I own nothing. Unfortunately.
A/N So after watching the 100th episode, I got struck by inspiration. My roommate kept telling me not to be hopeful about B&B and she was right. She is a dream crusher. I can always hope for the future, right?
Also, I haven't posted anything in years and my last story totally sucked. Let me know what you think about this one!
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The shortness of breath made her feel like she was choking. Deep gasps did nothing to ease the pain. She steadied herself against the door hoping that the sturdiness would allow her to catch her breath.
As soon as she shut the door a few minutes earlier it was as if her body let go. The forty minutes prior to this moment she had been in control, always in control.
Compartmentalizing. She was good at that.
She had always known that the connection between her and Booth was unique; ever since their first meeting. They had gone from wanting to have sex with each other to furious slaps, bitter words.
Booth seemed to be the only man who could get that sort of reaction out of her. She was always, always, rational and levelheaded but when it was Booth, everything went out the window.
She felt the unfamiliar pricks at the back of her eyes. The tears were coming and that combined with the ache in her chest was new to her. Temperance Brennan did not cry over men; especially a man who pushed and infuriated her at times.
Who was she kidding; Booth was not just any man. He was her partner, her best friend, her everything.
Tonight, she had ruined all of that.
She always knew that she and Booth had a special relationship and it was different than other partnerships within the FBI. She did not want to admit that she felt anything for him more than admiration or respect. Brennan recognized that Booth had excellent bone structure and was a very attractive man, someone she enjoyed looking at. She may or may not have had sexual dreams where Special Agent Seeley Booth was pleasuring her body in ways she had never known.
The first dream came the night when her and Booth had kissed for the first time. The combination of tequila and getting fired for the first time had sent her mind into overdrive. The dreams stopped after their little spat. They picked up when they went undercover as high rollers Tony and Roxie. Seeing 'Tony' out there fighting observing the pure masculinity was something that Brennan had never witnessed in a man before.
The dreams had continued ever since but she never spoke of them to anyone. Temperance Brennan compartmentalized.
Tonight was different. Brennan never would have thought that Sweets' book would cause such a stir in her and Booth's relationship. She of course was going to point out any abnormalities in the book including spelling and the fact that Cleo Eller was not their first case together. She never would have guessed that the night would have ended with Booth asking her to give them a shot. Pleading with her almost.
Brennan wanted to say yes. She wanted to say yes more than anything. She couldn't. She knew that she would never be able to give Booth what he deserved. If she did love him, she would want what was best for him, right?
If that was true, why did it hurt so much?
She did not want to break their kiss. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and say that she wanted an 'us'. She wanted to throw caution to the wind. She knew that she couldn't though. Nobody deserved a broken woman who never thought with her emotions. Science always came first with her so why should this be any different?
The tears were flowing freely now and combined with the sobs racking her body, Temperance Brennan was a mess. She knew that if she didn't continue working with Booth, well, she actually didn't know. Would she turn into the shell of herself like she did after Zach deployed? Only, Booth would not be coming back.
It was better to tell him that they would never work than give them a chance and watch herself fail. They would never be the same after that. Would they really be the same now with this hanging between them? Brennan was determined to not let things change, that's why she had asked him to continue working with her.
He would move onto someone who deserved him, someone better than herself and she would mask the pain. This would be the last time she would cry over him. It had to be.
She slid down the door.
The pain would eventually numb her and life would continue.