Lirin: i don't own Beyblade
I once heard that time heals all wounds...but does it really?
Two years ago something bad happened, and I still can not forget...I'm not sure I want to forget this either.
The day started out strange, but so had the few days before when my father burst into my room waking me from my sleeping saying one of my dear babies had to go to the vet...yes my beloved cats are my babies. But from that day, no day had been normal with her gone.
It wasn't until later that night that we received a call confirming my girl was not in good health...no like I needed that call to confirm what I already knew...i should have realized that when she began to hide...but I was to stupid to realize what was going on.
The next day after bringing her in, I went to visit her. Everyone could tell she was weak...not her happy self she once was. Our time together was not long...less then a couple hours...it was clear she was getting tired and I knew it be best she get rest...i promised to see her the next day.
Finally the third day of her stay came. I got up and went to school as usual, but my mind was not on my sole class. Something was telling me I should not be staring blankly at the board, and be else where...it was probably my paranoid mind...but I knew that being there was wrong yet I could do nothing about it.
You see on my drive to school I had my Ipod hooked up to the car radio like usual and everything was fine...that is until I switched the device to my headphone as I walked to the school building. When the plugs were in place in my ears a certain Pokemon song decided to make its presence know again...that's right it was "The Time Has Come". Listening to that one song seemed to prove my one fear of the day and I wanted so much to leave that damn place and rush to my girl's side, but I was told I would get a call if anything was happening and I had yet to get it...so I went to class as I should have.
It was 50 minutes later that I made a call...and that call seemed to stop the world for me. It was not directly said, but it was known that my girl was gone and no one had told me.
The rest of that day was a blur...but I do remember having my sweet boy with me...comforting me about the loss of his sister...my girl...our friend.
A year had passed and I was never my true happy self...but I could still fool people...so they were never burdened with the pain I was still in having to listen to my problems. But I was still slightly mad at them for forgetting that a year ago my girl was put to rest.
That year I was living in the dorms at my new school...which was a mistake I regret making...but thankfully when the year come due it was a weekend meaning I was home and cuddling the day away with my boy...he and I will never forget the fun we all had together and the bad to.
Now it has been two years since that god awful day...and this year is different...for now my dear boy is gone too, actually today is also the 5 month anniversary of his departure, and a fight with Johnny McGregor, my boyfriend, means that I am all alone.
I sit here now on my borrowed bed in Glaslow surrounded but the rich soft deep blue comforter with matching canopy on the bed, holding her small tin that contains her ashes crying...regretting I was not there for her.
Time heals all wound...but I don't believe that. Time has only made these wounds ache worse. At night I dream of her alone in a cold room one a cold table wrapped in a blanket. I see the fear in her eyes as she awaits the vet alone. Her fragile body shakes, but I do not know if it is from cold or fear...possibly both.
She looks to where I am standing and a voice on the wind speaks to me.
"Why were you not here?"
"Why did you not notice sooner? We could have more time together."
"Did you truly love Ripples more then me that you were there for him but not for me?"
These and other questions, though softly spoken, pounded me until I was on my knees looking up at her crying being to be forgiven.
If I could go back to that time I would do things over...I would have made sure to keep my promise at least and see her on her last day on this world...i would have been by her side as the needles we placed in her weakened body and the injections begin to take effect...I would not have left her to be alone that day with only the people she barely knew...the ones who did not love her as I did.
I can only image her fear that day as her live was cut short at a mere 10 years old. We should have had more time together...but life is not fair and robs creatures of many fun times.
Time heals all wounds...I have yet to see that. But I don't feel it right for my wounds to be allowed to heal...for if they do I feel I would be betraying my girl. She deserved to have me there with her...so the blame I feel now should be rightfully there and never go...for if it does I believe that would be the same as if I had killed her myself.
Two years and I still remember this as if it only happened yesterday...the only difference on this day is I am truly alone...just as she was that morning.
Time heals all wounds...but I will never deserve that for allowing my sweet angel to be alone.
A knock on the door pulls my head up and I see Johnny standing there. His lavender eyes look at me with worry as he stares at my tear stained face. I don't cry what he's thinking...I'm still mad at him...but I don't retreat from the hug he's pulled me into but I still cling to the tin in my arms.
"I'm sorry" he whispers and pet my hair. "I shouldn't have done that."
I only hum to agree. Opening my mouth would only release a heavy sob I've not allowed out for hours now.
"I hope this will help you forgive me" he place a small cat plushie in front of me and it's holding a small pictures of Ripples and Fuzzball and the frame around them says 'We luv you'.
That sob is finally released as I bury my head against him and cry harder. This was the best thing Johnny has ever done for me and I couldn't be mad at him any longer...he understands my pain...and wants to help time to heal me...but I can not tell now if it will work...for only time can tell me that.
Good-bye Fuzzy. I miss you kitten
August 28, 1996 - February 2, 2007
Lirin: so as may of you might had guessed today is the 2nd anniverary of my cat's, Fuzzball, death. :'-(
Johnny: (hugs Lirin) she was a good cat that loved to drink water from the sink at 5:30 in the morning. sadly her life was cut short when a tumor developed in her stomach. Lirin wrote this in honor of Fuzzball, so please for only who as lost a loved one, or just have a heart, please drop a review and help my Lirin get through this day hopefully with a smile on her face. this is going to be a long day, and i know that hearing from you will just make it that much easier for her.