I have a great wealth of knowledge when it comes to the law. I absolutely dominate the "law and order" section of Jeopardy, on family game night. Yes, it is a necessary aspect of being an officer and having said knowledge is simply doing my job but, I am proud of it. I can spout off statues, almost verbatim, just from memory. I can spot a moving violation from the furthest edge of the Milky Way and write a ticket at the speed of light. My parents had me reading them their rights, while doing one armed push-ups, every night before bed, until I even began to mumble them in my sleep. Granted, I never got too far with the push-ups but I've been reading people their rights since I could walk. I don't consider myself an idiot but I know my strengths. If there is anything Gail Peck knows, and it may not be much, I know the parameters of legality.
I am damn great at my job and I know the law, which is why I know that certain things should be illegal. It should be illegal for Chris to cook anything, ever. It should be illegal for Dove and his chirpy, little ferret to make-out at the breakfast table. It should be illegal for my mother to hold weekly family interrogations, disguised as a dinner. And it should be especially illegal for your new girlfriend's birthday to occur three weeks into your relationship.
It wasn't a problem when Holly and I were just friends; I was going to buy her a few drinks, insult her a little less than usual and dole out a few dozen birthday punches and add on 10 more just to make her feel super old. This would be before or after she finished celebrating with her other highly esteemed, medical friends. It was a solid plan for people that had only become friends a few months prior. We were still in that stage of figuring each other out and learning how to act around each other. I had just learned that when Holly told me not to hesitate to call her if I needed something, even if it was three in the morning, she damn well meant it. And Holly just learned that I suck at basketball too but I can out run her any day. It was a comfortable, easy friendship but I had to go and fuck it up by falling for her. She fell for me too and was already sure about her lesbianism but it still, somehow, feels like my fault. Relationship things are usually my fault.
One of the many things that I am terrible at, is being a girlfriend. Chris says so and Nick definitely says so, but I want to get it right this time. Holly's opinion matters more to me than anyone else and I don't want her joining the ranks of people that think I'm a shit girlfriend. With Holly, I put effort into our relationship, without even noticing it until I'm sitting in the dark, over analyzing my life choices. I go out of my way to make her laugh and to do kind gestures for her and it never feels like work. Just the thought of getting out of my comfortable bed, on my day off, to get Nick or Chris their favorite coffee because I knew they'd be working late, makes my head hurt. I've done It a few times for Holly, though. The first time was on a whim; I had to pick up my uniform from a dry cleaners down the street from her favorite dive coffee shop. The second, third and fourth times were to see that smirk/dimple combo she beams at me when I do something to please her. Maybe it's because dating a woman is a new frontier for me but, this feels different. Holly feels like more. I can't put my finger on what this "more" is but it makes me care for her to a point that I have never cared about any of my relationships. It can't be love – I'm pretty sure I loved Nick and it was never this intense. This has to be something different – obsession, maybe. Or maybe I didn't love Nick as much as I thought.
This leads to my latest dilemma: What am I going to do for Holly's birthday? I can't half-ass it but I don't want to overdo it either. I have to find a perfect balance of casual celebration mixed with ample pomp and circumstance. I'm also not ready for it to be a public affair. Not that I'm ashamed of her or our relationship, I just want her to myself for a little longer; no friends or family allowed. I've spent the last few days asking myself all of the important questions. Do I buy her something? How much should I spend? What would she even want? So far, my brain is not helping. I thought to ask for help but my friends are idiots and I'm not letting their relationship advice anywhere near my perfectly functional – healthy even – relationship. I won't have them ruining my one good thing. There is one person I can ask but I know he won't ever let me live it down if I do. There is no way I'm giving Oliver that kind of ammo.
My resolve not to ask Oliver for relationship help lasted all of two days. Holly's birthday is in twelve hours and I have gotten nowhere in my planning. She told me not to worry out it but I wasn't falling for that. To be fair, I am sure that Holly actually meant what she said, she wouldn't be secretly angry with me if I chose not to do anything. She acknowledged that the timing was a little unfortunate since we hadn't even had our month-anniversary and didn't want me to stress over anything. She also warned me to never call it a 'Monthiversary' or she'd dump me before the 'abomination of a word' even left my mouth. Holly was usually level-headed and understanding like that. She was honest and kind and funny and beautiful and more loveable than one person should have the right to be and I would not pass up an opportunity to make her happy, especially on her birthday.
I pulled up Oliver's contact information, in my phone, two hours ago. My petulance and self-destructive nature had me second-guessing the decision but I can not deny that I need help here. He is the only person I know, with a stable enough relationship, to give me sound advice. Fuck it. I thought, pressing the 'call' icon on the touchscreen. It rang three times before he picked up. I almost gave up after the first ring went unanswered but I stuck it out for two more. I was even willing to leave a voice message, if it came to that. I am fucking whipped.
"Well if it isn't my little Petulant Peck," He sang into the receiver. I almost hung up. "What can I do you for?"
"I need some advice." I mumbled back. Maybe if I talked softly enough, he'd give up and I could pretend that I actually tried. It was a feeble thought.
"You're going to have to speak up, my dear. And quickly, I have to give the teenage-sized pain in my ass a ride to the mall."
"If you're busy, I can always call back." I was ready to end the call. Give me an out, Olly. Let me tell myself that I actually put forth effort.
"No no no, you will not use my child to back out of whatever you called for," He sounded serious and fatherly. "That's my job. You don't get to use em' as an excuse unless you helped birth em'. Thems is the rules."
I sighed into the receiver. "I need help." I finally said, loud enough for him to hear this time.
"Do mine ears deceive me or has my Petulant Peck called me," He paused for dramatic effect. "For help?" he whispered the last part. I wanted to punch him.
"Never mind." I yelled at him. I'm sure the desperation I felt was seeping through my voice.
"No no, I'm just messing with you, Gail. You know that." He was back to his fatherly tone, with a hint of remorse. Serves him right. "Really, what can I do for you?"
"It's a relationship problem." I forced myself not to whisper this time.
"Is it Nicolas?" He sighed heavily. "Because I thought that walking train wreck was over. No offense kid but, you gotta stop beating that dead horse. Let that poor horse's ghost rest."
"No, I'm seeing someone else and I think its pretty serious. Kinda. I mean, it is serious, but its also kind of new so it isn't as serious right now. It has the potential to be really serious, I can feel it already, but it's too new to confirm the official, current, level of seriousness." I took deep breathe. "Do you get that?"
"Hold on a sec." He said before I heard him yelling at Izzy about something. There was some stomping and a door slam, followed by a sigh from Oliver. "I'm all about Women's Liberation but my seventeen year old is not leaving the house in a shirt that says 'SLUT' in big, block letters. I don't care if someone wore it on Arrested Development. Good show, but no can do. Not my baby."
"Can we get back to my issues?" I asked. If Izzy was annoyed, I'm sure I had just acquired more of Oliver's time. It's selfish but I need him. Izzy and her 'slut' shirt can wait.
"Yes, relationship trouble. What did you do?" He asked so matter-of-fact that wanted to punch him all over again. Just when I thought I was getting somewhere with him.
"I didn't do anything, you jackass." I huffed at him for further effect. "I'm just not sure what I should do about something."
"My mistake Pecky-Peck," He had the decency to sound sorry. "Lay it on me."
"Well," Now or never. "I'm dating Holly. You know the forensic pathologist that worked the Robbie Robins case? We're seeing each other." I was huffing so hard you'd think I had just run a marathon. Damn nerves. "Romantically." I added to avoid confusion.
"Aside from me owing Tracey a month of babysitting, I am happy for you. She seems like a good kid – a little weird, in a good way and kind of a dork, in an adorable way – but she makes you smile. That's all that matters, isn't it?" He was smiling; I could hear it in his voice. I wanted to hug him.
"She is weird and a dork but I love it. And she's super smart, funny and lets me be me. Who knew that was my thing?" I sniffled. Where the hell had these tears come from?
"Is that the problem? Are you afraid? I still love you the same, kid. And the rest can't think any less of you than they already do so no worries." He chuckled. "Wait that was supposed to be joke but it was a bad one. You have friends that love you, Gail, and we'll be here for whatever. This is a non-issue."
"Her birthday is coming up tomorrow and I don't know what to do. We've only been official for a little less than a month and I'm not sure what a good girlfriend is supposed to do here. Holly says I shouldn't worry about it because of the shit timing but I still want to do something nice for her." I hope he kept up because I said it all in one breathe. "And stick to the Dad jokes."
"This is the opposite of a problem Peckasaurus. You've got yourself a good girl and you wanna do something nice for her. There's never anything wrong with wanting to make your lady happy. Now, if she asked you not to do anything, then don't. Just respect her wishes and if said wishes were vague enough and you have the option of making a nice gesture, have at it." His voice was soft but held a bit of humor, like he wanted to laugh at me.
"I don't like your tone, Shaw."
"You're adorable, Peckalicious." He chuckled. "I know you've had a terrible go at relationships but that's probably because none of your suitors were a decent fit. You can be a good girlfriend. You like this woman, Gail, just go with your heart here. You care and that's more than half the battle."
What do I even say to that? It's exactly what I needed to hear and I am so tired of him being able to do that. I can be a good girlfriend, I just need to care – and I do, so much. "What's with the names, Oliver?"
"I've been mulling over a few. You like?"
"Don't ever call me 'Peckalicious' again." I cringed at the way the word felt leaving my mouth. "Peckasaurus is pretty cool though – it makes me sound ferocious."
"Noted. Have we averted a crisis? Are you okay now?" This is why I love Olly, he's silly but he cares about me. He jokes but, in the end, he's reliable.
"Almost." I started. "I still don't know what I should do. I've never had to plan a birthday celebration for a girlfriend."
"That's the easy part; what does she like?" He asked distractedly. There was muffled whining in the background; Izzy must have come out of her room to argue again.
"Wait," My brain had finally caught up. "Why do you owe Tracy babysitting?"
"Ah, you caught that. Tracy said you'd just let everyone find out about you and Holly at their own pace but I had confidence in you." And he actually did sound proud. "I said that you'd explicitly tell me like the good surrogate daughter you are."
"So why do you owe her, that's not how bets are supposed to work?" I asked, still confused.
"She covered for me last week when I had some issues with my bowels so the deal was; If she was right, I'd have to work her holiday shifts for the year but if I was right, I'd only have to babysit a few times."
"And how did you know about us?"
He fully laughed this time. "You're not very subtle, Pecky Poo. Neither of you, actually. You should see the way you look at each other whenever she has to come to the station. It's so obvious it hurts. It's also really freaking adorable." He reigned in his laughter before asking, again. "So lay it on me, what does this one like?"
"She likes a lot of things, how do I narrow it down?" I almost rolled my eyes at how pathetic I sound. I also made a note to be more subtle when I checked holly out in the squad room.
"Let's narrow it down a bit," He started before yelling something back at Izzy. "Would she want a party or something intimate?"
"Holly's not one for parties, which is funny because she's such a people person. I mean, she likes being around people about as much as I do but she's better with them than I am. They tend to like her, whereas I scare them off." I caught myself gushing about her, again. "I think she'd prefer something intimate." I finished, happy that Oliver couldn't see the redness in my cheeks.
"How intimate? A small group of friends or just the two of you?" Oliver chocked down his laughter, I can tell he wanted to mock me but wisely picked his battle. "And I don't mean sex." He added after I had been quiet for a little too long.
"I don't really know her friends and I don't want her hanging around my gaggle of idiots any more than she has to so, just the two of us."
"What do you like to do together?" He yelled something, I couldn't hear, again. More stomping and yet another door was slamming. God, Izzy is persistent. "And really, I don't mean sex." He said, again, turning back to our conversation.
"We like to do plenty of stuff together, but I don't think she's be down for going out."
"Why, is she closeted or something? I mean, it's cool if you're cool with it. Just asking."
"She is the furthest thing from closeted, she told me about her lesbianism the first day we met. Not in a random 'guess who's a lesbian' way, it just came up." I smiled at the memory of that day. "She's just had a rough week is all. SVU cracked a trafficking ring and she's been the lead on examining the bodies they found. She's been in an understandably funky mood as of late."
"Why don't you focus on that? Cheer her up and celebrate her birthday. What does she do to cheer herself up after tough cases? We all have something, right? Hell, I can only imagine what she goes through; the only people she examines are beyond help. Sure, you can get justice for the dead but, they're still dead in the end. Can't be an easy job."
"Yeah," I though back to a few nights ago when she hid under her covers and barely talked to me. I left after an hour of basically talking to a brick wall. She needed her space that time. "There were a few teenage girls in the group and it's been hitting her pretty hard. I hate that I feel this way."
"I'm sure she has it worse, kid. Let's not make it about ourselves." He chided me. "Don't Tyra it. I've been watching a lot of America's Net Top Model reruns, don't mind me."
"I know Olly but seeing her sad makes me really sad. I don't know what's wrong with me. When Nick was sad I just left the room and waited until he was seemingly fine again. I did pat him on the back once."
"You really care about her, that's what's wrong. When she hurts, you hurt, that's how love goes, kid." He chuckled. "Sorry, kid."
"Nope, way too early to be talking about love. Back to you helping me." Could I be in love already? Does this happen to all of the women that date women? If so, that really explains the lesbian U-hauling phenomena.
"Alright, what does she do to cheer herself up?"
"She likes to go to the batting cages but I'm not embarrassing myself again." I filed through our conversations, in my head, trying to find any mentions of things she does to decompress from the job. I know she likes to box and run when she's angry and get ice cream when she's happy, even though she's a tad lactose intolerant. She plays with her glasses and cracks her knuckles when she's nervous but what does she do when she's sad?
Olly and Izzy had two more arguments, full of stomping and door slamming, before I figured it out. "I got it Olly."
"Lay it on me Peckasaurus."
"A little while ago, we were talking about college and the things we did to get through it all. I drank mostly but Holly is a super genius and started college when she was sixteen and she's a dork so she didn't bother drinking. She told me about this thing that she would do whenever she had a heavy workload and was stressed." I jumped up started putting some clothes on, I only had a few hours to get everything ready. "I could recreate that and just add a birthday cake to the mix."
"Well, what is it?" He asked.
"Not telling, but thank you for the help, Olly. I really would be lost without the help." The gratitude felt gross on my tongue but it was necessary. Oliver was like the father I always wanted to have, instead of my own.
"No problem, Peckeroni. Glad to be of service. And don't hesitate to call when you need help. Especially relationship help because this one sounds lovely and I don't want you screwing it up."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Shaw. I gotta run to the store to get some things."
"Alright, go forth and good luck. Call me when it's over and let me know how things went. And I mean it, you deserve good things and good people in your life that care about you, don't hesitate to ask for help."
"Will do. Thanks again." I hung up and tossed my phone on the bed I had been sulking in. I pulled a shirt on, grabbed my wallet and my car keys and raced out of the apartment before Chris, Dove or Chloe could question me. Here goes nothing. I thought. I really hope this all goes well.