl smiled and held the bunch of flowers tighter in her small hands.
And I love mama.
It was silent in the large room. It was so peaceful. She loved that room. The wallpaper was white with silver roses all over it. The carpet was white, too. Just like the blankets her father changed every day.
The little girl stepped nearer to the bed and climbed on the soft mattress. The young woman was beautiful. Her mama was beautiful. In the white dresses she always wore. Her long, blonde hairs covered the pillow and a smile laid on her face. Well, the doctors told her papa very often that her mama couldn't smile any longer, but the little girl saw the tender smile every time she came here in this peaceful room in the big house her parents lived in.
"Hello, mama. They're for you." She whispered and put the flowers in the lifeless hand. She felt how the smile grew wider although nothing happened on the pale face. Sometimes her papa tried to take some make up on the white skin, but the little girl thought that her mama was the most beautiful person on earth.
"I know you like them so much. We collected them today in the kindergarten." She started to talk and giggled in memories of her best friend who chased her the whole evening to get the single red rose she found. But she defended it, because it was her personal present for her mama.
The large room was silent. The little girl didn't hear all the noises of the expensive machines any longer. Nor did she see the hoses connected to her mother's mouth and neck. Nor did she see the drips connected to too skinny arms.
"I love you, mama." She whispered and stroke carefully through long blonde hairs. Just as blonde as her own ones. The eyes were closed, as always, but the little girl knew that she inherited her dark green ones. Her papa always told her that she looked like her. That she was as beautiful as her mama. But the little girl disagreed, although she liked her papa's compliments. No one was more beautiful than her mama.
No, because she's an angel.
Once she had asked her father why her mama didn't wake up. Why she slept the whole time and didn't play with her at the beach. Swim with her in the wide ocean. Her papa looked for a long time down at her and tears sparkled in his blue eyes. Then he took her into his strong arms and embraced her tightly. She had to gasp for breath, so tight did he embrace her. But she knew that he only did it, because he loved her so much.
Your mommy's an angel, Haru-chan. he declared her and when she asked him after her wings, he said with a strange, low voice he hadn't heard before, that they were still growing. And that she'll be able to fly one day. To fly through the air, play with the wind and the stars. And that she'll always love her little daughter.
To be an angel is something special, Haru-chan. he whispered and hold her even tighter. And you're something special, too. After that he started to cry although he didn't want to let her show it. She simply embraced him and hold him tight with her tiny arms.
"See your wings didn't grow today." The little girl laughed happily and climbed to the other side of the bed and laid down next to the young woman. She put the lifeless arm around her waist and cuddled closer to her mama. Then she started to tell her more about her day and what she learned in the kindergarten. That she was able to read the clock now and that papa was going to give her an own watch.
"It's now five years."
She raised her head as she heard her father's well known voice.
"Five years are enough, Gendo. Just let her go."
That was another voice. A voice she knew too well. The little girl rose from the embracement as she saw her father entering the room. Another young woman with short red hairs was by his side.
"I can't let her go, Yuri. I simply can't."
She didn't see the sad look in her father's tired face as she speeded across the room and jumped into the young woman's arms.
"Auntie Yuri!" she laughed and felt soft hands stroking through her blonde strands.
"Hey, Haru-chan, how was your day?" smiled her aunt, her father's older sister. She lived with them in the big house and took care of the kitchen. She wasn't very good in cooking, but the little girl loved the pizza they ordered often.
"Wonderful!" she smiled up to a shinning face and gave her auntie a quick kiss on the pale cheeks. Her aunt embraced her carefully and looked with a thoughtful expression on her face how the young man walked slowly over to the bed. His motions were those of an old man, of an tired man. Of a very sad man. Carefully he took the pale hand in his ones while he sat down. His eyes were watery as he watched in a sleeping face. Sleeping for eternity. Only the machines kept her alive. He knew that. But he couldn't stop them. He simply couldn't, because he loved her too much.
It breaks his heart.
Yuri took a deep breath and squeezed the little girl in her arms tighter.
For over five years now...
"Would you be so kind a bring me my bag? It's in the kitchen. I bought something nice for you, Haru-chan." She smiled and stroke again through blonde strands that felt like velvet.
"Really? Something nice?" Big green eyes looked surprised up at loving blue ones. Then she freed herself and run fast downstairs. As fast as she could. Almost as fast as the wind.
"She's a lovely child, Gendo." Yuri came over to the bed and placed her hands on shaking shoulders, heard the silent sobs of her beloved brother.
"Hai, she is..." he swallowed hard and lowered his head. "She's my little ray of light." He smiled sadly and closed his eyes as his sister stroke carefully over his shoulders to lose up his aching muscles.
"Let her go, Gendo." Repeated Yuri and sighed deeply. "She's getting weaker with every day and it's now five years that she's..."
"No, Yuri. I can't!" she sobbed even louder. "I can't let her go like this. I love her, don't you know? I love her..."
"But the doctors said..."
"I don't want to hear what those stupid docs say. They're all bloody liars!"
The doctors weren't and the both of them knew that.
"Think of Haru-chan, Gendo. She needs you."
"I only think of her, Yuri." The young man sobbed even louder and hold the lifeless hand tighter. He felt how his sister embraced him and he thanked her silently for being there. For him and his family. For his ill wife and his wild daughter. That she gave up her studies to be there for him. As she always had been. His whole life. To take care for her younger brother.
"And I don't know what I shall do." he shook his head and his red hairs fell into his tear wet face. "She's slowly dying. I can't hold her. And today told me the doctor that Haru-chan has the same illness." His sobbing increased and his sister hold him tighter. A shocked expression laid on her face, too.
"I don't know how I shall live without them."
None of them saw the little girl in the door who looked curiously into her auntie's bag and laughed happily as she saw the small teddy bear. Looking loving up to her with his dark button eyes.
Today the large room wasn't silent. There were many people there. Most of them wore white clothes and she smiled happily up to tired faces. She hold her teddy tight in her arms as she crossed the room. Today the window wasn't open. She couldn't hear the rushes of the near sea. Nor did she feel the soft wind playing with her short blonde hairs. Her pants were dirty and she smiled as she remembered how she won the races in the kindergarten. She was very good in sport and when they had to run she was the best. She even beat the older boys. And she was very proud of herself.
Mama will be proud of me, too.
Her smile grew wider as she passed unseen all the men who didn't see her at all. They talked silently to each other but she didn't understand what they said. It were so strange words.
"Mama, you don't believe what I've..." she jumped to the bed and frowned as she saw that it was empty. She turned her head and recognized that the machines were gone.
"Mama?" she asked confused and hold her teddy automatically tighter. "Mama?"
"She got her wings last night." Answered her father and took her into his strong arms. She climbed on his lap and looked with big green eyes up to him.
"She's an angel now?" she asked and turned around to look out to the window. To the endless sky above a wild ocean. So she didn't see the tears in her father's blue eyes. Running slowly down a pale face.
"Hai, Haru-chan, she's now an angel."
"Her wings are wide, aren't they?"
"Hai."
"She looked beautiful when she flew away."
"Hai."
"I know, my mama's the most beautiful woman on earth."
"Hai."
"And now she's out there in heaven and is one of those starlights out there."
"Hai..."
She didn't even notice how much her father trembled as he hold her tighter. He gave her a tender kiss on her strands and tried hard not to sob in front of his little, innocent daughter.
"Will I ever see her again?" She frowned again and looked directly up to the endless sky. She could see the first stars of a beginning night and smiled automatically, because she knew that one of those stars was the light of her mother flying through the sky. Her wings wide spreat. A loving smile on her face.
Her father didn't answer. He only hold her tighter and now he sobbed quietly.
She turned her head and looked at his wet face. Slowly she raised her free hand and wiped the tears away.
"Don't cry, papa." She whispered and gave him a loving kiss that tasted salty. "She's now an angel and it's good to be an angel, isn't it?"
"Hai, my little darling. It is." He whispered and took a deep breath. For a long time they simply sat there and looked out to the stars. Not even the doctors who discussed the sudden death of their patient didn't dare to disturb them.
"Haru-chan?"
"Hai, papa?"
She felt how her father rose from the bed, but he didn't let her go. He hold her tight in his strong arms while he walked over to the window to open it. Warm night wind played with her short hairs and she smiled happily.
"Promise me one thing. Even if you don't understand it now." Her father demanded in a low voice and raised his head to look again at the stars.
"Don't let other suffer, Haru-chan. Never let other suffer the much I let your mother suffer."
The little girl cuddled deeper into her father's embracement and nodded sleepy. It had been a long and exciting day at the kindergarten and she felt very tired with a sudden.
"What do you mean, papa? Suffer?"
Her father hugged her and turned around to bring her to bed.
"You'll understand it when you're older Haru-chan." He whispered and gave her another kiss.
"... and so they lived happy until the end of their lives."
The little girl clapped in her hands as her father ended the fairy tale. Then she yawned and hold her teddy bear even tighter. She felt how her father covered her small body with a soft blanket and gave her a tender kiss on the forehead.
His voice was shaky but she already slept as he finally left her room.
"Whatever will happen, Haru-chan, remember that we'll always love you."
"Papa?"
It was early in the morning. A quiet Saturday morning. She didn't have to go to the kindergarten today and she knew that her aunt was still sleeping. As she always did on the weekend's mornings.
"Papa?"
The huge bed was empty. Normally she woke her papa up and crept next to him under the warm blanket. To be embraced by him and to sleep some more hours in his strong arms until breakfast.
The door to her mother's room was open.
Did she return?
The little girl hold her teddy tighter and went barefoot over the soft carpets. They laid everywhere in the house.
But she's an angel now.
She grabbed her pyjama's pants. Still it was too long for her, but her auntie told her that she would grow into it. Then she opened the door. The room was filled with bright sunlight. Her mama had the best room of the whole house. Whenever the little girl was sad she came here in the morning and watched the wonderful sunrises. How the sky turned from black and a dark blue into a deep red and a bright gold. How the glowing ball of fire was reflected in the deep ocean that started to sparkle as if it was covered with diamonds.
The window was open again and warm wind played with her pyjama. The sleeves were too long, too, but she didn't dare about them. She hold her teddy tighter as she went over to the bed. There laid her papa. He had wrapped his arms around the pillow as if it was his famous toy.
"Papa?"
She climbed on the bed and wondered when they decided to change the blankets again. This one wasn't white. It was deep red.
Red is mama's favourite colour besides white.
The little girl embraced her father and tickled him a little bit. To wake him up. As she always did on a Saturday morning.
That's why she loves white and red roses so much.
Normally her father laughed out loud and embraced her, too. But this morning he didn't react. She tickled him again but he didn't even giggle. Nor did he smile. His face was insensible and he simply didn't open his eyes.
"Papa?"
She looked at his back, but there was no sign of wings.
No, only mama is an angel.
The little girl grabbed for one of the arms and tried to pull her papa around. To tickle his cheeks, too. With her teddy bear's soft arms. That made him always laugh. Always.
And I am an angel's daughter.
Her papa told her that just a few days ago and said that she'll have angel's wings one day, too. And that she'll be together with her mother again then.
Finally she was able to pull him around. His sleeves were redden, too and a thick fluid ran over his arms. His body was lifeless and there was only a slight smile on his pale face.
Just like mama's.
The little girl sat down next to him and tried to embrace him. She didn't see all the blood covering her light blue pyjama. Nor did she understand its meaning. She only hold her papa tight and wondered why she suddenly started to cry.
Just like mama...
Her crying increased and she simply didn't let go. Not as her auntie discovered her some hours later. Not when the doctors came and looked sadly at the young man who simply couldn't live without his young wife. Not even when they tried to take him away from her.
She only hold him tight and asked herself why she didn't get angel's wings, too. To be with them. To be free. To be one of all those heaven's starlights.
"Papa..."
The bed was too hard. The blanket too thin. She froze. But she didn't notice it at all. She had brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. With an insensible expression on her face she looked into the night's darkness. Cold wind played with her long hairs that covered her small back completely.
Why?
Tears sparkled in her deep blue eyes and finally she lowered her head.
Why didn't they want me any longer?
"Hush, my princess." Whispered a voice and someone embraced her tenderly. To hold her tight. To show her that she was not alone. That she was not the only one suffering in this bloody hell called life.
"K..Kei..." she sobbed and tried to cuddle nearer to the warm body next to her.
"I didn't work, did it, Michi?" the boy was twelve, three years older than her. And he was already one head taller. His dark hairs hang into his dark eyes and carefully he rubbed her back. Carefully and calming.
"I tried my best. I was so nice to them and smiled and behaved like a good girl."
"But they decided for the baby instead."
"Hai..."
Again she sobbed and more tears ran down her cheeks. Pale cheeks. With scars covered cheeks. The boy hold her tighter and rocked her tenderly in his strong arms.
"No one wants to adopt a child who's older than three years. Because then they can remember what was before the adoption." She cried and lowered her head. "And I hoped so much to find the place where I belong."
The boy swallowed hard and buried his face in her sea green hairs. Tears sparkled in his eyes, too.
"You belong to me, Michi. Whatever will happen, remember, you'll always be my little princess."
She nodded and laughed a sad laughter.
"I know..." she whispered and raised her head again. For a long time they simply sat there and stared out at the dark, cold night. Steam formed before their mouths as they breathed. Some stars sparkled mysteriously next to a bright shinning full moon.
"Why are people so mean to each other?" asked the girl after another long time and closed her eyes. She felt safe in his embracement. He was her only friend. Her only family.
"I only wanted a home, but they wanted a perfect child. And I am not perfect."
Kei only hold her tighter and sighted slightly. He didn't know an answer. So many parents refused him in his life that he gave up a long time ago. But it hurt him to see that his Michi was as hopeless as he. Being helpless was even worse than being unloved.
"One day I'll have children, too, Kei." Whispered the girl sleepy and smiled as he corrected the blanket that covered her freezing body. But she knew she wouldn't be freeze the whole night. Because Kei would stay with her that night. It wasn't allowed for boys to sleep at the girl's rooms in the orphan house. But each time the girl was really, really sad Kei ignored those rules and tried to comfort her as good as he could. To protect her small soul from breaking. To heal all the wounds you could only see with your heart.
"And then I won't hurt them the much all those so called parents hurt me. And you..." whispered the girl and chewed on her lower lip. Kei raised his hand and stroke some sea green curls out of a pale face.
"You'll be a wonderful mother, Michi." He whispered and hoped that this wish wouldn't only stay the dream most children had here. "And you'll have a great family. A big one. A lively one."
The girl nodded and yawned slightly.
"I hope it." She said and hold his hands tighter in her own ones. "I pray every night for it."
To let my dream become true one day.
The moon shone through the open window. The wild rushes of the sea could be heard in the night's darkness. Wind played with the curtains and soft violin music filled the air.
There were two persons under soft blankets. The bed trembled slightly as they started to move in a slow, but steady rhythm. There was happy giggling and soft groans. Here and there was a word whispered and there was the tender noise of long, deep kisses.
"Michi..." The voice was low and out of breath. Hardly anyone had heard it breathless before.
"Ruka..." answered another voice. It was higher and full of love. It was breathless, too.
The blankets fell unseen on the soft carpets and suddenly the room was filled with a sea green light. It was covered by a golden shine at the rims. The two persons didn't notice it. Their eyes were closed and all they felt was their lover by their side.
The rushes of the waves increased and wild wind played with their trembling bodies. The light got brighter and there were two signs shinning on two sweaty foreheads.
"... love..." it was only a shaky whisper. The light reached its brightest point and now it was even brighter than the full moon outside the house. Now it was even brighter the day's sunlight.
It was gone when dark green and deep blue eyes opened again and looked for a long time directly at each other.
"I... I love you..." whispered Haruka and hold her lover tighter in her trembling arms. Michiru stroke over her skin and giggled loving as she looked into the fast car racer's redden face.
"I love you, too." She whispered back, then she grabbed for Haruka's strands to pull her head down. Passionately she kissed her and giggled even more as Haruka only rolled aside and stretched her arms. She gasped hard for breath and her whole body couldn't stop trembling.
"What have you done to me, my ... my little... little witch?" she smiled up to her sea goddess as Michiru took the blanket and covered the both of them. Then she took her lover in her arms and hold her tenderly tight.
I love her so much.
Haruka leaned her head against a warm shoulder and kissed tenderly a sweaty neck. She had to giggle as Michiru shivered automatically.
I want to spend all my life with her. Until eternity.
"I only loved you." Teased Michiru and stroke through blonde strands that felt like velvet.
I loved you with all my heart.
Michiru hold her Ruka tighter and gave her another passionate kiss.
And now let's wait and hope.