I had the idea for this piece whilst listening to one of my favourite songs by Snow Patrol when I should have been writing my other story! But I was so inspired I had to write it down quickly before it slipped away. It is set 10 years after Edward leaves Bella in New Moon, hoping that she will have a better life without him. It is written from Edward's point of view. I hope you like it and please review!
You Could Be Happy
I had fought an endless battle within myself about whether or not to return to Forks. Leaving Bella had been the hardest thing that I had ever had to do in all of the many years that I had been alive. I had walked through life each day, loathing who I was, a monster. I was extremely strong, yet weak and pitiful; I could run abnormally fast yet I was burdened by the demons that I could not flee from; I was beautiful and yet I was hideous. More than anything else, I was lonely. I was part of a family that was composed of couples, always the odd one out. So many women had shown an interest in me, so many beautiful women, but I had felt nothing until I had seen... her. Bella Swan, the Chief's daughter had turned my world upside-down. Not only was she the most beautiful thing that my eyes had ever laid eyes on, but she was also uncommonly gracious towards my family and I. She accepted us for who we were and she loved me unconditionally. For a short while I felt whole, no longer a monster who was undeserving of love. But my soul, or whatever it was that I had instead of a soul, couldn't stand to see her, so delicate and fragile, so human, putting her life at risk to be with me, wanting to end her life so that she could spend eternity with me. An eternity as a monster.
She deserved better. She deserved a human life, to live fully, to have children, to grow old... the way it is supposed to be. She deserved someone who could love her and yet not endanger her, someone who could touch her and kiss her without having to pull away, scared that their lack of self control could cause her life to end. My strong hands could snap her neck like a twig, my teeth could pierce her skin as though it were as thin as tissue paper and suck the life out of her. I would have given anything in the world to become human again so that I could be that person... but I knew that there was no way out of being a vampire. Once you were like this you were in it for life, there was no going back. And so I had done something that had torn me apart. I had left her. I span her a web of lies, telling her that she didn't belong in my world and that I didn't love her anymore. I knew that she would believe every poisonous word. I knew that her human mind would allow her to forget me, to move on. I knew that mine would not.
I was an empty shell, I was nothing without her. I was a soulless monster again. I couldn't stand to be around my family and left them so that I could be alone. I saw them at least once a year. Nothing had changed, they were still a family composed of couples, happy and content. I wondered if they were better off without me too, as Bella undoubtedly was. I wasn't there to taint their happiness with my everlasting misery. I knew that Alice could see Bella's future but I had developed enough self restraint not to read Alice's thoughts when she was near me and she tried her best to hide whatever she knew. We both had an unspoken agreement not to mention her, not to interfere, to leave her in privacy and peace, enjoying her happy, human life.
Despite this, I couldn't stop myself from thinking about going back to Forks to see her one last time. I wanted to make sure that she was happy, to confirm to myself that leaving her had been worth the pain and suffering that it had caused me. That she was finally getting the love and the life that she so desperately deserved. It had been ten years since I left. They had been the longest years of my life. I thought about her every single day, my mind still clung onto every detail, her deep, chocolate eyes; her long brown hair; her petite frame; her pale, flawless skin; her sweet, enticing scent; her smooth voice whispering that she loved me in my ear. My entire being ached at these thoughts. I could not let them go. I knew that by now my image in her mind would be blurred and faded. She would be wondering if I ever really looked like how she distantly remembers and my voice, my touch, my scent would be long faded memories that rarely entered her mind.
It killed me to think of her. My chest felt like a hole had been punched through it, exposing whatever was left inside my body to the harsh, cold world. I curled up into a ball as if trying to keep my body held together, as if I was falling apart from the inside out. I needed to know, I needed to see her.
After a huge internal struggle, I contacted Alice and flew half way across the world to see her. I asked her to look into Bella's future and tell me what she saw. But she told me that she saw nothing. I did not understand. Was Bella still alive? Suddenly, the need to see her was stronger than ever, so strong that it engulfed me and took control and I could not fight it off.
And now I was driving into Forks. Forks was the only place that I had ever called home and seeing it again after so long was painful. Nothing had changed. It was still green and breathtaking, the smell of the air was heavy with the sweet smell of rain and trees, the roads were narrow and winding and the town was still small and homely. I didn't know how I knew that Bella was still here. She could have moved away long ago, maybe to pursue her dreams as a writer or to live with the love of her life in a place that was warmer and sunnier. She had always hated the rain and the cold. Despite Alice's blindness, I knew that Bella was still alive. I did not know how I knew this but I could feel her presence with me everywhere, something I was sure would have disappeared with her death. It was a rare, sunny day in Forks and I was grateful that my car had dark windows.
Being back in Forks brought everything even more vividly back to me. I could smell her scent, it was overpowering, drowning me. I inhaled deeply, drinking it in as much as I could. It had been so long. But surely her scent meant that she was here. I put my foot down in my sudden, inescapable urgency to see her, following her alluring scent. I had been driving for a few miles and it was getting stronger all the time. I hurtled down a road lined with deep, vast forests on either side, barely paying attention to where I was going, the perfumed aroma guiding me onwards.
It was so strong now. I couldn't bear it. It was everywhere. I pulled over and stopped the car, breathing heavily, my entire body aching. I closed my eyes and drank it in, savouring every second of it.
I told myself to calm down and began to breathe normally again. I looked out of the window. I had pulled up near a small, wooden white house. It was beautiful. It had a white picket fence and untidy but pretty flowers sprouting from the earth around it and a white mailbox though I was not close enough to read the name that was written on it. A large tree stood beside the house, a wooden swing hanging from one of its branches, its flowers in full bloom. There were signs of movement coming from behind the windows and suddenly the wooden front door burst open and a child ran out.
The child was around 4 years old, had beautiful, russet coloured skin, shoulder length dark brown hair and brown eyes. He screamed playfully and ran around the garden.
"Hey you rascal come back in here and finish your dinner!" came a voice from within the house. It was a familiar voice. A woman's. It was soft and warm and made my body tense.
A woman appeared from inside the house. Her long, brown hair flowed freely, blowing gently in the light breeze. She was wearing a long, white dress that clung to her figure that was more curvy and womanly than I remembered it. Bella Swan had grown into a beautiful woman, more beautiful than I ever remembered her. Her face was light and happy, laughing and smiling as she chased her child around the small garden. Her laughter carried over to me, chiming like the most beautiful music I had ever heard.
"Hey you! Are you not listening to your mother again?" Another voice carried out of the house. It belonged to a man. It was deep and masculine and yet as soft and warm as Bella's. A tall, dark haired man stepped out of the door, his skin was russet coloured yet slightly darker than his son's, the child had inherited a small amount of Bella's paleness after all. Jacob Black bounded over to his child, picked him up and lifted him into the air, tickling his tummy and making the boy laugh and kick his legs wildly. He brought him back down and rested him on his hip, kissing the top of his head softly. He reached up and picked a white flower from the tree and walked over to his wife, placing it in her long hair. She smiled as he wrapped his arm around her waist and kissed her on the lips, mirroring her smile.
It pained me to watch them, and yet I could not stop. The happiness and beauty that radiated from them was overwhelming. I watched them as they chased their child around the garden, cuddling him close to them, pushing him on the swing, kissing each other so lovingly. I felt a strange feeling spreading through me. It wasn't quite happiness, more acceptance. No matter how much agony it has caused me, no matter how much my life was incomplete and how torn apart I was inside, I had done the right thing. Bella was happy. She was happier than I ever could have made her. I could never have given her this life... a small house with a white picket fence, a life free from danger, a child and so much beauty and love.
I knew that I couldn't stay and watch them forever. I started the engine and drove away. I would never see Bella again. But knowing that she was happy was enough to last me for the rest of my lifetime.
You could be happy and I won't know Is it too late to remind you how we were? You could be happy, I hope you are Do the things that you always wanted to
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go
And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur
Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door
You made me happier than I'd been by far
Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do
More than anything I want to see you, girl
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world.