Authors Note:

Hello!

So I know I haven't written/updated anything in a while. I am sorry- College is crazy right now!

Anyway, Cops and Robbers was amazing. I am about to watch it for the third time already (my sister thinks I have lost my mind)...I regret nothing. So I knew I had to write something to do with it.

This is the important bit, so this story makes sense: this story is a partner story to my oneshot "Nightmares." It's not really a sequel because it is set at the same time as "Nightmares" was, that one is from Rick's point of view and this one is from Kate's. It is not exactly the same as the show is, I wrote and uploaded "Nightmares" before Rise was aired on tv. So that this story makes sense I have continued to follow the story I wrote in the previous one.

You don't necessarily have to read "Nightmares" for this to make sense, but it might help a little.

In other words I guess this is slightly A/U, but hopefully not too far off the mark characters wise.

I'll stop boring you now, please read and review!

Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Castle, as much as my little fan-girl heart would love to.

She dreamt about it surprisingly often. It hadn't exactly been the worst situation they had been in since they started working together, but it seemed to be the one that had stuck in her mind. She very rarely dreamt of the first bomb that had been in her own kitchen, the freezer or even the second bomb that Castle had saved them from with no time to spare. She didn't even really dream about getting shot anymore. As she sits up quickly, panting, trying to dispel the images from her nightmare she can't help but wonder why she is dreaming about it again.

When she thinks back to the day he was in the bank being held hostage, and she was stuck outside unable to help in the way she wanted to, it makes her feel very uneasy and her chest tightens. Even after all this time it still has that effect on her. Maybe it is because it's one of the very few life-threatening situations they have been through when they weren't physically with each other. When they had almost frozen to death she had been in his arms thinking about how there was no one else she would rather have with her. The following day when he had pulled all those wires from the bomb they were standing in front of with not even a second to spare, he had been there holding her hand. When she had been shot he was there, holding her, begging for her to stay with him.

Despite the fact it has been over two years since it happened she still remembers every detail about that day, right down to every emotion she had felt. The metaphorical lines in their relationship at the time had been blurry to say the least. It had been a few months since she had turned up at his loft at 2am in an emotional state. The moment she saw him she had launched herself at him with a kiss. When he asked her what she was doing she came up with some garbled reply about how she was doing what she should have done a long time ago. Castle liked to claim they never looked back after that, she thought differently. It seemed, when he said this, he conveniently forgot about walls, insurance investigators and kisses used to distract them.

She had been furious when that had happened. Serena Kaye was everything Kate thought Castle seemed to seek in a woman. She was smart, attractive, strong and confident. Looking back on it now with a more rational mindset, she knew that Serena was only whatKate thought he deserved in a woman. A woman who would not turn up at his apartment in the middle of the night, kiss him, almost promise him everything he wanted and then pretend nothing had happened the next day. They didn't really speak about it after; even now they didn't speak about it. Castle seemed determined to forget that period of time ever happened. After 'that night' as she likes to refer to it, there had been more stolen kisses and longing looks when someone's life had been put in danger.

It was the whole debacle with Serena Kaye that had cleared things up for her. She had been so determined to find the woman guilty of something she was not guilty of, and her poorly-hidden jealously had only forced her to think even less clearly. She was so mad at him even though it had been her idea for him to go on a date with the woman. After that case was closed she had taken him out for a burger, that night she told him they should stop whatever they had been doing because it wasn't fair on either of them. She told him that when they got together she wanted to be completely ready for it. He agreed, but she knew he wasn't entirely happy about it.

When that bank exploded eight weeks later it felt like the world had been pulled from under her. Her phone fell out of her hand, and she could faintly hear Esposito calling her name and asking what was happening. She walked out of the bus and watched as the dust settled around the front of the bank. She forced herself into a vest and grabbed her gun and flashlight, ignoring the demands of the hostage negotiator as he was telling her to stand back. There was no way she wasn't going in there. The man sheloved was in there. As she entered the bank screaming out his name she was sure she was going to find his body, that he would have died without knowing she knew he loved her and that she felt the same way. Everything seemed so unbelievably unfair about it all.

When she heard him call her name she could barely believe it, when she saw him the relief washed over her in waves. He was okay. That night, at his apartment after a meal with his family, she realised she didn't want to waste any more time. She loved him, and could have lost him so easily without him knowing that. After his mother and daughter left them alone, something which she had considered to be Martha's doing, she kissed him again. He looked confused and she smiled at him, she told him that she was done pretending this wasn't something they both needed.

They never looked back after that. It was still a point about their relationship her and Rick would bicker about every now and again. He still claimed it was after the first time she kissed him in his apartment that they started being them. She would ask him how he could possibly argue that considering everything that happened between then and the bank, he would tell her that he knew she wanted him but she was just scared. These conversations often ended with him being slapped in the arm or chest.

He never seemed to mind.

So, as she sat up trying to regulate her breathing again, she realised she was alone in bed. Her eyes darted around the dark room and he wasn't there. She checked the digital clock on his bedside table and sighed as she ran her hands over her face, feeling the cool band of her engagement ring against her cheek.

"It was just a dream." She whispered to herself. She knew it wasn't real, and that her brain had come up with a twisted version of what had happened that day, but her sleep-addled brain wasn't quite co-operating with her rational side. She turned on the bedside lamp and moved to get out of bed. She had to find him to make sure he was okay- which she doubted if he was out of bed at 3am. She stood and walked over to the closet, grabbing one of his shirts and putting it on. She caught sight of herself in the mirror as she walked past it. She stood and looked at herself briefly, catching sight of her scar through the buttons she hadn't done up yet.

Her brain suddenly figured it out. It was 3am, meaning that it was officially three years since Montgomery's funeral. Three years since she had been shot. That must have been why he was missing from their bed at this hour, she knew she wasn't the only one who suffered from nightmare from time to time. She finished buttoning the shirt and moved from their room, walking through his office. She could see the light from the living room pouring under the door of his office. She opened the door slightly and stood there looking at him.

She saw him sitting on the sofa, his head in his hands, unmoving. Her heart felt heavy as she wondered how long he had been out there torturing himself with his over-active imagination. Kate knew that he wasn't always the happy-go-lucky guy he was around everyone else. He had a darker side, brought on by his ability to always think of the worst possible thing that could happen. He said it was because of the writer in him, she said it was because of her. He was responsible for all the light in her life; she was responsible for all the darkness in his.

She shook herself out if it, it wouldn't do either of them good if both of them were drowning self pity. She breathed out slowly before leaving the confines of his office.

"Rick?" She called out slowly. He turned to look at her.

The look on his face almost broke her heart.

When they re-entered their bedroom she felt lighter, knowing his demons were gone at least. She hated seeing him that way. She could deal with her own- she had done for years before he came along and took most of them away. She settled back into her side of the bed, leaving the shirt on knowing that this wasn't the time for anything more physical than sleeping next to each other. As he got in next to her he pulled her as close as possible, normally she would make a joke about him being clingy, but she knew he needed it more than usual tonight so she let it slide.

"So, what was yours about?" He asked gently.

"My what?" She replied as she smoothed her hand over the crinkles in the t-shirt he was wearing.

"Your nightmare. You said you had one too."

"It doesn't -"

"It does matter," He interrupted her, already knowing what she was going to say. He shifted them so they were laying on their sides facing each other, close enough that their noses were almost touching and they could feel each other's breath over their faces. "Just tell me, Kate." She sighed and closed her eyes.

"It was the bank," She said quietly. "The bomb went off and I ran in with the other cops, but instead of finding you alive I found..." she took an intake of breath and her voice shook slightly. "I found your body. It was...It felt so real. I know it's stupid, and I know in comparison to some things we've been through that day barely scratches the surface but I can't get it out of my mind. Even after all this time." Her voice trails off at the end. He shifts them again, this time so her face in pressed into his chest, her nose against his collarbone. He presses his lips to the top of her head and holds her tighter.

"It's not stupid, Kate. You've told me before how scared you were." They had spoken about it, at length, not too long after they were officially together (in her eyes). She had told him how scared she had been, and how much she had hated leaving him in there when she pretended to be the paramedic, and how she was so afraid that was the last time she would see him.

"I just kept thinking you were going to die in there, and that you would never know that I had heard you in the cemetery or that I loved you back. The dreams just always bring back that feeling." She murmured into his chest. He kissed the top of her head again, rubbing a hand up and down her back.

"Wasn't it you who just told me that we need to live?" He asked her, pushing her back slightly so he could look into her eyes. "That we can't live our lives in fear?" She narrowed her eyes at him slightly.

"Don't use my own words against me. I was trying to cheer you up, as a bestselling author I would have thought that you could think of something good for yourself." She smiled slightly at him. He smiled back at her.

"I didn't die Kate, and you did tell me how you feel."

"Eventually," she replied, moving her hand to move some of his hair out of his eyes. "Why is it that it took us two life-threatening situations to admit our feelings for each other? We clearly have issues." She was smiling properly now, and he was too. It seemed that whatever had happened tonight was finally out of the way.

"Technically it was three life-threatening situations." She raised an eye-brow at him, her facial expression clearly asking him to clarify what he meant. "Well the bank thing only led you to admit you heard what I said in the cemetery. You didn't actually admit your feelings to me until-"

"Okay, let's not go there. We have definitely covered enough ground tonight, or rather this morning." She looked over his shoulder at the clock on his bedside table and saw it was now gone 4am. "We have to be at the precinct in 5 hours." She moaned.

"We may as well try and get a little more sleep before the alarm goes off." He leant over her to turn the lamp on her bedside table off. She snuggled back into him, knowing she needed to if she had any hope of getting just a little more sleep. "I hope we don't have anything more than paperwork, I don't think my sleep-deprived brain could solve a murder for you today." He felt her smile into his chest.

"You never help with the paperwork."

"I suppose I can just this once."

"I won't believe it until I see it."

"Planning on staring at me at work, detective? I've been told it's creepy."

"Shut up, Rick." She mumbled, trying not to smile, shoving his chest slightly with the hand she had laying there. "Go to sleep."

"Yes, dear."

"Don't call me dear." They lay in silence for a few minutes after that, and she could feel sleep creeping into the edges of her consciousness.

"Kate?"

"What?" She grumbled, slightly irritated that he had interrupted her almost sleep.

"I love you." He whispered. She smiled again.

"I love you too. Now let me sleep." He conceded this time and let her have the silence she wanted.

As she felt herself drifting off again she couldn't help but wonder what it would do to her if he died, or where she would be right now if he had died in the bank. However, she did know that she would not have another nightmare about it that morning and for her that was enough. Laying in his arms, in their bed, just a few months away from their wedding, she knew there was nowhere else in the world she would rather be.

A/N: If you want to know what happened between Kate and Rick when she entered the living room that scene is in "Nightmares," I didn't want to re-hash the same conversation again so instead I added the scene in the bedroom at the end.

I hope liked it, and let me know what you think in a review :)

Thanks for reading :)

Things We Never Say

p.s. I have recently started reading the Castle/Caskett feeds on Tumblr...it makes me feel a lot happier to know I'm not as crazy as I originally thought and there are other people as obsessed with these two and this show! I am considering joining the fan-girl world of Tumblr.