Chapter 1: Captain Thesaurus

"Another Monday at Middleton", Kim Possible sighs to herself. She shakes her head as she rummages through her locker. It's just part of the usual morning routine she mindlessly performs day-in and day-out. In contrast to Kim's dreary demeanor, the hallway looks festive with winter holiday decorations adorning the locker-lined corridors.

Ron approaches Kim's locker for his usual Monday morning confab. Unlike Kim, Ron has not only a spring in his step but also manages a little swagger in his gait. "Que pasa Kimmerita? What's going on?" Ron asks.

Ron is always way too cheery on Monday mornings, Kim thinks to herself. In fact, everybody is too cheery on Monday mornings - her Mom, her Dad, Jim, Tim - everybody.

"Grrrr", Kim growls. "Another Monday. I hate Mondays. The only thing worse than regular Mondays are Mondays of a week in which I have mid-Terms. No way am I ready for Miss Sanguillen's Spanish test tomorrow. I'm dead meat."

''Carne muerta", Ron adds. ''It's Spanish for -". Ron trails off.

Kim shoots a glare at Ron. Why? She doesn't know exactly other than it probably has something to do with it being Monday morning...of a week with mid-terms.

Ron attempts to lift Kim's spirits. "Cheer up, Kim, holiday break is right around the corner. Two weeks of nothing but that fine Bueno Nacho cuisine, horror movie entertainment, and sleeping until noon! Besides, this is the time of year when the effervescent spirit of normal people proliferates the wintry dysphoria and brightens even the most revolting of locales. Why, just gaze upon our normally dank academic surroundings, Kim. The décor is resplendent in its holiday festivity!"

Kim stands frozen. Her mouth hangs open for a few seconds while the words that inexplicably originated from Ron Stoppable's mouth are fully absorbed. She blinks. She thinks. She blinks again. Kim gathers herself and starts to respond. For perhaps the first time in her life, she really doesn't know what to say. Before any sound can escape, she stops, regroups, and tries to collect herself once again. So many questions to ask yet only one emphatic, elongated word is uttered…"Whaaaat?"

"What what, KP?"

"What was THAT?" Kim asks. "Did you just drop a 'resplendent' on me?"

"Oh that? Surprised? Astounded? Taken aback even? I owe it all to you, Kim. It's the Word-A-Day calendar Hanukkah gift you got me. It's very, very, very, very….very…uh…cool. I'm learning so much! Check it. Resplendent - splendid or dazzling in appearance. Brilliant."

"Ron, I know what resplendent means."

"January 26th", Ron proudly proclaims.

A puzzled Kim responds, "What?"

"January 26th", Ron repeats. "Resplendent is the word for January 26. I'm already up to April 11th!"

"Ron? You read ahead…on a calendar! Who reads ahead on a calendar?" Kim raises her index finger. "It's one word per calendar day; hence, the WORD – A - DAY CALENDAR!"

"I know. I know, but - ", Ron eyes Principal Barkin walking towards the two and whispers to Kim, "Hey, there's Barkin – watch this!"

"Hi, Mr. Barkin", Ron cheerfully greets his principal as he approaches.

Skeptical of Ron's cheerfulness, Barkin reluctantly addresses the pair of students that often – way too often he thinks to himself - cause him so much trouble. "Stoppable. Possible. Staying out of trouble I hope."

Before Kim can respond, Ron enthusiastically replies, "Affirmative Mr. B., and might I add you are looking quite provincial today, sir."

Barkin, unsure of Ron's intentions, isn't sure how to respond. "Wha-?", he starts then stops himself. Barkin wonders about the nature and intention of Stoppable's ruse. Principal Barkin remembers his steadfast 'Don't ever trust Ron Stoppable - Never ever ever" rule. The rule has served him well during his tenure at Middleton High School.

Barkin thinks to himself that he doesn't, for the life of him, understand these kids. The best course of action is to leave the two and discern Ron's scheme in the comfortable confines of his own office.

"Um, well…thank you", Barkin utters as he walks away.

Kim is dumbfounded. Once Barkin is safely out of earshot she starts to chastise her partner, "Ron, you know you just called Barkin –"

Ron proudly answers, "A hick? A bumpkin? A hayseed? Yep. Oh, sure, there'll be detention – perchance even a disparaging mark on my permanent record - but for now I have the power, Kim…WORD POWER! It's so", Ron mentally searches for the perfect word, "…suscitating!"

Kim rolls her eyes.

"February 24th", Ron adds. "Wow! Who knew that knowledge and grammar skills could actually be useful to a high school student!"

Kim responds with a sarcastic, "Yeah, who knew", as she starts to close her locker door. Before she can close the door and begin her day the familiar "do do doo do" chimes from inside her locker. Wade's face appears on the in-locker monitor.

"Hi Kim. Hi Ron. What's going on?"

"Wade!" Ron calls out. "Our perspicacious prodigy and compatriot." Ron then proudly offers up, "March 27th, January 12th, and March 3rd."

Wade looks in Ron's direction for a moment as he digests the flurry of words and nonsensical dates Ron has just reeled-off. Wade decides he's not even going to try to understand what Ron is up to so her turns to Kim and modifies his greeting, "Hi Kim. What's going on?"

Kim lets Wade in on the situation. "Ron's tripping on his new Word-A-Day calendar. He's even reading ahead – "

"April 11th", Ron interrupts, "medusoid – a jellyfish or a shape resembling a jellyfish."

Wade can only muster an "Okay" which sounds more like a question than a response. "Hey, did you get my gifts?", he asks.

"Yeah. Mine came Saturday," Kim says and holds up a maroon colored makeup compact case. "Thanks."

"Kim, did you try it out at all?"

"No, not yet. I really didn't go out this weekend."

"Kim. Kim. Kim", Wade shakes his head. "You don't really think all I got you was a simple compact, do you? Press the button."

Kim presses the button and the case opens. As with any compact, it contains a mirror, an application pad, and powder. "Oh, I get it. So what is the powder?"

"No, not the –", Wade starts to reply.

"A solvent?"

"No, it's just -"

"An explosive? An absorbent? Oh, I know, it's a protein shake mix."

"No, no, no. It's none of those things. It's actually only blush – but really good blush. It's 'La Créme de Visage' by Voleurs de Francais. Press the button again, though."

Kim presses the button. The mirror folds down exposing a circular blade. After about a second, the blade whirrs to life. The compact/circular saw vibrates in Kim's hand.

Ron lets out a "Bon diggity".

Wade tells Kim, "It's a mini handheld circular saw. It cuts through wood, glass, plastic, and small gage steel. The next time you need to get into a lair and Rufus isn't with you, this should help you."

"Cool!" Ron unzips and opens his jacket showing-off his own gift from Wade, a new shirt. "Then what does this shirt you got me do? Is it bullet-proof? Oh, does it have an invisibility cloak? An invisibility cloak would totally rule!"

"Sorry, Ron. It's just a shirt from Smarty Mart that I thought would look cool on you."

"Oh….yeah. Cool. That's, y'know...OK. No, it's – I like it, I like it a lot. Heh heh," Ron says but it's clear he's a tad bit disappointed he didn't get any cool secret gadgets.

Kim decides to bring the focus of the conversation back to the matter at hand, if Wade is contacting them, there might be a situation that needs addressed. Is Monkey Fist causing trouble again? Has Dr. Drakken conceived another ill-fated plot at world domination? "So Wade, what's the sitch?"

"Oh, no sitch… at least not yet. I'm monitoring a situation in Panama. They are experiencing declining water levels in the canal locks and it's not clear exactly where the water is going. It may be nothing but I'll keep my eye on it."

Ron starts to say something but Kim is quick to put a stop to any more of Ron's displays of increased vocabulary knowledge. Kim reaches out and holds her hand over Ron's mouth saying, "No! Not another word from...from Captain Thesaurus until after I'm out of hearing range. Got it?"

Ron attempts to speak again.

Kim presses harder on Ron's mouth. "I said 'not another word'. Understand? A simple nod of the head will suffice."

Ron nods his head in agreement. His eyes display the fear of Kim's Monday morning wrath – a friendly wrath but a wrath he has been the victim of many times before. Kim removes her hand and Ron only offers up a forced, hesitant smile and wave as Kim marches off to her first period class.