"KING! KING! KING KING!" Ban, Meliodas and Diane were shouting, while King was chugging down a barrel of ale after having lost a bet to Ban and Meliodas. He had bet that if instead of strip poker they played a different card-game he could win. He lost in 5 turns. Now he had to drink down galloons of ale(and it wasnt even good old Bernia ale, just some cheap beverage Meliodas ordered him to buy) and risk getting even more drunk than Ban.
"Wow, captain. He is really pulling it of. Didn't think he had it in him. He certainly never seemed that tough to me." Ban said looking at the fairy who was about to collapse.
"Told you, Ban. He is way tougher than you give him credit for. Now, you owe me the money we bet." Meliodas said. King could not believe his ears. They were betting on him?! Well at least his captain was betting FOR him.
"Lord King, are you alright? You don't look to good." Elizabeth said in a worried tone. King just kept drinking getting dizzier with every gulp until he FINALLY emptied the entire barrel.
"N-never been 'bethergh'. 'Juzd' need to get 'zum zleep'." King said in an extremely drunken state. He then proceeded to float towards his room.
"King, wait you're heading straight into the..." *thud* "...wall." Hawk sighed. The only ones not even slightly drunk right now were him, Gowther and Elizabeth. Meliodas was not to bad but he already had a red face and sleepy eyes. Ban was as always really drunk, as in the only reason he hadn't died from the alcohol or hitting himself really hard was because he was immortal. Diane was not much better, but at least she was still able to walk. King was so wasted, he had passed out right after hitting the wall.
"Hey, Captain, you know what we should do? We... We should totally mess with King while he's out cooold *HICCUP*." Ban said to Meliodas.
"Good idea, Ban what do you have in mind?" Meliodas replied, feeling a little drowzy.
"Eh... Maybe paint a mustache on his face?" Ban suggested.
"Nah, we did that yesterday."
"Paint a penis on his face?" Was Ban's second idea.
"Tempting, but no. I'm in the mood for something original. Hm. Ah, I got it!" Meliodas said and started whispering into Ban's ear.
"Ooh, great idea Captaiiiin." Ban said.
The two sins got up and picked up the unconscious fairy. Then they went to Diane.
"Hey Diane."
"Captain? what do you want?" Diane asked.
"King has caught the flu. He is reeeeaaaally sick." Ban said.
"Oh. poor thing. But what am I supposed to do about it? I'm not a doctor."
"Well you see, he can only be cured by sleeping with the somebody else, and it would be awkward if he slept with Ban or me. So, could you do us this favour?" Meliodas asked.
"Ehm, okay. Do you feel sick yourself, captain?" Diane said, trying to seduce her captain.
"Why yes actually. That's why I am gonna sleep with Elizabeth." Mel said. And with that the sins of wrath and greed went to their rooms, holding back a laughter.
"Hm. Stupid captain. Now where to put you?" Diane said, looking at the fairy's unconscious body.
"Well, I have no pockets, so... Here." And with that, she stuffed him in her cleavage.
"Anyway, time to hit the sack." Diane said and went to sleep.
Unknown to everyone, Gowther had been watching the whole time.
the next morning
"Ugh... Crap, my head hurts. I'm never getting that drunk again. Where am I anyway?" King said, right after waking up. He felt his soft, warm and fleshy surroundings, and suddenly noticed a heartbeat.
"Oh no. Don't tell me a monster is storing me in it's pouch for food again. No, the last time that happenned was 11 years ago, and it felt different. But then where am I? And why does it feel so nice?" He figured it was pointless to just keep asking himself the same question and crawled to where he saw sunlight. He popped his head out of his fleshy prison and looke around until he saw something that almost made him scream.
"W-why is Diane's face so close to me?! And she's sleeping! Wait... Diane's face, soft comfortable confines, heartbeat... Don't tell me that was her..." King looked down... And this time he couldn't suppress a scream.
"DAAAAHHHH!"
This of course woke her up.
"WHA-WHAT?! KING?! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING THERE?!" Diane screamed furiosly before she noticed King had started bleeding from his nose so hard he lost a lot of color and consciousness.
"Hello Elaine. Don't worry, soon I will be with you at the capital of the dead." King said.
"Uh-oh! Captain!" Diane yelled.
"Ugh. Man that was a weird dream. Huh? Gowther? Captain? Ban? Princess? Mr. Pig? Where are we? And why are you all looking at me?" The fairy asked.
"King-sama, are you feeling alright?" Elizabeth asked.
"Not really."
"You were bleeding to death from your nose when Diane took you out of her cleavage. I have to ask, what were you doing there? I would expect that from Meliodas, but not from you." Hawk scolded.
"Well I- WAIT WHAT?! SO, I WASN'T DREAMING?!" King shouted.
"Hm? You mean you don't know what happenned?" A femenine voice came from outside.
"Diane? Uh, no, I assure you I have no idea, why I was... There. Last thing I remember was passing out, and when I woke up I was stuck there!" King said, shaking a little, but Diane could tell he wasn't lying.
"Ok, but how did you get there?" Diane wondered.
"Yo, captain, this is even better than what we had planned." Ban whispered.
"I know, right?"
"What are you two whispering about?" The fairy King started to suspect those two.
"Nooooothing." Ban replied.
"They are just talking about how well their prank on you went." Gowther said in his monotone, which caused Ban and Mel to go stiff.
"What prank?" King asked, his eyebrow twitching.
"When you passed out Ban and the captain decided to trick Diane into keeping you with her for the night. And as she didn't have any pockets, she put you between her breasts." Gowther said as if it was the most normal thing in the world.
"Ah! Now I remember! I'm sorry King!" Diane exclaimed.
"Don't apologize, Diane, it wasn't your fault. If anything you are a victim too. I am only angry at THOSE TWO!" King yelled pointing at Ban and Mel, both of whom were looking at each other in panic. Soon they both stormed out of the room, only to meet an angry giantess looking down at them. And when they turned around they saw King staring at them with scary-as-fuck expression. His entire face was covered in a shadow and his eyes were two tiny red-glowing dots. The atmosphere had 'menacing' written all over. I'll give you five dollars if you get that reference. Ban and Mel just decided to split up and run as quickly as possible, hoping to confuse the giantess and the fairy. Unfortunately that wasn't the case.
"You take the captain, I take Ban?" King suggested.
"Seems fair to me. Are you gonna stab him?" Diane asked.
"Worse." King answered and left for the hunt on Ban, while Diane went looking for the captain.
with Diane and Meliodas
Mel, thinking he had run enough stopped for a second to catch a break.
"Well, I think that's enough. There's no way any of them catches up to me now." As soon as he said that though, a giant hand snatched him up and he was met with an incredibly pissed Diane.
"Wow, that was fast. Uhm, listen Diane, it was just a prank. There is no need to get viole-" but he was cut of as Diane threw him to the ground and started punching him with force.
"YOU ALMOST GOT KING KILLED!" Diane yelled at Mel, still crushing him with punches.
"Technically, you di-" but he never finished that sentence either, as Diane's last punch knocked him out.
"Hm. That should teach you not to mess with me." She said, as she picked him up and carried him back.
with Ban and King
Ban was running as fast as his legs could carry him, but to his surprise King was faster than him, at least right now.
"Ban! You bastard! I'm gonna make you pay for this!" The pissed fairy yelled at the top of his lungs.
"You have to catch me fi-" Ban was interrupted as guardian-Chastiefol crashed into him and pinned him down, effectively trapping him.
"Get ready, Ban! For a fate worse than death!" King threatened the immortal sin.
"You gonna petrify me again?" Ban asked.
"Oh, no. You're not getting away that easy. You know what happens when somebody gets really drunk, right?" King asked.
"Yeah, you get a hangover and... Oh, no!" Ban exclaimed as it hit him what King was up to.
"Oh yes!" And with that King started puking on him for 20 seconds straight. Ban couldn't do anything but take it.
"Ew, gross!" Ban said when it was over.
"Oh, and this is for all those other times I got into trouble because of you or had to clean up your mess." King said, and used Guardian-Chastiefol to beat up Ban.
"Ok, that's enough." The fairy king decided and used Chastiefol to carry Ban's unconscious form back.
King and Diane arrived at the same time at the boar hat where they tossed Ban and Mel at the entrance. Diane noticed Ban covered in a mix of blood and... Something else and couldn't help but ask.
"The reason I rarely drink Diane. That's what it is." King said before falling to the ground exhausted and pale.
"King, are you ok?!" Diane asked, getting worried.
" Yeah, just... Really tired." King said before drifting of to sleep.
"Guess he hasn't fully recovered from the bloodloss yet. I should do him a favor and tuck him in. This must have been really hard for him." Diane said to herself and gently picked up King to put him on his bed.
"I hope he gets better soon. The captain will want to make him buy a lot of supplies after yesterday's party. Though I guess I could do it for him." Diane decided.
A.N. This was my longest one-shot EVER! And I put a lot of effort into it too! So you better review it or there won't be more Kiane fics that nobody asks me to write and therefore make this threat completely useless! So either review... Or get the fuck out of my house.