Left behind
Roses. It was always roses. Always the same blood-red roses. So dark they almost seemed black. It was always the same number. Always sixteen. He didn't know why, Why roses? Why sixteen? Sometimes he felt like his entire life consisted of that one word. Why?
Why was he still here? Left behind. Why was his love gone? Why had his Cloud left him?
-
Leon walked along the streets of the city he once used to call home. It wasn't home anymore. Home didn't exist. Home was with Cloud, but he was gone. Gone forever, never to return. Dead. As dead as his one-time lover felt inside.
He walked for what seemed like an eternity, and then he walked on for another one. Never pausing. Always moving. Constantly going from one place to another. As soon as he reached the park, he was on his way to the coffee shop. He never stayed. Always on the move. Gone the second he arrived.
There was only one place he lingered. Cloud's grave. He'd come there with his roses every day. He'd sit on the ground and whisper. Cloud couldn't hear him, he knew that, but still he whispered. He told him how much he missed him. How lost he felt without him. If something happened, he'd tell him about that, too. Not that anything ever did. Nothing ever happened. Or perhaps it did, but he was too deep in his sorrow to notice?
Every now and then there were other flowers on the grave too. Mostly from Cloud's younger brother, Roxas. Sometimes from his friends or some distant relatives. They visited the grave occasionally. Only Leon visited it every day.
-
He spent most of his time thinking about his love. Memories they shared played over and over in his head like little movies. When he closed his eyes to sleep he saw Cloud's face. While he slept he dreamed of him. When he opened his eyes in the morning he turned his head to look at Cloud sleeping next to him, but found no one.
The days felt like nightmares, but the nights were worse. Leon was used to sleeping next to Cloud, with his arms around the smaller boy. He was used to the feeling of arms around his waist and a head against his chest. He was used to falling asleep to the sound of Cloud's breathing. He was used to waking up to find the boy closer to him than he'd been the night before. He was used to having someone there. He was used to having Cloud there.
His mood never shifted. The first week or so after Cloud's death he'd gone from miserable to hopeful to desperate and back to miserable. He'd searched for answers and solutions. For ways to bring his angel back, or at least to contact him in some way. For any reasons there might be for losing the love of his life. He found none.
Now all he felt was helpless and empty. Like his heart had died with Cloud. Like he had nothing to live for anymore.
-
With all that thinking, the thought was bound to cross his mind sooner or later. One of those days when he was walking along the streets lost in his sorrowful musings. It took surprisingly long before he realized. He could just end it. One jump. A few seconds of wind. A crash. A moment of pain and then he would be free. Maybe he would even meet Cloud?
Where did one end up after death? Was there an afterlife? He'd never believed in that sort of thing before he lost his angel. Now he hoped. He didn't know if he believed, but he hoped.
He knew he could end it all. He could be free from this living hell. But was it worth the risk? What if there was no next life? What if everything ended the moment he hit the ground? Wouldn't it then be better to live and at least have the memories of the love he had once had?
No. Everything was better than life, if you could even call it that, without Cloud. Even if death was just death. The end. No afterlife or rebirth or even hell. Just a big, empty nothing. Even if he'd never see Cloud again no matter what he did.
-
The water was flowing fast beneath the bridge. The air was chill. It was a late October evening. Exactly one year since Cloud died. Leon threw one last look at the city lights. They seemed far away. He looked back down. He whispered "I love you Cloud. Always have, always will. I love you my angel." With that he jumped.
I hope I'll see you again now. I don't know if I believe. I don't know, but I hope.
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The title sucks, so if anyone has any suggestions for a new one, I'd be really happy :)
Taking a break from "Fifteen feet of pure white snow" to do what I do best; write depressing, angsty, I'm-such-a-closet-emo stuff. I wanted a sad Cloud/Leon that didn't have anything to do with them being their usual angsty selves. I just wanted it to be sad because something sad had happened.
I'm really pissed off about the ending, cause when I started this yesterday I had the perfect last to sentences in my head, but when I was going to finish it today, I'd forgotten. Might change it later if/when I remember.
I love reviews, as always. C'mon! If you've actually bothered to read this, you might as well take half a minute to tell me what you think of it?
By the way, there is way to few Cloud/Leon stories out there! I'm trying to contribute, I have one story where they are one of several pairings, and including this one I have two where they are the only pairing. I have a spring-story with them planned, and a crack fic where they will be one of about hundred (just kidding, maybe ten) pairings.
The crack fic is gonna be crazy (no, kidding?). It will have all these overly stereotypical couples, and Cloud/Leon will be "the angsty couple". Sora/Riku will be the fluff-couple. Rikku/Yuffie will be the sugar-high couple. Marluxia/Larxene will be the stereotype lesbian butch/femme couple (Larxy's the butch). The story will also include a transsexual Xemnas, mpreg (male pregnancy), a Riku on drugs and Luxord as the queen (yes, queen) of Britain.
Fuck. I've done it again. My author note is about as long as my story. I am absolutely hopeless.
BY THE WAY, REVIEW!!!!