Recovery was hard. Especially when you lived so far from a doctors care. I still had a lot of bad days and I probably always will. My nightmares would be a constant obstacle for me. There an illness all there own. The scars would never completely disappear even though they are started to fade I will always see them as bad as they first were. I hate to admit how bad I became after the rebellion. I turned into my mother the one person I didn't want to imitate. I never wanted to be. That damn cat wouldn't leave me alone if my life depended on it. It didn't depend on me for food it could get food for itself. Why won't it leave me alone?
I have gotten slowly better. Almost indiscernible progress. Slowly I've learned I need other people to survive life. It was another truth I didn't want to admit to myself. Friends didn't come back with me but followed after. I now think and hesitate about everything I do before I do it. A lingering result of war for me. My life has finally moved forward it seems. But bit by bit.
I know that I need to be in the woods they have always been my safe haven. I can't bring myself to go in, instead I sit on the edge just looking for my old life to reappear. But it won't. I know that but I like to imaging things could be like before. I miss my hard life. This life is an empty place to be. Full of sleepless nights and endless days of nothing but memories. I continue to wish for what I can't have. What I could have had if I'd opened up more made a couple more friends. Maybe. I can dream anyway.
The primroses are blooming now and I think I can make it into the woods for the first time in a long time. I need to make sure my fathers bow is still in its place. To go to our meeting rock just to sit. I don't know if I can ever hunt again. I hope someday that will change but I will turn that into a goal. I'm supposed to set goals for myself the doctors said. Routine is essential they keep telling me. I'm trying to listen but I think I still need to do things on my own terms in my own time.
Sae brings me food daily because they can't trust me to look after myself yet. Although I get out of bed now on my own. I clean myself up daily as part of this routine of mine. Make my bed and eat. I think i'm starting to move on. I hope I am. My name is Katniss Everdeen. I'm 17 years old. I live in District 12. And I am finally recovering.