I'm sorry…
Please, Gamel… I am so sorry. Forgive me.
I had always hated Ankh for betraying us, but with him it was to be expected. It was the same with Cazali. I loathed Uva for it. I'd expected a bit better of him. But none the less, I hated all three of them and how much I could not trust them.
It was why I was so drawn to you. You would never turn your back on me. You were the only true, honest, wonderful thing in my world. And for the longest time I clung to that. As long as you were there, I would be all right.
But in the end, I did exactly to you what they did to us.
In truth, even after I betrayed you, you never came to hate me, did you? In my final moments, you were still there to hold me, to tell me how special I was. Make me feel like there was a place I could belong.
I suppose for that reason, you can't forgive me. You never believed I had any sins to be forgiven. I can't begin to understand why, with how thoughtlessly I tossed you aside. I pushed you away and became like those other three fools, seeking to fulfill some twisted desire that I already had.
Still, you came back to me.
We were the closest to being whole, you and I. That's what I think anyway. We came close to filling a void within each other. As close as those like us could come. You loved me, somehow. We weren't capable of love, but you found a way to love me regardless. And I'd like to believe I loved you too, impossible as that may be.
I regret letting that idiot fool me into thinking I was capable of getting closer to my desire than I had been with you. I might have survived if I hadn't been so careless. If only I had stayed with you, Gamel.
Perhaps it's for the best. We were incomplete beings, never meant to exist in this world. We were puppets who desired to be real, but could never be. But the time we had was real, the lives we all lead, strange and distorted as they were.
Maybe we can come back as humans. That is a thing humans believe in, right? The rebirth of souls? I think I would like to believe in that too. Believe that you and I might be able to really live the lives we only pretended to have in the past months. We can live and feel as they do.
You can love me again Gamel, and this time I promise I'll love you properly in return