Disclaimer: No, I do not own Bleach, and probably NEVER will. Oh, the pain of truth. -Sniffles-
A/N: It's been a while since I wrote something, and as I was devising a new password for my computer (just in case) I got a small idea. Dying (well, not exactly, but you could say excited) to try it out on a character, I went onto and randomly selected a name from the list of characters. So, tadaa! Here is the –hopefully good- result.
A warning, absolutely POINTLESS! If you don't like it, just review and say so!
URAHARA'S DILEMMA
Urahara awoke, once again, like every other morning of this week, in a cold sweat. He still had a vague impression of the dream that had stirred him from his slumber, but it soon faded, leaving nothing but annoyance – at being awoken once again- and confusion – as to what exactly the dream was about.
Grumbling about insomnia and drinking too much sake the previous night, he rose from his futon and stomped into the living room of his shop, clamping his bedraggled hair under the usual striped hat. Upon entering the room, an odd smell assaulted his senses and he wrinkled his nose in distaste.
"Yoruichi-san, you do know that that milk has –urgh! – been sitting outside the fridge for days now?"
Yoruichi looked up from lapping spilt milk from the now overturned carton, a most bemused look as can be imagined on the face of a cat.
"What?" She meowed, apparently having not heard a word of what he had said.
"I SAID- oh never mind!" Urahara pushed his hat further down on his head and clomped away. Trust Yoruichi-san to upset somebody.
"Don't go, what's wrong-" She began, and Urahara wondered
'Hmm, she may be more sensitive to my feelings than I thought…'
"- with my milk?"
Whoops, spoke too soon.
"Nothing, absolutely nothing!" Urahara smiled.
'Rot in hell, milk!'
Yoruichi pasted a ' I doubt so' look all over her face and padded towards him.
"WHY are you so grumpy today?"
"Oh HOW nice of you to notice THAT!" (A/N: As you may have noticed, Urahara was certainly NOT in a good mood, what with his weird dreams and all. But you'll find out more about that later!)
"Why are you grumpy? Why? Why, why, why?"
"Never mind-"
"Why why why why why why why why why?"
"NOTHING! I've been having weird dreams, is all!"
"Oh?"
"Yes, that's IT."
"Oh?"
"What is WITH you and 'OH'?"
"Nothing much."
"Oh."
Urahara whirled and grabbed the corner of his cloak whirling it around his shoulders.
"Now shut up and go away, if you please."
"Interesting way of putting an insult and a polite term in the same sentence."
"Not as hard as you may think it is."
"Oh?"
"Yes."
He stepped away from her and used his food to gently push her back into the room with the milk. As much as she clawed at his uncovered toes (he was wearing clogs), he still managed to shove her in – none too gently anymore – and close the door on her cat face. Heaving an overdramatic sigh, uncharacteristic of a person who had his optimism, he walked away, clogs clicking on the wooden floor.
Seeing Tessai-san sweeping the hallway just ahead of him, Urahara quickly skipped to one side to avoid him, but he was just a bit too late.
"Mornin', manager-san!" Tessai greeted him.
"Morning, Tessai-san." Urahara tried to give him what he hoped was a smile.
"So, how are you today."
"Not very well, I can't talk much on account of a nasty cough."
He gestured around his chest area and pretended he had a sore throat.
"Ah, nasty, aren't they? I'm not surprised… you do look a bit peaky."
Urahara was nodding eagerly in agreement when Tessai gave that last comment and seized a bit of the skin and flesh on his cheek in a pinch.
"…Hmmm.. yes, a bit pale…." He mumbled to himself. "I might have to give you a small dose of medicine, manager-san."
All the air returned to Urahara's suddenly cough-free lungs and he gasped out "Oh no no no Tessai-san I'm perfectly perfectly find wouldn't want you to waste your lovely medicine never never never!"
"Oh well then, if you think so." Tessai shrugged and returned to cleaning up.
Urahara wasted no time in skipping out of sight. Once around the corner, however, he slumped against the wall, groaning slightly. Deciding that a quick nap would do him no harm after all the sleep he had apparently lost that week. (miraculously it never occurred to him that the others were awake an hour before him every day and were perfectly fine.) Stumbling into his bedroom Urahara smiled at his quilts before tumbling into them and wrapping himself up snugly. One foot found its way out and shut the door of his room with a bang. Sinking into a not-so-peaceful sleep, he proceeded to have the same dream as usual.
"Hello?" Urahara was alone in a … what was this place? He turned, taking in his surroundings. White, immaculate walls. Tiles. A.. a SINK? A TOILET BOWL? Aaah, so he was in the bathroom. He turned to find a bathtub on his other side, but – oh horrors! – no door! (A/N: Insert wild and evil cackle here)
"Hello?!" Urahara called again, a tinge of panic this time lacing his voice. "Can anybody get me out of this place?"
"Hi." There was somebody on the other side of the wall!
"Hey! Get me out!" Urahara banged on his side of the wall frantically, though he did not know where his panic and worry came from. 'This is just a toilet, relax!' he told himself. But somehow he wasn't able to. Starting to hyperventilate, he banged again, this time screaming
"HELP ME!"
"Sorry. Can't." Said somebody shortly on the Other Side.
"Y-Yoruichi-san?" Urahara stammered.
"Ye. I can't let you out because you refused to give me my milk the other day.
Urahara remembered it vaguely, banning Yoruichi from milk. 'So that was what drove her to drink milk left out in the open.' He thought.
"But, Yoruichi-san, just this once?" He begged.
"Nope. You asked that last night, and the night before."
"Yes, manager-san, I remember."
This new arrival to the conversation made it all the more confusing.
"Tessai-san! Haven't I always been good to you!?" Urahara implored.
"Sorry, manager-san, but I don't like sweeping floors for you. Can't let you out."
"NO! I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!"
Urahara banged on the walls in a blind fury. All his life, all for… nothing? Just… condemned to die in a … a…. a BATHROOM! He threw his head back and screamed for all he was worth……
And woke up.
"Phew, gotta go easy on the sake!" Urahara scolded himself as he rose unsteadily and staggered out once more.
THE END
A/N: Well, that took… -looks at watch- … 15 minutes to write, at the most? So, another 15 minutes of my young life wasted writing fanfictions, possibly the most useless kinds of things, because somebody else invented the story first. Ah well, it was fun. Hope you enjoyed it and REVIEW!