It was a fine summer morning. Ash and his friends were walking down yet another road, on the lookout for new and exciting Pokémon.
At that very instant, a person with too much time on their hands hacked into the Anime Web Turnpike, and, just for the hell off it, merged two of the more popular links to form one single, terrifying combo! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!
Ash and his friends walked on, oblivious.
When, all of a sudden, a boy with a pigtail rammed right into the kid with a baseball hat, making the girl with long, purple hair who was running directly after the pigtailed boy, ram into the pigtailed boy and the kid with a baseball hat, and the long-haired boy with glasses who was running after the purple-haired girl, ram into the purple-haired girl, the pigtailed boy, and the kid with a baseball hat, and the short-haired girl who was chasing after the long-haired boy with glasses ram into the log-haired boy with glasses, the purple-haired girl, the pigtailed boy, and the kid with a baseball hat, and so on, and so on, until the biggest pile-up in anime history was rubbing their heads, moaning under their breaths, and smacking each other irritably, all on top of the kid with a baseball hat.
"Uh, shouldn't we do something, Misty?" the kid with a vest asked, watching the mayhem from a safe distance.
"Nah, let Ash do it himself. It's a learning experience."
"Yeah, builds character."
"Mm-hmm, my point exactly."
"Pika!"
"Ryoga! Ryoga, is that you? Uh... you awake?"
"Akane... I can't believe I'm in a pile-up with Akane..."
*WHAP* "Stupid Mousse! Get off Shampoo!"
"I'm sorry, Shampoo, I'm sorry! Just let me give Ranma a good whack..."
"Ranma Saotome, underclassman!! I have you at last! Prepare to die!!"
"Oh, my precious Ranma! I KNEW you loved me! Hold me closer!"
"Goddammit, get the hell offa me!!" The pig-tailed boy, presumably somewhere at the bottom of the pile-up, made a magnificent kick, and sent the purple-haired girl, the long-haired boy, the short-haired girl, a kid with a headband and an umbrella, a guy with a wooden sword, and a girl wearing a very revealing leotard, flying off of him. He landed neatly next to the kid with a baseball hat, who lay twitching, pounded into the road. "Geez!" the boy said wearily. "You'd think after a while they'd realize I'm not all that crazy about all these fiancees..."
Then he did a double-take. He looked at the boy peeling himself out of the road, then at the two kids standing at the side of the road, watching, and then at the Pikachu perched on the girl's shoulder.
"Who the hell are you kids? And what the hell is that?!" The boy with the pigtail pointed at the yellow mouse creature in disgust.
"Who the heck are you?" the kid with a baseball hat responded. "And what the heck does 'hell' mean? I've never heard it before in my-"
At that moment, a serious looking woman marched in, turned to the boy with the baseball cap, and scolded, "Don't you ever use that word again, young man! These heathens may be from an explicit anime, but you've got thousands of young children watching your daily adventures!" She whirled on the pig-tailed boy. "And don't let me catch any of you flashing your... your... your boobies while you're around these children!" She marched off.
The pig-tailed boy made a two-fingered sign with both hands. "A censor..." he murmured.
"Hey, Brock, what's a booby?" the kid with a baseball hat asked the kid with a vest curiously.
The kid with a vest sweatdropped. "Uh, I'll tell you when you're older..."
The purple-haired girl bounced up. "Nihao, Ranma! Who these people?" She eyed the girl with suspenders viciously. "This girl no after Ranma, is she? Shampoo kill her if she is..."
"Yeah, you just try it, Shampoo-poo, whatever!" the girl with suspenders glared at Shampoo.
The censor hurried back out. "No, no! Poo-poo is a no-no!" She hurried out.
The boy with the long black hair and glasses ran forward. "No! Shampoo! I love you! Don't bother with that girl; let her have that scum, Ranma!"
Shampoo kicked the boy in the face. "Mousse go bother someone else now!" she cried. "Shampoo gonna battle with stupid girl!"
"All right! Goooo, Staryu!" The girl with suspenders threw a Pokéball.
Shampoo looked up from her battle stance, confused. "Staryu? What technique is Staryu?"
"Ha! A water technique!" the girl with suspenders cried triumphantly.
"WATER?!" The pig-tailed boy, Mousse (who had just climbed down from the tree Shampoo had kicked him into), Shampoo, and the head-band boy all cried as one. "NONONONONO!!"
"What? Staryu, water gun!"
"NONONONONONONONO!!!"
*SPLASH*
"GODDAMMIT YOU STUPID JACKASS!!!!!!" the pigtailed girl screeched.
The censor came running in, puffing a little. "I warned you! Take this!" She scooped up the purple cat from the ground and flung it at the pigtailed girl's head.
"Mrow!" meowed the cat.
"AUUUUUUUUUUUGHHH!!! AUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHH!!! GETITOFFME, GETITOFFME!!!!!!!" the pigtailed girl shrieked, running around and flailing her arms desperately.
"P-Chan!! OHMYGOD!! Ryoga is P-Chan?!! AUUUUUUUGHHHH!!!!" The short-haired girl ran away screaming.
The little pig with the collar leapt onto the suspenders-girl's neck and began trying to bite her head off.
"What's that? It looks like a Farfetch'd... Well, I'm gonna catch it!" The hat-kid pulled out a red ball and threw it at the bird thing. "Pokéball, go!!!!"
There was a surprised quack, and suddenly a dozen chains and knives flew at the hat-boy's head.
The hat-boy ducked. "Cooooooooooool attack!! I've GOTTA have that Farfetch'd!" He dove on the duck.
The short-haired girl came running back, carrying a tea pot. "Hold on, everybody, hold on!" She dumped some water on the pigtailed girl, and the cat that was latched onto the pigtailed girl's face. She poured some on the duck who was desperately trying to fight back the eager young boy who had an endless supply of red balls. She poured some on the piglet, who was still working on the girl's neck, who was running in circles, shrieking in pain.
"GAAAAH!!! You stupid little kid!! Get away!! Fist of the White Swan!! Hen's Egg Attack!! Raking Hawk's Talon!! ATTACK!!!" There was a flash of white sleeves, and then the hat-kid went flying off into the horizon.
"HOORAY!!! A taste of your own medicine, Ash Ketchum!!!" Three bad people appeared with a flash of smoke and dramatic music. "Ash has found the horizon!! This calls for a celebration!! We're skipping the motto today!"
"That DOES call for a celebration!!" the suspender-girl cried, rubbing her sore neck.
"I'll kill you, you stupid-"
"DON'T SAY IT, RYOGA, THE CENSOR WILL KILL YOU!!!!"
Ryoga blinked. "My bad. But now Akane knows I'm P-Chan!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" He leapt for the suspender-girl.
"GET AWAY!!" The suspender-girl smacked him with a mallet, and he went flying off into the horizon.
"Hooray! Ryoga met the horizon!" the pigtailed boy cheered.
Suddenly, a girl carrying a huge spatula zoomed up and smacked the suspenders-girl into the ground. "Great job, you jackass!! Now Ryoga'll never find his way back to us!! You stupid jackass!! Look what you've done!! Jackass!!"
The censor came running up. The spatula-girl smacked her into the horizon. "Get away, you stupid jackass!!"
"Hooray, the censor met the horizon!" the bad guys and the pigtailed boy cried in unison.
"Now we can curse all we want!! You fuckers!! I hate you and your stupid, shithead Pikachu!! Fuck you, and fuck Giovanni!!" The boy turned to the girl. "Damn, Jessie, you are one helluva bitch. Damn, you are a mother-fucking bitch!" "Yeah, well, you're a fag ass, James!! You're a dick-headed faggot asshole!" "WE CAN CURSE!!! YAAAAAAAAY!!" The two hugged.
"Aiyah!! Shampo confused!!!"
"I think our work here is done, Ranma. We've managed to beat up someone, and we've managed to corrupt some otherwise wholesome characters. And the censor is gone. Good work!" The shorthaired girl grinned.
"Wait a minute, wasn't Kodachi and Kuno supposed to be in this fic?" the pigtailed boy asked, confused.
Damn! I forgot!
The leotard girl and the wooden sword guy appeared.
"Ranma, I love you!"
"Ranma, I hate you!"
"Girl with a leotard! I love you!"
*KICK-SMACK-BAFF-HURT-PAIN-POW!!!*
"Ha! Get away, ten year old vest boy! Ranma is the only man for me!"
"Hey! I'm not ten!"
"Oh? What then, twelve?"
"Hmmph... doesn't matter..."
"I can't believe Ryoga's P-Chan..."
"Did you get those bad words down, Misty? Say them again, Team Rocket! Take notes, take notes!"
"Fuck you, you womanizing bastard! James, kick Brock's ass for me!"
"Like hell, bitch! Your fucking tyrant days are over!"
"Oh, I'm so happy! Fuck fuck fuck!"
"Oh, me too! Shit shit shit!"
"Hey, Shampoo-whatever... wanna change back into that cat?"
*WHAP!!!*
"Creepy cat monster stay away from Shampoo!"
"I'll protect you, Shampoo!"
*WHAP!!!*
"Mousse butt out!"
"Life's a bitch, eh, cat monster?"
"You're tellin' me, Glasses..."
"Yo, what the hell is up with this yellow thing?"
"PIIIIIIIIIIIKAAAAAAAAACHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"
*CRACKLE-FIZZLE-ZAP!*
"OW!! HEY!!"
*SMACK-WHAP-POW-KICK-KILL-MAIM!!!!!*
"Goddamned mouse... that hurt! Shampoo, you're a cat! Eat it for me!"
"Anything for Ranma! But... Ranma kill it already..."
"Oh, good point..."
"Maybe we make it into ramen!"
At that very instant, a person with too much time on their hands hacked into the Anime Web Turnpike, and, just for the hell off it, merged two of the more popular links to form one single, terrifying combo! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!
Ash and his friends walked on, oblivious.
When, all of a sudden, a boy with a pigtail rammed right into the kid with a baseball hat, making the girl with long, purple hair who was running directly after the pigtailed boy, ram into the pigtailed boy and the kid with a baseball hat, and the long-haired boy with glasses who was running after the purple-haired girl, ram into the purple-haired girl, the pigtailed boy, and the kid with a baseball hat, and the short-haired girl who was chasing after the long-haired boy with glasses ram into the log-haired boy with glasses, the purple-haired girl, the pigtailed boy, and the kid with a baseball hat, and so on, and so on, until the biggest pile-up in anime history was rubbing their heads, moaning under their breaths, and smacking each other irritably, all on top of the kid with a baseball hat.
"Uh, shouldn't we do something, Misty?" the kid with a vest asked, watching the mayhem from a safe distance.
"Nah, let Ash do it himself. It's a learning experience."
"Yeah, builds character."
"Mm-hmm, my point exactly."
"Pika!"
"Ryoga! Ryoga, is that you? Uh... you awake?"
"Akane... I can't believe I'm in a pile-up with Akane..."
*WHAP* "Stupid Mousse! Get off Shampoo!"
"I'm sorry, Shampoo, I'm sorry! Just let me give Ranma a good whack..."
"Ranma Saotome, underclassman!! I have you at last! Prepare to die!!"
"Oh, my precious Ranma! I KNEW you loved me! Hold me closer!"
"Goddammit, get the hell offa me!!" The pig-tailed boy, presumably somewhere at the bottom of the pile-up, made a magnificent kick, and sent the purple-haired girl, the long-haired boy, the short-haired girl, a kid with a headband and an umbrella, a guy with a wooden sword, and a girl wearing a very revealing leotard, flying off of him. He landed neatly next to the kid with a baseball hat, who lay twitching, pounded into the road. "Geez!" the boy said wearily. "You'd think after a while they'd realize I'm not all that crazy about all these fiancees..."
Then he did a double-take. He looked at the boy peeling himself out of the road, then at the two kids standing at the side of the road, watching, and then at the Pikachu perched on the girl's shoulder.
"Who the hell are you kids? And what the hell is that?!" The boy with the pigtail pointed at the yellow mouse creature in disgust.
"Who the heck are you?" the kid with a baseball hat responded. "And what the heck does 'hell' mean? I've never heard it before in my-"
At that moment, a serious looking woman marched in, turned to the boy with the baseball cap, and scolded, "Don't you ever use that word again, young man! These heathens may be from an explicit anime, but you've got thousands of young children watching your daily adventures!" She whirled on the pig-tailed boy. "And don't let me catch any of you flashing your... your... your boobies while you're around these children!" She marched off.
The pig-tailed boy made a two-fingered sign with both hands. "A censor..." he murmured.
"Hey, Brock, what's a booby?" the kid with a baseball hat asked the kid with a vest curiously.
The kid with a vest sweatdropped. "Uh, I'll tell you when you're older..."
The purple-haired girl bounced up. "Nihao, Ranma! Who these people?" She eyed the girl with suspenders viciously. "This girl no after Ranma, is she? Shampoo kill her if she is..."
"Yeah, you just try it, Shampoo-poo, whatever!" the girl with suspenders glared at Shampoo.
The censor hurried back out. "No, no! Poo-poo is a no-no!" She hurried out.
The boy with the long black hair and glasses ran forward. "No! Shampoo! I love you! Don't bother with that girl; let her have that scum, Ranma!"
Shampoo kicked the boy in the face. "Mousse go bother someone else now!" she cried. "Shampoo gonna battle with stupid girl!"
"All right! Goooo, Staryu!" The girl with suspenders threw a Pokéball.
Shampoo looked up from her battle stance, confused. "Staryu? What technique is Staryu?"
"Ha! A water technique!" the girl with suspenders cried triumphantly.
"WATER?!" The pig-tailed boy, Mousse (who had just climbed down from the tree Shampoo had kicked him into), Shampoo, and the head-band boy all cried as one. "NONONONONO!!"
"What? Staryu, water gun!"
"NONONONONONONONO!!!"
*SPLASH*
"GODDAMMIT YOU STUPID JACKASS!!!!!!" the pigtailed girl screeched.
The censor came running in, puffing a little. "I warned you! Take this!" She scooped up the purple cat from the ground and flung it at the pigtailed girl's head.
"Mrow!" meowed the cat.
"AUUUUUUUUUUUGHHH!!! AUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHH!!! GETITOFFME, GETITOFFME!!!!!!!" the pigtailed girl shrieked, running around and flailing her arms desperately.
"P-Chan!! OHMYGOD!! Ryoga is P-Chan?!! AUUUUUUUGHHHH!!!!" The short-haired girl ran away screaming.
The little pig with the collar leapt onto the suspenders-girl's neck and began trying to bite her head off.
"What's that? It looks like a Farfetch'd... Well, I'm gonna catch it!" The hat-kid pulled out a red ball and threw it at the bird thing. "Pokéball, go!!!!"
There was a surprised quack, and suddenly a dozen chains and knives flew at the hat-boy's head.
The hat-boy ducked. "Cooooooooooool attack!! I've GOTTA have that Farfetch'd!" He dove on the duck.
The short-haired girl came running back, carrying a tea pot. "Hold on, everybody, hold on!" She dumped some water on the pigtailed girl, and the cat that was latched onto the pigtailed girl's face. She poured some on the duck who was desperately trying to fight back the eager young boy who had an endless supply of red balls. She poured some on the piglet, who was still working on the girl's neck, who was running in circles, shrieking in pain.
"GAAAAH!!! You stupid little kid!! Get away!! Fist of the White Swan!! Hen's Egg Attack!! Raking Hawk's Talon!! ATTACK!!!" There was a flash of white sleeves, and then the hat-kid went flying off into the horizon.
"HOORAY!!! A taste of your own medicine, Ash Ketchum!!!" Three bad people appeared with a flash of smoke and dramatic music. "Ash has found the horizon!! This calls for a celebration!! We're skipping the motto today!"
"That DOES call for a celebration!!" the suspender-girl cried, rubbing her sore neck.
"I'll kill you, you stupid-"
"DON'T SAY IT, RYOGA, THE CENSOR WILL KILL YOU!!!!"
Ryoga blinked. "My bad. But now Akane knows I'm P-Chan!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" He leapt for the suspender-girl.
"GET AWAY!!" The suspender-girl smacked him with a mallet, and he went flying off into the horizon.
"Hooray! Ryoga met the horizon!" the pigtailed boy cheered.
Suddenly, a girl carrying a huge spatula zoomed up and smacked the suspenders-girl into the ground. "Great job, you jackass!! Now Ryoga'll never find his way back to us!! You stupid jackass!! Look what you've done!! Jackass!!"
The censor came running up. The spatula-girl smacked her into the horizon. "Get away, you stupid jackass!!"
"Hooray, the censor met the horizon!" the bad guys and the pigtailed boy cried in unison.
"Now we can curse all we want!! You fuckers!! I hate you and your stupid, shithead Pikachu!! Fuck you, and fuck Giovanni!!" The boy turned to the girl. "Damn, Jessie, you are one helluva bitch. Damn, you are a mother-fucking bitch!" "Yeah, well, you're a fag ass, James!! You're a dick-headed faggot asshole!" "WE CAN CURSE!!! YAAAAAAAAY!!" The two hugged.
"Aiyah!! Shampo confused!!!"
"I think our work here is done, Ranma. We've managed to beat up someone, and we've managed to corrupt some otherwise wholesome characters. And the censor is gone. Good work!" The shorthaired girl grinned.
"Wait a minute, wasn't Kodachi and Kuno supposed to be in this fic?" the pigtailed boy asked, confused.
Damn! I forgot!
The leotard girl and the wooden sword guy appeared.
"Ranma, I love you!"
"Ranma, I hate you!"
"Girl with a leotard! I love you!"
*KICK-SMACK-BAFF-HURT-PAIN-POW!!!*
"Ha! Get away, ten year old vest boy! Ranma is the only man for me!"
"Hey! I'm not ten!"
"Oh? What then, twelve?"
"Hmmph... doesn't matter..."
"I can't believe Ryoga's P-Chan..."
"Did you get those bad words down, Misty? Say them again, Team Rocket! Take notes, take notes!"
"Fuck you, you womanizing bastard! James, kick Brock's ass for me!"
"Like hell, bitch! Your fucking tyrant days are over!"
"Oh, I'm so happy! Fuck fuck fuck!"
"Oh, me too! Shit shit shit!"
"Hey, Shampoo-whatever... wanna change back into that cat?"
*WHAP!!!*
"Creepy cat monster stay away from Shampoo!"
"I'll protect you, Shampoo!"
*WHAP!!!*
"Mousse butt out!"
"Life's a bitch, eh, cat monster?"
"You're tellin' me, Glasses..."
"Yo, what the hell is up with this yellow thing?"
"PIIIIIIIIIIIKAAAAAAAAACHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"
*CRACKLE-FIZZLE-ZAP!*
"OW!! HEY!!"
*SMACK-WHAP-POW-KICK-KILL-MAIM!!!!!*
"Goddamned mouse... that hurt! Shampoo, you're a cat! Eat it for me!"
"Anything for Ranma! But... Ranma kill it already..."
"Oh, good point..."
"Maybe we make it into ramen!"