The Secret Society of Super-Villains
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"Do You Want Fries With That?"
"How in the world can you drink that?"
"What? It's a strawberry milkshake."
"Do you have any idea what they make milkshakes out of?!"
"Uh, I'm going to go with milk."
"You're kidding, right? They make those out of cow hooves and the parts of pigs that people wont eat!"
"No they don't. That's just a myth. Besides, who are you to give dieting advice? Do you know how much fat there is in one of those burgers?"
"I'm starting a diet Friday. I just want to splurge a bit before I start."
"Whatever. Look, you called and asked to meet me here, so what's up?"
"Nothing's up. It's just been a awhile since we just hung out together. Why did we quit, anyway?"
"You got sent to the Slab again, remember?"
"Oh, right. Thanks for sending me that soap-on-a-rope. It saved my butt a couple of times. Literally."
"No problem. So, how are things with you?"
"Not so great. I haven't have a good score in weeks. If I don't get something good soon, I'm gonna get evicted."
"Tell me about it. Being a super-villain just isn't as profitable as it used to be."
"You're preaching to the choir, man. If I get kicked out, I'm going to have to move into my mom's house."
"Your mother's place! What kinda self respecting villain lives with his mother?! Ha ha!"
"Stuff it! What kinda villain lives in a cardboard box on the street? Besides, it wouldn't be that bad. My mom's a good cook."
"Okay, I guess I'm in no position to brag. My phone was cut off two weeks ago."
"Bummer. Say, you gonna eat those fries?"
"Yes, I am. Anyway, I swear, it's stuff like that that makes me wonder if I should just give it up and go straight."
"Hey! Don't let me hear you talk like that again! Talk like that can get you tossed out of the S.S.O.S.V."
"Don't get your shorts in a wad. I was just saying that neither of us is doing to great in the villain game, and maybe it's time to look at other career options."
"Okay, so we're not on the same level as the Penguin or Doctor Polaris. But we're still better off that lots of other guys."
"Who are we better off than?! Name me one guy who's a bigger joke that us!"
"The Rainbow Raider."
"Jeez, you would have to use him as an example. Okay, so we're not as bad as that fashion victim. But we're still low men on the totem pole."
"Who are you to critique the Raider's fashion sense? I mean, look at your costume."
"There is nothing wrong with my costume! Okay, so we're better than the Raider. We're still jokes. I mean, do you think that Blockbuster or Ocean Master ever has to hear someone say 'Do you want fries with that?' I'm telling you, we're jokes!"
"Bigger jokes than Punch and Jewelie?"
"Aw, you would have to mention those pikers."
"What about Crazy Quilt and Doctor Spectro? We get more respect than them!"
"Now you're talking fashion victims! How can they go out in public like that?"
"Beats me. Oh, and Killer Moth. What joke that guy--"
"Uh, actually, last I heard, Moth had turned into some kinda bug monster."
"How'd that happen? He get bitten by a radioactive spider?"
"No, I think that Neron guy did it."
"Neron? God, I'm so glad I decided not to get mixed up with him. He gave me the shivers."
"Same here. Okay, so we've established that were not the worst villains who ever lived."
"That title would go to the Brain and Monsieur Mallah."
"I don't know about that. They were in the old Brotherhood of Evil. Pretty big guys back in the day. Anyway, so we're not D-list villains. So what? If I don't get some cash soon my water is going to be turned off."
"Well…"
"Well, what?"
"I do sorta have a score lined up."
"You wouldn't happen to need a partner would you?"
"No, I can handle this myself. But…"
"But what?"
"It's a diamond shipment, okay. Lots of security. I was just thinking that maybe having a lookout or some backup might not be such a bad idea."
"So that's why you wanted to 'just hang out.' Okay, I'm in. 50/50 split?"
"No way 50/50! I found out about the shipment! I got the plans for the security arrangements! I--"
"Okay, okay! 60/40 is my final offer. If you don't like it, you can call Captain Boomerang."
"Captain Kangaroo? No thanks. 60/40 it is."
"Great. Now I can get my phone back on and pay my annual dues to the S.S.O.S.V."
"What?! It's dues time already?!"
"Yeah, and you'd better play up. I hear Metallo is in charge of collections this year."
"Hey, once we pull this job, we'll be able to take care of all our bills and have some bucks left over to celebrate!"
"Great. I've been meaning to upgrade my computer."
"I was thinking of maybe taking a trip to Maui."
"Knowing you, you'd likely get yourself busted by Superboy."
"Funny. Look, let's celebrate. Does this place still have pie?"
"I think so."
"Great. You want some? My treat."
"You're on!"
The End