A/N:had Yemana here - the honoring of Jack Soo after his death was great, but we don't hear how (or if) the character died. And, if the Sweathogs are seniors as Welcome Back, Kotter ends in spring of '79, that special was near their graduation. You can figure the special as anytime in the first half of that year – a Fourth of July Bicentennial show, "Horse Thief," aired in November of *1975* though it (and by logic some after) took place summer of '76 in the "Barney Miller universe." However, that left me wondering how to handle Yemana's death, so I sat on it a while & suggested it to user RA'AY'MOND (whose idea about Chano's promotion is referenced slightly toward the end here.) Season 2 of Barney Miller, "Happy New Year," also reference at the end.
I decided then to say Yemana's death was earlier, as he'd been gone for a while. It was easier to have Fish visit. Any decisions by Fish contrary to anything here, like his not wanting to return, can easily be his changing his mind or be after this. (You should see how a few "Full House" seasons had to shift – I'm not just talking about the earthquake episode airing in December but taking place soon after the '89 quake, the whole first half of season 4 is aired out of order from when the episodes would have happened on the calendar, based on a few things in the episodes and logical analysis.)
Anyway, I'd had the Washington and Epstein ideas with the first part; when I put Fish in instead, the rest came easily. Washington is said to have at least spoken in front of his church once in "The Great Debate" – the second episode with the test is also referenced. Barbarino isn't in school with the others in season 4 but could get a GED and be graduating with them, or be there when we don't see. He's in 11th in one episode earlier, so one can figure the series takes place their junior and senior years.
And, since it's a Kotter/Barney Miller crossover, I have an ending like Barney Miller and then a little flash forward to complete the Welcome Back, Kotter part (since I have a Barney Miller-type teaser.)
Graduation Transitions
Retired detective Phil Fish walked over to a coffeepot and spoke to current 12th precinct detective Ron Haris. "I'd offer coffee, in honor of our late friend Nick Yemana, but some of us might be driving."
"Yeah," Harris said in a sentimental way, "that driving part sounds like what you'd say about alcohol, but his coffee had the strength of Superman." Yemana had died recently after a short illness.
"Actually I was thinking of how it affects my body. Of course, at my age, everything affects my body," Fish remarked.
Their captain, Barney Miller, was thinking about Saturday. "It's great of you to come back and visit again, anyway, and plan that chaperoning thing with Harris."
Harris concurred. "I thought you'd enjoy it, Fish, when I heard about Buchanan High's prom in Brooklyn. The students insisted on it the Saturday after graduation. The faculty figured it was so they could get rowdy, so they wanted a couple undercover police as chaperones. From what I hear, a few students knew all the police in Brooklyn."
"Yes, it works out nice, with the county having already planned an outing with our foster kids for that evening," Fish agreed.
Barney agreed. "At least you shouldn't have dozens of wild kids to try and control."
"Who knows, maybe I'll show some flash on that dance floor, too," Harris said.
"Not me. Just watching the moves these kids make might cause part of my body to dislocate itself," he said as he sat at the desk used by Yemana till recently.
The squad room quickly came alive. Detectives Stan "Wojo" Wojciehowicz and Arthur Dietrich walked in with a tall black man, Freddie Washington, and a boy of about six who appeared to be crying. "This way, we'll see what we can do," Wojo said doubtfully.
"What is it?" Barney inquired.
"I lost my fish," the boy whimpered.
Washington interrupted. "Yeah, can you find him fast? I'm due at my graduation this evening! I gotta swing by and get my cap and gown yet; they're still being adjusted."
All the police looked stunned. "Did he jump out of his bowl and run after a girl fish?" Harris asked.
"How should I know?" Fish asked. Before the others could say anything, he added, "I knew you weren't talking to me. I've just been yearning for the days of Abbott and Costello."
Dietrich explained as he showed Billy books and crayons for if a lost child wound up at the station; Billy then sat at the desk near Fish. "The boy's name's Billy. He won it at Coney Island this morning," Dietrich began. "He messed around on the subway; so, they got on the wrong train and came here. His cousin Freddie here saw us in our car after lunch, and flagged us down."
"How are we supposed to find it?" Barney asked nobody in particular.
"I could try a sushi bar on my way home," Fish suggested.
"Won't work; it was a little goldfish," Washington explained.
"That's okay; my doctor put me on a diet," Fish explained.
Miller sighed and murmured as Inspector Frank Luger walked in. "Where do you even look for a missing fish?"
"Try the Hudson River," Luger said. "Why not?" He cracked his knuckles. "A fish crosses the mob, and soon, pow! Swimming with the fishies. Who'd know the difference?"
Dietrich teased, "Unless someone caught a fish whose fins were encased in cement." Luger and Miller went into Barney's office to discuss business.
Washington used the phone near Billy to call the boy's parents before going over to Dietrich to give him information. "Okay, what do you need?" he asked the detective as he sat.
This was the crazy type of case Dietrich was great at – one which required a straight face. "Did this fish have any distinguishing marks?"
"Well, it was gold, let's see, if had fins, but that stuff's like most goldfish…" He thought a second. "Oh, I know; it didn't have a name yet. That's how you can tell; 'cause most fish have names," he joked. Sensing that it would be hard, he said, "Hey, I gotta try for the little one's sake."
. "I understand. What was Billy's fish being carried in."
"It was a clear plastic bag, no markings; filled, oh, maybe half of the way with water," Washington guessed.
"So it was an optimist's bag," Dietrich said. Washington gave him a blank look. "'Cause you know, otherwise, the bag would be half empty."
"OH, okay, I get you. You sound like my teacher, Mr. Kotter. I hope you don't have any long uncle stories."
"No, my uncles were short," he quipped. "Okay, seriously, where did you lose him?"
"Well it was somewhere on the subway, but you see, I don't happen to have the number hannnndy."
Dietrich promised to at least call the subway and let them know. As he called and told them, another Buchanan student, Juan Epstein, entered. "Are you looking for me?" Epstein asked.
"Should we be?" Wojo inquired with some curiosity.
"Oh, no, then… Freddie, what are you doin' here?" he asked.
"Tryin' to find my cousin's boy's fish. Did you find us dates for the prom?" Washington asked.
"Ah, well," Epstein looked nervous. "Can you cops cover your ears?"
"Sure, we can do that," Harris said, faking innocence and signaling the others, who caught on as they pretended to put their hands over their ears.
A lady of about the same age walked in before Epstein could talk. "I'd like to report…" She suddenly pointed at Epstein. "That's him!"
"Uh, I plead the Third Amendment!" Epstein shouted, guessing wildly.
Dietrich looked up as he hung up the phone. "Who's housing troops in your home without your consent?" He knew the amendments to the Constitution, like many other things, by heart.
"Get a grip, man. You haven't been arrested," Washington said as he walked toward him.
"Good point." Harris grabbed his arm as he tried to leave. "Hey, let go; I got a note." Epstein pulled it out of his pocket.
Harris read out loud as Epstein lip-synched. "'Dear officer, please excuse Juan from any suspicion. He is a good boy and would never do what he is accused of. Signed, Epstein's mother.'" Flapping his free arm at his side, Harris asked, "What kind of nonsense is this?"
"There's different kinds? The things they didn't teach us at Buchanan," Epstein declared.
"Oh, at least if you're from Buchanan that makes a lot of sense," Harris noted as he let go; he'd heard a few wild stories about the school since signing up as a chaperone.
Wojo had offered to take the woman's statement. She sat and began, "I'm Caroline Norris. I was walking along when this miscreant grabbed me by the arm, twisted it, and said I looked 'hot.'"
"I can explain. Freddie and I here didn't have dates for the prom. I was gettin' desperate," Epstein said.
"Look, can I at least get your name?" Harris asked Epstein.
"Juan Luis Pedro Philippo DeHuevos Epstein," he said. "here; I printed out some cards when I worked on the school paper." He gave it to Harris. "That'll help you with the spelling."
"There's not enough room on the form for all that," Harris explained.
"Well, then, you gotta get bigger forms." He looked at Barney's office and strutted confidently toward the door as he spoke. "Maybe your captain will understand."
"Hey, you can't just go in there during a meeting," Wojo said.
"Why not? It always worked with Principal Lazarus," Epstein said.
Washington shook his head. "We graduate tonight; we'll be in the real world soon."
"Oh, right, call Mr. Kotter," Epstein insisted, telling the others he'd been their teacher.
Fish let Washington use the phone, while Harris called Epstein to come back to his desk. "On your card here, what in the world is an antidisestablishmentarianism expert?" Wojo took the card so he could call and run a check on Epstein while Harris tried to get more information from him.
"You like that? I figured a big word would make me sound impressive, so why not go for the biggest?" Epstein remarked.
"Actually, there are chemical compounds that are longer; that's just the most easily pronounced of the really big words," Dietrich noted.
"Yeah, but I never paid attention to that periodic table stuff; if I can't use a table to sit stuff on or prop my feet up, I don't need to use it," Epstein alibied.
"So, how'd you ever learn multiplication?" Dietrich responded.
Dietrich was distracted by a phone call, and Harris by Washington asking for the restroom for Billy. As he pointed it out, Epstein barged into Barney's office.
"They think they run the place," Harris complained; all figured the two in there could handle Epstein, who seemed a lot more arrogant than dangerous. A moment later, an elderly man came in, and Harris quickly shifted gears. "Hello, Sir, how can we help you?"
"I'm Michael Woodman; I want to report a hit and run," Mr. Woodman, Buchanan's vice principal and – more recently – principal said. "I wasn't hurt, but some guy sideswiped my car a few blocks from here and took off."
As Woodman gave Harris information, Washington and Billy came back. Soon, Epstein came from Miller's office spouting, "Freddie, that inspector sounded like Woodface would have if he'd been a cop."
Woodman was shocked. "Maybe I was hurt," he said. "I'm hallucinating that Sweathogs are coming from everywhere!" He shook his fist at them. "I couldn't get you to drop out, but after your graduation tonight I was finally supposed to be through with you!"
"Can someone please settle things down?" Miller asked as he and Luger stepped out of his office.
"Sorry, I think they're recreating 'Lord of the Flies,'" Dietrich said.
"More like locusts," Woodman harrumphed. "Our schools have only twelve years to turn out of control monsters into fine, upstanding citizens." He flailed a hand. "And, this is what happens when we fail."
Luger began to leave. "It's okay, Barn, it's one of those days for ya." He looked at Woodman and pointed at Epstein. "Don't worry, you might have failed after twenty with him," he said before he left.
"Life on the streets makes you tough early," Washington said.
"Yeah, and you learn not to care about others' things. One minute you sideswipe a guy, next you're the ultimate pickpocket," Woodman groused.
"You mean Walter O'Malley? If you want to file a complaint about him stealing the Dodgers, try a Brooklyn precinct," Dietrich said as he stood. He turned to Miller and spoke lowly. "Subway said they'd call if anyone turns in a fish, though it doesn't look too promising." Miller nodded, and Dietrich told him about Epstein's situation. "They're running a check on him; what do you think?"
Miller hedged a little. "Yeah, it's borderline. If he's clean see if you can get them to talk it out. I'd like a few words with him even if she doesn't press charges, though."
Dietrich said that's what he'd been thinking, too, as Wojo came up to them with a paper. "We got a complaint about a couple guys trying to tamper with equipment at a gas station and car wash. They gave up when he caught them; he's holding them now," Wojo said.
"Okay, Dietrich, you and…" Washington said he'd try to smooth things over with Caroline after a moment. That helped, since Harris was still getting information from Woodman. "Okay, good, you and Wojo," Barney said. They left.
Washington and Caroline stood near Wojo's desk. "Hi there," he said in an alluring bass voice.
"Well, you sure have more charm than your 'friend,'" Caroline said bluntly.
"Hey, I'm sorry about what happened." They spoke for a little bit, when the phone rang, and Washington went to pick it up.
"Hey, you don't just pick up an official phone in a police station," Harris scolded as he picked it up. "Police, twelfth precinct." Wishing he didn't have to say it, Harris held out the phone and mumbled while looking down. "Freddie Washington? Line one."
As Washington spoke of having called Mrs. Kotter after calling Billy's parents, and how she'd promised to call the store to see if Mr. Kotter was still there, Woodman turned to Harris. "See what I have to put up with, Officer? It's enough to make your skin crawl."
Billy looked up from his coloring book and asked Fish, "Can skin really crawl?"
"How do you think I got all these wrinkles?"
"Can't you see a doctor about it?" Billy asked.
"I already have so many, they hold a medical convention to review my records," Fish joked.
Washington finally picked up the phone. "Hey, Mr. Kah-tare," he said with a smile. "We got more problems now. Could you bring the caps and gowns here? Epstein's here, too."
"Hey, can he pick up some groceries?" Epstein asked. Harris glared at him. "Come on, I'm not asking to talk to him myself. That way if you arrest me, I still get another phone call. Just as long as I can march in my graduation."
"Now, wait a minute," Barney said, becoming more agitated after the last few minutes. "Nobody said they were arresting you for…"
They were interrupted again when another young man came in with a woman who appeared to be his wife. "Hello," he said in a very nasal-sounding voice. "How are ya? I'm Arnold Horshaaaack," he said.
"Oh no," Woodman said as he looked down and shook his head. "Heaven help us; next thing you know, your men will bring the others in, and they'll all be here."
"I'm Captain Miller; what can we do for you?" Barney asked, privately hoping that this couple would restore some sanity to the afternoon.
"Mary and I just came from picking up our caps and gowns for graduation. We saw two guys at the gas station," he said.
"We didn't see their faces, but I thought they looked suspicious," his wife, Mary, continued. "So, I convinced him we should come report it."
"Well, thank you; it might be the same place we sent some men," Miller said. "We'll just take a brief statement from you, and you can get to your graduation," he promised. He saw Harris was not only still getting a few final things from Mr. Woodman, he'd also just answered the phone. So, he decided – though retired – Fish could handle something. "Fish?"
"Oh, not for me, I'd rather have hamburger. Maybe Mary would like some," Horshack said.
Miller chuckled. "Actually, I was asking if our retired detective, Mr. Fish, could assist you."
"Don't worry, Barney," Fish said. "When you've lived as long as I have, you've heard every line there is about that name."
After a moment, Harris walked over to Barney and whispered. "No priors on Epstein, but it looks like he's had a few warnings." Barney nodded.
Just then, Dietrich and Wojo came in with two more young men. Dietrich was also carrying a bag with several cans of spray paint. "I knew it," Woodman shouted. "Barbarino and Beau. They probably wanted to tamper with the gas tank and steal some."
"Hey, off my case, toilet face," Barbarino said. He turned to Beau, who had only moved there last year. "I always wanted to call him that; now that I'm graduating in a few hours, I can."
Beau explained. "We weren't near the gas pumps, honest."
Dietrich held up the bag. "They were actually caught with this spray paint near the car wash."
"Spray paint?" Barney said.
Wojo confirmed it. "Yeah, Barn, the station manager caught these two with a bunch of cans of spray paint. They gave up peacefully and waited for us." In a low voice, so they wouldn't hear, he added, "The owner said he wouldn't press charges, as long as it didn't happen again; after all, they hadn't done anything yet, and gave up right away. But, he said he wanted them brought down just to make sure they weren't you know, repeat offenders."
"Sure. Get statements and check 'em out, anyway," Barney said. While he knew they could be charged with misdemeanor trespassing, he also considered the talk he'd wanted to have with Epstein could just have some more recipients, too.
"So it was you," Horshack scolded as he walked toward Barbarino. "Now Vinne, when will you learn to set a good example." He turned to the officers and asked, "Did that sound good? Or should I have put more heart into it?"
Ignoring that query, Wojo continued. "He thought they were gonna spray paint it, since they didn't look dangerous, then they admitted what they were gonna do."
"Which was?" Barney was stunned – how much crazier could this day get?
A lot, it seemed, as Wojo said, "Well, it sounded like they'd talked about filling one of the hoses with spray paint instead of water."
As Barney thought a moment, Fish told Billy, "They remind me of some of the foster kids my wife and I watch."
"Does that mean their last name is Foster?" Billy asked.
"No, but thank you for reminding me there is still some innocence left in today's children," Fish said.
Woodman asked if Harris had gotten all he needed; he had. "Okay, great; I need to get ready for tonight. At least you're police, you should be able to handle these clowns." He began to leave, and then poked his head back in. "If any more come, don't be afraid to call out the National Guard." He left.
"Okay,Mr. Horshack, are you sure these are the two you saw?" Miller asked.
"I'm positive, Officer…hey, I just realized something. You're out of uniform."
"We're detectives," Barney said, "except for one day a year they're optional."
Mary understood. "Oh, like Columbo, right?" she asked; he agreed.
"Oh, yeah," Arnold said. He looked at Fish. "The policeman with the raincoat that looks like his face."
Fish picked up the phone and called out as Barney assigned people to get statements. "Hello, Bernice? Maybe I should go to the function Saturday after all, instead of the Buchanan High prom." She asked why. "We've had some of their students here, and they're wilder than three dozen younger kids will be. And to top it off, I've just been compared to a raincoat." Another pause. "No, you're not getting hard of hearing; that's what I said." After another second, Fish concluded, "I don't know, maybe he figures I'm wash and wear."
Dietrich had gotten a few questions in to Barbarino while Wojo questioned Beau. "Okay, I think we know, but for the record, what were you doing with the spray paint?"
"What?" Barbarino asked.
"The spray paint you were caught with."
"Where?"
"At the car wash!" Dietrich said.
"What?"
"Who?" Dietrich deadpanned.
"You, of course," Barbarino insisted, forgetting that he'd wanted to continue playing dumb.
"What?"
Barbarino grinned. "Hey, you're good at that, man."
"thanks. Now, how about answering the questions, and we'll see if we can get you to your graduation," Dietrich suggested.
"Hey, look, I know my rights, okay. I plead the Twelfth Amendment," Barbarino said.
"Who's preventing you from casting distinct ballots for President and Vice President?" Dietrich asked with a straight face. He then added, "And how'd you get to be a member of the electoral college?"
Barbarino shook his head. "Oh, I ain't; that's Freddie that going to college." He turned toward Washington. "Hey, Freddie, was that the Electoral College you got accepted at?"
As Mr. Kotter walked into the squad room, Beau shouted back, "You dummy, that's the people who cast the electoral votes for president."
"Hey, at least I knew there was a 'th' on the end of it. You're the dumb one," Barbarino shouted, "you wanted to run. I knew if we got caught they'd go easier on us; plus Mr. Kotter could bail us out."
"Why, your IQ's lower than a pregnant snake's belly," Beau drawled.
Barbarino shook his head. "That's not an insult. An insult is like, 'Up your nose with a rubber hose.' You haven't learned anything since you moved up here! Who made you a Sweathog, anyway?"
"Quiet," Kotter shouted.
Harris turned to the man Epstein addressed as Mr. Kotter. "Were you their teacher?" Kotter nodded. "You poor man," he said with real pity.
"I appreciate the sentiment," Kotter said. He began to lecture about how disappointed he was in them. "I still don't totally understand why you're down here, but we'll get to that later."
Washington and Caroline had been talking for a little while as the other craziness went on and Mr. Kotter spoke to the others. They seemed to like each other. "Anyway, as I said, we've all had it rough. But, Mr. Kotter's been a great help. I'm sure it won't happen again," Washington said confidently.
Caroline smiled faintly. "I'd like to believe it won't. It sounds like he's been able to calm Epstein down. And, it sounds like he's done a good job with you, too." Washington thanked her. "And, I was always taught the importance of forgiveness," she said, still deliberating a little.
"Same here, Ma'am," Washington said. "My dad, Lincoln Washington, really got furious with my oldest brother when he got caught doing something wrong a few years ago. But, I know it's important to be peaceful – especially with women."
"That's good. I just want to make sure Epstein doesn't do that again. I mean, even if he wouldn't have done anything nasty to me, the way he did it can give someone the wrong idea," she remarked.
"I'm sure between Mr. Kotter and the police here, they'll make sure he understands." Washington decided he might as well ask. "Anyway, if you're free Saturday night, it's kind of a crazy way to make a date, but hey, it doesn't hurt to ask, right?"
"Well, I am free this Saturday. As long as your school allows outside students to come to the prom; I told you, I graduated last year, but we are the same age," Caroline said. "And I like that you're not tying it to whether or not I press charges."
Washington had almost always been the Sweathog with the voice of reason, even if he acted crazy with them most of the time. He didn't know how to respond here, though. So, he finally asked, "Are you?"
"Well…as long as he gets a good talking to, I guess not." He thanked her. "Maybe it'll help him learn a lesson, too. Although if I go out with you; Momma always taught me one thing. I need to go with someone who's got the Lord in them, so they 've got something in 'em leading them on the straight and narrow path; so if he would stray it wouldn't be far. In other words, you don't just have head knowledge about receiving Christ's forgiveness and salvation."
"Yeah. I trusted Him to save me when I was little. Remember I told you Mr. Kotter challenged me on the basketball court to see if I had to re-take a test? And I beat him but re-took it, anyway?" She nodded. "I act real cool sometimes, and quench the Spirit too much. But, I felt Him there. I wanted to think I'd have a long NBA career and have a mansion and everything. But, I realized that doesn't always happen. And, I think I know why. If I wouldn't strike it rich, it's probably 'cause the Lord knows I'm more useful back here; just like Mr. Kotter was a star when he was in high school."
Caroline grinned. "That's good. Each of us needs to receive Christ's forgiveness by faith, through what He did for us on the cross, when He died for each of our sins personally and rose from the dead. But, I want someone who'll be humble, and forgiving, and put others first. Especially the women in his life," she said with some insistence. "Epstein's macho attitude really turns me off. But, I'm glad he's got a friend who – even if he acts crazy in the little things – always acts the right way when it counts."
"You bet, Ma'am." Washington recalled how he'd been falsely accused of stealing the class treasury when he'd put it in a bank account. He supposed there always was that part of him that wanted to dow aht was right, even if others doubted. And, more importantly, he knew for sure he was forgiven, by faith, for times he didn't. Because, he knew – especially in their neighborhood – there were times when everyone messed up. "Thanks for understanding," he said finally.
"Anytime." She gave him her address and phone number, then walked over to Wojo and Barney. "I've decided not to press charges, as long as he gets a good talking to about how to behave properly."
"Okay, thanks, Ma'am," Barney said. As Epstein expressed his excitement, Wojo said they couldn't find any prior arrests for Barbarino or Beau.
"Okay, great; do we have time before they have to go?" Barney asked. Kotter said they did, and when they had to leave. "Okay, get your Sweathogs together and bring them into my office. The good ones can help; so can you," Miller insisted.
"Come on, guys," Kotter said, motioning his students toward Captain Miller's office.
As they all followed Kotter and Captain Miller, Barbarino spoke. "If this is that speech where you say, 'For some of you, this will be the last test of your formal education, but I hope you keep learning your whole lives,' Mr. Kotter already gave us that speech."
Miller spoke tiredly as they all stood in his office. "No; why would I give a speech about school?"
"Well, I thought you might have given it to that Dietrich guy, 'cause with some of the things he was saying, I thought he was trying to know everything," Barbarino said. "How can a guy know so much?"
"Just listen to him, Vinnie," Kotter requested.
"Okay, but I'm not waivin' my Tenth Amendment rights," Barbarino said as Dietrich poked his head in.
"So, now you're declaring statehood?" Dietrich asked, referring to the Tenth Amendment before telling them Billy's parents were there and were taking him home. "His parents are gonna stop at a pet store tomorrow and buy him a fish and a bowl."
"Okay, great, thanks," Barney said. He sighed and addressed the Sweathogs as Dietrick closed the door. "Your teacher may have talked about the last test of your formal education, but I want to talk about tests outside of school."
"But, who would sign the report cards?" Horshack asked with a laugh.
"Look, never mind report cards," Barney said with some annoyance. "I wanted to talk to you, because it seems like some of you choose to ignore just enough of your inhibitions to come close to breaking the law, without going over."
Beau piped up, "That's just what Principal Woodman said when I tried to build a still in Chemistry lab."
"A still? This isn't the 1920s," Barney insisted, raising his eyebrows and voice.
"Yeah, I like that joke about how you hailed from Hazzard County," Washington said with a laugh, referring to the fictional county from "The Dukes of Hazard." The others chuckled, but Horshack gave a hoarse, wheezing laugh.
"I can see why he thought you were from there," Miller said pointedly. "Gentlemen, you're going to be graduating in a few hours. And, once you get out of school, you can't just go around barging into peoples' offices or answering their phones or playing pranks as big as putting spray paint into a car wash. And you can't get out of thigns with a note from your mother; who I strongly suspect didn't even write it in the first place."
"Are you kidding? The only way Epstein finally passed English was the teacher accepted a series of his excuse notes as a twelve-page fictional story," Kotter said.
"I believe that," Miller said. "Anyway, a prank like that with spray paint is not harmless! If you want a prank, go into K-mart and ask for the department that sells the letter K…or something that can't destroy anything." Horshack laughed hard at the letter K prank idea, clapping as well. "But, my point is, you guys need to maintained self-control."
"Yeah, but we're not gonna be cops or anything," Barbarino argued.
"No, but you're going to live in a civilized world where people expect that of you." To calm himself, he looked at the bright side – there were some good things coming out of the Sweathogs, as Mr. Kotter had said. "Now, some of you have that down fairly well. I understand you're married, Horshack – maybe too young, but you could make it work – and at least one of you is going to college."
"That's right, Captain. And, if I don't make it into the NBA, I'm gonna have Mr. Kotter's job someday. And, I'd like to coach, too," he added. Horshack also planned to work with children.
Kotter patted him on the shoulder. "I'm proud of you. But, Captain Miller's right; this is a big step for all of you. That's why I've told you guys, you have to be willing to take some responsibility for your actions. I mean, at least you respect the police here – except for Epstein barging into your office like that, Captain Miller. There's a time to be silly and have fun, but when it came to getting caught, at least you surrendered peacefully. But, you have to know how to avoid taking it too far. And from what I hear happened today, it sounds like some of you almost did take it too far," he said, with clear disappointment in his voice.
Miller looked at his watch. "You guys probably need to get going; you all have your caps and gowns?" They did; Mr. Kotter had brought them for the ones who didn't; the youth had planned to meet family at the site anyway, so that hadn't been a problem. "Fine, you can change into them downstairs, I'll call down and let them know you're coming." He made the call. "Now, first, come this way." Barney led them out into the main squad room, with the Sweathogs impersonating his walk. He ignored it, as he had a more important purpose. He pointed at the cell. "I want you all to look at that – especially the troublemakers." Barney's voice rose as he looked at Epstein and, to a lesser extent, Barbarino and Beau. "That's where that lack of self-control ends. It's a dead end; a total lack of freedom. It's the opposite of what you'll be doing when you graduate!"
"It's quite foreboding, isn't it?" Kotter echoed softly.
"What?" Barbarino asked.
"Hey, we don't even remember what that means," Epstein declared as Miller gave a frustrated sigh.
"Oh, Juan," Horshack quipped, "you remember. It's one more than threeboding."
"And, one less than fiveboding," Washington said.
The loud laughter continued until Barney shouted, "Will you knock it off and listen!" He pointed toward the cell. "Look, you can laugh all you want about what that word means later. Right now, I want you to make a promise. I want you to promise yourselves, me, Mr. Kotter, little Billy…Billy's new fish…anyone you have to, that you are not going to wind up behind those bars, ever!"
Despite his clowning, Washington took the lead. "You bet, man. I wouldn't want any part of that"
The others all slowly agreed – they didn't even want to think about doing anything that would put them there. They would keep to that, too; none would ever wind up behind bars.
"Great," Barney said. Now calmer he added, "I want you each to think about what went through your mind as you looked in that dark, empty, closed-in jail cell. So the next time you think about being physical and grabbing someone, or pulling a prank, or whatever else, think about whether it's right, and what the consequences are going to be. Understand?" All said, "Yes Sir." "Good. Go have fun at your graduations."
They thanked him, and Washington said, "You know, you sound a lot like Mr. Kotter. You sure you wouldn't rather be a teacher?"
"Thanks; don't let my wife hear you say that, though. She'll push me to retire and go back to school to be one," Barney said with a smile.
"You guys go, I'll be down in a second," Kotter said. Once the students had all left, he turned toward Barney. "Listen, thanks for talking to them. I think they really listened to what you said."
Barney nodded. "If I didn't feel such indignation at the crime in this city sometimes, I might have done like Washington said and become a teacher."
"It's a lot of work. With kids like them, they're trying to let one teacher in at least one subject have them for a couple years, so they can hopefully bond with someone. To be honest," Kotter confessed, "I got burned out a little myself; I went into comedy full time once, and became Vice Principal to lessen he load this year. My wife and I still had big problems. Thankfully, they're resolved now, but you can always tell your wife it wouldn't be any easier."
"I can imagine. If there were more like you, this city wouldn't have half the problems it does," Captain Miller proclaimed. "I know Epstein breaking into my office like that aggravated me. But, I've seen what kids like that can become; good and bad. It sounds like you've done great work."
"Thanks."
Wojo handed Kotter a paper with a name and number of it. "Hey, here's a name of a Puerto Rican who used to be with us before he got promoted," Wojo said. "The name's Chano. He might be a good role model for Epstein, too." Kotter thanked him and promised to give the note to Epstein.
"Good thinking, Wojo." Barney turned back to Kotter and said, "Of course, you'll probably still keep in touch with them, too." He didn't doubt it. "Good luck."
"Good luck to you, too. And, thanks again," Kotter said as they clasped hands.
Freddie Washington surveyed his basketball team. He was the new coach at Buchanan High, a little over ten years later. His first day as a teacher had – ironicallys tarted the same way as Mr. Kotter's; with a paper airplane being thrown into his hair. "Okay, listen, before our first practice, there will be no throwing of paper airplanes at the coach," he said.
A wadded up ball of paper struck him instead.
"Hey, what's your name, again?" Washington asked.
"Wociehowics Rodrigues," the student said. "This is my first year here; I want tot ry out."
"Huh? How do you spell that?" Washington asked.
"It took my mom five years to figure out how to spell my name; why should you be any different?" the boy said.
"Wait, wait. She didn't happen to name you after a policeman who helped deliver you, did she?" Washington asked in amazement
"How else do you think I'd get a crazy Polish first name and a Hispanic last name?" the boy asked in astonishment. "You should see how my mom used to spell it; our native tongue thinks a 'j' sounds like an 'h' and doesn't even pronounce the 'h,'" he finished ranting.
"Wow, I see what you mean. Anyway, I met him about ten, twelve years ago; I just talked to him recently, in fact. He's a captain now. My wife Caroline and his new bride have become good friends," he explained.
"I guess you like as many people as you can to keep an eye on us, huh?" the boy asked.
Washington came up bsides him and invited him to sit on the bench with him, which they did, as he spoke. "Not like you're thinkin' man. We know it's a really rough neighborhood out there. I like to have a big circle of people so we can help you. I know a few cops, I know a few former cops. But,w hat's important is, we want to make sure you kids know you've got a big future ahead of you. And, you don't have to go blowin' it like some of the guys you see on the streets. That ain't cool to blow a chance like that, man."
The youth looked at him with a somewhat tough glare, yet still with a little hope in his eyes, hope that maybe this one would be different. "You seriously think you can give me hope to get out of here?"
"Hey, of course I can, man. I was a Sweathog like you once. All my friends at least have steady employment, there's families, we've had good things happen to us. 'Cause you see, when I was your age, I thought making it in life meant having fancy cars and jewelry and all that flashy stuff. I bet that's what you think too, huh?" He nodded. "But, making it's really all about family, happiness, other things you can't measure. Like the reward of giving back to my community. 'Cause, my reward comes from helping kids like you."
He wasn't sure why, but there was something different about this Mr. Washington. The boy realized that maybe, just maybe, there might be something to what the man was saying. And he was right; Washington would be able to really help him, and others, just as Kotter had helped Washington's generation of Sweathogs.