Author's Note: I've been feeling nostalgic with my early seasons on DVD. This is what comes of it. I do not own the characters, nor premise of The West Wing. Reviews are encouraged and appreciated.

The doorbell ringing so early in the morning startled her. It seemed as though CJ had only just turned in for the evening. The previous night she had been at the White House late watching the results come in and it had come down to the wire. She ended up sleeping in her office that night and this was the first time she'd been home in two days since the election. Santos had won the popular vote, but, like others before him, had lost the election in the Electoral College. There would be a recount for sure, but in the meantime it looked like there would be a Republican in the White House for the next four years.

CJ made her way to the front door and a feeling of momentary panic washed over. President Bartlet hadn't been feeling well lately and she always had a sick feeling in her stomach when she had a late night visitor or phone call.

She opened the door to find Josh standing on her doorstep, his eyes bleary and defeated.

"Josh?" CJ asked surprised.

"Hey CJ," Josh said casually.

"What are you doing here? It's four in the morning," she said pulling her robe around her.

"I, uh, I," Josh began to stammer. The cold early morning air hit CJ and she ushered Josh into the house while he struggled to complete his sentence. "I needed to see a friendly face."

CJ shut the door and locked it behind her as she put her hand on Josh's back and pushed him toward the living room. She led him over to the couch and sat him down.

"Shouldn't you be in Texas with Santos?" CJ asked.

"Yes," Josh sighed. "I should be in Texas with Santos discussing election results and pushing for a recount but the man is so stubborn that he won't listen to reason. He's over it. I gave up the last two years of my life pushing for his election and he's…he's just so damn stubborn."

Josh lowered his head into his hands and rubbed his eyes briskly. "I'm sorry," he said. "It's early. I don't know why I came here."

"You needed a friendly face," CJ reminded him. There had always been an unspoken bond between Josh and CJ. They understood each on a level that no one really saw. Aside from Stanley there weren't many people who Josh would lay bare his soul, but CJ was one of them. "So you hopped a plane to Washington D.C. in the middle of the night?"

"Yeah," he replied.

"Wasn't Donna in Texas?"

"Yeah she was in Texas but I couldn't," Josh said shaking his head.

"It's okay," CJ said rubbing his back gently.

"No, it's not okay," Josh disagreed. "I failed. I failed that man. I failed his family. I failed the party and everyone I know."

"You didn't fail him," CJ said. "You gave him your life Josh. You worked your ass off for that man and he should be grateful for that."

"He didn't want to run," Josh replied. "I talked him into it. He was content to leave politics behind and I made him an also-ran."

"This isn't your fault," CJ said.

"Then whose is it? I can't blame anyone but myself," Josh said clearly distraught. CJ was unsure why he'd decided to board a plane and see her, but here he was. She knew that she had to let him talk. He didn't want to hear about how everything would work out. He wanted to wallow and vent and try to figure out where everything went wrong.

"It's because I abandoned him," Josh said suddenly.

"Who did you abandon? Santos?" CJ asked.

"Bartlet," Josh said simply as he stood up.

"Josh," CJ said trying to stop him.

"No, it's true CJ," Josh said starting to pace. "I had the best job in the world and it wasn't good enough. I knew I was on a sinking ship and I ran. It's like Joanie all over again. I ran to save myself and to hell with everyone else. I didn't want to be involved in a fading presidency."

"Joshua this not like Joanie," CJ replied standing and looking him in the eye. "You left the White House because you found the candidate you believed in. The White House changed. We all changed. You didn't run, you moved on to bigger things."

"You didn't," Josh said softly. "Sam, me, Toby…we all jumped ship. Even Leo left. I got him to run for Vice President, but you stayed."

"I stayed because I had nothing bigger and better to do Josh," CJ insisted. "You and Sam had elections to run. Toby was his own undoing and Leo left because he couldn't do it anymore."

"But you're still there," Josh replied. "You didn't leave when the going got tough. You didn't seek other opportunities. Do you believe in him that much?"

"I'm there until the end," CJ replied. "I couldn't have left him if I'd wanted to."

"But I could," Josh said. "And now I'm paying the price."

CJ sighed. She didn't know what he wanted from her. He clearly didn't want to listen to what she had to say and she couldn't will herself to stay silent on the subject.

"Wallowing doesn't look good on you Josh," she said finally crossing her arms over her chest.

"Excuse me?" he asked shocked.

"You left the White House and you backed a guy you believed in. You can't undo the past. You did your best and you lost. Working in the White House you must have realized that sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. In fact we lost a hell of a lot more than we won. You know deep down inside that leaving the President had no bearing on this race. You had an opportunity and you took it. The question is what are you going to do now?"

"I don't know," Josh replied stymied. CJ's tone had him baffled. He had come to her for support and sympathy and she was yelling at him.

"Yeah well neither do I," CJ continued. "The President has about a month left in office and I don't have a clue what I'm going to do. None of us do, but we figure it out. You'll figure it out too."

Josh looked at her and admired the fire in her eyes at the ungodly hour of four-thirty. Maybe he didn't come to her for sympathy. Maybe he came to her for this exact reason. He needed a kick in the ass and she gave it to him but good.

"I guess I will," he said lamely.

"I know you will. I know you Josh Lyman and you don't let things defeat you. I don't know why you've suddenly forgotten that, but it's the truth."

"I know," he said softly.

"When's your flight?" CJ asked.

"My flight?" he said puzzled.

"Back to Texas," she informed him. "Even though it might be over you've still got loose ends to tie up."

"Yeah," Josh nodded. "Tomorrow afternoon was the earliest flight I could get."

"Okay," CJ replied seemingly calm once again.

Josh ran his hands through his hair and he took a seat on CJ's couch once again. She saw his slumped posture and the coldness in his eyes and felt compelled to wrap her arms around him and take the pain away.

"Why did you come here Josh?" she asked him again.

"I needed a friendly face," he replied not looking her in the eyes.

"There were no friendly faces in Texas?" CJ asked. She was still puzzled as to why Josh had come to her. Sam was his best friend. Leo and Donna were in Texas along with a handful of friends he'd made along the campaign trail.

"Not at the moment," Josh said. "I destroyed their lives."

"They knew the risks going in," CJ reminded him. "Politics is not a business of guarantees. They knew what could happen."

"I suppose," he said.

It was clear that he didn't want to talk about it anymore and CJ let it go. They sat in silence for a moment and CJ looked around the room awkwardly unsure of where to go from here.

"I'm sorry I woke you up," Josh said looking over at her.

"It's okay," CJ replied. "The alarm will be going off shortly anyway."

"Still going to the gym at five in the morning?"

"I've been trying to," CJ said. "Lately I haven't gotten there as many times as I've hoped."

"You're never gonna meet anyone there," Josh said bringing up CJ's penchant for looking for a man at the gym.

"Thanks for the optimism," she replied good-naturedly.

"I'm just saying that you're never going to find someone there that's good enough for you."

"It's not like it matters much lately anyway," CJ said. "I haven't had time to think about going on a date let alone actually make any concrete plans."

"How's he doing?" Josh asked.

CJ knew that he was referring to President Bartlet and she replied, "He has good days and bad days. The stress has been really bad for him, but lately he's been a lot better."

"That's good," Josh said.

"Yeah," CJ nodded.

"I don't want to keep you from anything," he said suddenly.

"Josh it's almost five in the morning, what are you keeping me from, beside sleep that is?"

She smiled at him and it let him know that he was forgiving for barging into her house at such an early hour. Suddenly Josh had forgotten how much he'd missed CJ. He'd forgotten how much he'd missed the old days. Sure, they weren't the political gods that they had set out to be, but those were the days. Sam and Toby bickering about the next speech, CJ putting out media fires, Donna scurrying around the bullpen gathering information for Josh to go kick some Congressman's ass over a vote. Those were the days that he remembered so fondly. He had hoped to recapture them with Santos, but now those were just dreams unfulfilled.

The two friends sat in comfortable silence until CJ stood up to toast Josh a bagel. It was just about the only thing she could cook without burning her apartment down. She was still unclear why Josh chose to see her, but she was happy that he had. She missed him more than she realized. It was nice for the two of them to catch up, even if it was only for a few hours before CJ had to leave to get work.

Josh told her all about the campaign and where he felt they lost the election. CJ told Josh about how Danny was back in town and the two of them had resumed their cat and mouse relationship. Josh seemed happy for her until CJ pressed for more information about Donna and how things had gone between them on the campaign. CJ knew she was the only one who could verbalize her thoughts on the relationship, or lack of relationship between Donna and Josh. Before they knew it CJ had to get ready to go to work.

"Are you gonna be okay here?" CJ asked throwing her coat on an grabbing her briefcase.

"I'll be fine," Josh nodded. "Although I'm surprised you're leaving me here unattended with your underwear drawer so close," he said with that trademark mischievous grin.

"Just remember the good stuff is in the back," CJ teased him. "I'm glad you came to see me Josh."

"I'm glad I came to," he replied.

They shared a friendly smiled and CJ turned to walk out the door.

"You know I was trying to relive it with Santos," Josh said seemingly ready to talk. "I was trying to put together a team like we had with Bartlet."

"That was lighting in a bottle," CJ said quietly.

"Yeah it sure was," Josh agreed. "You think we'll ever have that again?"

"I hope we do."

"It's probably like your first love," Josh said. "You can never recapture it. It's always there in your memory as the best of times even if it wasn't. It was new and beautiful and precious."

"I like that," CJ said.

"Yeah, me too," Josh sighed.

"Have a safe trip back to Texas," CJ said.

"Thanks, I will," he replied. He watched her walk passed the window and off to work feeling that he'd made the right decision by coming to see Claudia Jean.

TBC