-1This is has been around my head forever…the topic has been done a lot now..but hopefully…this will be different! It's based off the Billy Joel song "and so it goes.." It will be mer/der eventually…you know how I roll with the angst…so I hope you stick with it!

In every heart there is a room, a sanctuary safe and strong, to heal the wounds

From lovers past…until a new one comes along.

I spoke to you, in cautious tones, you answered me with no pretense,

And still I feel, I've said to much..my silence is my self defense.

And every time, I've held a rose, it seems I've only felt the thorns

And so it goes, and so it goes, and so will you soon I suppose…

But if my silence, made you leave, than that will be my worst mistake

So I will share this room with you, and you can have this heart to break…

So this is why my eyes are closed, it's just as well for all I've seen

And so it goes..and so it goes…and you're the only one who knows…

So I would chose to be with you, that's if the choice were mine to make…

But you can make decisions to….

And you can have this heart to break…

The stormy gray waves lapped against the bottom of the ferry spraying a cold mist up into Meredith's face. It was a traditional cloudy day for Seattle, and she had to pull her beige trench coat tighter around herself. She thought it was ironic, that the weather was miserable. It seemed to be purposely mirroring her mood.

"I can not trust you anymore…one minute you're telling me you want forever…and the next your dating.."

She watched the land disappear as the boat traveled further and further away from Derek's land. It got smaller and smaller until the misty clouds completely enveloped it in a blur of white. She knew it may be the last time she ever saw it…and wanted to watch it until she could no more.

"Meredith…I can't do this anymore. Are we together or not? We can't keep doing this to each other…we're either together..or we're not..that's it.."

Once the land was completely out of her sight she turned so she could see the silver skyline of the city. It was early, almost two hours before her shift officially started, but she had given herself extra time to take one last ride on the ferry. The ferry was their thing…it was large, powerful, and almost indestructible. Unless it collided into things…a perfect symbol of their complicated relationship.

"Then…I guess we're not…"

Tiny, cold, droplets of rain pelted at her. She heard them hit her coat before she felt them hit her head. Her hair would be messed up all day, but she didn't care, she wasn't trying to impress anyone anyway. She made no motion to head for cover inside the boat, she liked the cold, it effectively numbed her…it fit…her mood.

"Oh…then this is it…"

"Yeah…I think it is…"

They had been broken up for two weeks…two weeks that she barely could register on her mind. She had no idea what had gone on…who had talked to her…what she had said…she had merely floated through them trying to come to terms with what had happened.

It was affecting her more than she thought it would. She had drowned herself in work, hoping to avoid the memories that flooded her mind but she couldn't avoid them when she slept. They attacked her with such force that she would end up on the sofa downstairs….unable to sleep in the bed that reminded her of Derek.

She blamed herself. The guilt was overwhelming and all she could think about was that she had ruined something great. Her warm tears were mixing with the almost freezing rain creating a weird juxtaposition.

Wiping her eyes only succeeded in destroying what lite makeup she had on. Smeary mascara lines were running down her cheeks and yet she still didn't care.

"I'm sorry…"

"Yeah…me too…"

The boat's fog horn blared startling her and signaling the end of her journey across the harbor. The land on the other side was now a distant memory, except she couldn't get it out of her mind.

Looking down into the cold water she remembered the icy chill it felt as it overtook her body. She felt the same way now, numb, cut off from the rest of the world. Except this time, she had no warm body to curl up to. There was no one to save her this time. There would be no breath of fresh air.

"I'm so sorry Derek." Meredith whispered, the wind carrying it off into nothingness.

And so it goes…and so it goes…

And you're the only one who knows…