Disclaimer: I do not own YYH no matter how much I wish I did.
Things that are in both italics and the single quotations ( ' ' ) are thoughts. (I'm not sure if they're called single quotations or not, I'm just going on my best guess here.) Example - 'It's snowing outside, how pretty.'
Anything in parenthesis are little comments I put for either an explanation purpose or if I just plain want to comment on something.
Summary: It's Valentine's Day in the world of YYH and what a Valentine's Day it turns out to be. Chaos ensues as Cupid rebels, arrows fly, the gang falls in love with each other, oh and did I mention that Kurama gets kidnapped by a psychotic fan girl? This will be a day that no one will ever forget, no matter how much they may want to.
Without further ado, here's my fic, I hope you enjoy it.
Ch. 1
It was a regular morning in Spirit World, well; at least it started that way.
"What could you possibly want this early in the morning?" demanded a sleepy Yusuke, rubbing his eyes wearily. Beside him stood Hiei and Kurama, both wide awake and at attention. Botan was sleeping on her oar, which was hovering in mid-air as usual. Kuwabara lay on the ground behind the others, snoring and every once in a while, grunting.
"As you all know, today is Valentines Day," said Koenma evenly.
"Yeah what of it? You want us all to pass around pretty, pink, heart-covered cards and then roses and candy, all while singing happy crap-o-sap love songs?" Yusuke asked in his regular sharp, sarcastic tone.
Koenma gave Yusuke an annoyed look before replying, "Sorry to disappoint you, but no. This is much more serious. A demon, who has in their possession arrows that inflict the side effect of love upon whoever is stuck for the first thing that they see, has been going overboard as of late."
"You mean Cupid?" Yusuke asked with an incredulous look. "Come on," laughed Yusuke, "You actually expect me to believe this crap of yours?"
"Yusuke, this is a serious matter," Koenma admonished. "For thousands and thousands of years Cupid has given humans a nudge in the right direction on Valentines day. However, he will not be doing so this year. As of late he has been using his arrows in ways he should not and is completely disrupting the order of things."
"Heh, Cupid goes crazy, interesting headline," said Yusuke with another yawn as he leaned back against the wall.
"Do you have any idea what has made him act this way?" Kurama asked curiously.
"Unfortunately, no. All I know is that Cupid seems to be very angry and is taking it out on the people of the living world. Well, that and that you must capture Cupid and bring him back here."
"Piece of cake," Yusuke exclaimed.
"I wish you were right," Koenma said uneasily. "Anyway," he continued, "you must start on this case immediately.
"Yeah, yeah, sure," sighed Yusuke. "Just point the direction and we're off."
Hiei remained silent, standing there with the predictable glum look that a lot of people who didn't know him would take as 'say a word and die'. Kurama nodded to Koenma to signify that he understood. There was a thick and dreary silence for a moment as Koenma searched for the paper that had all the details that the group needed to know for the assignment. That, however, was abruptly broken as a large blue ogre named Jorge entered, trying to balance a large, tottering tray of food and juice. He had just about steadied the tray when he tripped over the body of the unconscious Kuwabara, and then fell flat on the floor. Yusuke, Kurama, and Hiei managed to easily move out of the way, but Koenma was not quite so lucky. As Jorge fell, the tray went flying into the air.
Time seemed to move in slow-motion as eggs, pancakes, bacon, waffles, various cut up fruit, an impossible load of syrup, sausages, and several cups of orange juice and milk flew through the air towards Koenma just as he found the sheet of paper he had been looking for. What lay before everyone's eyes afterward was not exactly a pretty sight. Botan, having been awoken by Jorge crashing down on the floor, along with the others, with the exception of the still sleeping Kuwabara, gaped at Koenma. Koenma did not look like just any old talking toddler now. No, he looked like a seriously pissed off, slime-covered gook demon from a horror movie. He, along with his desk, the paper in his hands, and all of the area around him, was now covered in the eggs, syrup, and other breakfast contents. Koenma looked like he was ready to snap.
"OGRE!!!" roared Koenma.
"Oh please sir, I am so very eternally sorry. I did not mean to cover his Grace like this," pleaded Jorge in a panicked manor.
"Guards, take him away!" Koenma yelled. Two guards appeared in the doorway and started dragging the terrified ogre away.
"Please sir, no! I beg of you!" Jorge pleaded as he was dragged away, out of the room, and down the hall, his voice slowly fading away.
There was another short moment of silence before Yusuke said in a cheery voice, "Well, it's the thought that counts. It was nice of you to order breakfast for us."
"Actually, that was my breakfast," replied short-tempered Koenma in a voice not to be reckoned with.
"Oh."
"Arg! Now this paper is of no use, it's not even legible now! Botan, get the spare over in the file cabinet."
"Yes sir," replied Botan, hopping off her oar and retrieving a sheet of paper from the file cabinet. "Here you go," she said in cheerily while handing the paper to Yusuke.
"This should be all the information you need," informed Koenma. "One more thing, Chuu and Jin shall be accompanying you on your mission."
"Oh Yukina! Oh yes, oh yes! I love you too! Don't worry my love; no one shall get in between us. We shall runaway together and never be parted." Everyone turned towards the sleeping Kuwabara laying on the floor and sucking his thumb. Hiei's eyes narrowed at Kuwabara's mumblings and he walked over and kicking him extremely hard in the stomach area. Everyone heard a sickly crack as Kuwabara's left ribs broke.
"Get up," Hiei growled, "It's time to go."
Kuwabara slowly opened his eyes and started to get up as Hiei walked out the door. Kuwabara stood there for a couple minutes with stupid look on his face before clutching his side, crying out in pain, and falling back onto the floor.
"Hmm, his brain is so tiny that it takes that long for his brain to process pain. How very sad," Kurama stated in an emotionless tone. Kuwabara got up and slunk out the door, Kurama, Yusuke, and Botan following behind him.
"That's Kuwabara for you," Yusuke replied. "By the way, remind me never to get on either Koenma's or Hiei's bad side."
Kurama nodded. "You should see Hiei when he first wakes up. He's not exactly what you would call a morning person."
"So then waking him up bright n' early would not be the best idea then?"
"Not quite, unless you have a deep desire to be sliced into mince meat."
"What are you two whispering about back there?" Hiei asked suspiciously, stopping to look back at Kurama and Yusuke.
"Nothing," they replied quickly in unison.
"How very convincing and not the least bit suspicious," Hiei said sarcastically.
"Exactly," Yusuke said with a smile, continuing down the hallway. As the three headed down a path after going though a portal that led to the living world they heard a shrill girly shriek of joy.
"Oh Yukina!!!" cried Kuwabara, "I knew you'd come, just like in my dream!"
In a clearing Botan was standing beside Yukina, Chuu, and Jin, and Kuwabara was running towards Yukina, flailing his arms wildly. Yukina just stood there with a slightly frightened look on her face. At the sound of Kuwabara's outburst Hiei rushed off, to go to the aid of his sister no doubt. Kurama and Yusuke exchanged a glance before rushing off after Hiei, hoping to prevent whatever pain Hiei had in mind for Kuwabara. They stopped when they got closer, however, seeing that trying to stop it would be entirely hopeless.
"Well, he is certainly moving pretty easily, considering that his ribs are broken," stated Kurama.
Yusuke nodded. "Yeah, must be his idioticness that allows him to do that. God, can he get any stupider?!"
Just as Kuwabara was about to reach Yukina, he fell over forwards, tripping on a little sand in the grass. He fell down hard with an 'oof'. The group just stared at Kuwabara and Hiei put down the boulder that he had been holding over his head and was planning to throw at Kuwabara.
"That oaf is so ignorant that he tripped himself. I guess there's no need for this anymore."
Kuwabara blinked stupidly for a moment. Kurama started counting on his hand. "Three, two, one…."
"OW!!!"
"So predictable," said Kurama with a sigh.
"So mates, we off then?" Chuu asked expectantly.
"Guess so," it's not like we have any other real option."
"ThazicUramezeilozsoaopiciztimsistawzatagoey!" replied an excited Jin. (Jin translation: "That's it Urameshi, optimism is a good way to go!") (I'm not sure if Jin was being sarcastic or was just too excited to get what Yusuke said.)
"Ah right, whatever he said." Yusuke, as usual, had no idea what Jin said. (Not that you can blame him, Jinnish is a very hard language to understand.)
"So, where do we start?" asked Yusuke.
"Well," Botan started, pulling out a white briefcase and opening it, revealing a bunch of gadgets, "one of these items should help us locate him. Hmm, now let's see. I think…yes! This one should do." She pulled out a small device that closely resembled some sort of tracking device you would find in the army.
"Wow Botan, that's really cool! Um, what does it do?"
"Well Kuwabara, this should help us track down Cupid if we can set it to the right frequency." Botan fiddled with the device for a couple minutes, turning the big green dials carefully before stopping. "There we go. Ladies and gentlemen, we have connection."
"So, where is this nuisance that is going to waste my entire day?"
"Oh Hiei, please, don't sound so excited," Botan responded in her usual perky tone. "Besides, you'll get to spend the entire day with Yukina and why wouldn't you want to spend the day with you're…."
Botan was cut off by Hiei entering her mind. 'That's right Botan; tell her I'm her brother. I will enjoy torturing you to death. I wonder how many ways I can make you bleed.' Botan got the stricken look on her face, her right eye twitching. Images of a laughing, evil Hiei filled her head. "He, he, he, he, he." Botan began her scissor walk as she slowly walked away, looking like she lost her mind. "This way folks just follow the leader. Heh, he, heh, he, heh, he, he."
"Um, is she okay?" Yukina asked Hiei worriedly.
"Don't worry about her, she'll be fine," he responded, still shooting death glares after the retreating Botan.
"Oh, um, okay then," said Yukina quietly, "If you're sure."
"Positive." 'As long as she doesn't say a word of course. If she does, then I can't promise anything'
"So I guess we follow the bouncing Botan then."
"Xstleyugdhmctka!" (Jin translation: "Exactly Urameshi!")
"Uh right, well we're getting nowhere fast so we might as well start moving."
"For once I agree with the detective," Hiei said as he started off after Botan.
A/N: Okay, first chapter done. I'm not really sure if I can find the words to correctly define what this story will be like. It's going to be at least a bit wacky for one thing though. I find that insanity and weirdness can be several buckets of fun. Besides, sanity and being normal are so overrated in this day in age.
In my story, I do a bit of over-the-top stuff. Take Jin for example. I know I've exaggerated the lack of understanding towards his speech quite a bit. My friends cannot understand a single thing he says (they have to use subtitles if they want to know what he's saying) and what I write pretty much sums up what they hear when he speaks. That is what I am really basing this on. I know Jin talks in that fast-paced speed with his Irish brogue, but I have always been able to understand him perfectly. I don't know, maybe I'm just weird like that. There aren't too many people I know who can actually understand him. The way I portray his speech is all in good fun and I am in no way trying to make him out to look bad. I love Jin as a character, really. I think he's cool and really funny. In my book, Jin is in the awesome column. But, if the way I blur Jin's words offends you, I'm sorry and I mean nothing by it. It's the same with Kuwabara…..except for the fact that I actually am out to make him look bad. Personally, I cannot stand Kuwabara. There's nothing I like about him except for maybe his honorability and code stuff (that's sort of admirable). I'm not sure what qualities he has that leads people to no only stand him but actually like him, and it's all beyond me; though I guess that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Hey, it takes all sorts, right? I know I've exaggerated his lack of cranium activity even if he's not exactly the brightest crayon in the box to begin with. If my portrayal of his incompetence offends you, then it's probably not a good idea to continue reading my fanfic because nothing's going to change in that department.
Anyway, I am completely open to flames, as long as you give a reason as to why you dislike my story or a certain aspect of it. I cannot fix a problem if I don't know what the issue is to begin with. This is my first YYH fanfic, but it also my first attempt at a holiday story. Please keep that in mind if you decide to review. I'm not going to beg for reviews, but I appreciate any that I receive. Thank you for your time. 0.-