A fool. An absolute fool. How could I have been so stupid as to fall in love and with Glorfindel of all people? Glorfindel of Gondolin, Lord of the Golden Flower, Balrog Slayer there were so many reasons why it was an absolute mistake, especially knowing that he was and still is in love and bonded to Ecthelion, who waits for him in Valinor. I knew all the reasons why I shouldn't have and yet I ignored every one of them. Elrond himself counseled me against it and like the stubborn idiot that I am, I ignored it.
I swore to myself when all this began that I would not fall in love with him, that it was simply companionship that we both craved and sharing of the bodies. It was all a mistake, an enormous mistake. But fall in love with him I did and now I have to deal with the consequences, heartbreak and probably the ending of our friendship.
I don't believe he even realizes that I love him. How can he when I guard my feelings behind a mask of indifference so he would never know? I can't anymore, though, the pain I feel every time we are together is unbearable. How can I continue? He will never love me like I wish for him to do so, or bond with me, or spend all of eternity with me. Don't I deserve better? Elrond certainly believes so.
"Erestor, are you listening to me," asks Glorfindel slightly worried.
"What is it Glorfindel? I am busy," I respond in an unfriendly tone.
"It is past midnight. Why don't you come to bed? The work will still be there in the morning."
"Nay," I respond getting as comfortable in my chair as I can while trying to gather my courage to do what I know must be done.
"We need to talk," I say looking everywhere but at him.
"Erestor, what is going on," he asks his concern evident.
"This… whatever it is that we have, can't … I don't wish to continue," I trailed off not knowing how to finish.
"Why? Did I do or say something wrong? Erestor, what is it," Glorfindel asked desperately.
"I… I care for you, Glorfindel, more than you could ever care for me. I realize … that, I realize that you never could. You can't give me what I want anymore. And frankly, I deserve more. I deserve to be loved, cherished, for someone that wishes and can spend the rest of our days together. That isn't you Glorfindel. You love Ecthelion are bonded to him. I can't risk it… to do so would lead to a path that I don't want to take."
"I… I am sorry, Erestor. I never meant to hurt you."
"I know, Glorfindel, I know. I hope we can remain friends." I ask looking him in the eye.
"Aye. It won't be easy, but we can try."
"Good. I will see you tomorrow." I answer as I rise and exit my office, leaving him behind.