Just A Smile
These great fellows don't belong to me but I promise to pick um up, dust um off and return them safely home.
This is my response to squeaky's Mike Stoker Challenge. My attempt at E! humor. Hope you enjoy.
"MIKE!" Chet yelled but the only thing he saw of Mike was his feet running out the locker room door. Mike looked back. Content smile.
"Hahahaha," Johnny was about bent over laughing at Chet as he stood by his locker with a thick dark substance dripping down his hair onto his shoulders. It was great to see Chet at the other end of the joke for once.
"It's not funny Johnny!" Chet mistakenly reached up and tried to brush off the stuff only to find it now dripping down his arms and onto his pants.
Johnny reached over and swiped his finger in the goo and tasted the sweet smelling stuff, "You're right Chet, its chocolate," Johnny continued to laugh. The look on Chet's face was priceless and Johnny only wished that he had his camera for this.
Chet continued to try and wipe it off, but now he had big chocolate hand prints on his pants. He looked like a flower child from the 60's. "I'm gonna get him," he growled as he moved over to the sink.
"What makes you think it was Mike?" Johnny asked although he wasn't surprised it was Chet's first assumption. He just decided to play innocent and enjoy the show, forever thankful that he wasn't the target.
"Haven't you been watching him today? It's obvious he's the one causing all the trouble." The day was fairly young and Chet had already been doused with 2 water balloon bombs and found something rather vile and smelly in his shoes.
"You're the king of trouble Chet. Mike is the other end of the scale." Mike might be the quiet one, but when you pushed enough buttons even the quiet ones could bite back.
"You just watch Johnny."
"Watch? Of course I'll watch, wouldn't miss today for anything."
"I'm not kidding Johnny. You might be a target too. Mike is on a rampage today."
Johnny laughed, trying to picture Mike on a rampage of any kind, "Kinda doubt it Chet. You're the one that did it, not me."
"It was funny!"
"Well pally it seems like everyone's laughing now but you."
Chet knew Johnny was definitely right on that one. He felt that today the Phantom was gonna get a dose of his own medicine, all day long. He sighed and finished changing clothes. "I know, but I didn't think he would take it like this. This is my 2nd change of clothes today already."
As Johnny sauntered into the dayroom he found Roy and Marco playing cards while Mike sat on the couch reading the paper.
Roy looked up, "What's Chet yelling about?"
Johnny just shook his head, "He's becoming paranoid in his old age Roy."
"Paranoid of what?"
"Not a what, but a who."
"What?" Roy asked, again.
"No Roy, I said who," Johnny looked at Roy like he was a little child.
Suddenly Roy felt like he was on stage doing the 'Who's on first' routine. Taking a deep breath he decided it was best to start over, "Ok fine Junior, who is Chet paranoid about?"
"He thinks Mike is out to get him." Johnny stole a glance over at Mike who didn't even peak over the paper to see who was talking about him.
"Mike? You have to be kidding," Roy said as he looked over to the couch. Mike? Really?
Johnny plopped down in the chair and stretched his long legs out in front of him, "Nope but I tell ya buddy, sit back and enjoy. I think it's gonna be a good day."
Anticipation smile. Henry was the only one that saw the big ole smile that formed from behind the newspaper. And he wasn't going to tell anyone.
Hank finished up his lunch and put the plate in the sink, reaching into the fridge to get some more milk. "Kelly, Stoker those hoses done yet?"
"Almost Cap, we are heading back out there after we finish lunch," Chet answered with a mouth full of sandwich.
"Just get it done Kelly and don't talk with your mouth full," Hank admonished him.
He swallowed fast, "Sorry Cap, been around Gage too long." Johnny returned his comment with a very insulted look but since his mouth was also full he chose to keep quiet this time. Looking across the table to Mike, Chet had a strong feeling of dread come over him. "Can we just get through the hoses without incident Mike?"
Sly smile.
"Great, now I'm really looking forward to it."
"I think you still got some chocolate in your ear Chet," Marco said as he leaned over to get the salt.
Chet stuck his finger in his ear trying to get out the remnants of the syrup, "Thanks Marco." Taking his plate over the sink he turned back to find Mike's chair empty. "Great, where did he go now?"
Marco sat back in his chair and chuckled, "You are gonna wear yourself out before the shift is over."
"You're not Mike's pigeon today Marco. I might not live through this shift!"
Hank came back through the dayroom to put his milk glass up, "Aren't you supposed to be hanging hose you twit?"
With a downturn of his head and a slumping of his shoulders, he answered his commander, "Yes Cap. Let me go get it over with then."
Roy was mopping the bay when Chet came though the large back door, "Uh, what happened to you?" He worked to stifle a laugh.
A dripping, sopping, and soapy Chet looked at Roy and threw his hands up in the air, "Mike! Who else?"
"Chet buddy, you're only supposed to wash the hoses, not yourself," Roy said as he wringed out his mop again. "And you're getting my clean floor all soapy again. Move." Roy shook his mop at him.
Chet headed towards the locker room and almost ran right into Hank.
"Should I even ask?" He asked the wet rat standing in front of him, dripping water on his shoes.
"Not really Cap."
"Can't you do the hoses without creating chaos?" Hank asked while trying hard to stifle a grin.
"I'm sure it was an accident Chet," Roy tried to interject.
"Accident? I'm soaked to my ….. Well, my socks Roy."
Hearing the chatter in the bay Johnny wondered out to see what was happening now, "Maybe he was just trying to get the chocolate out of your ears."
"Har har Johnny." And with that Chet shook his head like a dog and sent water all over Johnny, who had ventured too close to the action.
"Hey! Watch it," Johnny said jumping back and almost knocking over Mike.
"Wouldn't know anything about this would you Mike?" Hank asked.
Innocent smile. Mike shook his head and kept on walking.
Johnny smiled and put his hands on his hips as Mike headed out the bay door so casually. He then looked back at Hank, "Cap, he's been in here with us for the last few minutes. He hasn't said anything about hoses gone wild."
"Of course he wouldn't, its all part of his big plan Johnny." They all looked at Chet deciding his paranoia was now getting to him. Of course he did look like a mad scientist with his hair sticking out all over from shaking it.
"You twit go get cleaned up, again."
Chet headed towards the locker room mumbling under his breath, "Gonna make Mike start washing uniforms here soon."
Mike watched Chet from the bay door with an 'I don't think so smile'.
"Quit grumbling Kelly."
"Yes Cap."
"Where is Kelly now?" Hank was starting to pace the floor as everyone sat around ready for a new building safety presentation. "Marco, go see where he is and get his tail in here." Marco left the dayroom but came back around the corner in a matter of seconds laughing so hard he had to lean against the wall. Everyone turned to see Chet come through the door.
"Chet, didn't I tell you to get cleaned up?" Hank asked before laughing himself.
"Yes Sir Cap," he reluctantly answered knowing this was not a conversation he wanted to have.
Hank tried to regain his composure to sound serious, "Then could you possibly tell me why you're entire body is now red?" Fire engine red was all he could think of.
Johnny started laughing immediately, this was great, "Chet's a giant flame!" He struggled to get it out through the laughs.
"Go play on the highway Johnny."
"Aww Chet, you're gonna hurt my feelings," Johnny tilted his head and feigned a hurt look.
Hank just sighed knowing they could be called out at any moment, "Kelly, how am I supposed to take you to a fire like that?"
"Yea Cap, we would loose him in the flames," Marco got out through his laughing.
Johnny wasn't gonna be left out on this one, "Marco now don't stoke the fire."
"HA HA Johnny, you're such a riot."
"Chet once again, get cleaned up," Hank chuckled. He would have to decide soon if enough was enough around here but right now he couldn't help but to laugh with everyone else.
"Mike, your dead meat."
Everyone looked over at Mike who only flashed a 'Come and get me smile'.
Thankfully the only tone out for the Engine had been 2 trash fires so Chet was able to get in a couple of more showers to lessen his fire red skin. Sitting down around the table everyone was waiting for the ax to fall again at any time, although dinner proceeded uneventfully.
Following a few quiet hands of cards for clean up, they all settled down to watch a movie. Chet walked over to turn the back lights down and was greeted by a large hairy spider right on the light switch.
"Ahhhh!" Of course everyone jumped up to see what had happened and found Chet about 5 shades paler than earlier.
Johnny looked at the spider closely then picked it up, "Its rubber man, why are you yelling?"
"Cause I hate spiders. Mike, I'm gonna kill you!"
"Just sit down and watch the movie," Hank fussed as everyone stopped laughing. Chet looked over to Mike who was sitting about 4 chairs away from him and on the other side of Cap. He threw him the strongest ill tempered look that a bright red dyed man could.
Mike sank back down in his chair, his feet stretched out and his hands behind his head and returned Chet's look with a 'who me smile?'
"MIKE! I've had it now!" Chet hollering echoed in the darkness of the dorm.
"Kelly! Go to bed."
"Sorry Cap but my so called friend has painted my sheets with peanut butter!"
"Then change them QUIETLY!"
Giggle, giggle, giggle.
"Shut up Lopez, DeSoto and Gage."
"Yes Cap." Of course everyone noted that he didn't mention Mike's name.
Mike sighed deeply then drifted off to sleep with a 'Sleepy smile'.
"Morning MIKE," Chet barked as he entered the dayroom to get coffee.
"Sounding a little hostile this morning Chet," Roy said as the sat down with his coffee at the table.
"I'm tired and cranky Roy and he knows why."
Johnny just grinned, "Poor Mikey, been picked on all shift." This had been a wonderful shift and Johnny planned to keep on enjoying it to the very last drop.
"Poor Mikey? You have to be kidding me Johnny," Chet sounded truly shocked at this statement.
"Well the shift is almost over now," Hank said, just trying to remind himself that the end was near.
"Promises, promises Cap." Chet moved to the counter and took a cup from the cupboard and poured his coffee while keeping a sharp eye on Mike sitting on the couch. He turned to face the group and took a drink from his cup.
"MIKE!!"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
"You guy's are in on this aren't you?" He said as he sputtered and spit the muck in to the sink.
"No Chet, it's just been a pleasure to see the Phantom get had for a change," Roy said tipping his cup to Chet.
"Nice Roy, even you're turning on me?"
Roy got a devilish look on his face, not often seen, "Not turning on ya Chet; just seeing a little revenge taking place is all."
"Man Mike, what did you put in this coffee?" Chet asked.
"Chet, my coffee is fine," Johnny offered.
"Yea, Johnny mine is great. What about you Cap?" Marco chimed in.
"Tasting good Marco. Mike makes really great coffee. What does yours taste like pally?" Hank smiled as he tossed the question back to Chet.
"Mud."
HAHAHAHAHAHA
"You guys are just cruel to a poor beaten down soul."
Johnny moved over to Chet and patted him on the back, "Aww Chet, you know we love ya. Isn't that right Mikey?"
Mike looked up from his morning paper, 'Loving smile'.
Johnny wondered over to sit next to Mike and took part of the paper. Opening it up he went straight for the section he sought, "Hey Chet, did you see what your horoscope was yesterday?"
Chet rinsed his mouth out with water then tried again with a clean cup, this time actually looking inside the cup. "Go ahead and read it to me. The shift is over now, can't get much worse."
Johnny crossed his legs and said, "Let's see. Yep here's your birthday. Well. That's just scary if you ask me."
"Ok, Johnny, just spit it out. You know you want to," Chet conceded.
"Watch out for the quiet ones, but run as fast as you can from the silent ones."
Everyone shot a look at Mike. Evil smile.
Roy sat back, sipping his coffee again, "Ok, I have to ask. What did Chet do to earn the wrath of the silent Mike?" After this shift he knew he had to ask, especially with that horoscope.
"You didn't read the paper day before yesterday pally?" Johnny asked.
"No, Joanne and I went to the beach with the kids. Why?"
He nudged Mike, "Hey, Mike, you still have a copy?"
Mike reached down at his feet for the old papers and pulled out the right one for Johnny.
Grumbling smile.
Johnny took it over to Roy. Roy took the paper and started rifling through the pages, "Thanks Mike, now what am I looking for exactly Junior?"
"Look in the personals," Marco said knowing that Roy did read the personals daily, if ever.
"Thanks, Marco since I would NEVER look there otherwise. Let's see……"
Roy read through several when he came across a little poem. He read it out loud.
Big Red and Mikey sitting in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
First comes love, but never can be marriage
Who will help Mikey fill a baby carriage?
For a chance call: xxx-xxx-xxxx
Hank just shook his head, "I still can't believe you did it you twit."
Roy put the paper down, still opened at the ad, "Good lord Chet did you actually put his phone number in the ad?"
Chet shuffled his feet around the floor a bit before answering, "Well, Roy, it seemed like a good idea at the time. How was I supposed to know that he'd would go berserk over it?"
Hank laughed, "Mike's phone has been ringing non stop for 2 days now apparently."
"Well Cap, at least one of the days he was here," Marco threw in trying to help Mike out some.
After shuffling around and hem hawing about it all Chet looked over to the couch.
"Oh no, where did he go?" Chet sounded terrified.
Johnny laughed, "Chet, I don't think you're safe until you get out the door today."
Chet ran to the dayroom door, nothing. Then he looked out the kitchen window, still nothing. "Maybe I should use you as my shield Johnny."
"Whoa….not me pally. I don't want to get to close to you," Johnny said backing up with his hands held up. "I've made it through this entire shift without being the pigeon. I certainly don't want to stand next to one."
B Shift came in and got report before heading out to get ready for their own roll call and duty assignments. As the A shift changed clothes they wandered out to the parking lot and started saying goodbye until the next shift. Roy looked over to see Chet walking around his truck, eyeing it closely.
"Are ya getting in your truck Chet?" he asked. Everyone else heard the exchange and now ventured over to watch. Everyone was there except Mike, who was no where to be seen at the moment.
"Just looking it over is all Roy, just looking." Chet did everything but crawl under the vehicle to check it over.
Johnny chuckled, "Do you think it's gonna bite you?"
Chet looked up, "No, not the truck. Mike maybe."
"Where is Mike anyways?" Marco asked.
"He was in the locker room last time I saw him Marco." Hank remembered he was still putting stuff in his locker as he was leaving. They all stood around and watched Chet climb into the truck, slowly, cautiously. All seemed in order so they headed to their own rides figuring the day had finally come to a close for the pigeon.
"MIKEEEEEEEEEEE!!" Everyone started running back over to see Chet still sitting in the truck.
"What now you twit?"
They watched him try and move his hands.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
"That's right, laugh it up you guys. Soon as I get my hands unglued from the steering wheel he's had it."
Mike emerged from the bay door with a large and clearly well earned, 'Victory smile' as he headed to his car.
THE END