Author's Note: In a fit of desperate boredom I found myself watching an episode of Pokemon this morning. This story is my commentary on the most mind-numbingly stupid part of the second-most mind-numbingly stupid cartoon I've ever watched in my life (the most mind-numbingly stupid cartoon I've ever watched is Powerpuff Girls. If you're a fan of either, I apologize, but you probably shouldn't read this. You have been warned.).
Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon and I didn't create it, and I wouldn't admit to it if I did. I didn't get money for writing this and don't want any. This is editorial, pure and simple.
Brock and Misty shook their heads as they watched Ash try to sneak up on the long, sinewy Shockstrictor (don't bother looking in your Pokedexes. I just made it up). While the boy had heart, guts and spirit, it had become painfully obvious to them on their journeys that he was awfully short on brains. He was tiptoeing along behind the slithering Pokemon, Pokeball open and at the ready, a grin on his face as he got ever closer to the capture.
The smile was wiped off his face by the Shockstrictor's attack. It had been toying with him. The snake-like animal sprang up and wrapped itself around Ash, squeezed hard, then the grassy knoll they were in lit up with searing white light as the Shockstrictor "supercharged" his would-be captor.
Soon the Pokemon released the now char-broiled Ash and slithered away. Brock buried his head in his hands in shame. Misty just sighed. Pikachu's body rolled around in the grass as it died laughing.
"Laugh all you want," Ash declared, "but that Shockstrictor hasn't beaten me yet. I'll trap him or mine name isn't Ash Ketchum!"
"It isn't!" Said a woman's voice. "Your name is now officially 'Mud'!"
"That Shockstrictor is ours," said a man's voice, "and then we're taking all your Pokemon!"
Oh, no, Misty thought. The voices had an air of false haughtiness to them, and her worst dreams were confirmed when their owners stepped out of some nearby bushes, dressed like the prep school cheerleader-wannabes they were.
"So stand back and prepare for trouble!" Jesse said.
"Then cringe in terror as we make it double!" James said.
Misty checked her watch, wondering how long it would take this time.
"To protect the world from devastation!" Jesse said as she did a graceful pirouette.
"To unite all peoples within our nation!" James said, while doing a catalogue model's pose.
Every time, Misty thought. Every freaking time they show up they have to go into this song and dance. What are they, obsessive/compulsive or something? Do they have to do this every time they take a whiz, too?
"To denounce the evils of Truth and Love!" Jesse said as she extended her legs in a split.
Misty stopped listening. She looked around on the ground, then picked up a rock. It was as big as her fist, heavy and smooth. She showed it to Ash.
"Team Rocket blasts off at-" Jesse began. She was brutally interrupted by the impact of the rock with her forehead. She hit the ground just before James and Meowth, who both felt similar impacts.
They recovered just in time to see Pikachu, Togapi, Charizard, Squirtle, Pigeot and a very ticked-off Shockstrictor descending on them. The titanic release of energies and attacks slammed Team Rocket into the ground and buried them a foot deep. This time they wouldn't fly away and disappear.
Ash, Misty and Brock looked on in satisfaction as they recovered their Pokemon. They took a close look at the unconscious bad guys and smiled.
"We should have done that ages ago." Misty said.
FINI